Hello, people! I'm back with one of my already pre-written fics, so I can update daily! Weeeeeeeeeee! And I don't remember who it was, but somebody wanted this sequel to use the fact that Casey and Olivia can now get legally married in New York. Unfortunately, I already had an idea for this fic and liked it too much to kill it, so this fic is basically going to have two major parts- part one is my idea, part two is where I use the other person's wishes, which, by the way, also included a kid to add to the mix. So just suffer through my dramatic abusing of Dick Wolf's characters for a little bit, then watch them have some fun!

Chapter 1

Casey Novak had officially been back in New York for three months. She was back at her job as sex crimes ADA and, to everybody except Elliot and Olivia, everything was back to normal, except Casey had more war stories to tell now. Only Elliot and Olivia knew the secret about the real reason she went into witness protection. Only Elliot and Olivia knew about her dead child.

If you asked Casey, everything was normal. Everything was absolutely, perfectly normal. Her rape and pregnancy were all in the past and had nothing to do with the present.

If you asked Olivia, nothing was normal at all. If Casey was lucky, the ADA got as much as three hours of sleep a night. At first, she had only been able to sleep if every light was on, which meant Olivia couldn't sleep. Now, however, with Olivia's help, Casey was able to sleep with the door to the bedroom shut and locked with something like a cell phone emitting light next to the bed. Casey would never admit to be afraid of the dark- she thought it was childish and weak, and everything she did nowadays was to prove that she was strong enough. No matter how much Olivia assured her it was all right to not be invincible, that it was okay to cry, Casey always shook her head and maintained that she was fine.

Olivia was doing her best to keep a limit on her girlfriend's alcohol habit, but the truth was, she couldn't stop Casey from getting drunk because she wasn't with her every second of every day. Still, that wasn't a very big problem, as she had only started drinking upon her return to New York- after all, in her time in the witness protection program, she'd been pregnant and thus, unable to drink. But Olivia would rather Casey have found solace in a bottle then where she did find it- a cold knife slicing into her even colder skin.

At night, Olivia would often trace the scars that had not been there before Casey had 'died'. Some were from the rape, some were from the car accident. Many others were ones Casey had made herself. Olivia had yet to actually witness Casey hurting herself, but the fact that fresh cuts kept showing up on her pale skin was proof that she hadn't stopped. They were never very deep or long, but Olivia didn't like it all. She had tried to talk to Casey about it, but always, her responses were the same- 'I tripped, I fell off my bike, I cut myself making breakfast', anything other than, 'I hurt myself'.

It wasn't like Casey thought Olivia would be angry- at least, that's what the detective thought. It was more like the ADA was afraid of being seen as weak- it all came back to that one point, Casey absolutely refused to admit she was anything less then fine.

And then, there was the issue of Casey's daughter. More than anything, Olivia wanted to ask her if she had loved her baby, if Casey missed her daughter or if she had wanted her baby to die. Olivia wanted to know that her own mother really had loved her, that it had just been the rape that made her spiral out of control, and not giving birth to her rapist's child. But the baby was something Casey never mentioned. Many times, after she had woken up screaming, Olivia would get her to start talking about the rape before she shut down again. But Casey hadn't brought up the subject and Olivia wasn't sure how to do it on her own.

"Hey, baby," Olivia said as she walked into her apartment, which she now shared with Casey. "How was work?" she asked before kissing her on the cheek.

"Wonderful," Casey said, raising her beer in greeting and smiling at her. Olivia frowned in disapproval before deciding to let it go. There was nothing wrong with the occasional drink. There was nothing wrong with Casey drinking every day unless it didn't get out of hand... right?

Shaking her head, Olivia sat down next to Casey as the ADA slung an arm around her shoulders and asked, "And what did you do down at the unholy headquarters of sex crimes? God, just picturing you and Elliot having sex- or me and Munch- that constitutes a sex crime! Gah!" Casey shuddered at the thought and Olivia laughed again. As traumatized as Casey was by her rape, Olivia still loved having her girlfriend back in New York.

"Oh, I know. The only people I like picturing together are you and me." Olivia cuddled up against her girlfriend and kissed her again. "But today was actually... well, not good, but... different. We didn't have a rape victim or abused child, for once. So that's good. We had a self-abortion case."

