"Hello everyone, I'm the Third Hokage, and this...is Naruto Idol!" the Third Hokage exclaimed, staring at the camera with a microphone in his hand. "Now to meet our judges: Asuma, Kurenai, and Kakashi!" The camera moved to show the three judges seated in front of a stage. "Now, the auditions this season will be a little different," the Third announced once the camera was facing him again. "This time, we've already got the band set up, and each audition will include music!"
"Ok, ok, I have a question..." a voice came from the judges table. The Third turned to see Kakashi clear his throat. "If this is supposed to be American Idol...why are we in Japan?"
"We're not in Japan, silly!" the Third said a little too cheerfully. Kakashi raised his eyebrows. "We're in America! And why does it matter, anyway? This is Naruto Idol, now! But don't worry, all the songs will be in English! Also, I have orders to use this on anyone who sings too terribly, that way it'll make things less painful!" He held up a gun and showed it to the camera. "Well...for us...But enough about that! Let's get this show on the road! It's time to meet our contestants!" Fifteen shinobi were led out onto the stage.
"Sasuke Uchiha!" You could almost hear the girls screaming as Sasuke stared into the camera.
"Sakura Haruno!" The Third Hokage pointed at something off screen, and the sound of crickets chirping filled the air. Sakura frowned.
"Naruto Uzumaki!" Naruto grinned and gave the camera a V for victory sign.
"Kiba Inuzuka!" Kiba smiled amiably at the camera.
"Shino Aburame!" The camera focused on Shino and he stood there silently.
"Hinata Hyuuga!" Hinata's eyes widened and she turned away to hide her face.
"Chouji Akamichi!" Chouji munched on a bag of chips and waved.
"Ino Yamanaka!" Ino smiled so wide Kakashi thought her head would explode.
"Shikamaru Nara!" Shikamaru stared at the camera blankly with his hands in his pockets.
"Rock Lee!" Rock Lee gave the camera two thumbs up with a wide smile.
"Neji Hyuuga!" Neji blinked and didn't do anything.
"Tenten..." Tenten started to smile. "The girl who doesn't have a last name!" Her smile immediately changed to a glare and a frown and she crossed her arms angrily.
"Temari...who also doesn't have a..." Temari cracked her knuckles and glared at the Third Hokage. "...mean bone in her body!"
"Kankuro!" Kankuro gave the camera an uninterested wave.
"And lastly...Gaara of the Desert!" Gaara didn't even bother looking in the right direction.
The Third Hokage ushered them all off the stage, and then turned back towards the camera. "Now that you've met our contestants...it's time for the first song! Here's Ino Yamanaka!" Ino skipped out onto the stage with a mic in her hand. "...with Barbie Girl!" The Third Hokage cocked his pistol, then suddenly put his hand on his ear. "What's that? Oh, really?" He looked back up. "Well...it seems this is a duet! Come on out...Sasuke Uchiha!" Sasuke came striding out to join Ino, another mic in his hand. The band started to imitate the music as best as they could, and Sasuke and Ino cleared their throats and raised the mics to their lips.
Hi Barbie!
Hi Ken!
Wanna go for a ride?
Sure Ken!
Jump in!
Everyone stared at them as the music swelled. Kakashi looked like he was going to throw up, Asuma just stared, and Kurenai looked at them with a forced smile.
I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie world
Life in plastic, it's fantastic!
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation
"Alright, that's enough!" The Third Hokage exclaimed, letting the first bullet fly with a loud bang. Ino fell to the ground with a thump, but the music didn't stop playing, so Sasuke looked at her with wide eyes, but continued.
Come on Barbie, let's go party!
Kakashi and the Third exchanged looks, and Sasuke was quickly executed. Both bodies were dragged off the stage, and the Third Hokage looked into the camera cheerfully. "Now, for our next contestant: Shikamaru Nara, singing...Longview!"
A rock beat came from the band as Shikamaru walked onto stage with a bored look on his face.
Sit around and watch the tube, but nothing's on
Change the channels for an hour or two
Twiddle my thumbs just for a bit
I'm sick of all the same old shit
In a house with unlocked doors
And I'm fucking lazy
Luckily the sensors were set for the song, and it bleeped out all of the cuss words. "He's not bad..." Kakashi whispered to Kurenai, who nodded in agreement.
Bite my lip and close my eyes
Take me away to paradise
I'm so damn bored I'm going blind
And I smell like shit
Meanwhile, Sakura and Naruto stood side by side backstage. "Did you see what happened to Ino and Sasuke?" she asked. "I was gonna sing the same song, only by myself, but I don't think it's such a good idea now..."
