Breathe in, breathe out
I didn't know how long it had been since I had gotten out of bed, or even moved from the position I was in. My limbs felt stiff, and my head felt heavy, as if the blocks I had put in my thoughts to protect myself from the unhappy memories were actually weighted. I tried to make myself numb. I hadn't cried, spoken, smiled, or done anything, but stay silent and alone in my room. If I felt anything, I would feel everything.
Breathe in, breathe out.
It hurt to move. It hurt to do anything, other than just lay still. Every motion was meaningless, every tear was pointless, and every breath hurt. Nothing I could do would fill the emptiness surrounding me.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Charlie would be checking in on me soon. Like clockwork, every hour he asked if I wanted anything to eat, to drink, or if he could do something for me. Every hour he asked, and every hour his questions remained unanswered. His words eventually blended into the darkness around me, until they too became meaningless.
Breathe in, breathe out.
I knew there was no reason to feel any hope. He didn't want me anymore, he wasn't coming back, and I knew that; in spite of that, I couldn't bring myself to close the window in my room. Some tiny part of my mind that I couldn't silence, no matter how hard I tried, kept telling me that he would eventually come through my window, and hold me in his arms again. He would tell me that it was all a lie, and we could be happy together. Forever.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Noises interrupted the silence with which I had surrounded myself. My door creaked open, and hushed voices and footsteps entered. I thought about opening my eyes and acknowledging the presence in my room, but instead, I closed my eyes tighter, hoping that I would soon be alone again.
I heard something slide open, and then close again. The noise repeated a few times.
More footsteps. More hushed voices.
"Hand me
those, over there."
"Do you have things at your place?"
"How much should we take?"
I squeezed my eyes tighter.
Click.
My eyes opened.
Someone had shut the window.
I awkwardly shifted my body upright, and turned on the lamp on my night stand. Charlie was standing in the doorframe, his head hanging down, with a troubled look on his face. Renee was by the window, with a look of surprise.
"What are you doing?" I asked hoarsely. My throat was dry; it had been a while since I had spoken.
Charlie looked up at Renee. She gave him a look, and his head turned down again. Renee looked back to me. No one spoke.
"What's going on?" I asked again.
Renee finally broke the silence.
"Charlie and I…we thought it might be better for you to come back home with me. A change of scenery might do you a world of good."
I looked around the room, and saw a suitcase filled with my clothes.
"No." I said firmly.
Renee sighed. "Bella, we're worried about you. Clearly, it's not good for you to be in Forks."
"No." I said louder.
Charlie looked up at me, with a troubled look in his eyes. "Bella, please."
"No!" I cried. I shoved the covers off of me, and bolted over to the window, throwing it open. It was another cold, rainy night. I felt the wind on my face, and took a deep breath. I turned around, facing Charlie and Renee again. Renee kept back and forth, from me to Charlie. Charlie kept his eyes on the floor.
"You can't make me leave! I won't!" I cried again. I had been blocking all my emotions for the past days, and they suddenly boiled over, erupting in one single passionate tantrum. I ran over to the suitcase and threw some of the clothes on my bed. Renee swooped down, and restrained my arms.
"Bella, please stop," Renee pleaded.
I tugged my arms out of Renee's grasp. My breath was coming in short, uneven gasps.
"I'm not going to Florida." I said through clenched teeth. "You can't make me go."
"Bella, this would be good for you; obviously, being in Forks is upsetting. There are a lot of things here that might remind you of Edward and the Cullens."
My heart dropped at the sound of their name. The names of my second family. The names of all the people I had loved, and that I would never see again.
"Mom, stop." I moaned. "Don't talk about them, please."
"See!" Renee said pointedly. Forks is no good for you right now."
"You can't make me go! I WON'T!" I shouted, throwing more clothes onto my bed.
Charlie looked up again. "He's not coming back Bells."
I stopped moving. I closed my eyes. I could feel myself shaking out of anger, shaking out of grief.
Bella, I don't want you to come with me.
Time heals all wounds.
It will be as if I never existed.
His words, his final words to me, spun around in my head. The air around me felt thinner, and pain shot through my heart.
I threw the suitcase across the room, hitting the nightstand and knocking the lamp over. The room became dark again.
"I know! He doesn't want me! He's gone, and he's not coming back." I screamed. I buried my face in my hands, my whole body shaking with the pain of the realization I had finally said out loud.
He never was coming back. That tiny glimmer of hope that I had felt early tonight had been vanquished.
There was no hope for me. There was no hope in him. There was no hope for anything.
Charlie and Renee looked at each other, unsure of what to do next.
"I'm not leaving Forks." I shouted. "I refuse to go to Flordia. That's final."
No one moved, or said anything for a long while. Finally, Charlie nodded. He motioned for Renee to follow him out of my room. She stroked my head one time before she walked away with Charlie. They shut the door behind them, leaving me in my solitude once more.
Slowly, I walked over to the window again, looking out in the darkness. Of course, nothing, or rather, no one, was there.
"He's not coming back." I whispered in the darkness.
I shut the window and finally began to cry.