Author's note:
The first chapter basically sets the scene. The second chapter will paint the picture. The third and later chapters will take the ball and run with it.
The story owes a great debt to Narutopedia at Wikia dot com.
Warning: the story may not go the way that most people will want or expect.
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Konohagakure.
The Village Hidden Among The Leaves.
One of the five Great Ninja Villages. A village with a storied past. A community that once again stands in the shadow of the great Hokage Monument. If the stone faces carved into the mountain could see, they would spy a wondrous scene below them. If they could speak, they would tell a tale of the events that that led up to the festive occasion spreading across that rebuilt hamlet.
In the time before there were any shinobi villages, ninja were orgainized into small mercenary clans, whose only occupation and hobbies revolved around fighting, killing, and fighting again. Today, down in the noisy town, groups of merchants and hawkers were doing their best to relive those days in a less brutal business way, moving singly or en masse in attempts to grab the best selling ground or court the most customers, leaving bloddied noses and contented smiles in their wake.
In the earliest days, the Senju clan and Uchiha clan had been the mightiest of the countless shinobi groups. When the former offered a truce to the latter, a ninja by the name of Madara Uchiha had refused at first, until the remainder of his clan had forced him to accept. As a result, those two clans... and all of the people that the two clans had defeated... came together to form the Hidden Village of the Land of Fire. By means of his remarkable wood release jutsus, Hashirama Senju created a large majority of Konoha's framework, greatly reducing the effort and materials needed to build the nascent community. For that reason, he was selected to be the first leader of the village. The First Hokage.
Because of his unique back ground, the current Leaf shinobi Yamato possesses some of the same skills as the First Hokage. Yamato had played a large role in the rebuilding of Konaha, following its destruction at the hands of Nagato and his Six Paths of Pain. Yamato may have the skills of a former Hokage, but he has no desire to ever accept the Tri-corner hat himself. By coincidence, his young charge was the de facto representative of the Senju clan in this later day. Uzumaki Naruto, a young man known to everyone, would likely be Hokage some day. That is, he would be if he lived through the constant threats that a jinchiruuki faced. And, of course, if he survived the day's big affair.
Down below in the village, soon to increasingly distracted by the events that would unfold, Naruto was busy arguing the case to pardon Uchiha Sasuke, who was the sole remaining holder of the Uchiha torch. The sullen and spiteful young man had been captured at the end of the recent Shinobi War, and currently showed little inclination towards a reconcilliation with the village that he viewed to be responsible for the death of his parents and clan. The horrible and unforgiveable burden that Danzō Shimura and the Konoha Council had placed on Itachi's shoulders... the same brother that Sasuke had grown up hating and wanting to kill... still haunted the captured criminal, and likely would for the rest of his life.
There was much for the elders of Konaha to think about when it came to the Uchiha clan, even on a festive day like this. How could there not be? So many webs were spun by Madara Uchiha for so many years, that the best minds in the village had only begun assembling well known facts and tenuous secrets. The most dilligent workers had only started separating the truth from fiction. Some facts were widely known and unquestioned, however. Every villager learned as a child, how the late Madara had tried to overthrow the First Hokage, fighting him and losing at the Valley of the End, the same site that Naruto and Sasuke had fought at years later. Madara's loss had brought Konoha control of Kyuubi, the infamous Nine-Tailed demon fox, a powerful Bijuu which from that point forward would come to be sealed away within successive members of the Uzumaki clan, a family that the Senju had close ties to. That decision paved the way for the events that formed the crux of Naruto's life. Furthermore, Madara, Akatsuki, and former Akatsuki members such as Orochimaru had helped our hero become the man he was today Those evil influnces had helped shape the despised and hated Naruto into a loved and respected icon. An icon who was at the center of the world's attention this afternoon.
If the faces on the Hokage Monument could taste, they might scowl with a bitter taste on their tongues, looking down upon the hustle and bustle of the men and women below. For every two Leaf villagers accounted for, there seemed to one person from a different village, with each and every of the known villages being well represented. There were different dialects to be heard. There was different clothing to be seen. There were different jutsus being being taught and shown off. The last time that so many different customs intermingled had come during the recent Shinobi World War, which had recently ended and had brought the great Villages close again. However, those stone faces would remember an earlier time, when the clash of so many different customs was far less sanguine.
