Rating: R for violence, mention of non-consensual sex, abuse, bad language
Pairing: A/B, B/Aus
Review: Yes, please!
Disclaimer: BTVS & Angel not mine. The rest is mine.
Distribution: Sure, just let me know.
Author's note: I know, I know, a brand new fic, so what?
I hope you'll like this one, my muse suddenly stroke without any warning can you believe that ? And I wrote 13 pages of Word, yay me!
I don't know exactly where this will headed but I have an idea for a few chapters, we'll see how the reviews will be and if people will like this fic.
As always I have no beta and my mother tongue is not English so no snide remarks about it, if you want to read it then deal with it!
Angelus is bad, not cranky , everything he does is for a reason, those of you who read my fics knows my Angelus by now, he is very dark possessive and cruel at times but he loves Buffy.
I would love to hear your thoughts about this one…
And finally thank you to all those who reviewed my fics I appreciate it!
Ho…I might change the title cause I am not too happy with it
Love you
Eve
Time line- after they resurrected Buffy
Chapter 1
She walked the empty deserted streets of Sunnydale, her eyes scanning the silent empty road, no people, demons or any resemblances to humanity, of course there wouldn't be after all's been done here who would want to go outside, to where the streets are not safe anymore, a slayer was nowhere to be found to rescue and keep the city safe and nice.
This could change though…she held her bandage hand close to her aching heart.
She thought that it will be easy, sure Spike tried to help, he was kind and gentle, everyone where, her friends, Dawn…but she didn't want to be here, to stay in this world, this life that trying to suffocate her, take away her breath and sun, a life where she's no longer belong to.
Is this how Angel felt after he regained a soul? The loneliness the helplessness of the situation the knowing of the aching hurtful fact that things will never be the same again, the life he knew and loved, despite being a hateful and dangerous life was over?
For humans it was good though, riddance them of the cruel demon, still it was the only thing he knew for a very long time…to see it all taken away from him, to be powerless to stop the events to come; losing his sire and family roaring the streets alone with no one to help and understand.
She wanted to cry, really wanted too but she just couldn't bring herself that release, she only wanted to go home…to be in heaven where she was loved and cherished, she deserved that damn it! This was her prize after years of fighting and loosing dear ones: mother, school mates, Angel and finally her life. She's a hero a hero who suppose to go to heaven to live in peace there, that was her reward!
This time she planned it all to the fullest; Dawn would be taken care of after making sure to threaten some members of the watcher council to be embarked for all those years of slaying and protecting and she got it all, the house was hers with a monthly income for Dawn for the rest of her life, she would go to college and live life to the fullest.
Next on her list was protecting this town- Faith she would have two missions:
One- to protect the town and its people
Second- to kill vampire Angelus after she and Angel will join together in heaven.
Yes- that was the big turn event for Buffy, she wanted to die but she wanted Angel with her it was selfish of her but she didn't care anymore she needed Angel with her, she deserved him and he her.
She planned everything to the end, she would go to him, seduce Angel and in the hit of passion he would take too much, well it's not like it didn't happen before but this time they will actually have the sex and not just the blood exchange…she would die losing too much blood and Angelus being the bastard that he is would be happy to see her die
Faith would stop him, ridding Angelus from this world while Buffy and angel will be together in heaven.
B/Aus …B/Aus…..B/Aus…B/Aus
Angel walked into the Hyperion feeling the gloom taking over him, suffocating him as if he needed the air to breathe.
His friends looked at him, expectantly, waiting to see him return to them smiling and in peace, yea, he snorted, peace my ass. How could he when his soul mate is dead and he never had the chance to say goodbye, to tell her that he's sorry, that he would have gladly followed her to heaven. He knew she was there, after all she was a hero and that was the only thing that gave him comfort, Buffy deserved it.
He put on a happy face, gave each one his friends their gift and retired to his office.
Life went on as he continued to fight evil, exchange pleasantries with everyone and pretend he wasn't dying or undying all over again.
He went to see Faith but she couldn't see him, apparently an inmate shouldn't have said those things to her and probably Faith shouldn't have reacted like she did ending with her locked alone with no visitors.
She did get letters though, specifically a letter by a Buffy Summers. She almost threw it away but looking at her empty isolated cell she decided otherwise.
Half an hour later she screamed at the guards that she needs to see a certain Angel but the guard mused at her, letting her know that he actually came to see her but she was…unavailable.
