Disclaimer: I don't own TNT, the tv show Perception or the character Daniel J. Pierce.
Perception
Daniel was standing in the courtyard when he saw her talking to Lewicki. She sat next to him, they talked and then she handed him a book. A rather large book. "Now why would she be giving him a book? And what business does he have with her?" he mused aloud. Daniel was watching his girlfriend (if she still called herself that) Stella talking with his assistant. He didn't know why. They had nothing in common, except him. Well, they were both African-Americans. Okay, two things.
He wandered over to his favorite bench and watched them. The conversation didn't look too intense. She looked to be explaining something to him in detail. "Oh, maybe he'll tell me later." He reached into his bag to retrieve his walkman to listen to some Beethoven. The melodic lines reminding him of the first time he saw her. Daniel was walking the campus and she was teaching a community dance class out in the courtyard. Stella was so graceful and fluid in her movements. It was as if she was floating. She wasn't a ballerina but just as graceful. The rhythm of the djimbe (African drums) echoed through the air. The harmony of the voices captured his attention as did her movements. Daniel stood there, jaw nearly touching the ground. The words "poetry in motion", angelic even, entered his thoughts.
Her hair shone in the sun as it swung with her movements. Her beautiful mocha skin glowed in the sun. Her smile at the joy of everything around her warmed his heart. For the first time in his life, he felt he needed to know who she was. Her name, her occupation. How did she move like that. But he couldn't. Not that he didn't have the time, but he wasn't ready. And just as quickly as his heart convinced him to meet her, his brain convinced him otherwise.
But he did meet her. The very next afternoon and not of his own doing. Dean Haley demanded his presence at a university tea, a fundraiser that Sunday afternoon. Daniel went, intending to give the university powers that be an hour of his time, then he was going to leave. Paul caught him just as he thought he was making a clean getaway.
"Daniel! Daniel!" The professor groaned and slowly turned around.
"Dean Paul Haley, I was just about to leave."
"I know, I know but I want you to meet someone." And there she was. "Dr. Daniel Pierce, I would like for you to meet Dr. Stella Baker." She put forth her hand and Daniel hesitated, stumped by her beauty. She was even more gorgeous up close and personal.
"Dr. Pierce, it's such an honor to meet you. I've read several of your books. And please call me Stella." He just stood there. Dean looked at his colleague and whispered his name as he nudged him with his elbow.
"Oh, I'm sorry Dr. Bake-"
"Stella."
"Stella, pleasure to meet you. I saw you dancing in the courtyard yesterday, correct?"
"Yes, yes you did. I hoped you enjoyed it." Daniel's shyness returned and he couldn't reveal his mind.
"Stella is on loan to our English and African-American Studies departments to teach African-American Poetry. We're trying to convince her to join our faculty full time."
"Oh really?" Daniel asked. "I'm sure our university would be lucky to have you. Are you sure she's headed for the right department though?" The dean looked at Daniel, thinking he was about to insult her intelligence and tried to cut him off.
"What-"
"I mean the way she was dancing yesterday you'd think she was a dance professor." Paul sighed a huge sigh of relief.
"Oh that," Stella replied. "Dancing is my hobby. I started to major in dance but I changed my mind." Daniel was intrigued.
"May I ask why?"
"I loved poetry more."
"I imagine you excel in both."
"I try." Daniel felt himself about to ramble and he wanted to escape. A student came over to the dean to call him away for a moment.
"Ah, would you two please excuse me? Something needs my attention. In the mean time, Stella, Daniel would be an excellent person to tell you more about the university."
"You mean more than you've already told me?"
"Of course. You haven't really had the chance to hear our university experience from a fellow professor. A different perception could make all the difference." Daniel stood dumbfounded as his colleague scurried off. He could feel his inadequacies rise. How was he supposed to have a conversation with her without looking like a fool? Or drooling over her looks? Her sweet melodic voice broke the silence.
"So, shall we sit?" Daniel looked around the room brimming with professors, alumni, and students.
"Actually, do you mind if we go somewhere else? I'm not a fan of crowds."
"I don't mind. Please, lead the way." They left the tea and walked to the courtyard.
Daniel smiled as he thought about that first conversation. He was surprised at how at ease Stella made him feel. He was able to calm his mind and talk to her. Make no mistake; he was still nervous but it was a good nervous. If there was such an animal. The conversation carried on until they noticed dusk was approaching.
