A/N: I don't own Harry Potter, rights go to the writing goddess J.K. Rowling
The Longest Character meme in the world- HP style
In the room of requirement, a young Harry Potter fan was plotting to do a special meme.
There is something that you should know about this fan. She's unusual. Like all other fans, she has her favourites and least favourites of scenes, pairings, and of course, characters. But unlike most of the Harry Potter fans, she loves both the good and the dark side (compared to her friends, who only like one side or the other), so when she plots, something always goes wrong.
Regardless of that fact, she called for the room to bring out her favourite characters, and some awful ones just for a bit of fun.
The room complied, and soon character after character came popping in, as if they just flooed in here for a cup of tea and some scones. General confusion and panic first, but then joy as Harry ran to his parents, Sirius, and Remus. Baby Teddy was in Harry's arms, and he got to hug his father as well.
The Weasleys had run to Fred, so all you could see and hear of the family was a tangle of redheads and sobbing, laughter, and much nose blowing.
Severus Snape did not run to his beloved Lily, as he wished to, but instead gave her a sad, loving smile as he saw her hug her son and exclaim over how much he had grown and how proud she was of him.
Hermione, after going to congratulate Fred (as Harry will soon do), she went over to stand by Professor McGonagall and Luna, the former looked surprised but joyful to see her old students back to life. Luna seemed happy, but then again, Luna was quite hard to make out.
Mad-eye stood by or talked to no-one, suspicious of everything. It was not until Dumbledore walked across the room to talk to him did he open up a centimeter, if only to scoff at him for being so trustworthy.
In fact, the room was in general piece until Sirius, having already hugged his godson, noticed the small girl in the shadows of the corner. "Well, the, who might you be?" He asked. The statement made everyone turn their heads. A newcomer in their midst?
The girl stepped out of the shadows. She was quite short, barley reaching five feet. She had wavy black hair that seemed to have been slept on recently, as it was frizzy. She wore red glasses and had onyx eyes to go with her Indian skin tone. She was wearing a pair of faded skinny jeans with eyes and hearts drawn all over and a team Edward Elric T-shirt.
"Hello." She said, her voice modulated, "I've brought you all here for a reason. Let's see if the smartest witch of the trio's age can find why. Or perhaps maybe Remus can figure in out."
"Well," Hermione said, "We all are magical? It's the only thing we have in common."
"Well, true, but wrong. Sorry, Hermione. Remus? You got an answer for me?"
He thought for a bit, looking at all the people in the room one by one. "We've all been a part of Harry's life." He said, "And we've all fought against Voldemort."
"Oh, very close!" The girl said, "I figured if you could keep James and Sirius from accidently killing themselves you could almost figure out the riddle! Hermione didn't come close!"
"Hey!" James said. "One time we nearly get ourselves killed and you act you're our babysitter!"
"Yeah! That's not very nice, Moony." Sirius agreed.
"What happened, Dad?" Harry asked with interest.
"You can ask him another time Harry, what I want to know is why you asked me a riddle when you know I couldn't answer it, er… what's your name?"
"My name is Brande. And I asked you that question, Hermione as a test. If you could figure it out, I wouldn't pick on you. You got it wrong, which means I will treat you as I usually would, with sarcasm."
"Hey," Ron said moving in front of Hermione. "No one's going to treat Hermione with disrespect, got it?"
"Yeah," said Harry. "No one messes with our friend."
Brande smirked, and then magic flowed through the air in the form of a nearly hurricane force wind. Cracks on the floor opened up, threating to swallow anyone who got to close. All the glass in the room shattered into dust. "Would you still like to mess with me?" Everyone shook the heads no, though some more reluctant than others.
"Good." Brande said while mentally asking the room to repair the damage. "Fair warning, I like some characters better than others, so if your name is Hermione, Harry, Ginny, Molly, or Lily, I suggest you watch your tongue."
"Fine, but that doesn't explain why we are here, girl." Mad-eye snapped.
"Alastor, I'm sure she will tell us the reason in time." Dumbledore said.
