AN: Warnings for swearing and PTSD. Also, I do not own the Avengers.
Tony knew as soon as he woke up it was going to be a bad day. He woke up in a cold sweat Yensin's name on his lips and Yensin's unseeing eyes seared in his mind. Tony's hand grabbed at his arc reactor, making sure it was still there, his mind flitting to Obadiah tearing it out of his chest. Feeling the warmth of the reactor, he reminded himself that he was in the tower and he was safe.
"JARVIS, what time is it?" Tony rasped.
"It is currently 3:53 am, sir," JARVIS answered curtly. Tony felt a slight soreness near the arc reactor. Honestly, this day just kept getting better. About once every six months he would have extreme pain where the arc reactor was. Almost every day he had some pain, but that was expected seeing as Yensin had to carve out some of his ribs and chest mucles to put it in. Usually Tony would hide in his workshop and stay there until the pain became more bearable, but he had the Avengers living in his tower with him now. It was going to be a lot harder to hide it. He couldn't even hide in his lab like usual. Bruce was almost always working with him.
Tony suppressed a groan as he thought this. Well technically he still had about four or five hours until he had to get up. From experience he knew that this was not very helpful, as the pain got much worse as time went on and sometimes it could be so bad that he would even be unable to stand up. Judging by the soreness in his chest already he knew that hiding this was going to be far from easy. He licked his dry lips.
He sat up as slowly as he could, trying to keep the pain to a minimum. He groaned loudly as he stood up.
"Are you alright sir?" JARVIS asked, a hint of worry in his voice.
"I'll be fine J," Tony shot back. He walked slowly to the elevator.
"Common floor kitchen, J," He said quietly. He would have used his own kitchen but DUM-E had broken the blender in front of the sink and there was glass everywhere. Tony didn't have time to clean it up and he didn't trust DUM-E to do the job right.
As the elevator came to a stop, Tony pulled his shirt away from the reactor. It felt like the skin around it was being rubbed raw. He stepped out of the elevator and over to the sink, not really paying attention to his surroundings. He grabbed a glass from the cupboard and started filling it with water. He saw something move out of the corner of his eye. Startled, he looked at the top of the fridge and saw a heap.
"Clint, why the hell are you always in the weirdest places?! First it was the air vents, now the fridge?"
"I like to be up high," Clint said sleepily.
"But at four in the morning?" Tony asked bewildered.
"Why are you up this early anyway?" Clint asked, deflecting the question entirely.
"I was getting a drink." Tony said gesturing to his half-filled cup. He subtly rubbed the area around his arc reactor. Tony rummaged around the cupboard until he found the bottle of Advil. He shook two out and swallowed them.
"Why are you getting Advil?" Clint questioned from the top of the fridge.
"When did you become so nosy?" Honestly, Tony could have come up with something better but he was running on two hours of sleep and he was in pain.
Tony flinched as a shock of pain made itself present. He rubbed it as Clint hopped off the fridge. Tony made to walk back to the elevator, but Clint grabbed his shoulder.
"Hey, do you want to play some Mario Kart? We both know that neither of us are going back to sleep anytime soon," Clint said.
"No thanks, I've got some work in the lab that needs to get finished," Tony lied easily. Usually he would be more than happy to play, but he didn't know how long he would be able to hide the pain.
"I'll come with you. Didn't you have some new arrows that you wanted to give me?" Damn it, there goes that plan.
"Yeah, sure," Tony said cooly. If he could give Clint the arrows and get him out of there it would be fine.
They rode the elevator down to the lab. The reactor was both icy and boiling at the same time. He wiped his brow.
"Dude, you don't look so good," Clint said.
"I'm fine. I probably just need some sleep," Tony lied again. He needed to be alone. They walked out of the elevator, Tony was walking slower than usual. He typed in the code and the doors opened soundlessly.
"Hey, Bruce what are you doing up this early?" Tony greeted as he walked over to the closet and grabbed the arrows.
"Here you are, now go test them," Clint bounced off happily.
"Can you help me with this?" Bruce asked hopefully. Tony suppressed a sigh. He felt like his chest was going to rip apart. He walked over to Bruce, trying to walk as normally as possible. He went to the large table with chemicals in small bottles all across the top.
