Disclaimer: I own nothing
Trigger warning: self-harm, depression
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He feels so alone, in the star ship full of people. He feels hollow, with the Bond with Rey so cold and silent. That's why he ends up like this, with his blood spilling all over the bedsheet. His arms full of cuts he inflicts on himself. He is so drained and tired. He needs someone he can trust by his side. He knows he can't keep up like this anymore, not without going insane. He needs Rey. He knows she can help him. But he can't bring himself to call out to her. How could he, when she just rejected his offer to rule the universe together.
He sighs, this is getting out of control. Old habit dies hard, and this one is almost as old as himself.
It was a habit he picked up as a child, with his father away doing whatever he did in the Falcon and his mother not having enough time to be with him, too busy bringing peace to the universe.
He doesn't hate his mother, not really. They were very close when he was young. As he grew up, Leia decided that the New Republic needed her more than her son did. She failed him. When Leia realized this, it was too late. Ben was gone.
Han Solo was another story. He didn't understand Ben. Scratch that. They never understand each other. They might have loved each other long time ago. But by the time Ben went to Ahch-To, both of them seemed to forget how. They were too different. Han was a smuggler at heart. He couldn't stay at home. He wasn't there when Ben needed him. Han failed him. When he realized this, it was too late. Ben was gone.
When his parents finally knew about his bloody problem. They decided to send him to Ahch-To. Things went downhill from that moment. Luke might have been a great Jedi, but he couldn't save his nephew from himself.
He needs to stop thinking about the past. He promises himself just one more cut to get himself back to the present.
His Bond with Rey is getting stronger. He started to feel it strengthening when they fought the Praetorian guard together. Even as the Bond had been blocked by both of them, ever since Rey declined the offer. Mental distraction now results in glimpses of the other's thought and feeling. That's why he can not let the block crumble. It is the last thing he needs right now.
His mind is racing again. He drew the blade over his forearm for what he have promised himself to be the last cut tonight.
That promise is broken by the rows of fresh wounds. The calm he gets from cutting starts to recede as he feels dizzy from blood loss. He passes out before he can get the medkit.
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AN
Hi guys! Thanks for reading. I'm new to writing stories and English is not my first language. So constructive criticisms are appreciated. Feel free to pm me.