Porcelain
Summary: Kurt has a problem, and Finn and Rachel figure it out. And they become determined to help him, even though he can totally handle it.
Prompt fill for the glee_angst_meme: Kurt!eating disorder
so I've totally had this in my head for awhile.
Finn walks into the bathroom and hears Kurt throwing up, but Kurt just tells him he's sick. After a few times of it happening, Finn mentions to someone how sick Kurt has been lately, and they make the connection.
Finn's tired. He hasn't slept very well in weeks, and it's probably stress. But anyway, he doesn't really feel like being in school--especially not in Math--so he decides to ditch for the last ten minutes of the period.
When he gets there, he hears something weird.
Somebody, he eventually realizes, is puking his guts out.
Eventually, whoever it is finishes, with some coughs, and flushes the toilet and steps out into the dimly-lit bathroom.
Finn does a double-take when he sees it's Kurt, who freezes as he wipes dust from his knees.
"Oh, Finn," The boy gives him a strained smile, "Hello."
"Hey, Kurt. Are you okay?" Finn asks this with concern in his voice, because he kind of really likes Kurt, and Kurt seems to have gotten over his googliness around him. (Finn still doesn't know what that was about.)
"Of course I am. I was just feeling a little sick." He looks kind of sick, with dark circles under his eyes and having lost some weight.
For a second Finn wants to tell him to go to the Nurse, to go home, but then Kurt shoots him a self-assured smile, and there is so much confidence in his stance and emptiness in his eyes, he ends up not saying anything, because no matter what, Kurt manages to convince everybody he is okay.
It's next week when it happens again. It's Kurt's first time back at Lunch after a week of not being in the cafeteria at all (which causes some worry among the girls that he manages to effectively dispel by telling them that he was just studying for some tests he's totally stressed about).
He leaves after he eats--and he eats plenty, a full, healthy meal--without speaking much to his friends, not even Mercedes.
He leaves early, and a bit later, Finn follows, because his hands are covered with spilt slushie (badly aimed drinks--no wonder their baseball team sucks) and they feel dirty.
He hears somebody throwing up. Again. It's the same kind as last time, violent retching and coughing, and stopping then starting again.
Somebody knocks on the door of the stall, and Finn, curious about what that is about, doesn't answer.
Carefully, Kurt steps out again. He freezes, eyes huge, bigger and more sunken in than Finn remembers.
(Under the dim lighting of the bathroom, he suddenly looks skinnier than he was just a week ago. He's been losing weight all year, Finn now notices, but he always was guessing that it was some weird diet or something. People do that kind of stuff sometimes, right?)
Suddenly, he smiles a tentative half-smile, and goes to wash his hands, which he hides carefully until he shoves them under the flowing water.
"Dude, are you okay?" he asks. "I mean...you don't look so good."
Kurt winces at the words. "I'm fine, thank you." He lifts his head in a reassuring and over-confident way, but doesn't smile. "I'm a little sick, in fact. Maybe I'll go to the Nurse."
"Yeah, man, you do that." Finn claps a hand onto Kurt's shoulder and squeezes.
He totally forgets that McKinley no longer has a Nurse.
Over the next two weeks, Kurt skips Lunch consistently, and when he doesn't, he eats a meal of a salad.
He's not quite underweight, but is teetering on an almost invisible line constantly.
And Finn...Finn doesn't know why, but he spots Kurt in the mornings or after Lunch or even after football, once, when he goes back into the locker room thinking everybody's left, throwing up violently. It kind of reminds him of Quinn's morning sickness, but it isn't the same, 'cause Kurt's a dude and all, and there's just something weird about it.
He's probably just kind of sick, but Finn can't help worrying a little, because he cares a lot about, like, every single person in glee club (kind of even Puck and Quinn, who he's still pretty mad at because, you know, they lied).
He tries to shove his worries about Kurt to the back of his mind, because the kid's always been a really confident person who seems like he can take of himself, ever since the first day Finn ever met him. So he just kind of leaves all of the worrying in the very back of his head.
But one day, after hearing Kurt puke yet again (geez, he should really get whatever that is checked out, it's probably, like, agrravated stomach flu or whatever), and being totally out of it during rehearsal, Rachel asks him, with those oddly concerned deer eyes, after everybody else has left, even Mr. Schue, if he's okay.
