My NEW KP disclaimer
I know Disney owns 'Kim Possible'…Lock, stock, and Rufus.
If they want to sue me, they will have to get behind all my other creditors.
Since I am in south Florida, and have taken on even MORE debt than before,
the line has formed to the right…and now stretches to Anchorage!
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Opening notes:
1) With the exception of a very special circumstance ('Angel-Struck'), I have been on hiatus from regular writing. I fought against four massive 'writing blocks' and the distractions of dealing with a chat room filled with two factions—one who encouraged my continued writing; one who desired nothing less than my head impaled upon a stick!
This may go against my better judgement, but guess what, fellow KP readers…
I'm BAA-AA-AA-AACK!!
(Several faint voices in the distance shout, 'Who CAA-AA-AA-AARES??')
I am pleased to celebrate my return to writing with the release of this ninth story in the 'ch-RON-icles' group. For those just joining us, these tales feature Ron Stoppable in many of his everyday adventures before he began joining 'you know who' on her missions.
2) The piñata information at the start of this tale was based on actual research I conducted, using numerous web and traditional resources to maintain accuracy. See what I do to ensure quality material for your reading pleasure?
For now, let's just sit back and…
Enjoy the show!
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'ch-RON-icles: Paper Cuts'
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…For Ruth Schoonover…
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…For generations, sociologists and art scholars have been debating the origins of the classic centerpiece of children's parties known as…
…the piñata…
…Some attempt to trace the piñata's birth to the pre-Colombian Aztecs, who used clay pots filled with water in a ritual to honor the rain god Tlalic—or filled with trinkets to honor the war god Huitzilopochtli…
…Others claim the Chinese developed it first, to celebrate the New Year, by wrapping a paper shell symbolizing an animal around a fragile vessel containing seeds…
…Yet another school of thought places its creation around the 14th-century, when Europeans gave this colorful art form its widely-known name and used it to celebrate Lent.
…No matter where it originated, the piñata eventually became a source of grief for one ten-year-old boy in particular…
…Ron Stoppable.
In order to understand the full scope of Ron's current situation, one must go back to the start of a tumultuous week in the life of Ron's family and that of his best friend in the whole world, Kim Possible.
Classes at South Middleton Elementary School began well enough on Monday morning. The teacher, Katherine Singletary, had actually given some good news to her students. In honor of Cinco de Mayo, all of the classes from Kindergarten through 5th grade were going to learn several lessons about Mexican history and culture that week.
The special unit would culminate with a Cinco de Mayo party for the whole school on Friday, complete with a huge piñata in each classroom and a mariachi band strolling through the school's halls. Mrs. Singletary said a drawing would be held near the end of the day to determine the lucky student who would strike the piñata made for each class.
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During lunch, Kim and Ron sat together as they tried to consume their meals. Ron seemed to lull his entrée into a false sense of security before finally defeating his culinary foe.
Kim used her utensils to engage in combat against her meal in an attempt to beat it into submission. This action sequence fascinated Ron.
He turned to his friend with a sage tone in his voice as he observed, "Your will is strong, young student."
"Well," Kim declared as she triumphantly took a bite of her…food, "it looks like that kung fu training is starting to do me some good."
Ron continued, "Indeed it has. May the fork be with you!"
Kim rolled her eyes at the horrible pun. Just as she finished her alleged nutritional meal, the PA system crackled to life. The voice of Principal Stern kept its monotone level throughout the announcement:
"Attention students…Will the following students please report to the music room immediately…Kevin Engel, Steven Hamilton, Michelle Fowler, Kimberly Possible, and Bonianna Rockwaller."
A pained scream erupted from the direction of the last person whose name was mentioned while the principal repeated those names. Oh, how the girl known to most as Bonnie Rockwaller despised her given name.
While Kim rose from the lunch table, Ron gave her a worried look and retained the same tone from earlier as he stated, "Evil has reared its head once again, oh noble warrior. I sense a great disturbance in the air."
Kim placed a hand on Ron's shoulder and laughed, "Amp down, Obi-Ron Kenobi. I'm sure it's no big."
Ron took both their trays to the collection area as he watched one of the office staff members escort Kim and the other students from the lunchroom.
