The Pokémon Special
Welcome to a world of exotic creatures of all shapes and sizes. You shall see birds with rainbow and silver wings, the masters of land, water, and air, magnificent dragons that control the world's balance, and invincible psychics. This is the world of Pokémon, which is very majestic. …But in this show, it isn't so amazing. Welcome to The Pokémon Special, starring several trainers you've never heard of and their Pokémon! Let's start the show with your virtually unknown hosts, Jade and Garnet!! Take it away, nobodies!
Jade: …I hate that voice-over guy. Anyways, like the IDIOT said, my name is Jade. I'm a trainer like many of our fans, and that guy with the red hair huddled in his chair is Garnet.
[Camera turns to guy with red hair huddled in his chair]
Garnet: I'm a nobody, I'm a nobody, I'm a nobody… [Jade looks at camera with T_T eyes]
Jade: Okay, let's get onto our first guest ever, Miss Miniskirt Lass Number One!!
[Lass obsessed with mini-skirts enters with large shopping bag in hand]
Lass: Hi, my name is Mini, I mean Skirt, I mean Mini-Skirt, I mean--!!
Jade: Uh, yeah, whatever. Tell our viewers about that bag you're holding.
Lass: Oh, this is part of my collection.
Jade: …What collection?
[Lass opens bag with a crazy smile and pulls out ten miniskirts]
Garnet: ACK! THE MINISKIRTS ARE INVADING!!
Lass: Yes, everyone will be wearing miniskirts in the future. [crazy smile and eye twitches] Even boys will, with matching hot-pink shoes and pretty barrettes. Yes, such pretty mini-skirts and blouses… *breathing really creepily*
[Garnet pushes security button repeatedly]
Garnet: Oh man, who signed up a psycho for our first show!?
Lass: The boys are obsessed with shorts. *eye twitches* But girls will win and miniskirts will be the biggest fashion statement ever! Soon we'll be in Johto and Kanto and Hoenn and Sinnoh and Fiore and Almia and Orre and then, someday, even Pokémon will wear miniskirts… *cuddles face into miniskirt with creepy smile* Kirlia with miniskirts instead of their skirt-like body-thingies… All Ralts will evolve like that, and even Gallade and Garvedoir will wear miniskirts!
[Security arrives and drags her away as she screams for skirts--"NOT SKIRTS!!! MINISKIRTS!!!"]
Garnet: She scares me. Can we move on?
[Jade still hiding in her chair fearfully]
Garnet: …Fine, I'll do it. Let's move on to the Contest Digest with our good friend Keira and her amazing partners in judging, Jordan and Dexter.
---
[Keira, Jordan, and Dexter smile at the camera and wave.]
Keira: Thank you so much, Garnet! Anyways, let's go on to today's Contest Tip.
[Big logo with Pokémon Logo font announcing "Contest Tips" appears]
Jordan: Today we'll tell you about how desperate Dexter is to be loved by fans and contestants.
Dexter: …I really hate how *you* treat me. Why do you do this to me!?
Jordan: Because you're the only guy who wears a hat to cover your bald head. [Dexter glares at him] Let's go!
[Keira backs away as Jordan drags Dexter away and looks nervously at camera]
Keira: …Okay, Jordan has some issues… Just switch cameras, m'kay?
[Camera switched to show Jordan and Dexter in their judging panels]
Jordan: As you can see, Baldo considers me his right-hand man. He's so flashy, displaying his fancy heart on his ribbon-design advertising his importance, while I sit behind this horrid pink judging-booth!!
Dexter: You might have been the Head Contest Judge if you hadn't tried to buy the position. We don't even know who owns this place!
Jordan: You're just jealous because I have hair and you don't!
Dexter: OH NO YOU DIDN'T!! IT IS SO ON!! *knocks over Jordan's booth*
Jordan: Bring it on, boyfriend! [Suddenly everything's quiet] …Did I just say that out loud?
[Keira arrives on fluffy white cloud-thing with wheels on it wearing angelic outfit]
Keira: Today's Contest Tip is to try to fill Dexter's applause meter, as you get more points for filling his than mine or Jordan's. Thanks for watching. Jade, please take over before the fist fight.
[Camera returns to Jade but Garnet is gone]
Jade: Wow, Jordan's really stuck up… Um, right now Garnet isn't here, but until he gets back, let's see our friends Professor Oak and Gary for today's Research Corner.