After the confrontation at the Valley of the End, when the village of Konoha had decided to keep the Demon Fox, the leaders of the Leaf also decided to give the other tailed-beasts to the other newly formed villages. Those foreward thinkers had wanted to provide balance. They had wished to foster a long-lived peace. As Robert Burns wrote in a Scots play in 1785, 'The best laid schemes o' mice an' men ... Gang aft agley,' which in more modern words would read 'The best-laid plans of mice and men... Often go awry'. The hoped for peace had little time to take root. The Leaf found itself involved in the three successive Shinobi Wars. And later, as everyone now knew, Madara would take actions to collect those Bijuu back. Interesting enough, that evil master-mind once singled out a certain young man who kept delaying things and getting in his way. Yes. You know who that young man was. Uzumaki Naruto.
Naruto himself was like a human peace pipe. For those with a dirty mind, it has nothing to do with his being sucked on. Instead, it has everything to do with the way that he could turns enemies into allies. In the town below, the young man in question had switched from making attempts at repatriating a friend to making efforts to fill his belly. He danced from foot to foot, practically drooling, as he awaited a high heaped bowl of complimetary ramen being spooned out by his favorite cook, Teuchi. His mouth was going non-stop as his stomach prepared to do the same. Many of the men and women watching his antics had been foes before they became friends. Each one of them could think back to some defining act performed by the orange and black clad ninja. An act of courage. An act of kindness. An act of compassion. They were all there now because they were friends. But, was their acquiescing to the day's plan the act of friendship? Could the big occasion be the result of the machinations of some unknown enemy? Or, could it be another shady undertaking by Homura Mitakado and Koharu Utatane? When the Uchiha clan had begun planning to overthrow Konoha, those two elders knew that a coup d'état would lead to another Shinobi War, so they threw Itachi to the wolves to help prevent such a tragedy. If they could blithely do something like that, what gain might they try to get from Naruto?
But, there was more to the story of Itachi and the slaughter of his clan. Before that fateful night, he had discovered that Madara still existed, and that the other Uchiha was planning to bring war to Konoha. He struck a deal with the older ninja. If Madara would refrain from attacking, Itachi would help him get revenge on the other Uchihas who had turned their back on him decades earlier, coincedentally carrying out the orders he had already been given. A deal made, the ANBU member kiled his entire clan overnight, sparing only Sasuke, who meant more to him than his entire village. To hide the Council's hand in things, and to provide a way for his brother to grow strong, he made himself out to be a villain who had simply wanted to test his strength. So, could the boiling pot of intrigue below be like the inside of a fancy timepiece, sporting wheels within wheels within wheels? Might Naruto actually be the one pulling the strings? Or, could he simply be using the opportunity to further his own desires?
The great Harishirama had perished during the first of the Great Wars. Tobirama Senju, his brother, replaced him as Hokage. That Second Hokage, who would be credited with the creation of the Academy... the ANBU... the Chūnin Exams... and the Konoha Military Police Force... also died during the fighting, killed by shinobi from the Village in the Clouds, the same village that years later attempted to kidnap Hyuuga Hinata in order to gain the secrets of the Byakugan. If they could feel emotions, the faces on the Hokage Monument might furrow their rocky brows, watching as the current Raikage sat at a table with his fellow Kage, enjoying frothy ales and recounting stories from the Fourth War. The tall and powerful man of dark complection, his left arm lost to Amaterasu's dreadful flames during Taka's invasion of the Kage Summit, slammed his mug down with anger as he watched the actics of his closest kin. Moments later, those same stone faces would be forced to hide a smile, watching the behavior of Killer Bee, as the jinchiruuki annoyed and amused countless revelers with his rowdy and ridiculous rap.
Hiruzen Sarutobi had been marked as Tobirama's successor before the Second Hokage's death, as all fans of the anime and manga know. Less well known were the Third Hokage's actions during the Second Shinobi War, which saw the Leaf fighting numerous skirmishes with Hanzō and various national armies deep within the Valley Hidden in Rain. The man who would subsequnetly grow old and wrinkled and turn out to be just as big a pervert as his pupil Jiraiya, later handed the Tri-corner hat over to Minato Namikase, Naruto's father-to-be. Konoha's Yellow Flash had earned that distinction by snatching victory from the jaws of defeat during the Third Shinobi war, which had found Konohagakure battling the Hidden Stone Village, fighting brutal clashes in the Land of Grass. Looking down below, the stone faces might enjoy a small play on words, seeing what they saw. Stone and grass.
