Give Your Immortality to Me

A Life of a Guardian

α: The Book of Sin

They are nearing the end of the cave—Rikku knows because she catches a glimpse of the oranges and reds of a setting sun—when Auron falls back and turns to Yuna. He warns of danger, of fiends, of a path fraught with trials, as if they had lived their whole lives and walked the whole journey happy and free from fear. "She has sent fiends to test our strength," Auron tells them, and then he speaks the name "Yunalesca" and Rikku feels a shiver go down her spine.

What is it about that name? It's Yuna's name, isn't it? Rikku wonders. Her namesake…

Rikku was in Guadosalam when Seymour made his marriage proposal, and anyway she's heard the tales of Yunalesca before. She isn't ignorant of Yevon's teachings, even though the Al Bhed don't believe, so she knows that Yunalesca was the first High Summoner—the first person to ever defeat Sin.

Yunalesca's name bounces off the walls of Rikku's skull as they exit the cave. There, sure enough, a grand beast waits, ready to strike. Its claws are deadly, its magic potent. Auron and Tidus's swords ring in the air, but Rikku is hardly aware of the battle around her as she digs her own weapons into the beast's side. The noise of their fight is deafened under the echoing in her head.

Yunalesca.

Perhaps it's the fact that the woman is Yuna's namesake that makes the name so deadly. Or perhaps the problem comes is disloyalty; the others are sure to be shocked that yet another one of their idols has turned out to be a traitor. But no, that's not true is it? Auron said the fiends were a test of the summoner's strength—a phrase that, while it implied danger, did not imply cruel intensions. There was nothing in his phrasing that implied that Yunalesca was a traitor, so where had she…?

Rikku's sure that it isn't just her natural distrust of Yevon. She's sure, completely absolutely sure, that it isn't a maester-hating, Yuna-loving bias that drew the conclusion that Yunalesca is their enemy. It certainly isn't her heritage that causes the name to taste of venom on her tongue.

Yunalesca, yunalesca, yuna yuna yuna.

Yuna.

By the end of the battle Rikku's feels her legs start to give away, her body too tired to stand. She just wants to sit down on the hard rock plateau and watch the sun for a while and try to think of ways to save her cousin's life. She tells the others this with a soft whine, but even as she makes her case, she knows that her words are only half-truths in a muddled world of gray. Her heart is catches in her throat, but not for grief at the coming loss of Yuna—she's known her cousin is to die for weeks and while she aches at the thought, there is a new weariness in her, eluding her understanding. She can't put her finger on why.

There's one thing she knows for sure: she's afraid. Again, not for the known, not for the death of her beloved summoner, but because she can't shake the feeling that there's something waiting in Zanarkand—some truth she can't yet reach. And while Rikku finds the unknown delightful in its mystery and possibility, a world wide open is also one that is all that much more terrifying. She knows that it's impossible to see what lurks in the dark without turning on the light, but as far as Rikku's concerned this particular metaphorical beast can go on living in the unknown, prowling the dark, undiscovered.

She puts on her best sassy voice and marches a good five feet up the slope, only to turn round on her heel and wait for the others to pass her by. As much as she'd like to storm away and hide her insecurities, she doesn't want to be the one to lead the way. Not to Yuna's death. Not to Yunalesca. Not to whatever was waiting for them in Zanarkand. She doesn't want to open Pandora's Box—not yet. Maybe never. Never again.

Lulu and Yuna and Kimahri head up the mountain, but when the boys fail to do the same, Rikku gets it in her head to go back down and drag Tidus and Wakka up by the ears. She strides back down, hands already outstretched, but stops short when she hears the low, distinctive sound of Auron's chuckle.

"What's so funny?" Tidus asks him. Rikku peeks at the boys from around the turn, feathered braids sliding off her shoulders to hang in the air.

Why am I hiding? she wonders to herself, but has no answer other than a quiet sense of privacy that stagnates the air.

It is drenched in Auron's words, in the quiet way that he declares "You remind me of myself," as if it's the most logical, most obvious thing in the world. But Rikku doesn't see the similarity. She loves Tidus and she adores Auron, but she can't think of two more different men—one rash, emotive and foolhardy, the other strong, thoughtful and secretive. Yet Auron's goes on to tell the boys about his first trek over Mount Gagazet, and the tale so perfectly parallels her own that she finds herself thinking You're all of us, Auron. You speak for us all. We all feel the pain you once felt for Braska…

"Huh, never would have figured," Wakka replies, as brass as ever, and though he seems half-shy at his words, Rikku wants to punch him in the gut for ruining the honest, heartfelt moment of Auron's tale. "Guess legendary guardians choke sometimes, too, yeah?"

The older man chuckles again and it is such a deep, meaningful sound that Rikku suddenly realizes just how she knows Yunalesca will turn out to be their enemy. She had heard it in Auron's voice. She had glimpsed something deep and dark entwined in the old guardian's past in the way he had spoken that single name.

"Legendary guardian?" he chides. "I was just a boy. A boy about your age, actually. I wanted to change the world, too. But I changed nothing. That is my story."

Rikku wishes in that moment, more than anything, for him to share his story—his real story—but instead the man turns his back to them and walks away. She doesn't have time to move, to hide, to pretend she wasn't eavesdropping on their conversation and as Auron passes, the heavy fabric of his robes brush against her side. They are not as heavy as the strange guilt that weights her heart.

