Author's Notes: Thanks to Artemis Arcturus, who (while studying for a final exam) provided the concept of this oneshot. It started off as strictly humor, but somehow ended up as a romance/drama/humor type of thing. Hope you all enjoy it! I do not own Harry Potter, or any recognizable characters, locations, etc. They all belong to JK Rowling.

Warning: This could be somewhat considered spoilers for Deathly Hallows. Just be warned…Do not blame me if you still decide to read this and do not wish to be spoiled! Thanks!

Also, be warned, this fic contains some James Potter bashing. If you are a fan of James, I would advise you to hit the back button now. The characters will probably be behaving in a way that is a bit of a skewed canon, so bear that in mind. This is not a to-be-taken serious piece.

Surprising Lessons

For a change, Third Year Gryffindor and Slytherin Herbology class was not held in the greenhouses that day, but in a rarely used classroom. It always threw everyone off when Herbology was not spent surrounded by vicious, biting, snapping, screaming, or oozing plants. Desks were used in History of Magic not Herbology. The students were not left to think about this long before their professor announced the opening fun fact of the lecture. From there, it became an interesting class indeed.

"Did you know, that according to geneticists, the only reason sex occurs is because it's the best way to avoid gene mutations?"

The head of a boy with spiky black hair and glasses shot up at attention. "Really?" He grimaced, as though this information horrified him.

The other boy next to him looked as though he wanted to vomit, as he whispered to his friend, "I thought we did it 'cause it felt good." The two exchanged pained looks.

"Regardless of what you think, Mr. Potter and Mr. Black," the professor continued. "If we reproduced asexually…"

Some of the students instantly took out their quills and parchment, thinking that this was noteworthy material. A tired looking Gryffindor sluggishly began writing, his eyes at half-mast like he was about to fall asleep, but his mind was fully focused. There was a fat Gryffindor who struggled to spell the things the professor was talking about, his beady eyes focused in dismay at his horrible handwriting. Towards the front of the room, a pair of students were furiously writing the dictations of their professor's lecture. One was black-haired, the other a redhead. One a boy, the other a girl. What made them unusual was that the boy was a Slytherin, and the girl was a Gryffindor. They both hunched over their parchment, their quills flying across it taking notes.

"…all our chromosomes would be identical, and if there were an error due to external forces, it would keep repeating down the genetic line."

The black-haired Slytherin tensed as he heard a voice behind him whisper, "Must've been an error in Snape's chromosomes then! Look at the slimy git!"

The Slytherin was about to turn around and reply with an equally cutting remark when the Gryffindor girl next to him grabbed his arm. He looked at her. "Sev, it's not worth it. Ignore it." He let out a deep sigh before resuming his note taking. Out of the corner of his eye he saw her turn enough to glare at the offender behind them.

"Sexual reproduction offers a variety of repair methods which combine different DNA traits to overcome the mutations."

After a sentence like that, the Slytherin couldn't resist. He turned around glaring to the boy with wavy dark hair sitting next to James Potter. "Must be why everyone in your family is deranged, Black. Too much inbreeding to correct the mutations."

Sirius Black had his wand drawn and he stood heatedly from his chair, Severus following an instant later with his wand also drawn. James Potter leaped up from his chair as well. The redhead girl stayed seated but grabbed Severus's arm and made him lower his wand. "Sev, stop." She rounded on her housemates. "That was cruel, Black!"

Sirius quivered in anger. "And what Snivellus said wasn't, Evans?"

"Don't call him that!"

From the left of Sirius, the tired looking Gryffindor boy spoke up. "Sit down, guys!"

"Shut up, Remus!" James snapped.

"Silence, everyone!" shouted the professor. "Everyone sit down and put your wands away!" The four students all sat down again, lowering their wands. "Because I have to…Points need to be taken. More of a pain to do than anything." The professor looked around at the offenders. "Five points from Slytherin for the comment against Mr. Black. Ten points from Gryffindor for what was said about Mr. Snape, and the nickname. Five points to Miss Evans for trying to stop the conflict. Five points to Mr. Lupin for trying to put an end to the conflict. Five points to Mr. Snape for not starting the conflict."