"What do you need help with?" Tony half groned.
"Well, I need the-are you okay?" He cut himself off.
"Yeah I'm fine," Tony lied again. Couldn't everyone just leave him alone?
"You are most definitely not. What was the last time you slept?" Bruce was going into his doctor mode.
"Sleep is for the weak. I'll have plenty of time to sleep when I'm dead," Tony replied. He winced as another shot of pain went through his chest.
"Tony, don't be an ass. I'm not going to ask you again. Tell me what is wrong." Tony loved Bruce. He was his science bro, but when he went into doctor mode it was very hard to lie. It was much easier to lie to Clint. Speaking of Clint, the man came bounding in the room.
"These are great. The accuracy is perfect. What the hell did I just walk in on?" He said. Bruce looked over at him.
"There is something wrong with Tony and I can't get him to tell me," Bruce said, glaring at Tony.
"You know you can't win, he's in 'doctor mode'. Just tell him what's wrong and we can all go on our merry way," Clint said shooting a worried look at Tony.
"I told you. It's nothing," Tony's stubbornness was going to be the death of him.
"Start talking or I'll have to get Natasha in here," Clint threatened.
"JARVIS, tell them I'm fine," Tony said to the AI.
"Sir, you are running a slight fever of 100.4° Fahrenheit."
"Traitor," Tony muttered.
"Tony, why didn't you say you weren't feeling good?" Asked Bruce, a sad look etched on his face.
"It isn't a big deal. It happens all the time." He said rubbing his chest again.
"What do you mean? This shouldn't be happening all the time!" Clint yelled.
"Calm down Clint. It's not that big of a deal," Tony wanted to yell back but it felt as if his chest was burning.
"Come on I'll make you some tea," They all made their way to the elevator. Tony walked slowly, trying not to aggravate his chest even more. As they rode in the elevator up to the main kitchen, Tony wondered why they couldn't just leave him alone.
Tony walked over to the counter and slumped on one of the barstools. Bruce busied himself with the kettle and Clint tried to make himself look busy by putting Tony's abandoned cup from earlier in the sink.
"So, other than a fever, how do you feel?" Bruce asked him. Tony was in too much pain to try to avoid the question.
"Dizzy, a bit faint, cold and hot at the same time, a bit of a headache, and I suppose my chest hurts, but that's not unusual," Tony grumbled his head in his hands.
"What do you mean 'that's not unusual'?" Clint spoke up.
"Well when you have a piece of metal that is three inches deep in your chest it tends to hurt sometimes," Tony snapped back.
"Wait, that thing is actually in you? Why would you keep the power unit for the suit in your body?" Clint asked dumbfounded.
Steve and Natasha walked in from the elevator, evidently coming in from their morning run.
"What happened?" Natasha asked shortly. She seemed to have a way of knowing just about everything.
"Tony is sick or something and he wouldn't tell us," Clint told he immediately. Bruce set the cup of tea in front of Tony. He took a sip and sighed.
"I don't have to tell you everything that goes on with me."
"But, we're your teammates and you should tell us when something is wrong," Steve said setting his water bottle on the counter. Tony groaned loudly.
"What's wrong with you?" Natasha asked shortly, her face showed that there was no room for arguing. Tony tapped his arc reactor hopefully. A look of understanding crossed her face. When she was Natalie Rushman she learned many things about Tony, including some of the problems that came with having the arc reactor. Tony winced again as another bolt of pain ran through his torso. It felt as if his chest was on fire. His face was becoming more pale by the minute.
"Tony, can you please tell us what's going on?" Bruce asked.
"Arc reactor," He said shortly. He really didn't want the entire team to know how screwed up he was.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Asked Steve.
"Apparently, the arc reactor is about three inches deep inside his body," Clint said.
"I didn't know that was in you!" Steve yelled.
"That's exactly what I said!" replied Clint. God, if Tony could just get some peace and quiet. Not only was his chest on fire but his head was now pounding.
"Fine," Tony blurted, "you want to know what's wrong with me, do here you go. About twice a year I get this thing where the arc reactor hurts like hell and I can't do anything about it. Happy?"
"Why don't you just take it out?" Steve asked. Tony looked at Natasha, hoping she would answer for him. She gave him a look that said that they would have found it out anyway and she would not do his work for him. He suppressed a moan.