He nods. "Yeah, I'm dealing pretty good." Pretty well, a nagging voice that sounds weirdly like Rachel whispers in his ear, but it's too late to change what he's said anyway, because it's always too late to change what you say, he knows.
"Are you completely certain of this, because I quite understand if you are not entirely in your best spirits, considering how things have been lately."
"Well..." he pauses, and suddenly realizes what's been bothering him. "It's kind of...Kurt." He stops again. "It's not like I have a crush on him or something, but I'm kinda worried about him, he hasn't been so good the last few weeks."
Rachel's eyes are suddenly shrewdly concerned, because she's had a thought or two about that lately as well. There's been something off about the only countertenor in the club, lately. "What is it?"
"I dunno, but I think he's sick, 'cause, y'know, he's always throwing up."
"He's vomiting?"
"Yeah, a lot. I sometimes walk in on him, in that old bathroom I thought nobody went into. It's kind of like he's hiding it or something, 'cause I go to that bathroom to hide from stuff too. But whenever I ask if he's okay, he just says he's sick, and he looks so confident and stuff that I figure he is gonna be okay."
He looks up from his rambled speech, into Rachel's face, which looks a little stricken and curious. She runs a hand down her soft hair.
"You don't think it's aggravated stomach flu, do you?" Finn asks anxiously.
Rachel looks at him strangely before getting back to her silent pondering, as though trying to figure out what she's going to say. She sighs, before speaking gently, "Well, this was certainly quite an excellent, albeit disturbing, observation on your part. And I am rather glad that you told me this, because," and she must have been taking lessons from Ms. Pillbury, because she's really good at the caring-voice, "I believe Kurt has a problem."
"What kind of problem? Is he really sick?"
"Yes. I think he's really sick."
"But with what? He's been, like, getting skinnier whenever I see him, and he keeps skipping Lunch. It that, like, a special sickness?" Suddenly, he's afraid he might have said something wrong, because Rachel looks kind of really sad.
"Um..." she takes in a hissing breath, as if in pain. "How much attention did you pay in Health class this year? I am quite aware you are not as exemplary a student as I, and would like a rough estimate."
"Uh..." Finn looks guilty. "Not that much, I guess. Why? Is what Kurt has something we talked about?"
"Yes. Do you remember the unit on eating disorders?"
"Uh...that's when people make themselves get skinny, right?"
"Yes. I believe this is the condition you're seeing in Kurt."
"Wait...I...huh?"
"Look, Finn, it might be rather difficult for you to understand at the moment, but you may later when we get the chance to speak to Kurt."
"Talk?"
"Yes, I think we should confront him quite soon, so as to try to get him some help before he really hurts himself."
Finn, having always been a little slow on the uptake, just asks one more time, "So...he's sick?"
"Quite sick."
Rachel tells Kurt to stay a little later than usual after practice.
The boy raises an eyebrow. "Yes?" His eyes land on Finn. "What's happening? Diva, if this is because I missed a couple of notes today, can it, because I'm not in the mood."
"I think you'd better sit down."
The boy's features morph into cold. "I have a test to study for, and homework to do. Why did you keep me? Is this some sort of interrogation?" He asks smoothly.
"It's come to Finn's attention that lately you've been vomiting unnaturally often."
Kurt stiffens. "I've been a bit sick lately, and dad's been too busy to take me to the Doctor's, so I'm waiting it out."
"We have also noted that you've recently lost weight."
His pink mouth forms a thin line. "So? What is that to you, do you often take notice of the other glee clubbers' weight? That seems something more fit for Ms. Sylvester, Rachel, it's hardly appropriate for our captain to note my weight, no matter how unsatisfactory it may be."
"We're merely quite worried about you."
Kurt begins to get up from his uncomfortable seat, and throws a dirty look at both of the other teens in the room. "There's nothing to worry about. I know you have some kind of convoluted idea that I have a problem, but be assured that there is no problem, and there will never be."
Finn looks out the door, as Kurt leaves with his usual crisp strut.
Rachel sighs. "I believe we have a large issue on our hands."
"Uh huh."