After throwing snide remarks and pleasantries towards the guard which earned her another week there she felt defeated, she dropped to the floor clenching the letter of Buffy Summers, her suicide letter. She would be too late to stop her.
B/Aus….B/Aus…..B/Aus
Willow called.
Buffy was alive and she wanted to see him.
Angel didn't waste any time leaving everyone and going to see his beloved, this time he would tell Buffy how he truly felt , they would work things out, he will not lose her again.
B/Aus….B/Aus…B/Aus
Buffy promised everyone that she would be back soon, she just needs to see Angel, no one argued there, even Dawn and spike who both been unhappy with that decision, each to his own reasons.
They met at this small road hotel between Sunnydale and L.A, without saying and agreeing that this should be a common ground.
Buffy knew what will happen in Angel's point of view, he would be happy, teary and loving, beyond believe at seeing her alive but nothing will change, he can't lose his soul and she can't risk his, they will talk and hug and tear but eventually they would go their separate ways…well not this time…
When she opened the door the first thing her eyes met was the nice bright room, a place she would love to be with him has it been any other circumstances.
Her eyes fell on him, standing there next to the window, wearing his usual kind smile, his chocolate eyes shining with unshed tears as he looked into her eyes, seeing her for real. He rushed to her crushing her small frame to his, holding her, afraid if he'll let go she would disappear all over again.
"Angel" she breathed his name in longing and deep ache.
His gentle finger hushing her, caressing her pouty lips, "don't love, don't say anything…I just want to hold you…"
As he touched his face to hers he felt her tears sliding down her checks; he wiped them away as she clanged to him, sobbing her misery and misfortune. He wanted to know everything, where wore she, how she managed to return, why would she return but right then he wanted to hold her tight to him.
"Angel…I want you…I need you…"
"The curse Buffy…" he anguished, his torn gaze told her everything. She wanted to warn him of what to come but she couldn't it needed to be done, she would be the liar and almost felt ashamed for what she was about to do to him but she knew he would forgive her eventually it was worth it…
"Angel…Willow managed to control the curse, she fixed it…" she almost cringed from her own lie but she went on, convincing him, "She found the correction spell when I…died…she , found a way and that's what I came here to tell you…she did it, we could be together my Angel, always".
Now she was the one who felt his tears, his happiness and hopefulness and it broke her heart, she was a monster and he looked at her amazed and surprised and felt happy like he haven't felt in a very long time but this time he wasn't afraid to feel this way, his soul was safe, nothing will happen to him, to them.
He kissed her passionately, moaning her name as he caressed her body.
"Angel…make love to me now…I need you so much!"
He kissed her strongly, tearing at her lovely shirt, her vanilla scent blinding him to everything but her, he felt like his heart would explode with joy and fluffiness and then all of a sudden it ripped from him, a siring pain clutched his body, crawling inside him, like poison, he pushed her away from him, trying to warn her.
She stumbled back, in shock and utter surprise…"Angel…I don't understand…" she panicked, "What's happening?"
Her mind told her exactly what was happening but her plan wasn't suppose to go like that…it was too soon, how could this be?
"Buffy!" she heard him scream, falling to his knees in anguish and misery, "Stay back Buffy"
"It wasn't supposed to be like that…" she cried, "No…I don't understand…we were supposed to make love" she cried desperately, what went wrong? Horribly wrong.
Realization hit him, as she came near his trembling body as it wracked with terrible agony, she held him for dear life, tears spilling from her green orbs.
"Angel…forgive me" she sobbed, "I am so sorry my love…I wanted you to take my life, I wanted us to be in heaven…"
He looked at her in deep sadness and understanding, caressing her smooth face, "My love, what have you done? my lovely Buffy, I will not go to heaven…not like you…"
"But you suppose to be with me…I thought that if we'll make love…" her voice died.
"Buffy, you told me we could be together, I haven't felt this happy in a very long time, and you made me whole again "he held her hand while she sobbed," please kill me, Angelus is close!"
"No" she shook her head. The tears blurring her vision, "Angelus would kill me I don't care, I will be with you I know I will"
"No" he snapped holding her gaze, he looked so furious and raged that she thought for a split second that it was Angelus but then his eyes returned to their loving gaze, "Buffy, you don't understand…Angelus is…" he screamed in agony fighting the demon, "he wants you as his mate, he will not kill you"
"No" she denied vehemently, refusing to accept his words, "no…he hates me…" she mumbled.
