She hates watching this... Ahsoka watched from the pitiful viewing behind a red force field as her master lost control and started to choke the man with the force. She just wanted to tell him... Tell him how much she hated it! She didn't want to be here. Anywhere, but here. So she left, not wanting to see the horrible scene any longer.
Ahsoka went to her room, closed the door and locked it manually. Anger would fume in her if it hadn't been for her warnings and threats she received from Anakin. "Jedi don't get angry, you shouldn't either." He would say. She thought it was a lie! Look at him, strangling the prisoner like his life depended on it! Unacceptable!
A rasping on her door came and she opened it. Her Master stood there. "What happened to you?" He said, not bothering with anything else. "I didn't want to see you strangle his life out... So I left." She said. "Are you suggesting that I should try a different method for getting Separatists to talk?" He snapped. "I'm suggesting that you get rid of your anger towards Separatists, and stop treating them all like dirt! Master, they are people, just like us..." She was on the verge of tears.
"It's because of Separatists that we are in this war, Ahsoka! How can you not see that?" He nearly yelled. "How can you not see that you are setting a bad example for your Padawan? Or am I just your pet?" She growled angrily. "That's enough, Ahsoka." He said it firmly but he didn't shout. That was until she pressed on. "Don't get Angry? Look at you! The only feeling you have is anger, anymore! Don't be disobedient? You never follow orders!" "I said, enough!" He shouted. But she continued.
"And lets not forget about attachment issues! I was in love WITH a Separatist, Master! I'll form attachments if I damn well want to!" She yelled. "ENOUGH!" He yelled as loud as possible before pushing Ahsoka against the wall and slapping her clear across her cheek. She fell over from the impact and looked back up at him, holding the side of her face. He left without another word. She then let it out and cried.
Staying in the corner, she didn't open the door for anyone... Until she got the courage to rummage through her trunk and pull out a datapad... She's been working on this for months, looking for the right words... Ahsoka might finally have it all now. She bit her lip and sang the lyrics out loud.
"I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far,"
But she wasn't under the impression that someone was listening to her...
"Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid..." His heart was breaking as she sang from the datapad.
"I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid,"
He pressed his ear to the door and slid down the side, tears brimming in his eyes.
"I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing,"
She yelled the last two lines and pressed her back to the door, crying harder than she's ever had.
"Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid..." She let out a raspy breath and sang the last line. "Because Of You..." She slid down the door and started to cry. For the first time, Anakin realized the pain he's caused to Ahsoka.
She's just a fragile youngling... He had no right to lay a hand on her. And because he did, he hated himself for it. "What have I done?" Anakin started to cry. He could hear Ahsoka sobbing from the other side of the door which made him cry even harder. There was a loud shattering noise from the other side of the door and Anakin heard Ahsoka cry out in pain. Worry grew and he tried to open the door but it was locked.
"Ahsoka! Open the door!" He yelled, banging his fist on the door. But it was no use... He thrusted his hand out and with the inner force, the door was thrown from the arch and it hit the wall... Ahsoka lay on the floor, crying and bleeding from her hands and arms... There was a sharp piece of glass in her arm where she had try to saw but it happened too fast for her to react... Blood covered her.
"Ahsoka!" Anakin yelled, looking at the fragile youngling who had just tried to kill herself... All because of him. "I need help, damn it!" Anakin yelled from her room. He rarely cursed but this was a scary scene and nobody was just gonna watch Ahsoka bleed to death. She was loved by all on this ship. "General, what's going on?" It was Rex. "Ahsoka- she...she tried to-... Because of me..." He was stuttering a lot. Rex walked in the room and saw her.
"My god!" He dropped the blaster in his hand and picked Ahsoka's head up.
He saw the glass in her arm. "A medic... Get a medic!" Anakin yelled. Rex put Ahsoka back down as gently as possible before running to the Medic's station. Anakin picked up his Padawan and put her down on the bed a few feet away. Her eyes were barely open and she was getting dizzy.
"Ahsoka... Hold on... Please..."
Anakin sat there, watching as Ahsoka moaned in pain. The medical droid was as gentle as possible... Until it came to extracting the glass. When the droid even touched it, she screamed in pain. "Just pull the damned thing out!" Anakin yelled. "It is too deep to simply remove... We may have to amputate."
That hit Anakin like a strike of a lightsaber. If Ahsoka lost her arm, her Jedi Dream would be gone. He would refuse for that to happen. "No! Give her as much anesthetic as possible to cause the least amount of pain! Whatever you do, do not remove anything but the glass!" He was so serious, it was scary. And he was angry. Not at the droid... at himself. He let it happen.