"I'm sorry, I didn't realize I'd kept you out here so long."
"Oh don't apologize. I've enjoyed every minute of it." Stella had a warm smile on her face that made Daniel warm on the inside.
"Really? Because I feel like I've been rambling on and on."
"If I thought you were rambling I would have stopped you." They both laughed.
"Please let me walk you to your car." They headed toward the parking lot and once they arrived at her car, Stella made what she thought would be a great suggestion.
"We should do this again."
"What? Talk?" he asked.
"Yes. And maybe over lunch or dinner."
"Uh...sure. Lunch. Lunch is good. We all have to eat right?" Stella could sense his hesitation.
"Did I say something wrong? I hope I didn't."
"No, no, no. You didn't. I'm just socially awkward. But I guess you figured that out."
"Yes, but it's ok Daniel. You don't have to pretend to be something you're not around me." An awkward pause developed between them. "So, I'll call your office tomorrow?"
"Sure."
"It really was wonderful to meet you Daniel."
"Same here." He helped her into her car then watched her drive off.
For the rest of that night he fretted over having lunch with her. Dr. Caroline Newsome came to speak with him. She was his "therapist" whenever he needed to talk.
"How hard can it be? It's just lunch. You just spent a few hours talking with the lovely woman. You enjoyed it, right?" He looked at Caroline. To anyone else it would have appeared that he was looking at and talking to the wall. Then he looked back down at the floor.
"Yes, I did." He stuffed his hands in his pants and began to pace. "I really did."
"So why the hesitation?"
"I don't know. I just...there's something about her."
"What about her? What did you feel?" He made several attempts to form words but couldn't.
"Caroline, I can honestly say that I can't describe the way she made me feel."
Monday came and Stella called. Daniel let the voice-mail pick it up. Then listened to it later. She called on Tuesday and got the voice-mail again. Wednesday brought the same result. Daniel really did feel bad about accepting her invite then avoiding her. Thursday he saw Stella sitting in the courtyard enjoying a cup of coffee and a book by herself. He hid behind trees and students so she wouldn't see him. He watched her for a bit. Stella really was beautiful. He started to go over to her.
"Maybe I shouldn't disturb her."
"Why not go over there? You know you want to." Caroline piped in.
"Yeah..."
"So go." Daniel sighed deeply.
"Umm...not yet."
The week had finished and started again before he decided he could call her. To his surprise (or relief) he got her voice-mail.
"Hi Stella. It's Daniel. Um, I'm sorry about last week. It just wasn't a good week for me. I uh..." He couldn't finish his thought and he hung up, hoping that his message wouldn't be left, not realizing that it had. Stella's heart hurt for the professor. She had family members who suffered with the same problems Daniel had. So she understood more than most what he was going through. If he would just open up a little to her, he could see that. She could be a safe place for him.
The day after he called he had a breakdown. It was a small one but a breakdown none the less. Within a couple of weeks he was back to teaching. A few days after his return she called to check on him. She was very surprised to hear his voice, not his voice-mail on the other end.
"Daniel Pierce?"
"Daniel? Hi, it's Stella. I didn't expect for you to answer the phone. I was prepared to leave you a message."
"I don't normally answer, Lewicki does. But he's out to lunch. I thought I'd take advantage of the quiet. How are you?"
"I'm fine. I was actually calling to check on you, see how you're doing."
"So you heard?"
"Yes I did."
"I'm better. It just depends on the day you know?"
"Yes, I understand. I'm glad things are okay."
"Yea. I have the meds and even though we don't always agree, I have to give in to them and let them work a little."
"I know. Daniel, I would really like to sit down and talk with you, get to know you better."
"Stella, I'm just not sure abo-"
"I am Daniel. Please trust me on this." She could feel his contemplation through the phone. "We could have dinner. We could go where you're comfortable. Or I could cook for you."
"Do you like to cook?" She cheerfully laughed.
"Yes, another one of my hobbies. And I'm great at it. Name your favorite and I can make it." The professor thought a moment.
"I like pasta, but not mushy pasta...cooked just right. And chicken marsala. And chocolate chip cookies. The nice chewy kind."
"Okay. So when can I make this for you?"
"Is Friday good for you?"
"Friday is great for me. Should I come to your place? You don't live far from me." Daniel almost said yes but then remembered if he needed to leave, he'd have nowhere to go; he'd already be at home.
"Would you be okay when me coming to your house? That way if I should need to leave..."
