Disclaimer: I do not own Dynasty Warriors, which you already knew of course.
A/N (Please read): I don't really think I need to say this, but I will anyway: this fic contains SPOILERS FOR DYNASTY WARRIORS 7, PARTICULARLY THE JIN STORY. ..But yes. xD; Now that we're perfectly clear... I hope Guo Huai is at least decently in-character here, and I hope you enjoy this fic (...even if it is a bit depressing..).
Unfit
It was funny.
He saw the way people looked at him, sometimes. Even if just for one simple, lone moment – he saw it spill onto their features, dripping through the cracks. Concern – or pity... for 'that ailing general'.
You couldn't really deny the 'ailing' part. Malady overcast Guo Huai's aura, drawn and gloomy features on lurid skin. Coughs wracked his fatigued body, and he was often to be found short of breath or collapsed somewhere if he pushed himself too hard.
..Yes, his ghastly, ill state was impossible to deny. Indeed, he was so perpetually ill that he almost qualified as walking satire.. but that was not what amused him so.
No – if he dared to aggravate his condition enough to laugh, there was plenty else he could choose from. It was partly that 'concern' – he appreciated their consideration, really he did, but... Why did they bother?
What was the point? He was an unwell man. So what? Plenty of his comrades fought through personal hardships; plenty sacrificed as much as he had for their kingdom. It was a given – a solemn duty he gladly accepted, and yet... If you wanted to pity him for anything, try this.
It wasn't enough.
He hadn't given enough. By far. He still owed so much to Wei; to Lords Xiahou Yuan and Sima Yi, and that debt weighed far heavier on his soul than any pain, any pressure on his chest could inflict.
It was a burden that had not lightened since the two had passed away.
..Oh, and was that the truth. He was an ill man, a very caricature of sickness, and yet.. hah, he had not known the definition of the word! He who life had in a chokehold every day, that counted every breath he took as a lucky one had been reduced to his knees in one fell swoop.. Loss driving in such pain that was still an ever-present ache today, as he helplessly gasped for air Lord Xiahou..- what-? No, you- I- can't breathe-
Such a terrible affliction to suffer – and one which he knew he would never recover from. Lord Sima Yi's departure from this world too, had been a reminder of his remaining debt.. One which he could never properly repay now.
However much he wanted to babble them any apologies he could make would be inadequate, especially for the dead. All he could do was.. Keep trying to give back – by keeping his kingdom safe, he could attempt to honour that kindness which he had been shown all those years ago. That was the only thing left he could try and- no, the only thing he had to achieve!
Pity him, if you wish. Think 'oh, that poor Guo Huai, for all his ailments and troubles' if it suited you.. It changed nothing. For Lord Xiahou Yuan.. Even if Guo Huai could not do enough – even if he lacked so much: the health to serve, the strength to fight efficiently..- Even if his lowly life did not matter (nothing more than a leech, stubbornly clinging through some miracle while those more deserving were unjustly snuffed out – and there's a cue to laugh by the way, at the cruelty of fate; be sure to fill any that does escape you with rancour).. He would give everything he had to the cause.
However.
The pain was never to end, it seemed. Ever powerless before fate's machinations, Guo Huai found yet more anguish followed– this time resulting from the sting of betrayal.
Betrayal.
A tarnish of honour – Wei's, but more specifically the Xiahou name dragged through the dirt; stomped over by the careless feet of one who could not flee quickly enough.. Carefully constructed reputation spat upon and abandoned; Xiahou Yuan's in particular.
The perpetrator of this crime being? ..His own son.
His own son. Everything that his father had worked for, and his son had discarded it so easily! Only to scurry away to the very faction that had ensured his father's demise! Could there be a greater insult?
What was he playing at. Guo Huai had boiled over that transgression for some time; seethed away at it – such dishonour – breath rattling through gritted teeth, shaking fists fuelled by the anger (but only in part), head pounding and vision fuzzy by the time he calmed down. As he coughed pathetically after sighing so hard, all that remained was... Hollow fatigue.
