Stephenie Meyer owns all of the rights, obviously.
Jake pressed his warm cheek against the top of my hair.
If I turned my face to the side – if I pressed my lips against his bare shoulder... I knew without a doubt exactly what would follow. It would be very easy. There would be no need for explanations tonight.
But could I do it? Could I betray my absent heart to save my pathetic life?
Butterflies assaulted my stomach as I thought about turning my head.
And then, as clearly as if I were in immediate danger, Edward's velvet voice whispered in my ear.
"Be happy," he told me.
– New Moon, page 376.
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I closed my eyes one last time and took a breath. 'This is for you, Edward,' I thought as I pressed my warm, soft lips against Jacob's even warmer shoulder. I felt him tense slightly, then he kissed the top of my head again, pulling gently on my hair; I could tell that he was wrapping it around his finger.
"Bella?" Jacob's husky voice murmured my name, and I pulled my head off his shoulder slowly.
"Yeah?" I replied, casting my eyes down at the floor of the car. I couldn't bring myself to look at him. I was so ashamed for what I'd done. 'This is what you get for listening to that voice in your head that you randomly started to hear, Bella,' I scolded myself.
He gently tipped my chin up with his forefinger. I felt my breath catch in my throat. He brought his soft, warm lips against mine. I smiled into the kiss – my heart felt more there than it had in a long time – but I pulled away gently after a second or two.
"Sorry, I just thought–" Jacob started, but I cut him off.
"No, let me explain," I pleaded, holding my hands up to silence him. I could tell that I had his full, undivided attention. I paused for a short moment to rearrange my thoughts; I had to let him know that I wasn't completely there.
"Jacob, if I told you that there was a way for me to love you... would you take it?"
"Yes," he said without missing a beat.
"But," I added slowly. "I can't... I can't love you like I loved... Edward." I flinched as I said that name. Jacob nodded slowly and reached out a hand to wrap around mine. I felt comforted and able to proceed with what I had to tell him. "I – I – I love you, Jake. Nothing like I loved Edward. A part of me is dead, Jake. I can't give you that part of my heart. But there's a part of my heart that lives when I'm with you.
"I... I want you to know everything before you make your decision, Jacob," I held up a finger to silence his moving lips. He hadn't made a sound, but he was about to. "This is the best love that I can give to you. I'm trying so hard. You make me feel better; you're too good for me, Jacob. I don't deserve the love that you can offer me. You deserve far more than a torn girl who loves your mortal enemy.
"Jake, did you ever wonder why the motorcycle? Why the cliff diving?" I paused as he nodded his head quickly. His warm eyes were still searching mine. I took a deep breath, but I didn't have to cross my arms over my chest this time. "I hear his voice in my head. When I'm about to do something dangerous. He gets mad at me – tries to talk me out of it. But this is right, Jake. He would want me to do this. He spoke to me just now; he told me to 'be happy', as if I remember what that is," I snorted. "But you help me remember," I added sincerely.
"I never thought that I would be happy ever again... not after he left. I couldn't love, I couldn't eat, I wasn't myself... you know how I was. I'm so sorry that I can't give you all of me. Jacob, is what I have to offer enough?"
I looked at him with pleading eyes. I knew how pathetic I looked. I knew how pathetic I sounded. I had just admitted to hearing voices – for God's sake! I tugged gently at Jake's hand, waiting for an answer. What was the worst he could say? No? That might kill me, but I'd keep on living - for Charlie.
"Bella, you're crazy," Jacob muttered. At first, I took these words the wrong way; how could he care for a crazy person?
The next moment, however, his lips were on mine once again.
"Be happy," the velvet voice echoed in my head.
'I am,' was the silent reply.