Only One Question Matters
AN: Hello. So, I don't ever do rewrites but I felt there was some plot clarification needed. This presents Remus in a slightly different manner than usually associated with his character so let me know what you think.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Remus and Tonks sat in a corner booth of a smoky London bar animatedly talking after a particularly tense Order meeting. They had spent the last hour and a half laughing and flirting. Remus' head went back as he laughed at a joke that Tonks had told before taking a sip of his drink. There was a moment of silence as the two exchanged glances full of sexual tension at each other.
"Can I ask you a question?" Tonks said.
"I don't know, can you?"
Tonks rolled her eyes before saying: "May I ask you a question, Professor?"
Remus slightly cringed at Tonks' teasing nickname before speaking. "Go on, then."
"Would you rather lime green or electric purple socks?'
Remus laughed and then looked confused. "What?"
"Answer the question."
"Purple—electric purple," Remus corrected himself when Tonks raised an eyebrow at him.
"May I ask you another question?" Tonks said.
"Of course," he said with a smirk.
"When are you going to ask me out?"
"Um…hmm…" Remus didn't say anything for a while and the silence was clearly making Tonks uncomfortable as she started to shift in her seat.
"I feel like an idiot," Tonks said. "Clearly, I was misreading things between us…"
"I don't date," Remus said, before taking a drink from his pint.
"You…uh…" Tonks stammered.
"We've been flirting for weeks and I'm truly flattered, but I don't want you to get the wrong impression that anything else is going to happen between us," Remus explained.
"You're using your professor tone with me again," Tonks said. It was something she had pointed out to him a couple of weeks ago and in usual circumstances was a joke between the two of them.
"Sorry, I just wanted to be upfront and honest."
"Right…may I ask you another question then?"
"Of course."
"Why are you telling me this now?"
"What do you mean?"
"You could have told me this multiples times over the past couple of weeks in Grimmauld Place, but instead you chose to ask me out for a drink and tell me in a pub."
"Ah, I see. Well, I didn't want your darling cousin and my dear friend to interrupt and make this conversation more awkward than it has to be."
"You are joking, right?"
"Sorry?"
"How could this be anymore awkward than it already is?" Tonks muttered.
"Well, your cousin is very talented at making my life more difficult."
"And yet you're still friends with him."
"Yes, I sometimes wonder why."
"So…you don't date."
"I don't date."
"Are you a virgin?"
Remus nearly choked on his drink before saying: "No. No, I haven't been one for many years. Why do you ask if I'm a virgin?"
"I was just wondering if that was why you don't date. If it was a intimidation thing or something…"
Remus chuckled. "No, it's more of a…I find it's just easier considering my…err…condition."
"Oh…Have you dated in the past?"
"Yes, but it's never really worked out."
"So, you're afraid."
"Afraid?"
"You're afraid of getting hurt."
"No. I just don't see the point of going through all of the steps of dating just to have it end as it always does."
"Which is how?"
"Badly."
"So, you prefer a life of celibacy?"
Remus softly chuckled as if there was a private joke he knew and Tonks wasn't privy to. "I said I didn't date. I never said anything about celibacy."
"Oh…So, you hook up with people?"
"I prefer to think of it as an arrangement between two adults on having consensual and non-messy sex."
"That's bollocks."
"Excuse me?"
"Sex is messy no matter what."
"Not necessarily."
Tonks took a long drink from her pint. She couldn't believe she was hearing any of this. She was sitting across from a man that she was very attracted to and he was attracted to her; yet, he wasn't going to date her. Actually, the more disturbing thing about the conversation was that this oxford-shirt-wearing-well-mannered-werewolf-professor didn't date but only hooked up with women and somehow didn't come off as a cad.
"These arrangements as they were, they are only with women, right?"
"I'm not gay. If I was, I think Sirius would have claimed me years ago."
"Sirius is straight…"
"Most of the time."
"What does that mean?"
"It means that in the past, he has been know to have a tendency to be open to exploring different sides of is sexuality when he has had way too much to drink. It mostly happened in our early twenties. Nothing serious ever came of it and I'd appreciate it if you didn't say anything on the matter."
Tonks took another deep drink of her pint. She was learning quite a bit this evening. "So, when did you start this whole hooking up thing?"
"A while back," Remus answered shifting in his seat. He was clearly uncomfortable talking about it with Tonks.
"So, how do you meet these women?"
"It depends…Sometimes, we've known each other awhile and other times we've simply had a nice time at the bar and wanted to get to know each other better."
"Why does this sound like something Sirius would do and not you?"