"I understand. Yes, that's fine. What time would you like to come over?"
"After five?"
"Sounds great!"
"Ok. Friday after five then."
Daniel paced in this bedroom for what seemed like two hours, (it was actually fifteen minutes) wondering what he should wear. Normally he wouldn't care; impressing people was never a huge priority on his list. Tonight was different. This was Stella and she wasn't normal. She was different, classy and elegant. And beautiful. Can't forget beautiful.
"It's just dinner are her house." Lewicki said. "I think she will be happier that you're there with her, not whether you have on a tie and what color it is." Daniel gave his assistant an annoyed look.
"So blue plaid then?" he asked, holding up the shirt. Now Max gave him him an annoyed look.
"Really? If you were just going to pick the first shirt you pulled out of the closet why ask for my opinion? I could've stayed downstairs."
"Well, I did ask for your opinion. And you did give it to me."
"That I did. And on that note, have a good time."
The clock on the kitchen wall read ten minutes after five when Stella heard her doorbell ring. Daniel had decided to wear a gray sweater over his blue plaid shirt with his blue jeans. He didn't think she would mind the jeans. He did have a moment of second-guessing but decided it was too late for that. Stella had seen him arrive when she walking from room to room. She resisted the urge to open the door before he rang the bell. So she let him pace and ring the bell when he was ready. When he finally did, she happily greeted him and welcomed him into her home. Their relationship started that night over dinner and dessert (chocolate chip cookies of course).
In the next few months of their relationship Daniel found himself leaving Stella little notes of prose and poetry; some he had written himself. Inspired by her and her words of encouragement towards him. She inturn would leave him soft, chocolate chip cookies. And snicker-doodles for Max, so he wouldn't feel left out.
Daniel expected her to lose interest after a few months of getting to know him and being with him. Especially after a few mini episodes. It was then that Stella decided to tell him why she understood him so well.
"Daniel, I understand you because I know what you've gone through. I've been there."
"You're not schizophrenic. You don't talk to people who aren't there. You don't have bouts when you feel like you're're loosing your mind."
"No, but I have lived with and loved people who have." This peaked his interest. "My dad is schizophrenic. So was my grandfather, my uncle, one of my cousins and one of my brothers." He was shocked.
"All of them with mental illnesses?" Stella nodded. "All males?"
"Yes. And we know its probably hereditary. As a girl I used to think I would lose my mind when I turned twenty-one because that's all I ever heard family members say. 'When so-and-so turned twenty-one he lost his mind'. There are so many other male family members I never met who went through it but I witnessed it happening to my brother and cousin. I felt to sorry for my grandmother. She saw it happen to her brother, husband and her son." Daniel shook his head in disbelief. "You don't have to shy away from me. I'm able to handle it, go through it with you. Whatever you need, please let me know."
"What did you did? I mean that's a lot of people in one family." She sighed.
"Basically to get them back on their meds. After a few weeks everything would be back to their version of normal."
"Like me."
"Exactly. There wasn't much help for my grandfather though. By the time there was medicine that could really help he was too old for it to be effective. But for everyone else, a few months of adjusting and all was well."
"Just like me. As much as modern medicine helps its the side effects that get us. I hate that fog feeling, that feeling like I'm swimming with weights on. I can't hear myself," he said pointing to his heart. "It clouds everything." Those words saddened Stella.
"Stan, my brother, used to say the same thing before..."
"Before what?"
"Before he committed suicide."
"Oh, Stella I didn't know. I'm sorry to hear that." She patted his hand.
"Thanks. It happened almost fifteen years ago now. He was twenty-five. He'd had problems off and on while we were kids but he managed well. Then at twenty-one it happened. My parents had to get him from school, in the middle of the semester. He was out a year after that. Stan eventually graduated only to kill himself two years later. At the time I remember being so mad at him, mad because he didn't stay to fight it. I understood it better after years of watching my dad decline. He just wanted it to stop. Daddy wasn't the same after Stan died."
"No one rarely is."
"And it became worse because Stan became one of my dad's voices."
"What? Like a haunting?"
"I guess you could say that. Daddy said those were some of the best conversations he and my brother ever could have had."
"Wow."