"Of course," Brande replied. "Some are here because they are the most badass characters in the world. Some I have a respect for, grudging or not, and some are here because the badass characters would be sad if they aren't here and I had no choice. Oh, and you're also her to take place in...THE WORLD'S LONGEST MEME!"
The reactions were different. Moody and Snape looked furious, Remus and Lily looked thoughtful, James and Sirius looked interested, McGonagall and Dumbledore looked on with polite interest, Luna still looked spacey, and the trio looked wary, and most of the Weasleys looked curious.
"So," Brande instructed. "Sit in a circle in this order: Dumbledore, Snape, Moody, McGonagall, Lily, Sirius, Hermione, Mr. Weasley, Mrs. Weasley, Ron, Percy, Fred, Bill, Ginny, Charlie, George, Harry, Remus, Luna, James. Did I miss anyone? No? Good."
The characters sat in their order without fuss, except for Snape, but a look from McGonagall made him sit next to Moody on the fluffy armchairs that appeared from the room.
Brande looked at the parchment in her hand.
She looked at the people in the room.
She cursed. "Damn! This game calls for 14 people. There an even 20 people in the room so six have to go."
The people in the room fidgeted, they didn't know what would happen what would happen to the people who had to go. It could also be the fact that Mithu was pacing across the room while muttering to herself.
"Aha!" Brande said. "I have the answer!"
"Well, took you long enough." Hermione said, still upset that Brande insulted her intelligence.
"You be quite, hypocrite. Anyway, Ginny, Mrs. Weasley, Hermione, Lily, and Harry, you get out. And Luna, you too, not because I hate you, because I want someone to be sane."
"Um, how do we get out?" Ginny asked.
"Not very bright, are you? This is the room of requirement. Just ask to go to the burrow. Duh."
So they all disappeared to the burrow, while Brande turned to the remaining characters. Brande took out her 13" beech and dragon heartstring wand and transfigured a nearby table into a brand new scroll of parchment. The parchment read:
Dumbledore
Snape
Moody
McGonagall
Sirius
Mr. Weasley
Ron
Percy
Fred
Bill
Charlie
George
Remus
James
"Okay." Brande said. "We're going to do the meme now, any objections?"
Every hand went in the air.
"Well, too bad! We start in three… two… one!"
The world's longest character meme! Can you do the challenge?
"Hell ya!" Brande said as everyone else screamed "NO!"
Select a Fandom.
Harry Potter!
Select 14 characters.
Already done, so just look up!
Questions.
Who would make a better college professor, 6 or 11?
Mr. Weasley or Charlie. Hmm, I'd say Mr. Weasley, because I think Charlie would just be too cooped up in the classroom.
Do you think 2 is hot? How hot?
Snape? Hot? My god, no, never, that's just wrong!
12 sends 8 on a mission. What is it, and does 8 succeed?
George sends Percy on a mission to die Ron's hair pink. Percy ignores George and keeps reading.
What or would be 9's favourite book?
Fred's favourite book? Um, something about pranks. Or its 12 fail safe ways to charm witches.
Would it make more sense for 2 to swear fealty to 8 or the other way around?
Snape swearing loyalty to Percy or the other way round? I think it would make more sense if Percy was to swear fealty to Snape.
For whatever reason, 5 is looking for a roommate. Should 5 share a studio apartment with 9 or 10?
Sirius is looking for a roommate to escape from his parents, duh. I honestly think he'd get along with Fred better than Bill, to be honest.
2, 7, and 14 have dinner together. Where do they go, and what do they discuss?
Snape, Ron, and James have dinner together. That kind of makes sense. They probably went to the Three Broomsticks to talk about Harry; because James would want to know. Except Ron would have to stop Snape from killing James.
3 challenges 10 to a duel. What happens?
Moody challenges Bill to a duel. Bill would give Moody his medications, for fear of Moody going mental. It they did duel, however, Moody would win.
1 stole 8's most prized possession, how would 8 get it back?