Ahsoka told him the cold, hard truth and he couldn't take it. And for that, he lashed out at her. The droid put an injector to her arm and pushed it in her veins. She screamed again. Anakin held her feet so she wouldn't kick anybody... Again.
The droid waited a minute before Ahsoka's eyes fell completely closed. It then put its clamp down on the glass and pulled it out, slowly... It was deep. Most of it was covered in her blood. The droid then worked the delicate process of sewing her arm back up. Anakin watched in horror as his Padawan stirred on the medical bed. Once the droid finished, she started waking up again. Anakin jumped across the room and grabbed her hand. There was a tube connecting to her veins, pumping her with blood to replace what she lost.
Anakin gave his own to her.
She swung her head back and forth and her right lekku twitched as she opened her eyes slowly. At the sight of Anakin, she immediately felt scared again. "Master! I..." She couldn't continue because there was a stabbing in her stomach as she tried to sit up. A stitch ran across her abdomen all the way to her ribcage... She was desperate to end her life, to get rid of the suffering. And at that moment, she wished she used her lightsaber instead of a glass vase.
She coughed and then doubled over. She felt like she was going to hurl... Anakin handed her a bucket that was on the floor for her and she puked in it. After that... She was just dizzy. And scared as to what Anakin would say. "Master... I'm so sorry... I just didn't want to be a disappointment anymore." Is that what she believed? Ahsoka was Anakin's most loved soul! He's never loved anyone more than her.
"You're no disappointment, Ahsoka... You're my Padawan. And don't you dare say you're sorry." He said. She looked up at him with tear stained eyes. "I just wanted to be in control for once... Point out your flaws, so you would quit bashing me." She sniffled and wiped the end of her nose. "You were right to do it..." She sighed.
"Do what?"
"You had every right to hit me, Master... I got out of line." She said, looking down. "Ahsoka, I had absolutely no right to hit you! You had every right to yell at me... It's because of me that your hooked up to an IV... Ahsoka I am so sorry, for all the pain I've caused you... I didn't realize it until..."
"Until I showed you." She bit her lip. "And your song..." She looked up at him, eyes mad. "You were spying on me?" She snapped. He just snickered. "Yeah, but... you have a beautiful voice, Ahsoka... And you made me cry... twice." He held up his fingers, saying twice. She smiled... Anakin then pulled Ahsoka into a tight embrace, but not so tight to hurt her. She buried her face in his shoulder and cried.
Pulling back, Anakin saw a black mark under her eye where he slapped her... "I'm so sorry, Ahsoka." He ran his finger under her eye and she whimpered. "It's OK, Master..." She said, touching his hand that was flat against her cheek. She then saw the IV that was in her wrist... "Why am I hooked up to this?" She asked. "You lost a lot of blood... I gave up some of mine." He admitted. "What?" She was depressed again. "Why?"
"You would have died without it, Ahsoka... Its just a small sacrifice. I'll be fine." He said, motioning to the gaze wrapped around his non-mechanical wrist. She smiled and hugged him again.
She held her breath and instead of using the strength in the lightsaber, she dropped it on the floor. "Don't worry, Snips... You're trying." Ahsoka's Master said. Anakin was nursing Ahsoka back to health, after that unfortunate mishap a week ago. She tried to pick up her lightsaber but the stitches on her stomach made her buck back in pain. "Ah!"
"Ahsoka, you're trying too hard! Take it slow..." She listened to her master and got on her knees to pick it up. She closed the blade and Anakin helped her on her feet. "You tried today... And your getting better." He said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. She sighed. "No." She muttered. He then stopped. "You know what I think? I think that you'll be back to normal by Thursday." Today was Tuesday. "Aww... I think your full of it." She joked.
Anakin laughed and rolled his eyes. Ahsoka was in her usual work-out wear which was a black, skin tight, sleeveless turtleneck mixed with gray leggings and her black boots without heels. Anakin was in white robes, his shirt crossing across his muscular chest and his pants that would press against his hips with every movement. With that being said, Ahsoka picked up her real clothes and stuffed them into her pack.
They walked back from the Training Circle and to they're room. Anakin had Ahsoka put in his room so that nothing else would happen, and if it did... He would have a key and would be able to stop her. Ahsoka put her pack down and laid down flat on her back, completely oblivious to the fact that Anakin was changing his clothes 7 feet away. "Master..." She started. "Yes, Ahsoka?" He said, pulling his shirt down passed his stomach. "You ever wonder why I'm still your Padawan? I mean, you never wanted one... And yet, you didn't give up on me... Why do you care so much?"
Her questions hung in the air for several seconds... "Uh..."