Great stone fire pits were glowing, providing warmth to people with cold hands, and providing the burning wood and smoldering coals that were fueling one of the greatest tailgate parties in history. Performers dressed in long grass skirts were weaving their way hrough the crowds, playing spritely tunes on all manner of instruments and cajoling the people of many nations to join in song, some of which was dignified and uplifting, and some of which was bawdy and downright blush-inspring. Ōnoki, the Third Tsuchikage, was singing louder than anyone else. That short old man with the big red nose and large eyebrows was dressed in a grass skirt himself, dancing on a crowded table top much to the chagrin of his bodyguards Akatsuchi and Kurotsuchi. He began juggling empty beer mugs that the Raikage tossed his way.
The face of the Fourth Hokage, if it could cry, might shed a tear or two thinking about his role in the series of events that had lead to this very day. The stone Minato would reminisce about Kushina, the love of his life and Naruto's mother-to-be. That fiery young woman, born into the famed Uzumaki clan of Uzushiogakure, had originally been sent to Konoha to enroll in the Leaf's Shinobi Academy. Trying to make a strong first impression, she told everyone that she met that she would be the first female Hokage. Everyone laughed at her and called her 'Tomato'. Her violent response to the taunting students earned her the nickname the 'Hot-blooded Habenero'. At first she had thought her future husband to be a wimp. That is, she had thought him to be a big wuss until he rescued her from a kidnap attempt by a shinobi from... wait for it... the Village in the Clouds.
Could there be any coincidences in this narrative? Indeed there could. Below, in the joyful village, men and women worked hard crushing vats of tomatoes, helping to prepare the ingredients for a number of ethnic sauces whose recipes were contributed by foreign villages. A few of the concoctions featured hot peppers of many different kinds. And elsewhere, in a number of noteworthy instances, tossed tomatoes and pepper spray had been used to corner and corral a number of women and young ladies who were destined to play a major role the the evening's main event, and who had refused to join in things voluntarily. That coincidence covered, we return to the tale of Minato and Kusina, Konoha's Yellow Flash and the Red-haired Hot Habanero , the two parents who brought into being the future Orange Hokage. Married, the two had seemed to have a bright future, until Madara once against cast an evil shadow on the Hidden Leaf Village.
When it was time to give birth, Kushina had left the village in secret at the end of her ten-month pregnancy, because the seal on the Kyuubi would be weak during delivery. She hadn't wanted to place her fellow villagers at risk. Minato worked hard to maintain the seal, and members of Konoha's ANBU guarded the birthing site. But, soon after the delivery of the village's most unpredictable ninja, Madara killed the guards and kidnapped the baby as a hostage. Wanting to destroy the village that had caused him so much grief, the scheming shinobi released the Nine-Tailed demon fox from Naruto's mother. With the love of his life dying from that extraction, Minato using the Dead Demon Consuming Seal on the Bijuu and sealed it inside of his son, ultimately at the cost of his own life. During that heroic act, he also sealed the remainder of his and his wife's chakra into the baby, while Kushina filled her son with as much of her love as was possible. Their death would curse their son with a seemingly lonely life, one where a hero by birth would be viewed as a pariah at no fault of his own. But, his parent's love would later help make him a hero in his own right, even before he had come to know who those parents were.
But, their tale did not end in their death, and their sealed imprints would aid their son at crucial junctures in his life. When Naruto was trapped by Pain's Chibaku tensei, and he had started to give into the temptation of power offered by Kyuubi, an imprint of Minato within him helped him resist. When he was training with Bee in a temple hidden behind a waterfall, and he was almost overwhelmed by Kyuubi's hatred, Kushina's imprint appeared before him. Naruto initially believed that she was the fox demon in disguise, so she hit him in the head. After she apologized and embraced him, his happiness helped stop the Nine Tail's influence from spreading.