"Ah…Yes, I can see how it would seem as though your cousin is more of the, I believe the term is, ladies man. While, I come off as the quiet-goody-two-shoes type. The thing is, Sirius has a tendency to fall for women rather quickly, and…Well, I don't. The truth is, if things had gone differently, your dear cousin would be happily married and have a few children. Contrary to what many believe, your cousin and my dear friend; is a romantic at heart and a decent bloke. Saying that, he would kill me if he knew what I just told you so I'd appreciate it if this stayed between us…I'm the quiet-polite-one and you know what they say…"
"You always have to watch out for the quiet ones…."
"Exactly."
Things grew quiet for a few minutes and the room filled with an awkward tension. Typically, when Remus and Tonks were alone a cloud of sexual tension surrounded them but this was different.
"Are you okay?" Remus asked.
"I…Yes, I am. It's just a lot to digest."
"Well, take your time."
"I have one more question."
"Yes?"
"Why haven't you made a move on me? We clearly have a great chemistry and the sexual tension between us is fantastic."
Remus gave a soft smile. "Hmm…You're lovely and anyone would be lucky to be with you. Saying that, you're relationship material and I'm not. It wouldn't be fair, so I'm not going to make a move."
"What if I make a move?"
"Dora, we—"
"Don't call me that," Tonks said, with an edge in her voice.
"Of course," Remus said, in a soft tone while his facial expression was that of caution.
"I should go," Tonks said, standing up.
"Have a nice night," Remus said softly.
"You too," Tonks said quietly before walking out the bar and disappearing into street.
Remus finished his drink, ordered another, and eventually made his way over to the bar where a red-haired woman who had been watching him for a while was sitting.
"Who was that pretty thing you were talking to?" the woman asked as he sat down.
"No one you know," Remus replied. "May I buy you a drink?"
The woman smiled and stood up. "Yes, but let's go somewhere a bit more…welcoming."
Remus smiled and followed her outside into the street. They walked around the corner before disapperating and finding themselves in Knockturn Alley. They walked through a maze of different side streets before walking down a flight of steps and into a bar. The bar had all types of people, but most of them had the familiar telltale signs: the limps and scars. There were an assortment of "dark creatures" in the bar, but this didn't seem to faze anyone. The woman pointed out a corner booth, which she claimed while Remus ordered a round.
"So, who is she?" the woman asked after Remus had sat down.
Remus didn't say anything, but just gave the woman a look.
"Oh…this is different."
"She is a colleague. Nothing more."
The woman laughed. "I know that look. You want her." When Remus didn't respond, she added. "It's okay, I'm not offended. She's cute."
"Julia…"
"So, why didn't you go home with her?"
"You know why," Remus said pointedly.
"Ah…well, just because she isn't tainted doesn't mean it wouldn't be fun."
"It always surprises me how…blunt you are. It's very un-English of you."
"This is where you forget I didn't grow up on this island. I don't have all the proper mannerisms, but you have it cover so I don't need to worry about it," Julia said with a devilish grin and took a sip of her drink. "So, what excuse did you use?"
"I told her the truth. I don't date."
The woman scoffed. "That's not the whole truth…"
"Okay, I didn't tell her I don't date people who aren't infected," he said biting the last word so that Julia cringed.
"You always make it sound so repulsive."
"Well, it is."
"I've missed your self-loathing," Julia said looking at her drink. "I'll admit the transformation bit is pretty horrid, but honestly Remus it's just a blood-borne pathogen that causes some minor changes one night of the month. It's not as bad as you make it out to be."
"Right and how do you keep your job? Oh, right! You live off your little trust fund. Not all of us have that luxury. Last time I checked more than half of the wizarding world despises our kind—"
"Which boils down to ignorance. Yes, some exploit it and are dangerous but people like us. People, who just want to live their lives and do good. We…We aren't the problem. As for the remark about my family…that's low, even for you. I would trade all the money for them back again, you should know that…" Her voice was quiet at the end and Remus slightly cringed.
"Julia, I'm sorry. You know I didn't…"
"I know. In know I'm lucky, but I also refuse to let it control my life." She smiled at him and squeezed his hand. She took a deep drink and then looked at Remus. "We are both far too sober."
"I'll drink to that," Remus said lifting his half empty drink and draining it. "Another?" he asked.
"Only if you promise we can talk about other things and you will flirt with me."
"I think I can do that," Remus said with a grin.
He blamed it on the alcohol and the fact that Julia knew him so well. That was his only real explanation. He refused to admit it was because they were both lonely and looking for comfort. He would never say it, but there was something about the fact that they were both infected with the same disease and that Julia was barren that made it any easier.
She had fallen asleep and he sat on the side of the bed in his boxers looking at the clothes scattered around the room. He ran his hands through his hair, got up, and started to get redressed. He was buckling his belt when Julia's voice made him stop.
"I forgot how fast you get redressed. You must hold the world record."
Remus turned around and looked at Julia. She was sitting up and had the bed sheets pulled up around her.