Dumbledore stole Percy's prefect badge. Percy argues to get it back, as hexing Dumbledore would look bad for his resume.
Suggest a title for a story in which 7 and 12 both attain what they most desire.
A story in which Ron and George both get what they desire? "How Fred came back to life."
What kind of plot device would you use if you wanted 4 and 1 to work together?
If I wanted Dumbledore and McGonagall to work together, I'd stop doing homework, so they'd have to work together to make me do homework. Or I could just ask them nicely.
If 7 visited you for the weekend, how would you get along?
If Ron visited me, we'd become best friend over movies, food, plots against older brothers, and hatred against Scabbers. Yeah, we would be awesome.
If you could command 3 to perform any one task or service for you, what would it be?
If I could ask Moody to do anything for me, I'd ask him to give me lessons on paranoid-ness. I'm way too trusting.
Does anyone on your friends list write or draw anything regarding 11?
Um, I don't think so, maybe Sofia.
If 2 had to choose side between 4 and 13, which would it be?
If Snape had to choose sides between, McGonagall and Remus, he'd probably choose McGonagall because he hates Remus. But I don't think McGonagall and Remus fight all that often.
What might 10 shout while charging into battle?
"I'm the oldest Weasley!"
If you had to choose a song to represent eight, which song would it be?
"Innocent" by Taylor Swift. Because he was still growing up when he made the biggest mistake (leaving his family), but he came back and tried to make things right.
1, 6, and 12 are having din sum at a Chinese restaurant. There is only on Scallion pancake left, and they all reach for it at the same time. Who gets to eat it?
Out of Dumbledore, Mr. Weasley, and George, Mr. Weasley would be too busy looking at muggles, Dumbledore would be polite and let George eat it, and then offer him a lemon drop.
What might be a good pickup line for 2 to use on 10?
My, god, no way in hell is Snape going to use a pickup line on Bill. But how about "Weasley, I require your existence on an outing to the Village of Hogsmeade."
What would 5 most likely be arrested for?
Sirius would most likely be arrested because his cowardly friend (NOT) Peter joined Voldemort and killed James and Lily, not to mention 12 poor muggles and let Sirius take all the blame for it.
What is 6's secret?
Mr. Weasley might have a couple Justin Beiber CD's out of his muggle obsession.
If 11 and 13 were racing to a destination, which would get there first?
If Charlie and Remus were racing, I think Remus would get there first, because aren't Werewolves fast?
If you had to walk home through a bad neighborhood late at night, would you feel safer in the company of 7 or 8?
Ron. No contest, because Percy doesn't have experience with threatening situations. And because I love Ron.
You just walked in on 3 hitting on 1, what do you do?
Moody hitting on Dumbledore?! I would need therapy for the rest of my life.
3 has a crush on 5! What will they do?
Sirius would edge away slowly while awkwardly trying to explain that he's only interested in women to Moody. Then he might run, fast.
2 shows up at your house in the middle of the night, what do you do?
I'd lock the door and close the windows unless he has a really good reason or food.
8 and 1 decide to get married! What's your reaction?
I would smile, nod, then run out of room as fast as I can to go tell all the Harry Potter fans in the world. Oh, and go to therapy. I mean, Percy/ Dumbledore, what the hell?
Who's prettier? 13, 11, 4, 3, or 1?
Remus, Charlie, McGonagall, Snape, or Dumbledore. McGonagall is out, 'because I'm a girl, Dumbledore is way too old; I really hate oily hair (that's probably the only problem I have with hair). Charlie is a redhead, but Remus has amber eyes, so it would probably be a tie. Wait, prettier? I don't think it's possible for any of these guys to be pretty, so McGonagall by default.
3 wants to employ you. If you wanted to accept, what job would they give you, how much would it pay, and would they be a good boss?
Moody wants to hire me as an Auror, and that's probably a good paying job. Moody would be a strict boss, but I think he's willing to be friends with his employees (example: Tonks), so I'd accept.
6 and 9 decide to elope! What would 1's reaction be?