"Buffy…" he screamed again, "Run!"
B/Aus….B/Aus….B/Aus…..
He wouldn't kill her, ho god, he would turn her and then she would kill her friends and family, she would kill them all…Dawni…ho god, she felt nauseate.
She ran to the bathroom, locking the door behind her, hearing Angel scream again and then it stopped, her heart was biting fast, the silent screaming in her ears, her blood pumping wild and fast and then she heard his sing-song voice
"ho buff…come out come out little girl…I heard everything you said and I personally think that it's a good idea, thank you for making it so easy for me to turn you, we will burn this town".
She knew now what had to be done, she knew it the second she locked herself in here, she wasn't a coward who was afraid to die, after all this is what she came here to do. He will not turn her, never!
"Buffy" his voice menaced "open that god damn door now or there will be hell to pay!"
She pulled her elbow back powerfully and smashed the mirror, pieces of it fell to the floor in threads, she picked one up quickly as she heard Angelus crashing the door.
"Buffy" he roared, "Open the fucking door you bitch!"
"Forgive me Angel, I love you…"
"Buffyyyyy!" he crushed the door again, "if you won't open up I swear I'll kill them all I will rape and kill Dawnni and all of your friends will suffer, don't be stupid Buffy".
He heard nothing, a deadly silent and a faint heart bit; it can't be too late, she wouldn't
"No" he felt the rage eating at him building like an explosive and the fucking door wouldn't open, he won't lose her again, never again .His wrath and fury gained him the strength to break down the door only to find his Buffy on the floor, the blood oozing from her wrist, her once livid body spread out on the cold floor, almost lifeless like a spent rag. He gathered her to him ripping his wrist, pushing it to her cold lips, trying to feed her his blood.
She was still alive, barely but still… and was losing conscience while manage to turned her head from his offering.
"Drink Buffy" he darkly commanded, pushing his blood but she refused.
He knew she was losing too much blood; he made some quick calls and managed to get a warlock Angel worked with.
The warlock came into the room as Angelus carried a dying Buffy to the bed.
The dark vampire turned to look at him, his demeanor screaming predator and his tone left nothing for the imagination, he was the scourge of Europe and his wrath was well known, "fix her warlock".
The warlock realized it was Angelus he dealt with and not Angel so he traded carefully.
"Master Angelus "he bowed his head in fear and reluctant respect," I cannot fix the slayer, she's not entirely human or a demon, I can only change her blood to immortality".
Angelus snarled, holding him by the throat, "what the hell those that mean? She will not die? Age? What of her soul?"
The warlock tried to calm him as best he could while being threaten with his life
"Master…I beg you…I can only change her blood, make her immortal, the soul will remain but she will freeze in time".
Angelus thought about it, it was better this way, he could break her to submission while she'll keep her soul and he would get to keep her for eternity.
"Will she have her slayers strength?"
The warlock looked too scared to react but a growl from Angelus convinced him to cooperate
"Yes she will "he saw the dissatisfaction in Angelus eyes and quickly added, "But I can bound her to you as a bonded mate so you can have her powers, leaving her defenseless against you ".
Angelus considered it thinking of all the possibilities, he liked the idea of Buffy being defenseless of him but he didn't like her like that with others around.
He turned to the warlock, a snarl on his beautiful face, "Are you suggesting that I will leave my mate defenseless with others?"
The warlock gulped quickly, backing away from him, "no master Angelus…against you only, you will share the blood in the Netzach ceremony I'll perform and she can protect herself from others but not from you".
He should have said to Angelus the whole truth but he was too afraid of him losing his life, let him know afterwards and then he'll negotiate his life over the slayer, after all when Angelus will find out what is happening to his mate and what he will need to do he will be furious.
"Fine" Angelus barked, "Just do it, we are losing time which my mate doesn't have"
The warlock preformed the ceremony, using their combined blood and spells during this time Buffy struggled to get away while Angelus refused to let her go.
Surprisingly he soothed her, whispering nonsense to calm her which she did. She felt warm and lightheaded confusing him for Angel which he allowed for now.
The warlock finished the Netzach ceremony when all of a sudden Buffy screamed and twisted in Angelus arms.
"What's wrong with her you fool?"
"It's all right Master, it should be like that I…" Buffy screamed again while Angelus felt helpless, his cold orbs ready to sprint and kill the warlock.