"Well, they seem to like Shikamaru. Maybe you should do something more rockish," Naruto suggested. Sakura nodded, and they turned their attention back to Shikamaru.
Peel me off this velcro seat and get me moving
I sure as hell can't do it by myself
"Alright, stop, stop," Kakashi told them. The music cut off and Shikamaru stood in front of them with his hands in his pockets. "What did you think, Asuma?"
"I really dug that. A little pitchy at the beginning, but you worked it out towards the end, man."
"Yes or no?" Kakashi asked.
"Definitely a yes."
"How about you, Kurenai?"
"A yes from me!"
"Shikamaru, you're going to Hollywood!" Kakashi exclaimed. Shikamaru blinked at them.
"So...I have to do this again?"
"Yup!"
Shikamaru sighed and walked offstage.
"Next up...Kiba Inuzuka!"
Kakashi recognized the song as soon as the music started, and Kiba came running out onto the stage, Akamaru by his side. "Don't tell me he's gonna sing..."
Who let the dogs out?!
Kakashi sighed and clapped a hand to his forehead. "So predictable..."
Akamaru quickly chimed in.
woof, woof, woof, woof
woof, woof, woof, woof
woof, woof, woof, woof
woof, woof, woof, woof
Who let the dogs out
woof, woof, woof, woof
Who let the dogs out
woof, woof, woof, woof
When the party was nice, the party was jumpin'
Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo
And everybody havin' a ball
Hah, ho, Yippie Yi Yo
"Ok, ok, that's enough!" Kakashi called out. "We won't shoot you...but I don't think you're right for this competition."
Kiba slunk off the stage as the Third Hokage turned back towards the camera. "Next up is Sakura Haruno...with Stricken!"
"Oh...my...god..." Kurenai said. Sakura came out on stage in all black as the guitar started up behind her.
Ah-ah-ah-ow!
All three judges stared at her with wide eyes. "Did she just scream?" Asuma whispered. Kurenai nodded.
You walk on like a woman in suffering
Won't even bother now to tell me why
You come along, letting all of us savor the moment
Leaving me broken another time
"Holy crap...she sounds just like the dude from Disturbed!" Kakashi thought.
You come on like a bloodstained hurricane
Leave me alone, let me be this time
You carry on like a holy man pushing redemption
I don't want to mention, the reason I know
That I am Stricken and can't let you go
When the heart is cold, there's no hope, and we know
That I am crippled by all that you've done
Into the abyss will I run!-
Ah-ah-ah-ow!
The three judges jumped in their seats as Sakura screamed like a man for the second time.
You don't know what your power has done to me
I want to know if I'll heal inside
I can't go on with a holocaust about to happen
Seeing you laughing another time
You'll never know why your face has haunted me
My very soul has to bleed this time
Another hole in the wall of my inner defenses
Leaving me breathless, the reason I know
That I am stricken and can't let you go
When the heart is cold, there's no hope, and we know
That I am crippled by all that you've done
Into the abyss will I run!-
Into the abyss will I run!
Sakura was pumped by now. She gasped for breath, letting her arm drop to her side, and the judges knew that this meant the guitar solo was coming. Sakura suddenly spun around to look at the guitar player for the band. "Give me that!" she exclaimed, snatching the guitar out of his grasp and putting it over her shoulder.
Naruto watched wide-eyed from backstage. "She's really getting into it." Rock Lee nodded from beside him, equally frightened. They both stared in shock as Sakura began to play the guitar solo, her fingers moving so fast they looked like blurs. Finally the solo ended, and Sakura threw the guitar back to the band member and scooped the mic up off the ground, raising it to her lips.
AHHHHHH!
You walk on like a woman in suffering
Won't even bother now to tell me why
You come along, letting all of us savor the moment
Leaving me broken another time
"Ok!" Asuma interrupted, and the music stopped abruptly. Sakura paused mid-head-bang and looked at him, her hair a complete mess.
"Was I good?" she asked.
Kakashi went red. "You were...um...unique..." he told her. Sakura's face lit up. "Unfortunately...that's not exactly what we were looking for." Sakura's whole body slumped. "However...you're an excellent guitar player. Would you be interested in the position?"
"Sure!" Sakura exclaimed.
"Hey! What about me?" the band's current guitar player exclaimed.
"Take a hike. You're fired." The Third Hokage shoved him off the stage and Sakura took his place. "Next up...Neji Hyuuga!"
The judges weren't sure what to expect, but a peaceful melody came on as Neji walked onstage.
I can see clearly now the rain is gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day
It's gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day
"Didn't see that coming..." Tenten whispered to a nodding Hinata backstage.
