A planet and at once a city…Coruscant.
A planet what shows best how opposed the world is.
At daytime the sky was blue and creme colored clouds were rippling high above the rooftops of the skyscrapers.
And at night….everything black but flooded by thousands of small and great lights….so colored.
The huge sheet clusters really daunt at the first visit.
On the first sight the blocks looked like fresh out of a press coming metal garbage.
But Coruscants buildings could also be beautiful.
At least the top ones.
Deep down, at the cornerstones of the skyscrapers where in bygone days daily life has been, there were beings who lost absolutely everything.
Who once was there would never see one of the illuminated advertisings of the top again.
They were pitiful beings. Down there they were condemned to die.
And on top…
On top were sitting the ones who hang themselves when their wealth became a little smaller.
This was unfair. But Sera was old enough to accept it.
Old enough not to yell it out how unfair she founds it.
Yes she was matured enough.
The young jedi was convinced about it at least. Her sight floated above the black buildings.
Then she could see herself on the mirroring glass in front of her.
A young, slim woman with short pink hair, a slender face with high cheekbones and yellow eyes looked at her lost in thought.
Somehow she always felt strange when looking at her reflection.
She felt so often this reflection was someone else and to look in her own eyes was like this other person would look through her. An awkward feeling.
She left coruscates buildings and her reflection sighing.
Another night when she couldn't sleep or was hunted by bad dreams.
How long did it happen?
The young woman sat cross-legged on the smooth ground in her small room and took deep breaths. Her hands lied like two half opened bowls on her feet, the elbows lied on her tighs.
She sought for inner peace, controlled her breathing, concentrate on every part of her body and tried with this to become calm. A deep sigh was heard.
Why couldn't everything work only ONE TIME?
Couldn't she just sleep well at least? How long were her nights this annoying?
She didn't know it anymore. Her nights were restless, her sleep not relaxing.
Did she has to make it so hard to herself?
What the hell was going wrong with her?
Sera was unsatisfied with herself. She had a picture in her mind and somehow it didn't fit with her. It was annoying.
But every time she felt angry about something there was a voice in her mind what cautioned her.
Patience.
kHave patience!/k the voice said. kYou will find your place. Everything goes it's ways./k
But that sounded so easy. As she couldn't do anything but to wait.
Sera hated it when she couldn't have influence on anything even If she knew that practice from her previous life. But anytime she has passed a line.
The unfettered devotion and the strong belief in the republic and the Jedi Order what she always had when she was a Padawan, started to change with the beginning of the Clone Wars and her successful concluded examination.
They began to fade.
Sera has seen so much death and pain in this war. On both sides.
And there were times she felt like being a part of a game.
A game what was controlled by others. In whom she just was a simple, replaceable figure what doesn't means anything.
It frustrated her. She wanted to fight for something what she really could believe in.
Gladly she would fight on the front. To free planets from the tyranny and invasion of the separatists. That was one side of her. The side what wanted to do and cause something NOW to feel better. To make her feel like everyone she was doing something "good". She would fight for peace.
The other side of her…
The other side was doubting about the sense of the war. And about the intentions of the republic.
It was an exhausting interplay of her views. Sometimes Sera didn't know what she should think.
She was torn between. And it was awfully exhausting.
Nobody knew about her remorse. And that shouldn't change.
Still it was torturing her not being able to decide for one side.
It would make everything easier.
Okay. Meditation didn't want to work today like she wished.
So the Jedi stood up and laid herself down on her bed.
At least she should try to sleep. How nice it would be to shut off the mind.
Tomorrow she would deliver a small load of relief supplies to a former war zone for the people who still lived there. As a gesture of friendship from the republic in the name of the Jedi.
'A little parade.' thought Sera and sighed before she closed her eyes and waited until she fell much to late asleep this night.