All of a sudden it stopped, her breathing returned to normal and her heart was biting again. Angelus felt the pull of her, their connection.
The warlock bowed and turned to Angelus, "the deed is done master, I shell go now".
"Indeed you will warlock" Angelus snarled and ripped his throat. He tossed him to the ground and carried Buffy with him gently into the car.
Dawn was approaching soon and he needed to plan things for his mate.
When they reached LA it was almost three in the morning, he quickly lifted her in his arms and carried her to the hotel. Everyone left for their home, good, he needed the time alone with her without his nagging crew.
He went up the stairs and put her in his bed; after carefully cleaning her blood he joined her in bed, holing his mate close to him.
It was exhausting night
B/Aus….B/Aus…..B/Aus….
A shrieking scream tore him from his sleep as he set quickly looking for Buffy, seeing her sitting in bed screaming, covering her ears petrified.
"Buff, what's wrong" he irritated, what the hell?
She stopped with the screaming and looked at him, scared like he never saw her before, she was petrified.
She saw him looking at her expectantly, waiting for something?
"I…" she looked confused and utterly helpless and in any other situation he would have loved her like that but now it only made him sick or maybe it was the bonding thing?
Damn, he shouldn't have killed that fool, now he'll have to torture Wesley to see what's wrong.
"Where am I " she finally asked, her eyes darting around, looking for some familiarity.
He smirked sitting next to her, now that she was a bit calm he could see how much she remember.
"Well Buff, we are in my room, actually our room". He folded his arms waiting for an outburst to come but it never did.
"Our room? Is this my home?" she inquired.
Angelus lifted a neat brow, "yes, this is your home lover".
She gasped when he called her lover and hesitates to talk, he could see she was struggling with something and as curious as he'd been with this unfamiliar Buffy he didn't interrupt her.
"Are we…are you my boyfriend?" she asked innocently.
He snorted and realized it made her blush; he insulted her somehow, but how?
'I am sorry…I thought you are my boyfriend since you called me lover…" her voice faltered.
"I am not your boyfriend Buff, what's wrong with you?" he snapped losing his patient. He was frustrated not knowing what to do and how to handle this.
His harshness brought tears to her eyes; she bit her lower lip nervously, mumbling something.
'Speak up Buff, I can't hear you" well actually he could but it irritated him that his strong self aware women acted like a scared human.
"Forgive me I don't know…" she apologized, hiding her face in her hands , felling depressed and sad, Angelus felt her despair and loneliness and it washed over him making him helpless and all.
It was agonizing. He didn't like it.
Angelus sighed as he gently lifted Buffy's hand looking into her beautiful hazel eyes.
"Buffy", he prodded gently "please tell me what is the last thing you remember".
She looked scared again and trapped, she couldn't breathe, she was about to faint, will he catch her?
She took long soothing breaths and finally spoke, thinking that it couldn't get much worse.
He looked at her, encourage her to speak
"I am sorry but I don't remember anything…" she paused , searching for the proper words which will describe best her confusion and innuendos that lingered in the air , and suddenly the dam broke making her question nonstop reminding Angelus of the Buffy he knew and loved.
"…I don't know who I am, what is my name, where did I came from, who the hell are you? Do I have a family, are they looking for me? How did I lose my memory and what…"
'Buff" he snapped, startling her, "just shut up a minute…what do you mean you don't know who I am? I am Angelus and you are the slayer"
"A slayer? " she questioned, "What is a slayer? Like in slay? Do I slay? What …" she sighed, her mind becoming blurring again, he sensed it.
She started crying and sobbing into hysteria, mumbling about life and who she is and why she can't remember anything at all. During her mental outburst Angelus realized a few things but he needed to think and doing so in silent would be very helpful so he calmed her until she finally fell asleep again.
He combed her hair, amazed by her innocent and beauty and it was all his, life couldn't get any better.
She doesn't remember anything! By the powers that be, he was a lucky bastard.
"Indeed you are!"
He turned to the door to see that Whistler demon that once helped Angel.
"What the hell?" Angelus moved inhumanly holding the demon by his awaful colorful shirt as he made a deathly growl
"How did you get in?" he demanded furiously
Whistler held his hands up in false surrender, better not anger the scourge
"Wait Angelus, I come bearing gifts and information about our little slayer…you care to listen?"