Fred and Mr. Weasley decide to elope? The hell? Dumbledore would probably snap them out of the imperious curse.
Define 4 and 1's relationship.
Dumbledore and McGonagall are very close. They have known each other since she was a student and he a transfiguration teacher. They can speak without talking, and if not for the age difference and the fact that Dumbledore is gay, I'm sure they would have been canon.
7 and 12 decide to go on a cross country trip, what would they bring?
Ron and George go on a camping trip; they'd bring the tent, food, flashlight, cards, and various pranking supplies. They'd also bring Fred.
Which character is your favourite to read about?
I love to read about all of them. But they cannot bash Ron, Sirius, James, or Remus. I don't mind the others being bashed, because they're kind of funny bashed.
Who is your least favourite character?
Charlie, not because I don't like him, because I don't know him that well.
Which character do you think is the most well developed?
Snape.
Which character would you like to date if they magically came to life?
Uh, McGonagall is out cause she's a girl. All except Charlie, Moody, Dumbledore, and Sirius have a cannon love interest. They are all way too old, but personality wise, it would be Sirius. If the love interests were gone, it would be Ron.
If you were stuck in a burning building, what would 3 do?
Moody would save me, he's not at all cruel, but if he suspected I was a Death Eater, he'd probably not.
Which character would make the best parents?
McGonagall would make a good mom, don't know who she'd marry though. Sirius would be a fun dad, again, no idea who'd he marry. Mr. Weasley is an awesome dad. Ron would be a really awesome dad (I don't really like Hermione but I like Ron/Hermione, because I love Ron.). Fred and George would be cool, I don't think they would get on your case about grades (and no, I don't ship them). I love Remus or James as a dad. Teddy and Harry are lucky.
Which character is most likely to end up in jail?
Sirius has been there and done that.
8 was sent into the future, what would they find life to be like since time has technically moved on without him?
If it was just after his fight with his parents, he would see how much he really hurt them. After the battle of Hogwarts, I think he'd see George sink into depression until Ron or someone snaps him out of it.
Name 1's catchphrase.
"For the greater good," or "Would you like a lemon drop?"
2 and 3 have switched bodies! What would happen?
Snape and Moody switched bodies! Well Snape would try and make a potion to reverse the change, while Moody would bang his head against the wall for not checking his drink before eating.
14 just became a fifteen year old, what would they do?
James just became a 15 year old, so he' get back at Snape for putting an age reversing drink in his pumpkin juice.
2 thinks they're Superman and is about to jump off the roof of a building. How would the other characters react?
Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Mr. Weasley would try and get him to come down while putting a cushioning charm on the ground just in case. The rest would take bets and cheer.
Would 1 prefer the beach or the mountains?
I think Dumbledore would like the mountains better.
Would 5 battle a shark?
He's Sirius Black. Knowing him, he probably already has.
Which of the above characters hate each other?
Snape hates Remus, Sirius, and James. I don't think he actually hates any one on the list beside them, though he's not too fond of the students. Sirius and James hate Snape. Remus doesn't like Snape, but he doesn't hate him either.
Who would win in these fights?
If it was a one on one match, it would be a close call. But if was the Marauders against Snape, he would lose.
What are 1, 9, 4, and 7's favourite food and drinks?
Dumbledore likes lemon drops, no idea what he likes to drink. Pumpkin juice, maybe? I have a feeling Fred had a sweet tooth, and butterbeer. McGonagall would probably go for the traditional British foods, and I think she likes Gilly water? Ron likes his Mother's cooking and Hogwarts cooking, so I don't know his favourite. But he likes to eat.
If the characters would fight to death, who would win?
Dumbledore or Moody.
Who would be most likely to survive a zombie attack? Who would be the least?
The Half-bloods would have an advantage, as they won't mistake it for an Iferi. The people who are used to fighting have an advantage too. But Zombies can only be killed with something to the head, and none of the purebloods know that. So it would be down to Remus and Snape. Both are good fighters, but I think Remus is cleverer, he might outwit the zombies, while Snape might go down fighting. I think it would be Percy who dies first.
