You know in those old muggle films, how it's the same strategy – girl meets boy. Girl likes boy. An hour of feel good comical mishaps and witty one-liners. Which always ends the same - Girl LOVES boy. Boy LOVES girl.

It just doesn't happen like that.

When I was twelve, I had already perfected my very own life plan.

I'd be really good and studious (yeah, right!) I'd get excellent marks and have a perfect behavioural record with no detentions (well you try being best friends with Fred and George and not get a detention or two…) and by the time I turned fifteen I would have a very film–like romance.

Yes, a great love life – or at the very least a like- life.

But no.

This was, obviously never going to happen. I am sixteen years old, in my second to last year at Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry, and I'm yet to have ever had a boyfriend. I don't understand it either, I mean, I'm not totally grotesque to look at – Even Eloise Midgeon was dating that Hufflepuff for a while.

Curse my freakishness! I am a complete failure as a woman. Not to mention my singleness is really beginning to affect my lifestyle – a few weeks back, this guy who'd obviously been very recently released from St. Mungo's Got down on one knee and proposed to me, and the very sad thing about it was, and you realize I shudder to think about it, that was the most romantic thing to EVER to Happen to poor old me.

A loon, wearing nothing but fluro orange knickers and a see-through poncho, proposes to me and that was the most romantic thing I've ever (and lets face it, will ever) experienced.

Of course that relationship could never have worked – not that I thought about it or anything…Fred jumped in front of me before anything could happen.

Guys just don't seem to want to give me the time of day – well except for Marcus Flint who had asked me out about four times on the Hogwarts express alone.

Which I have to admit I was a little bit flattered. Alicia or Leanne constantly tell me how I should "get out there! And stop being so shy!" easier said than done! You see I do actually have a problem with shyness, around boys I fancy anyway. And there are two possible reactions; I either stand silently whilst I make a few vowel sounds, which Makes People think I'm totally rude, or I go into the talk-incredibly-fast-so-they-think-I'm-a-complete-weirdo mode.

I can't help it! It's a birth defect.

So bored.

Bored.

Bored.

Something about unicorn hair.

So bored.

I should be writing this down. Concentrate. God, Snape's hair is so greasy!

Honestly though, it's gross.

"And now you may begin." Snape looked over the class, with such a look of disgust, it was almost comical, and sat down at his desk. Oh no. What are we doing? I looked over at Alicia, but she just gave me a dirty look,

"You should've been listening," she hissed.

Great. I looked over at Leanne but she was working so fast it was entirely possible she was on some kind of speed inducing drug. I tried to look behind me, at one of the Hufflepuff's potions subtly, but Snape saw, "Miss Bell, suffering a neck problem?"

"Well, no, sir"

"Five points from Gryffindor. Get back to your potion. You have 10 minutes."

Ok, well I'll just have to wing it.

Detention was quite relaxing, actually.

I managed to write my extra work in very large handwriting covered 5 pages.

Professor Snape seemed preoccupied.

He kept writing things down and then screwing up pieces of parchment and throwing them away.

Maybe he was drafting a Lonely Hearts ad.

Potions teacher, 38 but looks 57, bad hair, Big nose, Bad breath, no social skills, seeks Lady companion for badminton and what follows naturally.

I laughed inwardly for a few minutes, though perhaps a mistake, because it looked like I was imploding. A couple of fifth year Ravenclaws looked a me strangely.

Although thinking about it my own Lonely Hearts ad wouldn't be very tempting either.

"Flibbertygibbet" I said to the fat lady, when I arrived at the entrance to the Gryffindor common room after detention that night.

"BELL"

Oliver looked furious. Though I've never actually seen him anything other than furious. Perhaps pensive, on occasion flustered. Once or twice –

"ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?" he shouted.

"Of course I was!" I really have to stop tuning out. I looked at Oliver; he really didn't look too impressed.

"The game against Hufflepuff is less than two weeks away, and you're missing practises! I really am beginning to question your commitment to this team Bell."

"And I'm beginning to question your commitment to sleeping, eating and living Wood... now if you'll let me through...I've got training for those three."

I pushed my way past him and tore up the stairs to the girl's dormitories.

Alicia and Leanne were chatting animatedly on the floor when I threw the door open.

"Wood?" Leanne asked looking up from the latest copy of TeenWitch.

"Who else! Why is he making such a big deal? I missed one practice! And not by choice! I had a detention!"

Alicia and Leanne looked at each other and smirked.

What's this? They can't have a personal joke! Since when are they allowed to not share?

It's about me isn't it? Oh god. I'm such a loser; my own friends make fun of me. Look at them staring at me. Those two! Well I don't need them –

"I have something that will cheer you up!" Alicia decided, breaking my fierce concentration on giving them both evil glares.

Thank goodness. Because, I was starting to give myself a headache.

"I got some interesting news today."

"Oh. Is that it? How is you getting the daily prophet supposed to cheer me up?" I rolled my eyes.

"No idiot. I heard along the grapevine that someone fancies you!"

"Oh God, this isn't another rumour about Millicent Bullstrode is it? Because that was so not fair on me! And just because she's heaps masculine doesn't mean that – I'm not defending her! It was me who was more affected! Oh the shame!"

"What's wrong with you Katie?" Alicia laughed. "I'm talking of someone of the male species! Someone, cute perhaps. I'm not saying anymore."

"That's so mean Alicia. Don't make stuff like that up; you know I'm completely undesirable. I have to go down to the kitchens now and drown my sorrows with chocolate!"

"Get me some too!" I heard Alicia call as I closed the door to our dormitory, and headed for the kitchens.