Sirius whispered to James, "That leaves us all exactly where we left off."

Remus smirked. "Glad to see your arithmancy has improved."

After a few more moments everyone was back in their seats and the professor was about to continue with the lecture when an arm rose, quaking in the person's nervousness. "What, Mr. Pettigrew?"

"What's sex?"

Sirius and James both snorted. Remus shook his head, trying to hide the fact that he was holding back a laugh. Severus and Lily looked back at Pettigrew before rolling their eyes and facing the front again. The rest of the class silently stared at the Gryffindor, who was now as red as his tie.

~X~X~X~X~X~

Later that week, Severus was making a final practice flourish with his new spell. He was determined to use it on the first opportunity. Once he saw James Potter even attempt to sweet talk his Lily...this hex would hit the moron!

He sat in the Great Hall…munching on a piece of toast. Waiting. Lily was sitting next to Remus Lupin, intent on some intelligent-looking conversation. Pettigrew was sitting on the other side of Lupin…was he playing with his porridge? Severus had nothing against Lupin…except that he just knew there was something wrong with him. As long as he did not hurt his Lily. Now, Potter and Black…yes, he had many problems with those two. Speaking of which, Sirius and James just walked into the Great Hall strutting arrogantly down the aisle between the Ravenclaw and Gryffindor tables. The two of them sat down across from Lupin and Lily.

Perfect! They're backs were to him.

"What are you doing, Snape? You look like you are about to attack something."

Without looking, Severus knew who had just sat beside him. "I am, Malfoy."

Lucius Malfoy, now a seventh year student, raised his eyebrows. "Oh really?" He looked at the old potions book that he'd given his young friend at the beginning of the year, which Snape was always found scribbling in. He read the words. 'Azoosperminfertilius!' After reading the notation next to it, Lucius looked at the younger Slytherin with a strange expression. "If you tell me that this will be tested on an animal or a mudblood I will look the other way and pretend I never saw this." Severus nodded. "Okay then," said Lucius, as he stood up and walked back down the table to his peers in his year.

But Severus was not even paying attention. He was waiting. Waiting for James to even lean into Lily the wrong way! If he touched her, it was over! If she even grimaced…His hand holding onto his wand trembled in anticipation…

Meanwhile at the Gryffindor table…Sirius was trying to distract Remus by asking him questions that did not even make sense, though Remus tried to patiently answer them. "Can I borrow your notes, Moony?"

"No!"

Sirius would pout and then launch into another pointless question.

Pettigrew just kept adding anything he could find to his porridge like he was experimenting with a potion. Two tables away, Severus hoped the porridge would blow up. Maybe he could make that spell next…

James was not giving up asking Lily to go to Hogsmeade with him, to hang out in the library (which he never visited), to sit cozily by the common room fireplace one night. She smiled indulgently as she refused, but when he made the next offer, she looked completely disgusted. "How about a late night ride on my broomstick around the Quidditch Pitch?" He reached over and touched her hand.

Remus saw Severus fly to his feet and had only enough time to say, "Whoa!" before the Slytherin had aimed his wand and shouted, "Azoosperminfertilius!" A jet of red light shot from his wand and slammed into James's back. He fell forward, his face landing in the eggs on his plate.

Sirius fell off of the bench and struggled back to his feet his wand out. "Snivellus! You little—"

"Slimeball?" offered Pettigrew from behind the seemingly vomit-containing porridge bowl.

"Yes! Slimeball!" Sirius was so shocked that he could not even come up with a curse at that moment! James groaned and Sirius forgot about Severus for a second as he looked at his friend, who had egg bits stuck to his cheek. "Are you okay?"

"What happened?" he looked at Sirius with blurry eyes. "Where's Evans?"

Lily had run away from the table as soon as she heard Remus shout, "Whoa!" She ran to the big doors of the Great Hall, motioning for Severus to follow her as soon as Sirius turned from the Slytherin. Severus grabbed his book and ran up the aisle to meet her. Once he reached her, she grabbed his hand and ran with him with no destination in mind. Just ran. They didn't hear that Remus had followed them quickly, eager to not be involved in the newest batch of trouble. They heard Sirius shout, "Just you wait, Snivellus! You're gonna get it, you dirty snake!"

