A.N: I was inspired by "Addiction" by 'patienceyounggrasshopper' as it was so wonderfully written. This tells the tale of Mary and Tom's affair (which I would set during season 1) which we will see mainly through a series of flashbacks and will also deal with what happened in the regular series. Mary's relationship with Matthew in this story may be quite controversial but it will be explained in due course, so please bear with me! I still believe that Mary and Tom should have ended up together, so I promise that this story will be a HEA for "Brary" lovers. Also, I have not given up on my other story ("I will never be free of you") but I had this idea and had to act on it. I would expect the next chapter of that story to be up soon.

Now, without further ado, and before I can think of anything else to say, I give you "Never doubt I love,"

The Visit

"No one must ever know," she had implored him all those years ago as she gave herself to him, body and soul. It all came

flooding back, all of the nights together and the passion they had for one another. Now, he stood before her, as her sister's husband.

▫️

Mary sat at her vanity, so lost in her thoughts that she had not heard her husband speak.

"Mary," he called, rousing her from her stupor.

She shook herself and turned in her seat. "Yes darling?" She asked, forcing herself to smile.

"I was just saying how wonderful it is to have Sybil back." Matthew explained with a quizzical expression on his face.

His wife sighed and returned to face the mirror. "I suppose it is."

He moved from where he sat on the bed and placed a hand on her slim shoulder. "I know she shocked you all by marrying Tom, but it's been months."

"She did shock me, yes. But more than that, she hurt me, Matthew, and I never thought I would say that about her," Mary stood, thus ending the conversation. "Let's get this over with,"

With that, the pair left the room.

▫️

The entire family Crawley was gathered in the drawing room, the interrogation was in full swing. But Mary heard not a word of Tom's defence. She had yet to meet his eyes, those eyes that still haunted her.

"All I will say is that we're happy, Papa, so desperately happy." Sybil announced in her breathy voice, the opposite of Mary's. Robert Crawley had been waiting for his youngest daughter to say those words to him. If her happiness depended on his former chauffeur, then so be it.

"We also have some news," she added, reaching for Tom's hand. Mary noticed that he avoided her gaze, which prepared her for what was to come, but did nothing to soften the blow.

"I'm pregnant!"

Hollow, Mary felt hollow. Her stomach had dropped, plummeted. Lady Mary Crawley, the master of the false smile and empty congratulations could not bring herself to remain in the room. With tears in her eyes and a stabbing at her heart, she fled the room unnoticed by her jubilant family.

▫️

It was Anna who knew all, and it was Anna who found her that evening. She knew that her mistress did not cry over trivial matters . So when she entered the room at her usual time and saw Mary sobbing uncontrollably on her bed, she knew immediately what had caused the tears.

"Oh m'lady," Anna whispered.

Mary's face was red and blotchy, the tears that dampened it still flowing.

"I miss him, Anna." Came a small, unfamiliar voice.

The loyal maid nodded and placed a hand on Mary's arm. "I know you do."

What Mary needed now was not someone who needed her to forget, she needed someone who understood. Anna was that person, and while Mary readied for bed they reminisced on her time with Tom. It helped, yet it hurt.

When Mary was finished and about to climb into bed, she called out to her friend.

"Anna, will you please ask Mr Crawley to sleep in his dressing room this evening?"

▫️

The ancient clock in the hall struck midnight and roused Mary from her uneasy slumber. She tossed and turned for an eternity before deciding to retrieve a book from the library. Making her way quietly down the grand staircase, she arrived at her destination and carefully opened the heavy door. It creaked open and she reached for the light switch, only to realise that it was already on. Her heart stopped as she met his eyes.

Tom sat on the crimson couch with a book in one hand, a brandy in the other. Mary attempted to turn quickly and leave but she was rooted ti the spot and he was too fast. He had stood from the couch, crossed the room and grabbed her arm.

"Mary," he whispered. She swallowed hard, his touch still sent electricity through her body.

"I...I believe congratulations are in order," she breathed and he released his grasp. "I'm sorry I left in such a hurry, I had the most dreadful headache,"

Tom shook his head. "Don't lie Mary, not to me." She had turned her back by now and let out a hollow laugh.

"Oh I forgot, Tom Branson knows me better than anyone,"

"I do, unless you count Matthew,"

"I don't," she cut in.

"Yet you chose him," he told her angrily.

"And you chose Sybil," she snapped.

Mary could feel his stare heating her back. She moved towards the bookcase and began to select a novel.

Blindly she grabbed a random book and faced him.

"Goodnight Tom,"

"Goodnight Mary,"

With that, she left him.