"I hope you're right, KP." He muttered. "I hope you're right."
He then turned to one side and tilted his head slightly upward to address his imaginary friend. "Rufus, keep an eye on Kim for me, will you?...I know she can take care of herself…Yes, I trust her completely...It's Bonnie that scares the snot out of me!"
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…Ron's anxiety grew with every passing tick of the clock on the classroom wall. Class was set to be dismissed in 45 minutes, and neither Kim nor Bonnie had yet returned to the classroom. Since the other three students paged at lunchtime were from the other fifth-grade class, Ron had not given them another thought.
Mrs. Singletary began her discussion on the Mayans, who once ruled what is now Mexico's Yucatan Peninsula. In addition to talking about the Mayan contributions to art and society, she showed detailed pictures and notes covering everything from their logosyllabic writing system to the structure of the stepped pyramids built in the region.
She was wrapping up her presentation with just a few minutes to go before dismissal. At that moment, Kim and Bonnie finally returned to the classroom. The auburn-haired girl was beaming with an ear-to-ear grin, while the brunette was ready to breathe fire at any poor soul foolish enough to look in her general direction.
Before Kim could whisper an explanation to Ron, Principal Stern used the PA system to address the school:
"Attention students…Congratulations to fifth graders Kimberly Possible and Kevin Engel. As the winner and runner-up respectively, these students will represent South Middleton Elementary at the Tri-City Spelling Bee in Upperton this upcoming Friday…
"Congratulations also go out to our third place competitor, Michelle Fowler, and our fourth place finisher, Steven Hamilton. A pat on the back is extended to Bonianna Rockwaller, who put forth a good showing in the competition."
All the students who paid attention to the lunchtime announcement did some quick figuring and determined that the last-place finish was the cause for Bonnie's meaner demeanor. The repeating of her given name over the PA system tempted her to spell a few more words. Unlike the words Bonnie faced in the competition, most of the ones running through her mind at that moment were only four letters in length.
Most of the students in the class began offering Kim their congratulations, along with a few snickers in Bonnie's—or Bonianna's—direction. During this murmur, Principal Stern began listing the names of the students selected to strike the piñata for each class during the Cinco de Mayo party.
Mrs. Singletary brought the class to silence in time to catch the end of this announcement:
"…For the fifth grade, the winner in Mr. Buskirk's class is Tara Johnson; and the winner in Mrs. Singletary's class is Ronald Stoppable. Congratulations to all the winners, and be sure to have your 'palos' decorated and ready to hit your piñatas on Friday."
The dismissal bell generated a mass-exodus from the classroom. While the other students gathered their backpacks, Ron took that moment to shout, "Boo-Yeah! Hitting the piñata ROCKS!"
Bonnie found her opening to dash his spirits. "You do realize," she snarked, "that while you hit the piñata, we will get all the candy from within it!"
"Aww…" Ron sighed, "Boo-yeah denied!"
Kim was about to scold Bonnie for her hurtful comments when Mrs. Singletary stepped in between the girls. Being a seasoned instructor at South Middleton Elementary School and the widowed mother of four grown children, she knew exactly when to stop things from escalating out of control.
She added extra emphasis on the brunette girl's name when she stated, "Just so you know, Bonianna, the wielder of the stick, known as the 'palo', traditionally receives an amount of candy equal to about half the piñata's capacity; and he gets to keep it all for himself. That is, of course, unless he is willing to share with any other kids who are left out of the fun."
This perked up Ron's attitude as he and Kim left the classroom. When they walked out of the building, he piped, "Back to Boo-Yeah! I hope I can get my mom to help me decorate my 'palo' so I can look good hitting that piñata on…"
That was the moment a few more cogs ground into place in Ron's mind. Wide-eyed, he moaned, "…on Friday. Boo-Yeah Denial Part Two!"
Kim was surprised at his reaction. "What's wrong now?"
He turned to look Kim square in the face. "KP, don't you see? It's all going down on Friday…This Friday."
Kim countered, "I still don't understand why…" She instantly froze in realization. "Oh, that's right! The 'Tri-City Spelling Bee' in Upperton. I guess I'm going to miss the big party."