"It's complicated?" his statement came out as more of a question. He glanced again at Natasha. She sent him a glare.
"It keeps shrapnel from shredding up my heart," He said this as if they were just discussing the weather.
"Why do you have shrapnel in your body?" Clint asked.
"A bomb, literally with my name on it, went off too close to me. Haven't you read the files?" He said in the same tone.
"Well seeing as you keep hacking the files, we never know if what we're reading is true and I'm pretty sure you took that part out," Bruce recalled.
"How did you know it was me that hacked the files?" Tony asked, wanting to keep the conversation away from himself.
"Only you would change my name to Green Bean. Don't change the subject," Damn it. Why couldn't they leave it be. He grabbed the edge of the counter harder. He felt as if he was going to fall off the stool.
"Look, they're not going to go away without the full story. You'd better just tell them to get it over with," Tony could've sworn she could read his mind.
"Okay, okay, okay. Afghanistan, a few years ago I was doing a weapons demonstration and it went very wrong. Next thing I know, we're getting shot at and there's a bomb in my face," God he really did not want to think about this. It was almost worse than the different nightmares that he kept having, including the one this morning. "Basically I wake up with a car battery in my chest and a whole bunch of people with my weapons shouting at me in a different language to make a bomb, the Jerico, for them. After about a month I gave in and got some materials, made the arc reactor, and then the first Iron Man suit."
"Oh, I'm sorry," Clint said.
"It's fine, I blew up the whole thing afterwards," Tony replied smoothly.
"If you don't mind I'm going to go back down to the lab. I have some stuff to work on," He made to get up but the pain flashed through his entire body. His vision went black for a moment. He fell back down on the stool, his arms going to clutch his chest.
"Tony! Are you okay?!" Bruce yelled.
"Fine, Jolly Green," He groaned still clutching his chest. He definitely shouldn't have gotten up today. He opened his eyes again and saw most of the team crowded around him, shooting him worried glances.
"What the hell was that?" Clint shouted at him.
"Just stood up too fast," Tony lied.
"Everyone here knows that's not true," Steve said. Bruce reached around and grabbed Tony so he wouldn't fall off the stool.
"Come down to the Med bay, please Tony," Bruce asked pleadingly.
"Nah, let's just take this party to the couch," Tony replied.
"We seriously need to work on your definition of party," Bruce helped Tony get to the couch in in the living room. Tony mumbled something incoherent in response.
"Anybody want to play Mario Kart with me?" Asked Clint hopefully.
"What's a Mario Kart?" Steve whispered to Bruce as he was helping Tony onto the couch.
"Oh my God. You have to teach him," Tony was sprawled on the couch, a hand laying protectively over his arc reactor. "JARVIS, can you get Mario Kart running on the Wii?"
"Yes sir," Natasha, Steve and Clint were sitting on the floor while Bruce opted for the armchair next to the couch.
"Hey, Bruce are you going to play?" Clint asked from the floor.
"I'm good. It makes me angry. Somebody should go over the rules for Steve."
"Oh, yeah," After Clint and Natasha were done going over how the game worked they picked their characters. Steve got Toad. Natasha picked Yoshi and Clint picked Bowser. Once they had all picked their carts they sat quietly, waiting for the game to start. Soon enough Steve got the hang of it and was in third place. By the second game he was in third right behind Natasha, who was in first and Clint, who was in second. By the third round he had managed to get in front of Clint. Nobody understood how he had gotten so good so fast. It must've been the superhuman stuff. Almost to the finish line and Clint shot a blue shell at him.
"Shit!" Steve clapped a hand to his mouth and flushed.
"Did I just hear the great Captain America swear? Over Mario Kart? I must be dead." Tony gasped in surprise, one hand still over his chest. Everybody was staring at Steve. He looked just as surprised as them.
"You guys do know that I was in the army, right?"
"Yes but the Great Captain America?" Clint said in mock horror. Bruce was next to Tony laughing softly. Tony looked at everybody else and then they all burst out laughing. As soon as Tony did his vision blacked out and the only thing he knew was pain.
"Tony, are you okay?" Bruce stood up quickly shook Tony's shoulder. A light moan came from Tony. His eyes fluttered. He looked up at Bruce.
