In the days after the 'finger snap catastrophe' as we in the magical world tended to refer to it, life got a bit rough. I won't go into the details of how the Avengers got their act together and defeated Thanos, because it's not really my story to tell, and there are many others who have told the tale in amazing ways. Plus, I've been drinking.
My cousin Marisa and Stephen Strange had convinced me to live on this planet and help rebuild. Though most of the people taken with the Soul Stone had somehow survived in another realm before the rescue, some had not, and families were still shattered. But this isn't that story either. And again, others have told that tale better than I could.
No, this story picks up a year after the heroes returned. Wakanda became home to the New Avengers, a smaller group of heroes who gave up the pretense of hidden identities and covert pasts. The world knew them all now, at least by reputation, and that was causing headaches for one particular web slinger that I had grown fond of. We were at one of Tony Stark's 'hey it's Tuesday' parties, and things were getting real.
"I can't." Peter was sitting at the bar looking terrified. "What do I say?"
I rolled my eyes. "Pete, you just say hello, what's so hard? You seriously talk more than anyone I've ever met. Besides, since you've come back from the dead, girls have been hovering around you like killer bees."
"Hardly a calming analogy," Vision said as he took the barstool on the other side of mine. "Killer bees are not known to be friendly to arachnids."
"I know you know that was just an expression," I said dryly.
"Maybe the kid likes it rough," Sam broke into the conversation, ordering another beer. I smacked the Falcon on the head and laughed at the wounded look he gave me. Thor just shook his head as he tended bar, used to our banter.
"I'll show you rough," I teased. "Or would your boyfriend not like that?"
"Girl, I told you, Metallica ain't my boyfriend. I'm just giving him pointers on how to make it with the ladies."
"And who's giving you pointers?" I asked, giggling. Must have been the drinking - I don't giggle.
"Ouch, that is harsh," he winced, taking another beer out of the ice bucket on the bar.
"Yeah, that's what you probably tell him when he's stroking you with that metal arm," I muttered.
In the fight to reclaim the fallen souls who had been whisked away by Thanos, other worlds had been discovered. I was part from a planet named Vermillion. We didn't mingle with other dimensions often, but my cousin Marisa vouched for them seeing how she was engaged to the Sorcerer Supreme, and that was good enough for me. We all agreed that an alliance would be beneficial, and so here I was, a liaison of sorts between this plane of existence and my own.
Being a magical liaison between Wakanda and my home world was challenging on the best of days, so much to learn and understand. And then there was a certain super soldier who had come back from the Soul Stone, just as lost as when he'd disappeared. The minute I'd met him, I'd become a babbling idiot, so I did my best to stay out of his way. Everyone called him Bucky, but to me, he was James. The way he'd look at me when he thought I wasn't paying attention made me nervous. And I did not like feeling nervous. Sam had seen it too, and was doing his best to humiliate me in front of the world. At least, that is how it felt at times.
"Excuse me," Peter said, raising a hand, "I'm the one who needs help making it with the ladies."
"You seriously did not just say that," Thor said, looking up from the bar. Peter shrugged, playing with the rim of his root beer glass. Inwardly sighing, I tried to help.
"Go easy on him," I smiled gently at the youngest Avenger. "Girls are scary."
"Speaking from experience?" Sam asked, leaning in to wink at me.
"Yes, I freely admit to being difficult." I turned toward Peter, my smile more genuine this time. "Listen, it's not that hard, you like someone - if they aren't trying to kill you, you say hi. They say it back, and soon you have what is known as a conversation.
"Is that why you avoid a certain soldier boy every time he comes looking for you?" Sam asked. I froze, not turning back toward Sam's mischievous grin.
"You do seem to run when he enters a room," Vision noted.
"Who are we talking about?" Thor asked, interest peaked.
"Sergeant Ja-" Sam started to say and I spun back around to wave my glass in his face.
"Unless you want to be shitting glass for the next, oh, forever- I would stop while you still have your teeth." Sam jumped off his bar stool, laughing at the look on my face. I picked up a bottle cap and flung it at him.
"Whoa, it's getting a little too violent over here, I may need to borrow Cap's new shield."
"Wanda could tell you if your affections are returned," Vision informed me, in that oh so very British, helpful sort of way that made you want to scream. "She's already told me how you want to -"
"Just stop, both of you," I slammed down my drink and tried not to summon a host of demons to suck those two right out of their boots. "Wanda should not be telling anyone what I want to do with James Barnes."
"And just what is it you would like to do with me?" the man in question asked, sitting where Sam had been just a moment ago. I froze, feeling the blood run from my face. Sam danced away towards a group of friends, shooting his fingers at me like guns, while Vision simply observed. Thor was smart enough to be at the other end of the bar. Thor didn't like it when my lightning was bigger than his.
His blue eyes stared into mine, and all of my years of training and battle strategy reminded me that I could not have a normal conversation with a man without messing it up completely. Not that this fact would stop me.
"I - just wanted to ask you some questions about," I paused, about what? And before I could stop myself, the words flew from my lips. "About learning about Earth - I mean, you had to relearn things because," uh oh, " I mean, you were new to being part of a team that may not have trusted you," oh that is even worse.
"You seem a little flustered, dollface," he smiled and my heart hurt to see that smile that I was sure he gave every other woman he knew, and some that he didn't. He reached out and brushed a few stray hairs from my forehead so that he could look directly into my eyes. I was not prepared. Not even close.
"Flustered? No, I mean - I just thought, maybe, you know what? This was a stupid idea, and I have had too much to drink." I stood up, and before he could steady me as I tilted dangerously towards the floor, a portal opened up and I fell through, landing in my room at Marisa's club.
"You really have no idea what you are doing," my cousin said, shaking her head. "I had to get you out of there before you made a complete fool of yourself."