Resignation.
And never before, had he felt so sick.
He knew what he had to do. It was part of the price to pay. A sacrifice to make.
"For the future of Wei, your life must end here!"
And in no time at all, he found the day had come to do it. Facing Xiahou Ba, who even heavily armoured looked so young, it was easy to see..
"You don't get it. It was Wei that tried to kill me!"
The child had not a hint of remorse about him.
"Or would you rather I say, 'I will kill you in the name of Shu!'"
Ugh.
He was lost to them. Long lost.
Did he care only about his ego – and care so little about the bigger picture here? Ah, clearly.. He had forsaken honour for his own safety, after all. For all that matters, in the end.. "It pains me," Guo Huai found himself saying, shaking his head, "Your father must be rolling in his grave."
For once however he was glad Lord Xiahou was dead – at least he didn't have to suffer this in person. I am hurting in your place, instead... But that was natural. It was the least he could do.
Xiahou Ba's views were not to be swayed as he prepared for a fight, "I don't think so. If I know my father... He'd be smiling!"
Hah.. No, kid. Possibly laughing though.. At the irony.
If only I were capable of laughing too.
Experience was to win over their little duel, and it wasn't long before Xiahou Ba was disarmed. The helmet rolled after hitting the ground, exposing a face that could've been carved out of innocence – a look that seeped away from most after childhood, and yet somehow strangely fitted this person which it seemed to permanently adorn.
Saddening. The kid did bear some resemblance to his long-departed father.
Bar for the treachery, of course.
"Urgh... Come on Guo Huai..." Xiahou Ba implored, some fear spilling into his words when he continued, "Do you really have it in you to kill me?"
He was wide open, his hands gesturing outwards – 'bring it!' – was what his body language screamed but obviously, it was lying.
The kid wanted anything other than to die, and yet here Guo Huai was; the one who had to deal that very fate to him.
"That is the intention..." He confirmed. "Hard as it is."
That was the only way this confrontation of theirs could end. For Wei.. for Xiahou Yuan (he owed it to him in particular)...
You leave me no choice, child.
That which he could not forsake – honour and duty – demanded this. Regardless of his own feelings...
However much it hurt...
I have to do this. Step forwards..
"Then get on with it."
Oh, he would. His arm, sluggish though it felt, was raised steadily along with his weapon.
Aim.
This was it. A single shot; that was all that was needed. He had to end this quickly..
Shoot.
..Go on. His arm was beginning to complain, his chest tightening and fog entering his head..- No, it was gloom, thick and miserable like that feeling long rested in his heart-
Sickness.
Xiahou Ba had to die. He was supposed to kill him, to shoot this boy, this..
Boy..
General..- Lord Xiahou Yuan's own..
Child..
Shoot him. Shoot. Him!
..He'd been so proud, of both his sons.. Guo Huai remembered whenever they were mentioned, how it always shone in the older man's eyes, a fond smile on his face-
Nostalgia and treachery and pain-
Urgh! No. No. No hesitation, Guo Huai, just go ahead and shoot him alread-
...!
-Too late.
..!
Someone had... Got to him first. Two arrows, straight to the back..
One fell swoop.
You could call it fitting.
Argh...!
...This pain.. was it truly never going to end..? Such incredible suffering – and the arrows were barely registering, really, it was the sense of failure.
Hollow and empty and miserable and forgive me, Lord Xiahou- I won't be able to repay you at all now-
..And, funny. As his life drained away faster than thought could process, he found one realisation was the hardest to take. He was an ill man, Guo Huai, so perpetually unwell, yet it was now perfectly clear to him.
How weak he was! The one description he'd refused to let himself be trapped by, was the one which suited him most of all. He had pushed past his body's limits, striven to do everything he could for his kingdom and to repay the faith placed in him. However – the one thing he'd had the opportunity to do; something to actually help, he.. hadn't been able to manage it!
Had he ever been able to do anything worthwhile? ..Just one shot. That was all it.. would've taken. Yet..
Nothing.
Ah...
..How..
Pathetic.