All Ben Kenobi saw was starlight, and he felt as if he was everywhere and nowhere at once. All he knew was the force and it's hard earned balance by Luke and his sheer compassion for his father, Anakin, and Leia's drive to save the galaxy at the cost of herself. What he had not expected was to feel his presence being pulled to somewhere. No, that's not right, he thought, sometime but then again aren't distance and time relative? His surroundings rippled creating the illusion that a still pond had been touched as he headed towards the pull, he was old yet young, naive yet knowledgeable, a master yet still an apprentice and as he headed towards it these contradictions increased.
The closer he got towards this pull, the more conflict and pain he felt. How am I in pain when I'm one with the force? He thought. No pain did not describe it, it was too simple of a word, it felt like he was being ripped apart and drowned under the waves created. The waves increased rapidly creating an audible ringing in the force that almost took him to his knees, there were whispers all beckoning him closer.
He felt himself become more and more weighted, more separated, more whole, like flying too close to the a black hole. Time and space warped the further he went on when he finally reached the edge of the well in the force. Closer, closer, closer, farther down, we need you. The voices chanted
"It has been a long time old friend." Said a voice, low in timber and very very familiar.
"Master!" Ben said his voice young yet old stained with a tinge of worry. "What is this place? It feels strange." His body and mind felt very much the same, physically he was young 25 at the oldest and his heart carried the weight of a thousand lifetimes. His hair no longer white but the rich auburn it had been. His robes were new, and his scars seemed to have disappeared. The voices changed. Choose, young one. Choose, choose, choose.
"A singularity," Qui-Gon's disembodied voice said. "You stand at the cusp of a great change in the galaxy, Padawan." His voice was warm and also dripping with warning.
"What do you mean master? I don't understand," Ben, no Obi-Wan, questioned. His eyes crinkled around the edges as he tried to make sense of anything going on. His mind was on fire.
"Time is a fickle thing Obi-Wan, so easily changed." His former master had a smile in his voice. He motioned towards the black abyss he hovered on the edge of.
The fire in his mind dimmed slightly, but heonly for a second. Then it dawned on him, "You mean that this singularity allows time travel?"
A warm hand touched his arm, and there Qui-Gon Jinn was just as Obi-Wan remembered, "Of a sort, your younger self will receive visions of this future, of what you currently know and beyond. If you go I will not be able to help you. The timelines will have diverged to much, a new branch will have been created." His voice was soft yet urgent. He could stop the Empire from Rising, he could save Satine, oh Satine I'm so sorry. He could save Ashoka. He could save Anakin! I could save my him, I could save my Padawan! His thoughts came to a halt, No, I could save my son, my brother. His mind turned towards the twins. I could give the twins their father. Obi-Wan's grey eyes turned to steel. I could stop the Emperor.
"I'll go" The burning increased to an explosion and agony as he felt bonds break from his world and the delicate strings reattach to whatever, whenever and whomever he corrected himself, was at the bottom.
"You will be alone, but there are those who can help you Obi-Wan be careful of whom you trust. Now go time runs short. Remember not all changes are for the greater good." Qui-Gon's voice faded and Obi-Wan Kenobi stepped into the abyss setting the heavens alight and the force into turmoil.
Obi-Wan Kenobi wretched, Karking Sith Hells I hate visions, he thought. Normally he only got vague feelings that curdled in his gut and then sank with uncertainty. Or, he saw snippets in dreams, most of which never came true, but never when he meditating. Even so, they never lasted for three hours. His master's words rang in his ears--focus on the here and now, Padawan.
As soon as the words came to mind, the man himself rushed into the room, brown robes flowing behind him Obi-Wan's shields were tight, "Obi-Wan, what happened? I felt your distress across the temple," he said. Obi-Wan stopped heaving for just long enough to croak out something about a bad vision before it played in his mind once more. A looming darkness that consumes everything, a war fought with millions of one face, the temple in ruin, younglings slaughtered--sweet force not the younglings--an entire planet blotting out of existence, and it didn't end there he sensed. He could feel another vision coming this one was of a boy with ancient eyes who was pushed to the darkside, natural fissures in his mind being artificially widened, feelings of abandonment and anger, another temple burning as that same boy wept, and then an awakening but at the consequence of an entire system blotting out of existence. And, all of was his fault for not following that karking pull to the outer rim until it was too late. His breathing was coming out in short puffs, and he couldn't seem to get a handle on it.
The Force seemed to cool soothingly around him, his skin was slick with sweat and all layers but his baggy pants discarded around the room. It's not that simple, can you see? Through the confusion, the fog? The force whispered, and so he looked closer.
It wasn't just me it was everyone in the order, he realized. Why show me now? Why show me at all, this could never come to pass like every other vision. He wretched again all that came up was yellow bile. Qui-Gon rubbed his back in circles like he did when he was younger and kept his braid out of the way. Obi-Wan whimpered.