---
[Research Corner logo appears above Oak and Gary's heads]
Oak: Welcome to the Research Corner, where we'll tell you all about Pokémon. Today we'll be discussing hold items, such as—
[Logo still over their heads]
Gary: Gramps, that thing's freaking me out.
Oak: I know, just ignore it… … … … …OH FORGET THIS! *runs away screaming from logo*
Gary: Oh wait, we forgot they painted it on. Oh well, more time for me, right?
[Garnet appears on television screen behind him]
Garnet: Gary, you need to stop this. Seriously, you're just jealous because you're the grandson of a world-renowned Pokémon Professor who gets more attention than you in research even though you spend days and days and days and days and— …On second thought, continue.
Gary: Thanks! Today's Research Highlight is the item Griseous Orb. When held by Giratina, it's pretty cool because it allows Giratina to use its Origin Form outside the Distortion World, and also boosts its Ghost- and Dragon-type attacks. However, that may only be a legend, as no one has ever seen it. But according to occasional trainers who claim this world is only a video game for people in a world without Pokémon, the orb is a diamond shape and is a clear glassy gold, but if that's true then technically it's not an orb because orbs are supposed to be round.
Garnet: Are you sure you're not getting the definitions of "sphere" and "orb" mixed up again?
[Oak runs in with a Smeargle]
Oak: Smeargle, quick! Paint over the logo!
Smeargle: Smeargle smear! *paints "Samuel Oke's Research Corner" over logo*
Oak: Ha! Take that, Gary! I only pretended to not know it was painted on so I could use it as an excuse to get Smeargle to repaint the logo so my name was in it!!
Gary: …Gramps, you spelled "Oak" wrong.
[Garnet presses a button and sound stops while the two argue]
Garnet: Well, join us next time for "Samuel Oke—O-K-E—and Gary O-A-K's Research Corner!
["Oke" glares at Smeargle while screen switches to somewhere else]
---
[Jade and some girl look at camera nervously]
Jade: Welcome to Berry Garden Tips, which doesn't have a logo yet! Here's Opal, your host!
Opal: Jade, can I please go home now? I'm not the best gardener in the world, and—
Jade: *leans over and whispers loudly while still smiling at camera* Tell them about Berries or the studio will fire someone.
Opal: Fine. Since we're having the show on such short notice, I took the time to grow some simply AMAZING berries called "Oran Berries".
[Jade looks at camera with /o_o\ eyes as Opal pulls out Bluk Berries instead of Oran]
Opal: Well, as you can see, they're kinda lumpy and purple-y and grape-y, kinda like lumpy purple grape-y-thingies, and they, um, let me check the book…
[Looks at book labeled "Berries & You: Primitive Name Edition for Johto"]
Opal: Oops, I kinda messed up on the name. It's actually a "White Apricorn" which is used by talented apricorn ball craftsmen to make Fast Balls. A highly recommended crafter is Kurt, who resides in Azalea Town, Johto. He is well known for his high quality in balls, and champions use only apricorn balls from Kurt's Signature Apricorn Poké Balls Line, not available at retailers.
Jade: *eyes still /o_o\ style* Um, Opal, you're just advertising it … Also, that berry does not look like it's a white acorn to me.
Opal: Apricorn, not acorn! *smiles at camera* Remember, that's Kurt in Azalea Town, Johto … *looks at book again* "The one guy you can always rely on for your Apricorn Balls!" Hey, I think I'm getting the hang of this!
Jade: …Yeah. Let's just return to the show, okay?
[Screen goes to Garnet and Ditto in Jade's chair]
Garnet: That's all the time we have. Join us next time on The Pokémon Special. This episode was brought to you by Mort's Apricorn Balls, conveniently located in Mahogany Town, Johto! The real Pokémon Masters only use apricorn balls from Mort's Ultimate Poké-Apricorn Ball Line.
Narrator Voice-over: And so, with that, we'll now leave the nobodies and somebodies while they all argue over what to do in the next show. And—
[Jade stomps onto stage angrily]
Jade: STOP IT!! THE NARRATOR BETTER NOT BE HERE NEXT TIME!!
[Jade stomps off stage; Opal and Garnet walk onto stage with T_T eyes and look at camera]
Opal: Really, this will get so annoying.
Garnet: Yeah, I know...
END OF EPISODE 1