Angelus stood still, guarding the demon cautiously,finally releasing him "Speak you little dwarf"
Whistler snorted irritatingly, "I'll ignore that one Angelus but this attitude will get you nowhere mister".
Angelus rolled his eyes, sighing in frustration, "listen you little..."
"Uhm" Whistler warned,
"I've had a very long and eventful night…"
"I would say that" Whistler accused but went on, "all right big scary guy, here's the thing, Buffy doesn't remember anything, the powers that be took her memories as punishment, yes punishment don't look at me like that, she committed suicide, and before you say anything I know that her red witch friend pulled her from heaven and she will pay also one day but Buffy shouldn't have done it, she was suppose to go on with life to save the world and all that crap."
"You finish? Because in my book it's a gift" Angelus mused, "I will have full control over her".
Whistler smiled slowly, a knowing look in his demon eyes, "I knew you would think that but let me just tell you that it can all back fire at you Angelus, you think you won but you will find out soon enough how wrong you are! "
He turned to leave but added "And Angelus, she can regain her memories if the powers that be decided to reward her and I wouldn't want to be you when that happened".
And with that he was gone, leaving a silent doom behind him.
B/Aus…B/Aus….B/Aus…
When Buffy woke up again Angelus was prepared, she slept for hours now and he managed to arrange everything to his liking.
"Slept well ,my sleeping beauty?" he inquired gently.
She looked at him still suspiciously, although more relaxed now that she recognized him from before.
"Yes, thank you" a ghost of a smile appeared for a minute and then It was suddenly gone.
"I am ready to…umph'
Angelus startled Buffy by pulling her on his lap; she gasped in surprise but didn't fight him.
"I want to tell you a bit of our life together, if you feel up to it".
She looked anxious, "Yes, of course, I need to know, I feel like I am missing something but somehow I feel safe with you ".ok maybe she shouldn't have said that to a complete stranger. Way to go girl!
He smirked at her naives and went on, "I am Angelus O'Rourke Your name Is Buffy Ann Summers, your mother died a year ago from cancer, you are my wife
You live here with me, I own this hotel but recently I've been appointed to be CEO of a big law firm named wolfram and Heart, we suppose to live there in two weeks time.
You fell from our stairs and I helped you to our room…are you sure you don't remember anything?" he looked concerned but is heart was singing.
"I…no, not really…" she just tried to take it all in. "I am your wife? We're married?"
"Yes, of course we are dear, you are my wife, and it's what you dreamed of…" he snapped.
She stood up quickly, irritated, trying to take it all in "Look, I am sure you um…love me and all but I , please understand, you are a stranger to me…I can't…I think we should separate for a while, I mean what if I'll never remember? I can't stay married to you, I don't know you!"
She took another step back when she saw his rage and fury
"No, Buff! You are mine, you hear me? Even if I have to drag you screaming and shouting you will stay married to me!" he threatened possessively.
Buffy tried to run for the door but he caught her before she could escape,
"No, let go of me, help!" she screamed.
He threw her on the bed pouncing on her, she struggled to get away but he was very strong and she couldn't move. Ho God, would he rape her? Would he hurt her?
"Relax Buff" he stroked her hair, "I won't hurt you, you are my life, my everything and we've waited so much to be together…I love you my Angel, don't be afraid of me…"
"I…" her eyes sparkled with unshed tears and fear, "I am so sorry but I don't remember you…I need time"
He set back pulling her on his lap again, she wanted to fight back but something inside her warned her from him, warned her to be submissive .
"I will try Angelus…I promise but I need time, please…"
He kissed her head, "Everything you need love, I will spoil you so much, like I always did, everything your heart desire".
And he meant that, his Buffy, his queen will have it all . Angel was struggling with money but Angelus had plenty and he didn't had a conscience to prevent him from spending this blood money as Angel used to call it.
"Why don't you wait here and I'll get us some breakfast".
He knew that his crew would be here any minute and he needed to clear things with them, using a bit of scare and torture that is.
He didn't had a chance though because all of a sudden his door burst open with a bang as Cordelia marched in, hands on her hips and she huffed irritated
"Angel" she shrieked, "where the hell were you? We've been worried sick about you, you just disappeared after you went to see Buffy and…"
She suddenly noticed a confused Buffy sitting there.
"Buffy?"
Angel pinched the bridge of his nose, darn, couldn't get worse…
To be continued…..