It was Ron's turn to cheer up his friend. "Remember what Mrs. Singletary said, Kim…I can share my candy with kids who are left out of the fun…and with my best bud, I'm all about the sharing!"
Kim gave Ron a pat on the shoulder and remarked, "I think this calls for 'Return of the Boo-Yeah'."
Ron smiled and nodded. "You know it, KP."
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…After seeing Kim to her door, Ron quickly traversed the additional couple of blocks to his own house. When he approached the home, he noticed his mother's car parked in the driveway. He thought it was strange for her to be home so early at first…until he remembered that Monday was her usual 'half-day' at the office.
He opened the front door and declared, "Hi, Mom. I'm home."
A voice was heard from another part of the house. "I'm in the kitchen, Ronnie."
Ron followed the direction of his mother's voice and opened the kitchen door. The sight before him completely confused the boy. Layers of newspaper lined the kitchen table, and his mother was using great effort to mix a thick, starchy substance in a bowl. On the counter next to the refrigerator, several mounds of shredded newspaper rose half-way up to the overhead cabinet where the good china was kept.
With a wary eye toward all this, Ron wondered, "Ah, Mom…did a newsstand blow up in here or something?"
Jean Stoppable had to stop her work to address that inquiry. "No, son. I got a call from your school."
A look of horror flashed across Ron's face before she added, "You know…about the piñata? They wanted to make sure it was okay with us to do this before they made the announcement. "
Ron immediately exhaled a sigh of relief and responded, "Ohhhhh…Yeahhh…the piñata! Isn't that cool?"
"Yes…Yes it is." Jean placed the bowl on a nearby counter and regarded Ron with a raised eyebrow for a second, wondering what else he thought she meant when she said the school called.
Her mind was shaken from that thought when Ron motioned toward the numerous mounds of shredded newspaper and remarked, "That still doesn't explain what's black and white and spread all over."
His face suddenly grew annoyed with a realization. "The school never told us we had to make the piñata as well as the 'palo'. What a rotten trick to do to us."
"Now, Ronnie," Jean admonished, "it's like we've always tried to teach you…There's a bright side to the whole thing. We can have the piñata make a statement about our own family heritage while we celebrate that of others."
Ron sighed and smiled at his mother's words. "I guess you're right…but you work with numbers, and so does Dad. What are we going to do? Make a large adding machine?"
Jean had to laugh at the suggestion. "No, silly. I was thinking a little further back than that. Before they came to America, your father's family had a business as meat butchers on his father's side and as bakers on his mother's side. My mother descended from a family of vegetable farmers, while my father's side still has their dairy farm. You remember…It's the one we took you and your friend Kimberly to visit a few years back."
Ron remembered the visit fondly. "Oh, yeah. I got to squirt KP while I was milking that cow. You should have seen the look on her face. I thought she was going to kill me on the spot."
Jean countered, "I was wondering why she was so determined to start those martial arts classes right after we came back from that trip."
They shared a chuckle while Ron thoughtfully rubbed his chin. "Let's see now." He considered. "Meat, veggies, dairy, and bread…but with a Cinco de Mayo feel."
His eyes brightened as he hugged his mother. "I've got it! It's perfect!"
Jean returned the hug, but remained puzzled. "What is it, Ronnie?"
Ron looked up so his eyes met those of his mother. "Don't you see it? Take beef from the butcher shop…add lettuce, spices and tomatoes from the veggie farm…some flat bread from the bakery…and a bunch of cheese from the dairy…and what do you have? It's a taco, Mom—the biggest taco this town has ever seen!"
Jean thought for a moment and had to agree with her son. "That's a great idea. The design is simple, it sticks with the theme, and we only need to paint the details in place once the main shape is formed."
With those words, Jean and Ron quickly went to work on the main 'tortilla shell' of their taco piñata. The bowl of starchy paste did an admirable job of holding the shredded newspaper in place. Since the strips were wide length-wise cuts, the 'page fold' of the newspaper served as a natural point for the base of the curved shell.
Within an hour, the 'taco' had taken its shape. It only needed a few coats of paint, along with some additional painted newspaper for the tomatoes, lettuce, and shredded cheese to top the creation.