"'m okay," He slurred. God, his chest hurt.
"Stop saying that," Clint chastised.
"I'm fine, go back to Mario Kart," Tony said, stronger this time.
Tony, if you say you're fine one more time I will set the Other Guy on you," It was an empty threat and they all knew it."
"I guess I'm a bit tired," He said. Bruce wordlessly moved closer and put Tony's head in his lap. The other Avengers turned back around and started playing another game of Mario Kart.
Six games of Mario Kart and much swearing from Clint later, Tony shifted, his pale face frowning. He was having a nightmare.
*In Tony's dream*
There was the police officer in the doorway, telling Tony that his mother and father were dead. Next, He was greeted by the sight of Yensin sawing into his chest. Then, there was the waterboarding, the wires in his chest sparking. He was building the first Iron Man with the scraps he had. He was holding Yensin's bullet riddled body with him telling Tony not to waste his life. Then his eyes went cold.
"Yensin!" Tony screamed for the second time today. He shot up. Immediately, he fell back down, feeling like needles were being forced into his chest.
"Tony, calm down. You're safe. You're at the tower, remember?" Bruce soothed. Tony nodded shaking. He looked around and saw the avengers all staring at him. He was fine with Bruce comforting him and seeing him in this state. There had been many times where one of them would fall asleep in the lab only to be woken up by a nightmare. However, seeing the rest of the Avengers staring at him was extremely unnerving.
"Sorry," He mumbled, looking anywhere but at the other people in the room. Not only did they get to see him hurt, but now they saw him wake up from something as stupid as a nightmare.
"Well, with the shit we've all been through, you expect a few nightmares. We're not judging you," Clint said.
"Couldn't have put it better myself," Steve agreed.
"If you don't mind me asking, who is Yensin?" Clint questioned. Natasha gave Tony another look that told him that if he didn't tell, he would never hear the end of it.
"Yensin," his voice was tight as he said the name, "was the person that was with me in Afghanistan. He's the reason I'm alive."
"Where is he now?" Steve inquired.
"He died to save me. The suit wasn't done yet and we needed time. He gave his life for me," Tony croaked.
"I'm very sorry," Steve offered. Tony sat up slowly as he could, pain threatening to make him pass out.
"I'm starving," Clint said. Tony silently thanked him for changing the subject. "Hey, Steve can you make those really good hamburgers again?" Clint looked hopeful.
"It's eleven o'clock in the morning."
"Well yeah, but we didn't have breakfast," Clint motioned to Bruce, Tony and himself.
"That just makes it worse. Why would you want hamburgers for breakfast?" Steve remarked.
"Don't question the ways of the Amazing Hawkeye," Clint answered.
"Well, if you don't cut down, you will be the Amazingly Fat Hawkeye," Tony joked from his spot on the couch.
"Well I'm doing better than you. At least I eat something other than coffee," He retorted in the same joking manner.
"I eat more than coffee. I sometimes order pizza," Tony shot back.
"Stop bickering. I'm making a grilled cheese sandwich. Do you guys want any?" Steve made his way to the stove and took out the ingredients. He started making sandwiches for everyone. If they didn't want one he would eat it. Wasting food is bad and he had super metabolism.
Everyone started to make their way to help with the sandwiches except Tony and Bruce who stayed on the couch. Tony made to get up too, but the pain in his chest almost made him blackout again.
"How about I bring your sandwich to you?" Bruce suggested. Tony nodded sadly. He hated sympathy. It was all he got after his parents died. Clint walked over a grilled cheese sandwich in his hand. The smell made Tony want to throw up. He slowly laid back on the couch, trying as hard as he could to ignore the smell of the slightly burnt, cheese sandwich.
"You're looking a little green over there. Not you Bruce," He said when Bruce looked up. Bruce walked over to the couch and looked at Tony for any sign of what was causing him to look so sick.
"I think that I'm going to skip the sandwich," Tony moaned, his eyes closed.
"Clint, take your sandwich to the table. Honestly, do you have a shred of common sense?" Bruce looked totally exhausted. Tony felt a stab of guilt for keeping him up. If they hadn't had to deal with his problems, they all could be doing what they wanted instead of having to deal with him.