"Too late," I mumbled, flouncing down on my bed. "Isn't he going to think I ran away?"
"No, I waved to him from the portal before it closed. He'll know it was me. Besides, it isn't the first time one of my family ran from an awkward conversation." This was true. The Lady Marisa Scathach (pronounced Ska-hock) had run from Stephen in the early days of their relationship, not that it had deterred him in any way. Now they called each other their sanctuary, and it was nauseating to watch.
"Speaking of which, I still haven't seen the ring." I sat up quickly and tried to stay steady. She held out a plump hand and I just stared at the workmanship of her engagement ring. It was a silver filigree band with tiny stones of all shapes and colors embedded into the metal. No matter which way the light hit the ring, it seemed to give off sparks of electricity, so tiny you could miss it if you weren't looking.
"Very nice, I approve," I saluted, falling back onto the bed.
"How drunk are you?" I could feel my cousin's grin through my haziness, and flipped her off. I'd have to thank Sam for teaching me that one. We had similar gestures on Vermillion, but I liked the eloquence of a single finger telling someone to move it along.
"I'm not drunk, I can still feel my feet." Marisa sat on the bed and took off my shoes, rubbing my feet like when I was a small child and she would tuck me into bed on her rare visits.
"Sweetie, I know you haven't been here long, and it's an adjustment. What's going on between you and James?" Like myself, Marisa preferred to call most people by their actual name. Bucky sounded like something you'd name a mule. Though the man was stubborn. But I digress.
"Nothing." I took a deep, cleansing breath and stared at the ceiling. "When we brought everyone back from the Soul Stone's realm, I - I felt something odd. Something pulling me to him. I thought it was just that he looked so lost, so lonely - even with people surrounding him that obviously cared. It was, familiar."
"Is that how you feel? Lonely in a crowded room?" My cousin watched my face carefully, as I nodded. "You know, you are well liked by everyone."
"I do know that - and I do know that I like it here. But I really wasn't lying to James when I said that it would be nice to have a little help learning how to fit in better - I mean, I'm good with the celebratory drinking, but I can't do that constantly."
"True, you start getting loud and challenging people to knife throwing contests."
"My aim is better when I'm drunk," I defended myself.
"Tell that to Master Wong," Marisa grinned. I rolled my eyes.
"No one told him to go for that last slice of pizza. And I didn't actually draw blood."
"You don't have to fight for food in this realm, it's easily obtained. And so is knowledge." She paused. "I have an idea that should help everyone. You want to learn more about fitting in with this world. James really is still figuring that out for himself. Maybe you should find a different mentor - someone who could guide you, while still helping James acclimate to this world after his brainwashing."
"I'm listening."
"Steve. Hear me out, he was under ice for 70 years and when he came back, from what I'm told, he had a rough time getting used to how this world is, obviously he figured it out. He'd be good at helping you. Actually quite a few of the team would."
"Just not James," I said, frowning.
"Just not James," she agreed. "You need to figure out your place in this world, and he's still doing the same."
"But I thought, maybe we could help each other."
"Oh I am sure you can - you will, but first you need to get a better grip on living in this universe. You're still learning who you want to be here. Give it a month or so, and when you are more comfortable with living here, you'll be better prepared to talk with James, and maybe share some tips with him? Maybe get a bit closer," her slight Scottish accent soothed my nervousness.
"And Steve went through this - floating feeling?"
"Of course, you are an awesome witch, but your studies didn't give you much time to socialize outside of the taverns after a battle. Steve understands battles, but he also understands how to balance the soldier with the person inside."
I pondered this briefly. I felt comfortable around Steven Rogers. You always knew where you stood with him, and he didn't lie to you to make you feel more comfortable about your faults. He'd be someone I could talk to without feeling embarrassed about my 'fish out of water' feelings. I made up my mind and sat up to look her in the eye.
"Fine, but is Steve going to want to take time for this?"
"Why don't we ask him?" Marisa waved a hand and we transported to a small house on the edge of Wakanda's border. Steve was gardening and out of uniform, making him seem more like a regular guy, and less like an avenging fighting machine. I tried not to be so tense.
He looked up from his work and grinned at my cousin. Marisa had a way of getting people to trust her right away. The fact that she didn't trust most people made that trait amusing on a good day, but today, I was too distracted by my own misery.
"Your Grace," he bowed. Marisa gave him a mock glare and he laughed. It was a nice laugh, but not like James. I'd only heard that laugh once, when Steven and James were discussing their time 'before the ice', as they called it. I wish I could make James laugh like that.
"Silly man, I told you it's Marisa," she huffed. She explained the situation to him, and he listened intently. He put his shovel down against the wall of a small shed and invited us in for lemonade, one of the few non alcoholic drinks I loved.
"So you need some sort of help adjusting. I can get that. Why didn't you ask Nat? She had to adjust from being an agent for the Red Room."
"Oh we will," Marisa assured him. "But since you are already in Wakanda, and Natasha is helping my Stephen with a task, I thought you wouldn't mind."
"Not at all, I just don't know where I'd start," he admitted. "There is a lot to adjust to in this time, at least there was for me. What exactly do you need help with?"
I paused. What did I need help with? Not stuttering like an idiot when James Buchanan Barnes slid up next to me and asked what I wanted to do with him, that would be a start. Instead I shrugged.
"I need to know how to not always be preparing for the next battle. I know that we do that in our sleep, but I need to tone it down a little and just be me, not the warrior witch, but just me." I faltered but he nodded, seeming to get it.
"You want to stay who you are in spite of what you think you are," he said, and I just about cried with how simply he had put my constant struggle. I nodded, relieved that I didn't have to explain more.
"Well," he said brightly, "I can definitely help with that."
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