"I…uh…I just figured—"
"I get it, Remus. There's no point in staying if you aren't going to get any sleep." She stood up and with the sheet wrapped around her went over to Remus. She gave him a kiss on the lips before saying: "Thanks for a good time." She left the room and as he was finishing up he could hear her putting the kettle on for tea.
His plan was to be redressed and leave, but as he was walking towards the door, Julia said: "You should tell her."
He turned to see Julia holding a cup of tea and now wearing an oversized sweater that ended at her thighs. "Pardon?"
"Whatever her name is, you should tell her that you like her. It's obvious, so why deny it."
"Hmm…" He leaned against the wall and said: "Isn't it just easier to just let it fade?"
"You should stop denying yourself the chance to live life."
"I-I-I live."
"Taking care of your best friend when he is drunk and then working the rest of time isn't living. Don't try to deny you take care of him. I'm a werewolf, not stupid. Tell him I say hi."
"I'll let him know. If you're so opinionated, why haven't you joined?"
Julia sighed. "Because I'm not as brave as you in that department and I don't think I could stand seeing you in danger." Before Remus could say anything, Julia continued: "Tell her. If anything, I want you to be happy."
"Goodbye, Julia."
"Goodbye, Remus."
"You were home late…Or should I say early since it was this morning?" Sirius asked, leaning against the library doorframe. "Did you have a nice time with my baby cousin? Actually, I don't want to know what you did with her, as I'd like to keep my breakfast down. Oh Merlin, please don't tell me you two are going to turn into stupid sex pests at meetings now. It's bad enough that you…You're ignoring me."
"How perceptive of you," Remus replied, not looking up from the book he was reading.
Sirius glared at Remus for a few minutes and walked over to the table that was adjacent to the lit fireplace and the chair where Remus was sitting. He watched as Remus didn't skip a beat and kept reading even when Sirius threw a piece of rolled up paper at him.
"What did you do?" Sirius said. His tone was serious in comparison to earlier.
"What makes you think I did something?" Remus asked.
"Well for one, you'd be grinning if you had done something fun with Tonks…Plus, I've known you since we were eleven and you only read that book when you're feeling guilty about something."
Remus looked up. "It's a good book."
"You did something."
Remus closed the book and put it on the side table as if trying to prove a point.
"You still did something," Sirius said.
Remus rolled his eyes, sighed, and held the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes. "I didn't do anything bad, I was just…honest."
"Then why are you reading that?"
"It's a good book."
"You do realize you can't lie to me, right?"
Remus opened his eyes, dropped his hand, and looked at the fire to avoid looking at Sirius. "I…I told her the truth," Remus breathed out.
"Which is?" Sirius prompted and when Remus shift in his seat Sirius sighed. "Oh, that…How did she take it?"
"How do you think she took it?"
Sirius sighed. "You know, I've never told you how to run your love-life." Remus glared at him. "Well…mostly."
"Uh-huh."
"Tonks likes you. You like her. Don't try to deny it. I see the way you look at her. Here is the thing, I know you've gotten hurt before and I'm sorry that happened to you. Really, I am but you cannot keep cutting yourself off. I don't want to hear you crying in ten years about how you blew it with someone who could have change your life forever. I don't know if it's Tonks, but you both could do a lot worse."
"She's your baby cousin, shouldn't you be trying to dissuade me from getting involved with her?"
"Probably, but it will be entertaining as hell to watch you two fumble through it."
Remus laughed. "I'm glad my entire existence is to entertain you."
"Well, we've known that for years," Sirius said, causing the two of them to laugh. "So, why weren't you home until three this morning?" Sirius asked.
Remus looked at the ground and avoided looking at his best friend. "I ran into Julia. She says hello."
"Ah…She was always nice."
"Yes."
"Well, that was yesterday. Today is today and tomorrow is a tomorrow."
"You're very sentimental today."
"What can I say, old age has made me go soft."
"Sirius, thank you."
"Anytime," Sirius said before walking to the door of the library.
"Oh, and Sirius?" Remus said causing his best friend to turn.
"Yes?"
"You've always been a softy, but don't worry I won't tell anyone."
Sirius laughed and left Remus alone with his thoughts.
The next few days came and went with nothing spectacular happening. Remus and Tonks didn't run into each other and no awkward conversations happened.
It was late and Remus couldn't sleep, so he decided that sitting at the kitchen table and drinking a cup of tea while listening to the wind roar and the rain hitting the house would be the best cure. A loud bang in the hallway pulled Remus' attention and he went to investigate. An injured Tonks curled up in the ground caused Remus to temporarily freeze where he stood before rushing to her side.
"What happened?" Remus asked.
"Hi, Remus," Tonks said in a dreamy voice. "Why aren't you asleep?"
"What happened?" Remus asked.
"I'm fine, just a little cut," Tonks said. She instantly hissed when she tried to sit up. "Like I said: just a little cut."
"Put your arm around me," Remus said, picking Tonks up and carrying her into the library.