"Honestly, you guys don't have to do this. I'd be fine on my own. I've done it before," he admitted.
"We're not going to leave you here if that's what you mean. To be honest, I don't think you can sit up again, let alone walk," Clint chimed in while making his way to the table. He was probably right, but Tony didn't want to admit that.
"Do you want to watch a movie?" Steve called from the kitchen. "I think it's Clint's turn to pick."
"I dare you to pick Brave," Tony goded.
"Okay, fine. Brave," Clint declared to the rest of the room. "JARVIS, can you pull up Brave?" He asked the AI.
"Pulling it up now, sir," JARVIS said in his extremely human-like voice. The rest of the Avengers came into the room grilled cheese sandwiches in hand.
"Bruce said we're not allowed to have our sandwiches on the couch," Clint pouted. Tony who was looking more green than ever, shot Bruce a thankful look.
"Why?" Steve asked, "We always have food on the couch."
"Bucket, bucket!" Tony yelled as loud as he could, the hand on his arc reactor moving to his stomach. Natasha moved with lightning fast reflexes, diving for the trash can. Natasha had just got the can next to Tony, when he started emptying the small amount of food that was still in his stomach.
"That is why we aren't eating on the couch," Bruce said, pointing at the small form of Tony hunched over the trash can. He couldn't breathe. The pain in his chest making him see black spots. He grabbed Bruce's arm, trying to tell him silently that he was about to faint. Bruce turned around just in time to see Tony fall sideways off the couch.
Bruce snapped into 'doctor mode'. "Steve, take him to the med bay," The small group of people walked quickly to the elevator. All of them crammed in the small space. JARVIS, who seemed to have heard the conversation, took them to the med bay. They all stepped out of the confined area. Tony's lay limp in Steve's arms. They rushed into the infirmary. Steve deposited Tony on an empty bed. Bruce went to work setting Tony up to the machines.
"Natasha, when you were spying on him, did this ever happen?" Clint questioned.
"No, the only reason I knew about it was from Pepper, but the only reason she knew was because she found him passed out on one of his tables," She replied, her face not showing only a mild interest.
"Isn't that somewhat normal for Tony?" Steve asked.
"Not with a fever," She replied shortly.
"All that time spying on him and that's all you've got?" Clint asked incredulously. "Sorry, sorry," He apologised after a murderous glare from Natasha.
"It's my job to know people's secrets," She replied shortly. Bruce finished with the machines.
"We should call Pepper," Steve suggested.
"We should've done that hours ago," Bruce stated. "JARVIS, can you call Pepper and inform her of the situation?" He inquired the AI.
"Yes sir, calling Pepper Potts now," He responded. A few moments later a video popped up on one of Tony's many screens, showing the worried face of Pepper.
"Is Tony okay?" She asked immediately.
"I'm not really sure. We don't have much information to go on. He passed out a few minutes ago," Bruce informed her.
"I don't know much more than you do. He usually just stays in his workshop when this happens. I do know that he has really bad nightmares when this happens. I think that the pain in the reactor triggers all the memories that he tries to push to the back of his mind. I hope that helps somewhat. I'm sorry but I need to get back to my meeting. Look after him," She stated quickly.
"Well, that didn't help much. I guess we'll just have to ask him when he wakes up," Clint commented.
"He's not going to be happy about that," Bruce muttered. They all nodded in agreement. Tony was the most stubborn person they have ever met.
"It looks like he'll be sleeping for a while. All of us don't need to be here. I'll stay here. You should go watch the movie," Bruce suggested. The other Avengers nodded and walked out of the room.
Once the room was quiet Bruce looked at Tony. His eyes were moving under his lids. He was frowning slightly. It looked like he was having another nightmare. Bruce just wished that he could help somehow.
*In Tony's dream*
He had just made his first circuit board. He was so proud of himself. The family butler, Jarvis, came in bearing a cup of tea. The small Tony bouncing up to greet him. He bounded over to the butler.
"Jarvis, Jarvis look what I made!" He shouted happily.
"What do you have there, young sir?" He asked in his british accent.
"It's a circuit board. Dad's going to be so proud," He said to the older man. "I'm going to go show him," Small four year old Tony decided.