Oh yes, I can make it now the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I've been praying for
It's gonna be a bright (bright)
Bright (bright) sunshiny day
"Alright, that's enough. Good job, I liked it," Kakashi told him.
"Yeah, me too. Not the song I would have chosen, but I still give it a yes," Asuma said.
"You're going to Hollywood!" Kurenai exclaimed. Neji nodded emotionlessly and walked offstage.
"Next up...Gaara, with Welcome to My Life!"
Kakashi shook his head sadly. "Bad song choice for his voice..."
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming
"Hmm...I change my mind. Not bad..." Kakashi thought.
"Hey, did you know Gaara could sing?" Kankuro asked Temari.
"No...I had no idea. But I guess he wouldn't have come here if he couldn't right?"
"Ha, yeah right. We're all only hear cause we get paid millions to do this stupid show."
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
Kakashi heard a sniff from beside him, and looked over to see a tear run down Kurenai's cheek. He raised his eyebrows and turned his attention back to Gaara.
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
"Okay, stop there," Asuma said. Gaara fell silent and his arm dropped limply to his side.
"Can I go now?" he asked dryly. It was then that he noticed Kurenai was crying. "Sorry I suck so bad. Do I still get paid?"
"What? Who said you were bad?" Kurenai asked, wiping her tears away. "That touched my soul..." She turned to Asuma. "We have to put him through!"
"Eh...I don't know...I'm kind of on the fence with this one..." Asuma told her. Kurenai gave Kakashi a begging look. Kakashi sighed.
"Fine. But you'll need to step it up next week." he said to Gaara.
Gaara rolled his eyes. "Like I care." He walked off the stage to join Neji and Shikamaru.
"Next up...Hinata Hyuuga!"
Hinata shyly walked onto the stage and raised the mic, thrusting her hips to the sides with the music.
Everybody makes mistakes
Everybody has those days
She promptly received a bullet through her skull and was dragged offstage.
"Next is...Choji Akamichi, singing Animal Crackers in My Soup!"
"Wow...that's really gay, man," Shikamaru called up to his friend as he walked onto the stage. Choji appeared not to have heard him.
Once Mother said My little pet
You ought to learn your alphabet
So in my soup I used to get
All the letters of the alphabet
I learned them all from A to Z
And now my Mothers giving me
Kakashi winced, unable to believe the gay words coming out of Chouji's mouth.
Animal crackers in my soup
Monkeys and rabbits loop the loop
Gosh oh gee but I have fun
Swallowing animals one by one
In every bowl of soup I see
Lions and Tigers watching me
I make 'em jump right through a hoop
Those animal crackers in my soup
Chouji watched as the Third Hokage raised his gun. He stopped singing and squeezed his eyes shut. "I'm coming, Ino!" The Third Hokage froze.
"What did you say?"
Chouji opened his eyes and stood up straight. "Nothing. Just shoot me."
The Third raised his eyebrows. "I don't think so. You need to really try, don't throw your life away!"
Chouji sighed, turning to the band. "Hit it, boys." Sakura glared at him. "...and girl."
Everyone recognized the song as soon as the music started. "Alright man, much better!" Shikamaru called out.
Comin to ya on a dusty road
Good lovin I got a truck load
And when you get it you got something
So dont worry cause Im coming
Backstage everyone clapped to the beat. "Choji's awesome!" Naruto exclaimed. Even the judges were up and dancing.
Im a soul man
Im a soul man
Im a soul man
Im a soul man
Got what I got the hard way
And Ill make it better each and every day
So honey dont you fret
Cause you aint seen nothing yet
Im a soul man
Im a soul man
Play it steve!
Im a soul man
Im a soul man
"My name's Sakura!" Her voice was drowned out by the music and Chouji's singing.
Listen
I was brought up on a side street
I learned how to love before I could eat
I was educated from good stock
When I start lovin I just cant stop
Im a soul man
Im a soul man
Im a soul man
Im a soul man
"Whoo!" Kakashi called out. "Alright, that's enough. You're the best one we've seen so far, Chouji!"
Chouji grinned at the judges.
"I think I speak for all of us when I say: Welcome to Hollywood!" Asuma called out.
Chouji walked off the stage and moved to stand next to Shikamaru.
"Next up...Shino Aburame!"
"This should be good..." Neji muttered.
Shino walked on stage as the beginnings of a song started up behind him.
Everything's so blurry
And everyone's so fake
And everybody's empty
And everything is so messed up
Pre-occupied without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl
Everyone's eyebrows shot up, other than Gaara's because he doesn't have any.
You could be my someone
You could be my scene
You know that i'll protect you
From all of the obscene
I wonder what you're doing
Imagine where you are
There's oceans in between us
But that's not very far
"He's really good..." Kakashi whispered to Kurenai and Asuma, who both nodded in agreement.
Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
Well ya shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
Well ya shoved it my face
Everyone is changing
There's no one left that's real
To make up your own ending
And let me know just how you feel
Cause I am lost without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl
"Okay, stop there." Kakashi looked at him. "Wow. That rivals Choji's performance!" Shino nodded his thanks. "You're through to the next round!"
"Alright, next up is...another duet! Rock Lee and Tenten, singing..."
Don't go breaking my heart
Tenten walked onstage before the Third Hokage could finish.
I couldn't if I tried
Rock Lee followed next, tripping as he reached the center of the stage and falling on his face.
"Oooh..." Kakashi voiced everyone's thoughts. Tenten kept going like nothing was wrong.
Honey if I get restless
Rock Lee rolled over onto his back and looked up at her.
Baby you're not that kind
Rock Lee hopped to his feet as Tenten started the second verse, and they took turns singing lines.
Don't go breaking my heart
You take the weight off me
Honey when you knocked on my door
I gave you my key
Rock Lee winked at the judges and Kakashi choked on the sip of water he had been taking. "Ok, stop there!" he said. "You both have great voices, but Rock Lee, that was creepy, so your journey ends here. Tenten, you're going to Hollywood!"
Tenten grinned and ran to join the other winners, while Rock Lee slumped and walked out of the room.
"Next is Naruto Uzumaki, singing...Low?"
"Oh God...how's he gonna pull this off?" Kakashi asked.
Naruto jumped out from behind the curtains, onto the stage, with all kinds of crap hanging from his neck and wrists and his hat on sideways.
Shawty had them Apple Bottom Jeans Jeans
Boots with the fur With the fur
The whole club was lookin at her
She hit the flo She hit the flo
Next thing you know
Shawty got low low low low low low low low
"In some odd way...this is appealing..." Asuma said aloud.
Them baggy sweat pants
And the Reeboks with the straps With the straps
She turned around and gave that big booty a smack Ayy
She hit the flo She hit the flo
Next thing you know
Shawty got low low low low low low low low
Kakashi's head bobbed to the beat... "Wait a second...Kakashi's head bobbed to the beat?" Kakashi thought. "Aaah! I can't stop!" Everyone else seemed to be having the same problem.
I ain't never seen nuthin that'll make me go,
This crazy all night spendin my dough
Had a million dollar vibe and a bottle to go
Dem birthday cakes, they stole the show
So sexual, she was flexible
"O-KAY, that's enough of that!" Kakashi cried before it got bad. Naruto froze and stopped rapping.
"Did I do okay?" he asked as Asuma's face fell forward and landed on his desk.
"Just...go, Naruto. Please."
Naruto's face fell and he left without a complaint for once.
"Alright, time for our last two contestants...Temari and Kankuro!"
Temari and Kankuro both stepped out on stage. "We'll be singing...Kill You All and Take the Money!"
Everyone gasped in surprise except the Third Hokage. "Hmm...never heard that one before..." He scratched his chin. Temari grabbed her fan off her back and waved it forcefully, knocking everyone onto the ground except Gaara, who ran on stage to join them. Kankuro unleashed an army of puppets on them, and while everyone was fighting a puppet, Gaara encased them all in sand and killed them with his Sand Coffin. They all walked over to the judge's desk and grabbed the moneybags behind it, and scampered off with four of them.
"Hey, who gets the fourth bag?" Kankuro asked as they ran down the street.
"I should. I killed them all!" Gaara exclaimed.
"I think I should, since I put out every night!" Temari argued. Kankuro's eyes glazed over.
"Yes you do Temari. Yes you do..."
Gaara looked back and forth between them disgustingly. "You both sicken me with your stupid incest. I'm taking all the money." Gaara quickly killed both of them and took all four moneybags. He headed in the direction of Las Vegas, where he eventually arrived and lived out his dream of owning a casino. And Gaara lived happily ever after.
Fin
For anyone who's interested, the songs can be found if you go to Project Playlist and search the following things:
Ino and Sasuke's song- barbie girl aqua
Shikamaru's song- longview green day
Kiba's song- who let the dogs out baha
Sakura's song- stricken disturbed
Neji's song- can see clearly now jimmy cliff
Gaara's song- welcome to my life simple plan
Hinata's song- hannah montana perfect
Chouji's 1st song- uh, idk where to find it, but like anyone would want to know :D
Chouji's 2nd song- soul man blues
Shino's song- puddle of mudd blurry
Tenten and Rock Lee's song- don't go breaking my heart elton
Naruto's song- low flo rida
No flames please! :)