Even after his Naruto's had died, their spirit lingered on. In much the same way, the people whose lives were touched by Naruto kept a piece of him within them. It was no surprise that most of those people had come to return the favor at some time in his life, and it was no shock that those same people were here now, celebrating. Inari from the Land of the Waves was there. He had stayed in the village after he and Tazuna had helped rebuild Konoha. Morino Idate was there as well, and was actually sitting and talking with his frightful brother Ibiki, the commanding officer of the Torture and Interrogation Force. The elder brother was handling security for the festival. The younger brother was supervising a group of runners who would deliver messages to places too noisy for telephones or communicators.
As everyone well knows, the time of trouble for the Hidden Leaf Village did not end when Minato and Kushina helped foil Madara's plans. When Sarutobi had resumed the mantle of Hokage, Orochimaru and shinobi of the Sand invaded during the time of Naruto's first and only Chūnin Exams. That attack cost many lives, including that of the Hokage himself. But, the events of the day gave reason for the villagers to begin viewing Naruto in a different light, and set the stage for one particular life-changing friendship. As one might expect, anyone recounting those days would think of Gaara of the Desert, Jinchiruuki of the One-Tailed Shukaku, and a young man filled to the brim with loneliness and loathing. He had been someone who had been hated and feared by his village, much the way that Uzumaki Naruto had been. It was that common ground which eventually allowed Naruto to view the dangerous and tormented ninja in a way that no one had ever viewed him before.
To save Sakura and Sasuke, Naruto had fought and defeated Gaara and Shukaku, with the help of the vast and powerful Gamabunta. It had been an epic fight, a struggle that took its toll on all of the combatants. When the two primary fighters had been too exhausted to continue, Gaara was surprised at just how much determination Naruto had left. The yellow-haired boy explained that he had been lonely too, but had been saved by the friends that he made. That moment planted another seed of friendship, one that be watered by future actions. Naruto later worked with Kakashi to rescue the young Kagekaze when he was kidnapped by Deidara. He also loaned his chakra to Chiyo, helping the wizened puppeteer revive his friend after the extraction of his Bijuu had left him dead. Naruto had changed the old Sunagakure councilor's view of the world, much as he had changed the opinions of many of the partygoers below.
Gaara had once been anathema. Now, he was widely loved, almost to the point of worship. His quick and decisive actions as shinobi commander during the Fourth War had won him more admirers, much to his own chagrin. At this very moment, sitting on a seat of honor in the Leaf village, he was surrounded by a gaggle of giggling girls, not all of whom were from his own village. He sighed, looking in the direction of Naruto, knowing that his first and most important friend would have his own trial with the softer sex, soon enough. He was awakened from his mini-trance by the umpteenth girl who offered to fetch him some food and asked if she could sit by his side. That promptly started yet another squabble, as red faced kunoichi shook fingers in each others faces. Feeling a pressure he did not understand, the gourd-carring Kage created a sand clone to distract the distaff, and snuck over to a different venue, watching his brother Kankuro put on a puppet show for a great gathering of children. The older brother, face done up in the usual make-up, deftly used Crow, Black Ant, Salamander, and Scorpion in a mock battle against ninja dressed up as monsters and demons from famous bedtime stories.
The two sand siblings worried about the third. Temari, a guest or a captive depending on one's point of view, was nowhere to be seen. She was presently holed up with other lasses and ladies, all of whom would take the stage when the sun went down and fireworks filled the dark sky with glowing flowers. There were many other brothers, sisters, mothers, and fathers who were concerend about a loved one. There were other families who had no such worries, but instead were filled with expectation and anticipation. There were countless individuals who had no personal stake in the momentous moment to come, but were there to soak up the atmosphere... party with anyone who loved to feast, frolic, or fight... or witness a level of spectacle that they may never see again. So many villages were represented. So many people with past gripes and grudges mingled happily with pior protagonists. It was about love, after all. The love that a certain young man had showed friend and foe alike. The love that so many people had for the young rapscallion.
But, there were many other motivations in play. Love of drama. Love of mischief. Love of living through someone else. In fact, the major focus of the event was love of a very different type: Love as a euphemism.
Suffice it to say, the famous verse can be twisted about: The best plans to get mice and men laid... often go astray.