Once Daniel knew Stella's family history with mental illness, he was able to let his guard down more and become intimate. Physically intimate and fall in love. It started with handholding while walking or watching tv. This led to minor snuggling one rainy afternoon while listening to Shubert. At first he was afraid to kiss her lips, cheeks and hands weren't a problem. Stella sensed that so one day when he was rambling she just did it. At least he stopped rambling. Shocked as he was, he kissed back. Her lips were soft and inviting, like her heart. And for the first time in a long time, Daniel J. Pierce got lost in a kiss. Her hands came up to cradle the back of his head as he leaned into the kiss. Opening his heart, he opened his lips, only stopping for air. Eyes still closed, he smiled a deep soul-satisfying smile. And when he opened his eyes, an equally deep soul-satisfying smile was smiling back at him.
Kisses led to more intimate moments like the first time they made love. Stella had told Daniel that she didn't mind waiting for him. He insisted that he was ready and he proved to be a very skillful and attentive lover. Daniel was the best lover that Stella had ever had, always leaving her beyond satisfied. At times her body would ache for his touch, especially when he was having an episode. Which made her cherish their lovemaking even more.
When Daniel thought Stella was sleeping, he would sometimes talk to Caroline. Many times she listened. She didn't mind their conversations; she couldn't do anything about them anyway. And from what she could tell the conversations were helpful. Then there were times he would sneak out in the middle of the night to meet Kate when he had a solution to the case he was assisting her with. He would sneak back into her arms, as if he had just taken a trip to the bathroom. Stella knew. She and Kate had talked about it. But Daniel didn't have to know that.
He loved the fact that he could sometimes wake her up with gentle kisses and caresses. Early morning lovemaking became his favorite. Her mocha skin always looked radiant against the sheets, it didn't matter if it was his bed or hers. Even though they had showered together he still had no idea how she kept her skin so soft. Stella's body would envelope him; the passion of their love was like nothing either of them had ever experienced. Those moments that their bodies were coming down from their high, she would card her fingers through his slightly damp hair. And he would melt into her embrace again.
Then there were nights that led to their current predicament. Neither of them had any protection that night but because Stella had been told as as young woman that she couldn't have children so they didn't think this one time without protection would be a problem. She sat in shock in the exam room at her doctor's office as she heard the results of her blood work. Blood pressure was good, cholesterol was good, oh and she was pregnant. Stella was overjoyed because she thought she would have to adopt children. Now she wouldn't have to. She just didn't know how Daniel would receive it. She stopped by his house on her way home to tell him the good news only to find out from Max that he'd had a mini episode between classes and that he was resting.
"It's not a good day Stella."
"What happened?"
"I'm not sure. He was in the cafeteria when it happened. I'm heading back out in a few minutes to continue his office hours. We're approving topics for papers this week." Stella frowned.
"I know he can't control this but I don't need this right now." She said as she tried to fight back tears.
"Why? Is something wrong?"
"I just left the doctor's office and I need to talk to Daniel. It's so important and...oh my god he might not be able to handle it right now." She leaned against the door jamb for support.
"Are you ok? You're not sick are you?" Stella hesitated. If she couldn't't tell Daniel, telling him would be the next best thing.
"No, I'm not sick. You're the first person to hear this Max. I'm pregnant." The graduate teaching assistant wasn't quite sure what to say.
"Wow. Congratulations Stella. To both of you."
"Thank you. It's very unexpected but I'm happy. I just hope Daniel will feel the same way."
"Of course he would," Max assured. "Why wouldn't he?"
"I have this sinking feeling that he won't." And she was correct.
It took about two weeks for Daniel to recover and Stella waited patiently for him to began his version of normal before she told him. He didn't answer his calls for a week, except for working with Kate. He didn't answer any e-mails and he would avoid her if he saw her in person. She didn't know why. Max swore that he didn't say a word. How could he? It wasn't his news to tell.
"Let me know what I can do to help." Stella asked Max to encourage Daniel to talk to her.
One Saturday afternoon Daniel showed up at the house, as if nothing had happened. As if he hadn't't been avoiding her for the last few weeks. She invited him in. They hugged and kissed and as they did so Daniel sensed something was wrong between them.
"Are you okay? I know I've been out of pocket and shut you out a bit. I'm sorry about that. I'm better and I hope everything is alright between us." Stella took his hand and led him to the couch.
"I hope it will be when I share my good news. Our good news."
"We have good news? Okay, let's hear it." She sighed deeply to brace herself.