3 and 6 are stranded on a boat in the middle of the ocean and they're running out of food! Would they tough it out and eat fish, seagulls, end up eating each other, etc.?
Moody would get the food and Mr. Weasley would cook it. Or they would apperate back home.
If 2, 4, 9, and 10 went out for a fun night on the town, what would happen?
If Snape, McGonagall, Fred, and Bill went out for a night on the town, Snape would come back with neon hair in various shades, Bill and Fred would be laughing, and McGonagall would give them a detention.
What would you say is 8's biggest flaw?
I think Percy's biggest flaw is he's much too work orientated, he left his family for a job he only had for a day.
What is 5's greatest strength?
Sirius's biggest strength is how much he cares about his friends. He love(ed) Remus and James and Peter like brothers, and he cares about Harry as if he was his own son.
If 6 was a real animal, what would he/she be? (Or what sort of mythological animal would they be?)
Mr. Weasley would be a weasel. Easy question is easy.
What would 3 do if they're sex was suddenly changed?
Moody wouldn't really care much, I think. He'd just want to keep fighting.
5 and 6 end up back in the distant past, how do they react?
Sirius and Mr. Weasley end up on Caption Jack Sparrows ship, and they use they're magic to help get to the Fountain of Youth, because you know that would happen.
1 and 9 reluctantly team up to save the world from the threat posed by 4's sinister organization. 11 volunteers to help them, but it is later discovered that he/she is a spy for 4. Meanwhile, 4 has kidnapped 12 in an attempt to force their surrender. Following the wise advice of 5, they seek out 3, who gives what they need to complete their quest. What title would you give this fan fiction?
Dumbledore and Fred reluctantly team up to save the world from the threat posed by McGonagall's sinister organization. Charlie volunteers to help them, but it is later discovered that he is a spy for McGonagall. Meanwhile McGonagall has kidnapped George in an attempt to force their surrender. Following the wise advice of Sirius, they seek out Moody, who gives them what they need to complete their quest.
What would I name this fan fiction? "This story makes sense in a twisted kind of way."
You just finish this meme! How will you celebrate?
By giving the laptop to my dad. And M&M's.
Brande turned from the dell laptop in which she had recorded her views on the characters to look at said characters. "So," she asked, "how was it?"
The characters had various reactions, from agreement to anger to what the hell just happened. Only Dumbledore was indifferent. "Come on, Dumbledore," Brande said, "Just tell me what you think."
He smiled, "Oh, Ms.…er, what is your last name?"
"Hey, I could publish this someday! I can't be throwing my last name around!"
"You gave us your first name." Snape pointed out. "Obviously you didn't think this through properly."
"Whatever, you greasy bat-face!" Everyone was laughing at this sentence, except for Snape. "Anyway, Dumbledore, you were saying?"
"Ah, yes, Ms. Brande, by putting down those answers, you have in fact, created an alternate universe where these things can happen."
"WHAT?!"Everyone said, with the exception of Brande, who said, "The #%#^?" as she had a bit of a cussing problem.
"This universe," He continued, "Is called . Authors will look at these answers, and think 'Hmm, I could write a story with that,' and they will. They might write the story of Sirius battling the shark or they might write a story in which Alastor was a girl."
"That's great!" Brande exclaimed, though the others didn't think so. "If you guys have an idea off one of my answers above, or you want to do the meme, do it and link it back to me! But if you do a story off my answers, please give credit!"
"Are you done with your self-advertising?" James asked.
"Yes, I need to grade some more homework." McGonagall added.
"Okay, see you guys later!" Brande said, and she sent them back to where they were before she brought them here.
The end.
A/N: so, my first HP work, how was it? I bet they were all out of characters, or too stereotypical. Damn, I need to work on this. Anyway, if one of you readers decides to do this meme, review with a link! On that note, review! And if you're writing a story with one of these messed up prompts, please give me credit. Brande out!