Lily and Severus ran and found themselves outside of the library. She pulled on his hand and led him inside, knowing that Madam Pince was not one to stand for nonsense and fighting in the library. Once she dragged her friend to the end of an aisle she let his hand go and whispered at him, harshly. "Why did you do that, Sev? What made you—He didn't really, well, he did say something very crude, but why did you just shout out—What did you shout out?"

He shuffled his feet nervously and looked down. How was he possibly supposed to explain that he came up with a spell to make Potter leave her alone? He'd have to tell her then! He couldn't do that! It would ruin their friendship! 'Thought this out real good, Snape!' he yelled at himself.

"Sev, look at me." His dark eyes snapped up to meet hers. "What did you do to him?" His mouth opened and closed several times like a fish gasping out of water. He couldn't say it. How did you say it?

Lily sighed and snatched his book from his hands. "No, Lily!" He reached for it but she kept jerking it out of his reach. "Give it back."

"It's in here, isn't it? The spell you made up!"

Severus's brow crinkled. "Please, Lily." He reached for the book, only to have her hold it out of reach.

She smiled at him, her green eyes glittering. "Just tell me what you did."

"No, give it back!" He reached for it again and her hands flew behind her back hiding the book. Without thinking of anything but getting his book back, he flung his arms around her and grabbed her hands holding the book. The force and speed of his arms coming around her moved him forward and his weight pushed her into the bookshelf. She looked up at him with wide green eyes. At that moment he realized that he was holding Lily, his Lily. Not exactly the way he imagined, but he was still holding her in his arms. And she was looking at him. He stared at her eyes, not even knowing anything but his desire to be lost in them. "Lily…"

Then it happened.

She leaned forward and touched her lips to his. He was overwhelmed with surprise, amazement, confusion, and every other emotion he couldn't even name. He released her hands and framed her face in his hands as he gave himself to the unexpected but glorious kiss. Was he dreaming this? He knew in films that when people kissed they closed their eyes, but he did not want to forget or miss a second of this moment. He felt something in him break when he felt her arms curl up his back to hold his shoulder blades. Growing bolder, Severus let his fingers slide into her red hair that he had longed to touch since he was nine years old, and found that it was just as silky and just as soft as he had imagined. Lily's fingers began to softly caress his shoulders. The movement was slight, but Severus felt it clearly. He pressed his body to hers forcing her against the bookshelf as he separated for a breath from the kiss. She gasped at the separation, and it was the most exciting sound Severus had ever heard. He plunged forward and claimed her lips again. He closed his eyes only when he felt tears sting his eyes.

And in that moment, Severus knew why people closed their eyes during kisses in the films.

~X~X~X~X~X~

Remus Lupin watched the Slytherin and his fellow Gryffindor come together from a few aisles away with a small smile on his lips. His plan had been to find out what spell Snape had done on James…but seeing this…he wasn't even sure if he cared. He waited until he saw them separate. Lily took Severus's hand and led him out of the library. Both of them were smiling.

Wait! Weren't they fighting over a book?

Remus went to the aisle they had vacated and saw a potions textbook laying on the ground. He flipped open the cover to be sure. Property of the Half-Blood Prince. He flipped through it to see if it was Snape's book. It was only when he flipped to a certain page containing the long spell he'd heard in the Great Hall that he knew it was the Slytherin's book. He read the spiky handwriting.

'Azoosperminfertilius' – Ensures someone's spawn never terrorizes humanity. The eggs will never fertilize. Male becomes infertile.

"I guess you did learn something in Herbology, Snape." Remus felt a grin form on his face and he shook his head. "Poor James…" He left the library a moment later and headed towards his next class, Defense Against the Dark Arts. He would give Severus back his book before James and Sirius got there. Hopefully, he would not interrupt anything between the two.

Remus personally thought it took long enough for them to kiss in the first place.

Hope you all enjoyed it. I had a good time writing it. Thanks for reading! Please review! I would really appreciate it, because they totally make my day! Thanks!