A question occurs to her later, as she walks beside Yuna and watches the stern, closed faces of her companions, but the opportunity to ask has already passed. Still, she wonders. She wonders about Auron. She wonders about his past. She wonders how he came to think so little of his destiny. She wonders how he can possibly think that he has not changed the world because she knows, inexplicably, that's he has changed all of them.

Auron is determined not to tell his story. He isn't sure why he gave Wakka and Tidus the tiny glimpse that he did, but he reasons that it was a selfish moment—a way to let some of the lingering grief at Braska's death and the guilt of Jecht's sacrifice take their toll. It is hard sometimes to contain himself, to keep the pain from slipping into his voice when he speaks of them. Perhaps he is not yet strong enough to bear their destiny alone.

But as he watches Yuna hold her weeping cousin close and as Tidus stares out into the ruins of a city that has been touched for a thousand years only by the dead and dying, Auron reminds himself that his suffering is not unique. He has seen many things in his time and discovered many truths, but the aching in his chest is nothing new, nothing exceptional. That same grief had visited all Spirans, brought inevitably in Sin's wake.

Even the parts of his life that are unique—the strange paths he walked that brought him a new understanding of Yevon and of Spira—are not his own. He finds in Braska and Jecht's children further reminders that his story has always been a part of someone else's. He is a mere witness in the inexplicable destinies of his beloved. Yet he is content and tells himself that Tidus and Yuna will take the road less traveled and find a way to break Spira's cycle of death and destruction. For that end, he would gladly suffer through all his pain and his loneliness again and again. For their sake. For Spira.

Soon they will reach Zanarkand and a choice will have to be made. It is not his choice—it has never been his choice—yet he is responsible what happens. His bones grow weary as he stands on the Gagazet plateau and he knows it is long past time to put himself to rest, but there is more to be done. He cannot rest quite yet. Sin is waiting. Sin has been waiting far too long.

Can the cycle really be broken? he wonders in a moment of profound weakness and doubt. He is not sure that he would be able to stand by and watch Yuna follow her father's footsteps and he certainly doesn't care to consider who she might choose to make her Final Aeon. He can only hope that his protégées chose to find another way. He can only hope there is another way.

He pushes his grim thoughts away. He has come this far. They have some this far. There is no turning back.

And yet his doubts linger. With a sinking heart, Auron realizes why. For all his struggles and all his resolution, he still cannot begin imagine a world without the fear of Sin.

A thousand years have passed since Yu Yevon began the summoning.

In that time, countless men and women have lived their lives, ignorant of the dream which bore the fruit of their sorrow. Each child born was born not in the hope, joy and possibility, but in the shadow of Sin. Each man grew only to mourn his fellows, each woman to fear for her offspring.

No Spiran was ignorant of the threat Sin posed. He understood that it had the power and will to kill. Yet few gave Sin the credit it deserved; the monstrosity held sway over all of life as well. Even life's greatest joys were hung in the knowledge of Sin so that marriage was often not for true love but in an attempt to escape from sorrow, to live a while in companionship or else to leave the legacy of children behind in the unlikely chance that they would live to do the same. Those lucky few who lived to die of old age regretted it for all the loved ones they lost along the way.

Of course, some souls refused to rest. It was not unusual for a man to die feeling cheated of his purpose and his potential. Many of these souls grew to hate—a dangerous thing, for it twisted them beyond recognition. In time they came to live as monsters and joined Sin's ranks in a meaningless slaughter that could only end in a repeat of their fates.

The cycle was brutal. To remain whole, Spira shaped itself around the suffering and the pain. Lies were told, atrocities committed and many, many things were left unsaid, obscured by Yu Yevon's long shadow.

For those thousand years, all life began and ended with Sin.

Auron's was no different.

End

Hey guys! Wow, it's been such a long time since I've even LOOKED at this site, so it feels very strange to be posting this. I haven't written any serious fanfiction in a long, long time and have been focusing on original works, but this story has been itching at the back of my brain for a long while. I also feel that this will serve as a little experiment-few authors ever really get much attention here, but I'm curious to see whether this will attract any followers. I'd also love some constructive criticism on my writing, so please feel free to leave any comments! Thank you and I hope you enjoy!

Now for some necessary warnings before I continue with the story:

1.) This story will include chapters about a younger Auron. Final Fantasy canon does not tell us much about Auron's life before he met Braska. As a result, much of this story goes outside of canon, but I hope it doesn't cross the line into AU. Should I contradict canon, please let me know, though I can't promise I will change the story. Either way, if this or the inclusion of original characters (designed specifically for the story) is likely to offend your sensibilities, I suggest you turn back now.

2.) If romance story lines bother you, this story might not be up your alley. It will deal fairly heavily with the people Auron cares for and loves, which includes a good deal of romance.

2a.) If homosexuality bothers you, I suggest you turn back now.

2b.) If heterosexuality bothers you, I suggest you turn back now.

2c.) If mildly ambiguous sexuality bothers you, I suggest you turn back now.

2d.) If you're looking for a story about true love, one in which two characters love each other from a young age and never, ever question that or explore other venues, I suggest you turn back now. This story will have break-ups, changes in relationships and some ambiguity as to with whom a person really belongs. Deal with it.

3.) I have no idea how in-depth this story is going to go and thus cannot yet predict whether sexual content will be involved. Knowing me, there WILL be some vulgar language, however. You have been warned.

-I do not own Final Fantasy X, nor any of its characters, ideas and story lines. This is not a commercial venture.-