Love Like Crazy

I held the weapon in my hand, trembling and afraid of what I should do. I began to shiver and my breathing was now falling at my side. I stared at her face so innocent and calm. Why wasn't she always like this? I asked myself. My hand reached out to her and as I caressed her face I realized that she was warm. My eyes followed down her body paying close attention to every part of her. I noticed the scars on her arms from the cutting and the bruises from all the injections. I held on to her hand trembling in fear. Her body… She was so skinny, exaggerated in a way, that sometimes I thought I might break her. She was like an antique porcelain doll, so fragile and delicate. My eyes found their way back to her face. I saw her hair and began stroking it. It had grown long from not cutting it. She always would ask me to cut it, but since that day everything changed. Me and her had become people that even we ourselves couldn't recognize. I tilted my head back and as I stared at the ceiling, tears began to form in my eyes.

I don't remember when it all started, but I can say that it feels like its always been like this. The only person who used to understand me suddenly became labeled as emotionally unstable, in other words she was crazy. I was never told why or how she got to be this way, but being as how I loved her I didn't care as long as I was here for her. Since I was ten I took care of her everyday, all day and as the years passed I still continue to. But now, in my 16th year things have become different. She's changed so drastically that I have begun to have maliged thoughts. All this happened a month ago. It shocked me, even scared me a little how everything can change in just a second. I walked into the room shivering. I always wondered why this room was so cold. When I saw that she was awake I greeted her "Hi mom, how are you feeling today?" I asked, as I sat next to her. She turned and looked at me. As I got out my work from my back-pack she continued to stare at me. While I wrote, that stare started to burn into me. I was at my limit. I put down my pen, turned to look at her and asked "Whats wrong mom,… hahaha don't tell me that you don't recognize me?" I said then smiled at her. That stare began to worry me. She looked at me with eyes that spoke who are you. With eyes that seem to not recognize you. She opened her mouth and in a whispered tone said to me "Who are you?" My pen rolled off my notebook and fell to the floor. To me it had sounded like a bullet was just shot and it had hit me right in the heart. I laughed a little "you're joking right?" I asked. Her stare finally left me and she turned to the other side. "Mom?" I said "Mom? Mom whats wrong. You're joking right, right you're joking" I asked desperately. I got up grabbed her shoulders and turned her my way. "Mom talk to me, you remember me right?" I asked. She wasn't looking at me, just kept her head turned the other way. Jerking her around like a rag doll I continued to ask if she knew me. Suddenly she pushed me away screaming. With such thin arms she was able to muster such a force that she could move me. She continued screaming telling me to get away from her, to not touch her and who was i. The doctors rushed in. Two of them grabbed a hold of her and tried to calm her down. One of them told me to wait outside the room and so I did, but on the window of the door I could see everything. The screams continued to go on and on until suddenly they died down then there was nothing but silence. The doctors got out of the room relieved that it had ended. I stopped one of them and asked him "Why couldn't she recognize me? My own mother, Why?" I began to shed tears. "Im sorry son but it happens. Sometimes they just forget things because they don't want to remember. In her case, maybe it was for your sake." He turned and looked at my mother. "You've been stuck here for 6years just taking care of her. You never hang out with your friends or just go out and explore the world," he said. I turned and looked at her too. "That may be, or maybe she's afraid of losing me so she just decided to forget…" I turned and looked at the doctor. "Buts its okay, I don't want her to get hurt. I love her. She's all I have left in this world and I'm all that she has," I said smiling weakly "Its fine, I can handle it, Ill be strong for her sake."

It was like this for 2 weeks, each day getting worse and worse, but I brushed it off. She would throw me stuff, cuss at me, tell me that she hated me, but eventhough it did hurt me, I ignored it. But after the third week, I began to feel different. When I looked at her I would want to slap her. Everytime she would go crazy I wanted to just strangle her so she could shut up. Speacially when she was falling asleep… She would still hurt me and so I just had the instant thought of getting the pillow and smothering her face in it. I didn't kno what was beginning to happen to me. It was like someone had taken over me, controlling me like a puppet. I had a feeling that the doctors were beginning to notice these changes too. Everytime I'd leave home they would say bye in this type of tone where I knew they were suspicious of my actions, but for a strange reason I didn't care if they knew. I just didn't give a damn anymore, all I wanted was for the pain to end, for the screams to silence and for me to be able to go back to my old self. This love had turned me crazy… Then that day came. I had tolerated, I had held back, and put up with it all I could, but today I wasn't going to resisnt temptation anymore. I was going to solve this situation no matter what type of measure I had to take up on my hands. That day I didn't go home, I waited in that room till it was only me and her in the building. I held the weapon in my hand, so ice cold that it burned. I was confused, confounded, and just didn't know the difference between right from wrong anymore. Looking at myself in the mirror, it felt like I was lookind at myself from a different dimension. I stared at her for the longest time thinking, deciding on how to just end it all. I remembered then that I had loved her, loved her to the poing that I didn't want any harm done to her. I loved her so much that I didn't want to hurt her. Finally it all came back to me. I stared at the gun in my hand and at my mother sleeping soundly. I pointed the gun, counted to three and before I pulled the trigger I smiled at her, happy in a way and spoke to her the last words she would ever hear "Im sorry." Then the only sound that echoed throughtout the room was the gun shot… Then there was silence. A silence so frightening that it seemed to make a sound.

The next day the doctor walked into the room. "Ready for the daily check up ma'am?" he asked. She had a serious look on her face like she ahd just woken up from a deep slumber. She thought hard about something, someone whom she loved most in this world. She turned to look at the doctor. The doctor noticed the change, it was as if she had just come back to life and was ready for it. With a whispered tone she spoke to the doctor and asked him "Where is my son?"

-Only Human