"A few weeks ago, I wasn't feeling well so I made an appointment to see my doctor. She was going over my blood work with me and told me that I'm pregnant. We're going to be parents Daniel. What do you think about that?" He was speechless with his jaw dropping from shock. His lips tried to form words but nothing came out. "I know, I was shocked too. All these years I've been told that I couldn't bare children and now here I am. Here we are."
"Preg...pregnant?"
"Yes, aren't you excited? I think it's wonderful news."
"Parents?"
"Yes, we're going to be parents. A perfect little combination of you and me." She said as she placed both of their hands on her abdomen. The expectant mother couldn't hold in her joy. She was beaming and glowing. Daniel's only emotion was shock. He began to violently shake his head.
"No, no, no." He jerked his hands back and jumped up. "No! I...can't...I can't be a parent. NO!"
"Daniel honey, calm down." He began to pace. "Come on, let's sit down and talk about it ok?"
"We can't do this. I can't do this. I can't be a parent." Stella stood.
"What do you mean you can't do this? Of course you can, we can. We have nine months to prepare and any parent will tell you that you don't learn everything right away." He turned away from her. She touched his arm. "We can do this together." Daniel jerked away from her.
"No, I can't. I don't know how to take care of a baby!"
"We'll learn honey."
"What if...what if I pass this on? It runs in your family, what if you pass it on? There's an overwhelming chance that this child will have a double..."
"Double what Daniel?"
Double, maybe even triple dose of crazy."
"Daniel, how can you say that?! You have no idea-"
"Yes, we do!"
"We have no-"
"Yes we do Stella! And you know w-"
"We don't know what this baby's potential is. He or she may not have any mental illness at-"
"Yeah right!" He looked at her. "Stella, you've been through this. You know this, you know what I go through. Why in the hell would you bring someone into this world knowing what is waiting them?" She was appalled at his statement.
"Daniel!"
"Oh come on Stella! I'm not saying anything a doctor who knows the whole story wouldn't say. We already know this disease has no cure. We already know the loneliness, the breakdowns...the...the sigmatism. The constant gossip."
"Anybody could go through anything at any time Daniel. But people still have children. We just don't know."
"We know schizophrenia. We know the worst of the worst. And because we know, we can't do this."
"This is our child we're talking about. Our baby." Daniel continued to vehemently shake his head.
"No! We can't do this."
"Then what do you suppose I do?" Daniel was silent. "Daniel?"
"Well, you could..."
"I could what?" Again she was appalled. "Surely you're not talking about abortion?"
"What? You asked."
"Daniel!" Stella was now in tears. She couldn't even fight them. "This baby is a miracle for me. For years I was told I couldn't have children. Told before I was even sure I wanted children. And now I'm pregnant." She stepped closer to him. "This is our baby. A baby that will have our features, inherit our intellect, a baby that will have every single chance we can afford to give him or her. As a mother, how can I deny my child the best? As a father, how could you?" Daniel stepped back and began searching for his coat.
"I never asked to be a father." He picked up his coat. "I have to get outta here."
"Daniel wait! We need to talk about this." He headed for the door and she ran after him. But it seemed like he and his bike hopped of the porch, and he sped away. She called after him several times, but her pleas fell on deaf ears.
Once he made it home, Daniel tore into the house. He was frantically pacing and talking, almost yelling a loud. Max rushed downstairs after he heard a second door slam. He peeked into the office to see what he might be in for. He watched the professor for a few minutes, then took a deep breath and entered.
"Daniel?"
"How could she do it? How could she? Huh?!" Max had the feeling he knew what was going on but he asked anyway just in case this was different.
"Who is she and what did she do?"
"Stella."
"Okay...what did she do?"
"She got pregnant. That's what she did. Pregnant! Can you believe that?!"
"Well, I'm assuming she didn't wasn't alone in the act of creating the baby."
"Of course I was there. But she wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant. I can't raise a baby Lewicki. Me? A baby?"
"Well, wouldn't you raise it together?" Daniel shook his head.
"With my mental illness and with what runs in her family, how can we be sure the baby is sane?"
"You can't. There's no way of knowing."
"Exactly. We. Can't. Know. And I can't bring a baby into this world knowing my own disposition could be awaiting this child."
"What does Stella say?"
"She wants the baby."
"And you don't?" Daniel was silent, and then replied,
"I have a headache. I'm going to lie down."
Max couldn't even begin to imagine what Stella was going through. Daniels's bedroom was quiet, the house was quiet and was probably going to stay that way for the rest of the night. Before he went to bed he called Stella to check on her. She answered the phone quickly thinking it was Daniel.