"That would be inadvisable. Your father is busy in his office at the moment," Jarvis explained.
"He will want to see this. You'll see," Young Tony declared. He raced down the hall and almost fell down the stairs. Jarvis was walking smoothly after him. He ran to the large oak door that marked his father's office. He reached up and knocked on the expensive door.
"Come in," His father called. Tony bounced into the room.
"Look, dad. Look what I made," He gushed.
"What is this?" Howard grumbled, maps spread out all over his desk.
"It's a circuit board, daddy," Tony exclaimed. He bounced on his heels, almost bursting from excitement.
"You are much too old to be calling me 'daddy'. Also you have wired this wrong. This red wire is supposed to go over the white one. Come back when you have something better to show me. Hopefully something that could find Steve," He chided looking back down at the many maps scattered across his desk.
Little Tony's eyes filled with tears. He sniffled. Howard looked up sharply at the sound of Tony crying. "Stark's do not show weakness. Remember, Stark men are made of iron," He reprimanded, once again looking down at his desk. Tony dried his eyes and picked up his circuit board. He walked dejectedly out of the office, almost running into Jarvis, who had been standing outside. He reached his arms up in a silent motion for a hug. Jarvis kneeled down, and picked up the small child.
They walked silently back to Tony's room. They dropped the circuit board on the bed and went to the kitchen. Jarvis put Tony on a stool and wordlessly grabbed the hot chocolate mix from the cupboard. He had just started the kettle when Tony's mother walked in.
She spotted Tony's slightly red eyes. "Figlio, cosa c'è che non va?" She asked. Tony grew up bilingual, seeing as his mother's first language was italian.
"Sto bene." He sniffed. His mother hugged him.
*End dream*
Tony groggily opened his eyes. He saw a worried Bruce standing over him.
"I didn't know you spoke Italian." Bruce said calmly.
"What? How did you know that? What happened?" Tony croaked looking around at the white room.
"To answer the first question you talk in your sleep. To answer the second you vomited, then passed out. Speaking of, how are you feeling?" He questioned, looking for any hint of pain from Tony.
"Sorry. I'll be fine. Did you give me drugs?" He asked seeing the IV in his elbow.
"Only some painkillers and some anti-nausea. Don't change the subject. How do you feel?" His tone held no room for arguing.
"Considering everything, I feel pretty good. A bit of a headache, I guess," Tony answered honestly.
"That's expected. So where did you learn Italian?" Bruce asked.
"Mom's first language was Italian. Why?" He questioned.
"Well seeing as you just passed out for about an hour and a half, we're not going anywhere anytime soon. I might as well ask some questions," Bruce answered truthfully.
"Look, Green Bean I'm fine," He reasoned."
"Yeah, I bet you could get up and run a marathon," Bruce shot back. Bruce was actually very sarcastic, he just had to warm up to you first.
"Can we at least go upstairs. I'm bored," Tony stated.
"How can you get bored so fast? You know what, nevermind. The rest of the team should be finishing Brave if you want to go see the rest of it," Bruce told him.
"Yes, please. Anything to get me out of here," He replied. Bruce started unhooking the machines. Tony sat up slowly, knowing that if he would sit up too fast he would probably vomit again. He stood up swaying slightly. Bruce hurried over.
"Here, lean on me," Bruce suggested.
"I'm fine," Tony said shortly.
"If you're so fine, stop swaying," Bruce shot at him.
"Okay, you win," Tony decided. He put his arm around the shorter man, allowing him to help him to the elevator. They rode up to the living room, Bruce holding most of Tony's weight. As they entered the room, the rest of the Avengers turned around.
"So you're okay now?" Clint questioned as Merida ran along on a horse in the background.
"Yeah, I'll be fine," Tony replied, laying back on a vacant couch.
Tony had his legs over Bruce's. He had grown up with only his robots for company. He was very happy to have this small dysfunctional family.
The End
The Italian translates to "What's wrong?" and "I'm fine." If that's wrong please tell me, I got it straight from Google Translate, as I don't speak Italian. Honestly, if you see anything wrong please give me a shout. Please review, it makes me very happy and tells me what I'm doing right and wrong. Honestly, no one reads these things, so I'm going to end it there. Thank you for reading.