Olivia felt Casey stiffen in her arms and immediately regretted bringing up. Casey blew out a breath of air through pursed lips and sighed, crossing her arms and shaking her head. "Casey? What's wrong?" Olivia asked, even though she had a pretty good idea... she really, really wanted to have this discussion with Casey, though she had absolutely no idea how to bring it up without offending Casey.

The ADA sighed unhappily and didn't say anything for a minute. Olivia thought she had abandoned the conversation when Casey finally spoke up. "It's... in two days, I would of... I was supposed to give birth to my daughter in two days."

Olivia froze, instantly wishing she hadn't said anything. "Oh! Oh, Casey, I... I didn't know. I'm sorry, I thought-"

"It's fine," Casey insisted coldly as she hid her face in Olivia's shoulder. With a sigh, the detective tightened her hold on the young ADA. Part of her was screaming to drop the subject and never bring it up again... but another part of her knew this was probably as close as she would ever get to asking the question that had been at the back of her mind for the past three months and to just go ahead and do it.

"Casey, I..." she started off delicately, trying to find a way to phrase it right. "Your, uh... the baby. Did you... did you love her? Or were you happy when you miscarried?"

The ADA stared at her hands, trying to figure out a way to respond. "I did love my daughter, Liv. I still do, even though..." she trailed off, swallowing the hard lump in her throat before continuing. "I...I was considering adoption, though. Don't get me wrong, I wanted that kid so much, it would of killed me to give her up- but I was worried I wouldn't make a good mother. And I didn't want to give birth to a child in witness protection- I had no way of knowing how long it would be before I could come home, and I didn't want to make my daughter live a lie for... well, her entire life. And... well, you, Olivia. I remembered the things you told me about your mother and how abusive she was. And it wasn't like I was at my best back then... I was terrified I would become like your mother. But I didn't want an abortion... I probably would of given her up for adoption, if I hadn't lost her..."

Olivia hugged Casey tighter, yet sighed in relief, as if a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Despite everything Serena Benson had done to her, she had still loved her daughter. And all the abuse really hadn't been her fault; she couldn't have stopped her mother from spiraling downwards into an alcohol-induced depression.

Casey frowned slightly, then pulled back from Olivia and looked her in the eye, somehow knowing what she was thinking. "Olivia, I thought I already told you that what your mother did to you wasn't your fault. Stop blaming yourself."

Olivia blushed and looked away. "How is it you always know exactly what I'm thinking?"

The ADA laughed as she embraced Olivia again. "There's a class for it at Harvard Law... Liv, I... I lied." Olivia hesitated but let her talk without interruptions, frowning in confusion. "About the baby. I, uh... I know I said that it was the car crash that caused the miscarriage. It... it was sort of the other way around- the miscarriage caused the crash." Casey sighed, then pulled back from Olivia so she could look her in the eye. "My class had had a discussion on abortion that day. One of my students- the one I told you about, the bitch- basically... she basically called me a whore and said it was my fault I got pregnant. Well, not to me, directly, but still... after work, I just started driving, and I kept thinking about what she said. Suddenly, my stomach started to hurt... really bad. That's what caused the crash. The doctor said that I miscarried because of stress, not because of the crash... because I was fuckin stupid enough to listen to that little kid..."

Olivia immediately reached for the broken woman, pulling her into her arms. "Casey, stop saying it's your fault," she commanded as the ADA rested her head on Olivia's shoulder. "It's not."

The few stories Casey had told Olivia about students made her sick to her stomach. She couldn't believe the actually thought it could be the rape victim's fault, under any circumstances. What made it worse was that Casey had to listen to them practically telling her it was fault every day for six months. No wonder the ADA had trouble believing her when she insisted it wasn't her fault.

She sighed, shaking her head sadly. All she could focus on now was that Casey was back in New York; that she wasn't alone down in LA anymore. Olivia knew if Casey was able to tell any of the others the whole truth about witness protection, they would have agreed with Olivia and said it wasn't the ADA's fault- but Casey still said she didn't want any of them to know. Her boss knew because the FBI had contacted him first about Casey's return, to ask about her job, and now Branch knew everything. But Casey really didn't care about Arthur Branch's opinion, and she didn't seem to listen to Elliot or Olivia when they tried to ease her guilt.

With a forced smile, Casey abruptly changed the subject and said, "So, what happened with Elliot and IAB today? They didn't suspend him or anything, did they?"

Olivia hesitated, then decided to let up on Casey for the time being. "No, no, he's still at work, beating up suspects by throwing tables at them. Lucky you, because he still owes you that favor from the Lee case. Maybe you can convince him to ask Cragen if he can give me the day off."

