Title: Brother Down (Song fic)
Date finished: 28/03/08
Chapter: (not applicable- one shot)
Rating: PG (Could turn out to be PG-13…angst, self mutilation of character, suicidal thoughts, some coarse language, violence… Okay it's PG 14+ then :P )
Summary: Dai has been noticing that all of his friends are getting good grades and are planning to attend colleges for very interesting courses, like criminology, cosmetology, accounting, etc… But he's not going to be able to attend college or community college for that matter. He watches as he gets left behind.I thought of this one day, and had to write this down. It's a similar life situation for me, and it fits Dai's character perfectly. Whether or not it turns out the way I want is up to my brain. Don be surprised if it isn't that good.
Song used: Brother Down by Sam Roberts
I looked down at my desk, as I seen the report for my last grade at this God forsaken hellhole called 'high school'. I looked down to see the barely noticeable pass marks, a fifty-two, a fifty-four, two fifties and a sixty-four. I looked up at the front of the class to see T.P. talking with Hikari, Miyako, and Ken. They were all comparing marks with each, and quite obviously they all passed with good enough grades. I sighed as a looked out the window to see various students departing from the premises.
… One life to live but we're doing it wrong you see…
Their bodies shrunk as they walked away from the high school, either because it was their last time, or the end of a lower grade. The sky was almost absolutely clear, except for a few white puffballs here and there. It looked like a nice day, to say the least. The tree's remained lifeless and still, as everyone pass them by. "Hey, Dai, what are you doing over there by yourself?" Asked Takeru, as he stared at me.
I looked away from the window to see four intent faces, each with a smile on their faces. I put on my best fake smile, hoping that they would buy it. "Oh, I was just watching that pretty girl… the one I told you guys about." I replied, as I knew full well I'd had never told them about a pretty girl, and neither was I interested in anyone to begin with.
The all semi laughed as I looked back out the window. I wanted to get up and walk over to them, and talk but my self-pity was haunting me. I stayed were I was, as I felt their glares remaining on me. "Why are you being so distant today, Dai? Normally we can't get you to shut up or go away?" Added Miyako, as she looked at him with concern.
…Got my brother down 'cause it's nothing to me…
"Ohhh, I ummm just don't feel good." I replied, as I knew now they felt something was definitely wrong.
I looked down at my feet. I was lost in my thoughts. I'm so fucking stupid. I can't believe they even like me. "Daisuke, tell us what is wrong!" Added Ken, as they all stood up and slowly walked up to me, as my chest began to feel heavy.
I looked down at the report of marks barely worth mentioning about, not even worthy of considering them 'passing marks'. I looked back up as they were still approaching me. I quickly jumped out of my seat and dashed towards the door. "Daisuke! What are you…" That was all I heard of Mr. Ichigo, as I exited the classroom and into the semi crowded halls.
…Everyone's saying that it's wrong
to cheat
But there's no other way to get your life on easy street…
The immediately decided to hide myself among the groups of people walking down the hall, as I heard a familiar voice. "Dai? What are you doing here?"
I looked to my right to see Jun standing there, noticing she was in the high school to get a job. She was thinking about applying for a spot as a Sociology teacher in the high school, and I guess she was going through with it. "Ummm, last day of school…" I stopped as I just ran into another trap.
"Really, so how did my lil' bro do?" She asked as she smiled at me, hoping to hear the good news.
I looked away. I couldn't tell her that I failed. I couldn't. If she did, I would be humiliated. Deserves me right I guess. I wasted my pathetic excuse of a life. Maybe I deserve to be hurt or humiliated. "Dai, what is wrong with you?" Asked Hikari's gentle voice.
…Someone else telling you what you're living for…
I looked at the one girl that I admired so much. She looked at me with her innocent eyes. The ones that used to make me melt like cheese upon a hot and steamy dish. I only smiled, as I had to do something. " Hikari, I want to tell you something," I began as both Jun and Hikari both looked at me with concern, "TK and you are meant for each other. Don't keep holding back. Tell him your feelings. I know your having a hard time telling him, but it's hurting him as much as it's hurting you. Don't hold back from your feelings."
Both of them looked at me with faces of amazement as Jun's jaw almost dropped and Hikari began to slightly blush and looked down at her feet. At that moment, the coast was clear so I took off once again down the hall, trying to avoid another confrontation.
…Been knocking you down now you're
looking for more
And the only sound you hear is a closing door…
I finally made it to the school entrance as I looked behind me to see a site that everyone was longing to see; Hikari kissing TK. I looked away, as I began to think of why I hadn't ever told her or him that. But now, I think they finally gave up on me. I slowly walked out of the high school as it was going to be the last time ever.
I looked up at the sky as I continued walking down the street to my house. I blew everything I could have ever dreamt about having; a career, and now, I fucked it up. I screwed myself over. I'm going to lose all my best friends, because of my stupid brain. If someone were to walk up with a gun, I would provoke them enough to shoot me in the head, maybe even force them too. My life is over.
… Been looking for peace but they're bringing you war…
I looked up as I opened the door and noticed my father standing at the doorstep. He frowned. I looked away and squinted my eyes, as I knew instantly he found out about my marks. Time seem to practically freeze, as I felt the air moving as something connected to the side of my face, and sent me flying on the ground.
The pain on my cheek was swelling extremely fast. I felt the tears form at my eyes. Sorrow filled my body again.
…There's a man over there says he's tougher than me…
I felt to hands grab me by the collar of my shirt as he dragged me in the house. "Tell me, kid. My did you make us waste our damn money on you so you could flunk out on us?" He began as he picked me up, holding me just by the collar and nearly choking me.
He's giving me what I want. Please kill me. The tears didn't hold back. They flowed steadily down the curves of my face. This emptiness in me is unbearable to any physical pain that I've experienced. I looked at him, as I clenched my teeth and frowned expecting him to take it away, as if I were a bug. But he didn't. He let go. "Dai, I'm so sorry…"
I didn't expect this. He fell to his knees as he looked up at me. "Dai, I'm sorry I lost my anger. I'm sorry!" He yelled as he began to cry himself.
WHY DIDN'T YOU FUCKING KILL ME? Why couldn't build enough courage to kill, even though you built enough to hurt me? "Dad, it's alright. You need to stop focusing on the material objects and focusing on your family. Jun needs you. She tells me how much you weren't there when she needed you. Dad, there is still time to change all of that. Help her and be there for her. Be a shoulder that she can cry on, be the one to take her out to lunch so you can listen to her adventures and life outside of the work force. Be happy for her, because she is the successful one. She is the one that has a future…"
I ran… I don't where I just did. The people around me slowly faded away like a film ending at the theatres. I look back once, and never thought that life was a sick and twisted fantasy…
…But I got eyes that can see through fantasy…
…I think my life is passing me by…