The force whispered again, because it's almost too late again.
What do you mean again? He asked but the cool presence vanished, and his shields naturally tightened ever so slightly. His head pulsed. Qui-Gon frowned at the turmoil he felt inside his apprentice.
"Dreams pass in time Padawan," said Qui-Gon his voice low in timbre and soft in pitch as he stood up. "Clean up and we'll talk when you come out." Obi-Wan stiffened, but forced himself to nod causing a wave of dizziness to wash over him. He rested his head on the cool white porcelain and he flushed. His teeth ground together, flippant as per usual.
He was only 22 and it didn't help that their last mission was taxing to say the least. A year straight on Mandalore, bouncing between planets, running from bounty hunters, and protecting Duchess Satine Kryze from almost every threat imaginable had weathered his resolve. He had grown close with the Duchess, at first it was only because of duty, after a time he found himself invested in her with the steady thrum of friendship between them, and then (he couldn't pinpoint when to be honest) he realized he was enamoured with her very being. A small durasteel string connected them together, and it still did. Only now it was tucked away behind his heart.
Satine, I wish you were here. He thought and found himself reaching for her blindingly bright presence only to find nothing nearby. They had parted on an unspoken mutual agreement that tore his heart to shreds and sent pain throughout his chest. That feeling combined with the mental agony that the vision brought hot tears to his eyes as he stripped and stepped in, his tears and the water were indistinguishable as he gasped for air between sobs. The only solace when they parted was that she kept the Kyber from his lightsaber.
On their mission he taught her how to use his lightsaber, just in case anything happened, he thought, and it wasn't because I needed an excuse to touch her. He remembered his body slick with sweat, and her breath coming out in pants her pale skin flushed as she moved. He focused on form 3 named Soresu because it was defensive in nature. Once her slender, pale hands touched his 'saber he knew the crystal, and his heart for quite some time then, were no longer his. So, he took out the crystal as a final goodbye and gave it to her.
Forcing himself to the present, he took a shuddering breath and checked his shields one last time, thankfully they were still up. I guess it's good for something, he thought. His gut curdled at the thought of letting his master see into his heart, to see the visions, he never liked being probed by the council or healers of any kind. His pain was his alone and that was that. He kept his heart break silent since they left Mandalore a little more than a month ago and refused to show it now. His love for her was hers to see and no one else. He dreaded facing his master about it and seeing that disappointed frown on his face; also, he dreaded his master's flippant answer and that he should ignore the vision in favor of the present.
He didn't want his master to see the carefully constructed shields around his heart meant to deflect attention and realise how close he came to leaving the order. How closely he had come to chucking his 'saber to the side and giving up on everything he knew. How badly he missed the clean misty air of Kalevala, or how he craved the infinite desert of Stewjon and the legends of gigantic creatures that lived in the deepest parts of the sands. How after that vision all he wanted to do scream and do the exact same thing he had been tempted to do on Mandalore.
He shoved it all down, behind those carefully crafted shields after the water went cold.
Static filled his mind as he finally started to wash and get out. You know what to do young one, the force whispered, don't be afraid of the uncertain. He needed to talk too Qui-Gon first, go to the archives, and find out where he needed to go. He passed through the white walls of the refresher and into his room, and mechanically got dressed. He ran a shaking hand through his copper hair.
His master had tea already prepared at the dining table, his eyebrows were knitted together and concern flooded their bond his face was hard. "A vision caused that disturbance?" asked Qui-Gon as Obi-Wan clutched his tea. He nodded mutely, his mind still full of static as his shields grew tighter. Warmth brushed over his mind and the static cleared all at once. "Show me young one, we can work through this together." It wasn't a request despite the soft tone used.
Obi-Wan was about to lower them when a knock came to the door, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan recognized the presence at the door, Master Yoda Obi-Wan thought, his body relaxed.
"Felt a disturbance in the force, I did originating from Padawan Kenobi. Alarming it was to feel such pain." Yoda said walking over to the padawan, "Force led me here, it did. Needed it said I was," he placed a warm hand on Obi-Wan's face. Everything threatened to come up all at once, his shields cracked. Don't cry, don't cry. Unlike the inside of his mind however, his face was a mask of perfect Jedi calm.
Qui-Gon nodded. "You're much better than I am at handling these visions my old friend," he said motioning towards his apprentice, "Apparently he had a vision and a rough one at that. I just sat down to talk to him."
"Lower your shields you must Padawan," Yoda said. Obi-Wan's shields shivered, not in front of Master Yoda, why him?
The comforting presence was now back, and this time it was warm. You know why. For all his faults, he's still compassionate.
Obi-Wan sipped his tea and somehow, by some sort of miracle, only let those horrific burning visions come to the surface.