Once in the library, Remus helped Tonks take off her jacket and saw that she had a nasty burn on her side. "What happened?" Remus asked again, after he had tried a few healing spells on Tonks. He was able to come up with a fix that would work, but still had Tonks lay down on the couch while he mad her a cup of tea.
"Death Eater and I decided to dance. I guess he didn't like me stepping on his toes," Tonks replied taking a sip of tea. The shock was starting to wear off and she was starting to sound like herself again.
"I never would have thought a Death Eater would have made a good dance partner. I'm glad that you could clarify that for me," Remus said, sitting in a chair opposite the couch as he watched over Tonks.
"They don't." Tonks took a sip of tea and then said: "No offence to your tea, which is good, but do you have anything a bit stronger?"
"There some weird wine in the cellar and I'm sure a bottle of Firewhiskey around here somewhere."
"Firewhiskey sounds good."
"You're still in shock."
"No, I'm not. It's wearing off and I'd like to dull the pain if you don't mind."
"I'll see what I can find." Remus started to stand up, but sat down when Tonks spoke.
"No, it's fine. Don't worry about it."
"Okay." After a moment of silence, Remus spoke: "I wanted to apologize for the other day."
"You didn't do anything wrong," Tonks said, avoiding Remus' gaze.
"Even so, I wanted to apologize for making you uncomfortable. It wasn't my intention." He could tell that he had hurt her a little bit.
"You didn't. I'm a lot tougher than I look and I'm not fazed that easily."
"Of course. Still, I—"
"You aren't the first and you won't be the last bloke to turn me down. In fact, it's probably a good idea we don't get involved." Tonks said, letting out a long sigh.
"It is?" he said, surprised and unsure of the new route Tonks was taking.
"I don't want to be with someone who doesn't like me."
"I do like you. I just…" he said, quietly.
"You don't date. You're emotionally unavailable, that's cool."
"It's not that I'm emotionally unavailable…" His voice was softer as her words stung. Tonks gave Remus a look and he responded by saying: "You know, you're a difficult woman."
Tonks scoffed. "Yeah, I've heard that one a bunch." She was putting on a good show of being tough, but he could see through it.
Remus looked at the ceiling, rubbed the side of his head, and looked back at Tonks. The conversation wasn't going as planned and he knew he just had to bite the bullet and go for it. He let out a sigh of frustration before speaking: "Do you want to go out on a date?"
Tonks looked at Remus and then at the ceiling. "I think my body is still in shock, because I could have sworn you just asked me out."
"I did ask you out."
"Oh, well…I'd have to think about it."
"Okay."
"Sure," Tonks said after a few minutes.
He let out the breath he didn't realize he was holding. "I thought you needed time to think about it."
"I did think about it," Tonks said with a grin. "I've been thinking about it for weeks."
He smiled and shook his head. "You're ridiculous."
"Yeah, but that's why you like me."
"There's probably some truth to that."
"So, what made you change your mind?" Tonks asked.
He couldn't tell her about Julia, not yet. Someday he would, but not right now so he settled for the next best choice. "He may be a pain, but your cousin does know how to talk sense into me. He reminded me that being a miserable git has never been a good look for me."
"He's right about that."
"I'm glad you agree."
"You are going to give this a fair shot, right? Because if you aren't, I'd rather not go out at all."
He nodded. He had decided that if he was going to do this he had to give it a proper go. "I also promise to be a complete gentleman."
"I'm not sleeping with you on the first date."
"I wouldn't expect anything of the sort. Wait, does that mean there will be more than one date?"
"Don't look so terrified. It depends."
"On what?"
"If we both have a good time."
"Oh, well that seems logical."
"Good."
"How are you feeling?"
"Better."
"Good."
"I think I'm ready to attempt getting up." Tonks tried to sit up but instantly sank back into the couch. "Nope, that's not happening."
"Would you like me to take you to St. Mungo's Hospital?" he asked. He was still concerned and didn't want to take a chance if she was seriously injured.
"No, I'll just sleep here if that's okay?"
"That's perfectly fine."
"I should get you a blanket and pillow."
"Not yet, just sit and talk to me."
"Alright. What would you like me to talk about?"
"Tell me something about you."
"What would like to know?"
"Tell me about one of your adventures with Sirius at Hogwarts."
"Oh, well…" Remus went on to tell Tonks a story about how her cousin had a brilliant idea of trying to capture Mrs. Norris back in the day and how it had ultimately failed. They exchanged stories for a long time before Tonks began to drift to sleep.
Remus was leaving the library when Tonks said: "Remus?"
"Yes?"
"I'm glad you changed your mind."
"So am I. Night."
"Night."
Remus closed the door and for the first time in a long time, he was actually excited to be going on a date and better yet, he didn't have an alarm going off in his head. He smiled and went upstairs.
THE END