"Daniel?"
"No, it's Max. Sorry, I didn't mean to alert you. I'm using the house phone because my battery just died."
"Max is Daniel ok?"
"I'm not sure. I guess he is. It's very quiet. He's been in a bed for a while. I left him some dinner in the fridge in case he gets hungry. I actually called to check on you. How are you doing?" He could hear the quiver in her voice.
"I've been crying ever since he left. I thought he would be as happy and excited as I am. If he can't be on board with this pregnancy I don't know what I'll do Max."
"I'm so sorry things turned out this way Stella. I know this isn't what you wanted but it could still turn itself around."
"I don't see how."
"Give Daniel some time. You've know him long enough to know that it takes a while for him to adapt to change. Maybe he just needs to let it marinate and adjust to it."
"We have a little less than nine months. I never anticipated being a single mom."
"Let's give him some room and maybe you won't have to be."
Two months had passed and Stella's first trimester has ended. There was no turning back now. All she could do was pray that Daniel wanted to be a family. But she had to come up with a plan just in case. She began reaching out to Daniel, not receiving any answers. Max said he would try talking to Daniel. When he did, the conversation didn't go much further than the students in the classroom. Daniel just refused to listen and Max didn't want to complicate matters.
Stella had almost given up on him but she had one last thing to do. One afternoon she sought him out. The office was empty as well as the classroom. Eventually she found him talking with students in the courtyard. She waited patiently for them to leave, all the while the anxiety of her speech building. Dean Haley had come up to talk to him (apparently he had been waiting too) but she had to sneak in first.
"Daniel," she said. When he saw her he started to turned towards Paul. "Daniel please. Look at me." He turned to her and for the first time he saw her baby bump. Paul was shocked as well. He didn't know she was pregnant.
"Uh, maybe I should find you later Daniel," he suggested.
"No don't," she said. "I'll only be a minute." She turned back to her boyfriend. "Daniel, I know this is a lot to deal with. Its a lot for me too." The tears began to flow. "I can't force you to be a father when you're not ready to be. I promise I won't take you to court or anything. I love you and I know you love me. I love our baby and I pray one day that you will love him or her too. We're you're family and when you ready, we're here. We don't need your money, we just need you. So when you're ready..." She kissed his cheek and whispered "we love you". It was the only think she could think of to do.
A few days had passed since Daniel had seen Stella and Max in the courtyard. He thought he was interesting that Max hadn't revealed the topic of their conversation. It wasn't like Max to keep a secret from him.
"Are you ok?" Daniel asked him. Max was making himself a sandwich in the kitchen. He stopped and looked up.
"Yes. Should there be something wrong?"
"No. I was just wondering what you and Stella were talking about in the courtyard a few days ago."
"Oh, she was just asking about you."
"She could have asked me herself. I don't need a middle man."
"Two very true statements. However you don't return her calls or emails and you avoid her on campus. How else is she supposed to know your well-being?" He put the mayonnaise back in the fridge. "That goes both ways you know? You could call and check on her, unless you've forgotten her number."
"No, I didn't forget her number." Daniel mumbled and became sullen. "But she could ask."
"And again, you could answer your phone."
"Yeah, yeah, ok, ok. So what was that she gave you?"
"A book." Max replied as he added chips to his plate.
"What kind?"
"A book for you."
"For me? Well why didn't you give it to me?"
"Because I don't think you're ready for it." The professor scoffed.
"Not ready? It's just a book. Would you just give to to me already? Geez."
"Suit yourself." Max walked into the office, took the book out of his bag and handed it to Daniel. "Here you go." Daniel looked at it. It was large, like a map book but the title said "Journey to You".
"What? 'Journey to You'? What kind of book is this?" Max picked up his sandwich to enjoy his lunch elsewhere.
"It's a scrapbook." Daniel had a confused look. "Stella started it as way to chronicle her pregnancy, for you. I'm not sure what's in it. I just know every few weeks or so she's asks for it. I bring it, a few days later she brings it back."
"Brings it back?"
"Yes, in case you want to look at it, it's here at the house. That's what she wanted."
"Have you been reading it?"
"Nope, it's your book. I'm just supposed to keep it available for you."
"Thanks, I guess."
"Just doing my job." Max replied as he left the room.
