I deeply sighed as I heard the click of my door, I pushed it open to allow myself into another type of darkness.
I really enjoy fighting titans, I do, but I'm beginning to feel as if a large fragment of my heart is missing; I feel as if I'm solely recognized as a tool, though I don't quite mind since it shows I'm useful.
It's just, most of everyone I love dies in front of my very own eyes, although I know it's not just me who's trapped in this anguish.

I lit my oil lamp and threw my aching body onto my bed, the only thing that seems to catch and hold me securely when I fall.

What happened to the fairy tales we grew up with; Didn't they portray love and so-called "happily-ever-after"s?
"Yeah right", I chucked out loud, hearing my pitiful voice ricochet off the walls.
It's just night to have the thought of someone loving you; What does it feel like? Is it truly as happy as stories say, or will it simply hurt me in subtle ways?
It's been so long since I've felt affection; Does family love differ from this kind of love?

I observed the ceiling. Although this place may be falling apart, it's still somehow sticking together. This whole cabin is together: The wood sticks together, the floor sticks together, the bed sticks together, even the ceiling itself is a bunch of tiny particles sticking together.
So what about me? I'm falling apart too, do I have something to keep me together?

A tear rolled down my face, yet I didn't even feel my eyes begin to water to begin with; Have I lost the ability to feel as well?
More tears began to fall.

I began to laugh to myself, or was it at myself?

I covered my face with my forearm. Even my own tears have a cloth to stick to.
I let out another laugh, beginning to not even be able to recognize my own voice.
Why was I laughing? Why was I crying? What will any of this accomplish? I'm born to be a lone wolf; Maybe shouldering all of the world and it's pain will help others, so that makes it okay, right?

I curled into a ball, allowing thoughts, despair, and tears swallow me, along with the cold, black night.