Casey chuckled and raised an eyebrow at her. "Really? Now why would I waste this perfectly good favor on a day off for my fantastic girlfriend? Why wouldn't I extort money or coffee from him for myself instead?"

"Well," Olivia said as she wrapped an arm around Casey's shoulders, "If I had the day off and you took a sick day or something, then we could spend the day together. We haven't been able to have a real date in three weeks because we keep getting interrupted by work."

"A date? With you all to myself? Hmm... now that is tempting," she said lightly and kissed Olivia.

Last year, if Olivia and Casey managed to have an uninterrupted date, it would normally be followed by sex. Now, Casey hadn't brought up the topic and Olivia hadn't asked. She knew- or rather, hoped- that Casey would tell her when she was ready and Olivia didn't want to push it. However, she knew there was always the chance that Casey would try to say that she was ready to have sex even when she wasn't, just to try and prove that she was okay.

Olivia traced the many scars on Casey's arm, grimacing when she saw a fresh one. The ADA had tried to hide it with makeup, but she hadn't done too good a job. "Casey..." she started off, "please... can you just tell me why you keep cutting yourself?"

Casey feigned ignorance. "I don't know what you're-"

Olivia held up Casey's arm, pointing at the scratch and shaking her head. Casey blinked in surprise, then crossed her arms tightly to hide the cut and glared at Olivia. "It's nothing."

"Casey-"

"I said it's nothing, Olivia! Let it go!" Casey tried to stand up and move away from her girlfriend, but Olivia pulled her back down and shook her head unhappily.

"Casey, it is not nothing! I've tried to just let you handle it and stop, but it's clearly not working!"

Casey yanked her arm from Olivia's grasp and almost shouted, "That's because I don't have a god damn problem! It's not like I'm some emo kid who thinks cutting is cool or something, and it makes me feel better!"

"Really?" Olivia demanded, getting to her feet. "Really? Sticking a knife in your arm makes you feel better? Because I don't see how cutting yourself up makes you feel better at all!"

Casey raised her hand to slap Olivia, but the detective grabbed her wrist in mid air and shouted, "Slapping me won't change anything, Casey!"

"Shut up, Olivia! Shut up shut up shut up! You don't know what the hell you're talking about!"

"Well, clearly you don't either! Because I fail to see you cutting yourself makes you feel better!" Olivia shouted as she let go of Casey's wrist.

It was the wrong thing to do. Casey finally snapped and punched Olivia in the face. Before she knew what was happening, Olivia had tackled Casey to the ground and the two were kicking and hitting each other as hard as they could. Casey shouted in pain when Olivia jacked her arm behind her back and retaliated by biting Olivia's free hand. The detective immediately released her and yanked her hand back, giving Casey the opportunity to punch her again, this time in the stomach.

The two struggled on the floor until Casey's kick missed and she cracked the coffee table's glass top. They both froze, Olivia still pinning Casey to the floor and Casey's foot a hair's breath away from hitting Olivia's head, then they both relaxed and fell on their backs, breathing hard. "God damn it, Olivia," Casey panted, cradling her left hand in her right. "I think you broke my hand."

"Yeah, right," Olivia scoffed. "My face broke your hand. And I'm pretty sure you dislocated my shoulder."

Casey glared at her, then sighed as she sat upright and leaned back against the couch. "Ow," she groaned, holding her cut foot in her uninjured hand.

"Hey, no getting blood on my floor."

Casey shrugged sadly. "Sorry." Still panting slightly, the ADA struggled to get to her feet, standing awkwardly on one foot and still holding her probably broken hand. "Look, I... this... it kind of got out of hand, I didn't..."

Olivia sighed and shook her head. "Yeah, I'm sorry too. Although you can't blame me for fighting back- you started this."

Casey chuckled softly. "Yeah. Yeah, I did." Grimacing slightly as her hand started to throb, she asked, "Can you drive me to the hospital now?"

The detective nodded at her own injured arm and shook her head. "No, not really. But I'll pay for the cab ride if you promise me you'll at least try to stop cutting. I'll help you as much as I can, but in the end, it has to be your decision."

Casey hesitated, then gestured towards the door and said, "I have a better idea: I call in my favor and have Elliot drive us and I'll, um... try."

Olivia smiled in relief, then started to follow Casey out, laughing at her girlfriend as she hopped on one foot. "I like that idea even better."

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