Ron carefully carried the piñata off to the garage while Jean looked at the effort with satisfaction. 'Wow,' she thought, 'it really is the biggest taco in Middleton—at least for a few more months.'
Her eyes quickly glanced at an article on one of the Middleton Examiner pages used to line the table. Dated the previous week, it showed an artist's rendering of a restaurant, accompanied by the following caption:
"Construction has already begun on Middleton's first Bueno Nacho location. A spokesperson for the internationally-recognized fast-food chain said the company expects to introduce 'a fiesta for all the senses' when their doors open to the public in late July."
She added one more thought as she re-examined the picture. 'That is one big taco on that sign. You can transmit your own radio signal with that thing!'
Jean removed a yardstick from a side closet just in time for Ron to return from the garage. She placed the yardstick on the table and stated, "Your father said he is bringing home Colonel Bucket tonight. We can get started on the palo while we wait for him to get here."
Ron prepared more of the starch solution while Jean cut six inches from one end of the yardstick. She glued that portion to the last six inches of the other portion, establishing a strong handle for the palo. When the starch was ready, they began applying newspaper strips to the yardstick frame, creating a wide handle and blade that was thinner on one side than the other.
By the time Donald arrived home with the fried chicken dinner from Colonel Bucket, the palo was ready to begin drying next to the piñata…
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…On Tuesday, Ron and Jean added more strips of paper to both the piñata and the palo. Their efforts made for a more stable holder for the candy and a more durable stick to break it at the right time.
Jean then applied a base coat of yellow spray paint, covering the piñata to highlight the 'taco shell' and the 'shredded cheese'. At the same time, Ron applied a base coat of brown paint to the palo, taking special care to cover the handle of the stick.
Wednesday found Ron making the final touches to the piñata, with vibrant red for the tomatoes, warm brown for the meat, and the bright green for the lettuce. Jean applied a layer of aluminum foil to the 'blade' of the palo. She took great care to begin and end the foil covering at the thicker portion of the 'blade', so as to give the appearance of one solid piece of metal.
The day before the party, Ron opened the flap shaped like a tomato portion. With two of the three designated bags of candy, the piñata was completely filled. Ron was happy with this development, as he could also keep with the long-standing tradition for the palo user retaining enough to fill nearly half the piñata.
Jean wrapped a strip of craft-store leather several times around the handle of the palo to give it a good surface for gripping. With another strip of leather, she made a sling to properly hold the palo in place so that Ron could bring it to the Cinco de Mayo party in proper fashion. A pre-cut leather kit was easily assembled to house the palo securely, without breaking the foil outer-covering of the 'blade'.
Their work complete, Ron and Jean stepped back from the items and smiled. Everything was perfectly in place for tomorrow's party…
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Author's ending notes:
1) I know...I know...The 'Rewriting History' episode featured a 'taco' roughly the same size as the Bueno Nacho sign over 90 years earlier at the World Expo. However, since neither Ron nor his mother had any idea of such a taco stand existing back then, Ron could have honestly thought the piñata would have been "...the biggest taco this town has ever seen!"
2) I just want to extend thanks to so many people who have shared their love and support throughout my hiatus. I would post all their names here, but that would simply take too long. I also want to thank those who wished me to never darken the doorstep of the Kimmunity again. Were this not a 'K+' rated tale, I would vividly describe what hand gesture this story extends to them. As it stands, I will leave that to your collective imagination (evil grin)...
3) The most rewarding part of it all has been the number of new readers who have found my work in the interim. I just hope these new tales live up to the standards of those before them.
4) Please forgive me if I am a little sporadic in my posting at first. It may take quite a while (if ever) for me to get back to the 'new chapter a week' pace of old. This is especially true as January approaches. My profession as a tax preparer may be seasonal; however, it is one I take quite seriously.
5) The production of this story, like that for any work of fiction, is solely dependent upon the constructive feedback of its readers. If you like it, I will gladly make more. If you think of ways to make it better, I am always open to suggestions. If you really think it's a piece of garbage, stop me before I strike again!!
Once more, Review me, e-mail me if you wanna reach me! When you want to 'PM' me, it's ok!
Your friend in writing,
The Samurai Crunchbird®