Daniel wandered over to the couch with his cup of tea and the book. He braced himself before opening it; he wasn't sure what to expect. Once opened the first thing he saw was a sonogram. It was Daniel's first look at the baby. If it wasn't real to him before, it was appearing that way now. It was about the size of a kidney bean but he marveled at it. The little creative note next to it said that Stella was about three weeks along.
"Such a tiny thing. Hard to believe we all started out this way." On the opposite page was a hand written letter from Stella's personal stationary, the one she used to leave his notes on.
To my dear sweet baby,
I just found out about you today. You're totally unexpected. But I'm so glad to know you're on the way. I love you already.
Love,
Your mom
"Wow." Daniel whispered. The next few pages were filled with more sonograms of various sizes and pictures of toys. Then a picture of Stella's abdomen with the caption underneath say "Here you are!"
There were more pages of notes, little drawings, morning sickness remedies that she had tried. She had placed cute baby stickers on every page accompanied by little poems and general notes of joy. A few pages over held another picture of her baby bump and this time there really was a difference. Underneath it read "Finally a baby bump!" Those words triggered an emotion that Daniel didn't know what to do with. Was it curiosity? Was it love? Was it something all fathers experienced? The opposite page had a colorful drawing that asked the question "boy or girl?" He turned it expecting an answer but instead saw pictures of himself. Some were of them just hanging out, the picture from the opera, his picture from the university website. Across from that was another letter.
My dear sweet baby,
How are you my darling? I can't wait to see you! A few more months and you'll be here. I've been adding new pictures and talking to you. I bet you're wondering why I'm the only voice you hear. You see these pictures? That's your dad. His name is Daniel J. Pierce. He's an amazing person. He's a brilliant professor, highly intelligent, loving, smart. And incredibly handsome. I think he's going to be a great dad. But you haven't heard his voice yet because he's not ready to meet you. Your dad is a special person. Sometimes his brain does some strange things. Sometimes it makes him talk to people that only he can see. It makes people laugh at him and call him weird. Some stay away from him. But he really is a great person. I love him and he loves me. I hope that we will be able to love you too. I know he will, when he's ready. But for right now it's just you and me. If he decides that he can't, I'll be ok with it and so will you. I'll always answer any question you have. I'll show you pictures so you can see how much you look like him. You'll know exactly who he is."
Daniel was astounded at Stella's statements. He'd heard of so many single mothers bashing the fathers of their children for the smallest things. Here Stella was placing him and his situation in the best light. She was so accommodating and willing to wait for him to be ready. How many men were that lucky?
As he continued looking through the book, he saw so many things that made him smile- her protruding belly, cute drawings, funny baby sayings. Even though Daniel had a lot of medical knowledge he wasn't up to date on what developed on the baby in what month. He knew now by following Stella's notes. He knew what books she was reading to their baby and the music she was playing. When he realized the music was some of his favorites his emotions caught in his throat.
"Wow, our baby is listening to some great stuff." He caught himself. "Our baby. Did I just say that?"
Stella had added pictures of the nursery. It looked gender neutral and perfectly comfortable. It still needed some things and he made a note to ask her what she still needed. She told him she didn't need anything but if he couldn't see their child yet, at he could make sure he or she had all the necessities. He read through more notes and pictures of the baby's development. There was a newer larger sonogram, dated about a week prior.
"This must be what she gave Lewicki." On the opposite page was a new letter.
To my dear sweet baby...GIRL!
Yes, I said it, baby girl. I finally know a piece of who you are. My darling baby girl.
"Girl?" Daniel whispered. "A girl?"
I can finally add a little pink to your room now. I'm so happy to know you're a girl. Oh the things we'll share and learn together! I don't know if you'll be a girly girl, a lawyer, doctor, musician, bus driver. Whatever you want to be I'll support you. I love you!
Below this beautiful letter was an invitation for the baby shower, the very next day. Daniel couldn't do anything but stare at the page. He couldn't believe his eyes; they were having a baby girl. Something in him suddenly changed. He wasn't sure about having a baby but knowing that it was going to be a girl was...different. If all the mental illnesses in Stella's family were in the men, then maybe baby girl Pierce would be ok. Maybe he could be a father. Maybe. He went back to the beginning of the book and looked at everything again with the knowledge that he was having a girl and everything looked differently.
"My god what Stella must think of me! She says she's ok with everything but how can she be? I have to fix this. I have to." He quickly gathered the book, his bag, his jacket and headed for Stella's.