A/N: So after watching this episode and all the sad little smiles from Blaine and his wish for the future during circle time (which btw, why the hell was he not sitting beside Kurt? Every other couple was next to each other including Santana and Brittney!) I just had to write this. I hope it doesn't come across too political. I tried to focus more on the emotion than the politics of the situation. Mostly, I hope you like it though!
Lessthanthree
Katie
"We're getting married!"
And there it was. Three little words that sent his mind spinning. Of course Kurt had already told him but it had always seemed to be some abstract fantasy, some future inevitability that was simply prematurely solidified but nevertheless, still in the future. Just some little annoyance implemented on their lives because Finn was too immature to see its inappropriateness and Rachel, initially too afraid to tell him no but then simply too afraid that a future without him would mean would mean a future of nothing. Now though, the feeling had definitely changed. Now there was no pushing it aside for another day, a future day. Now it was an immediate reality. Now there was a joy and excitement and eagerness about it. Now there was a sudden reminder, a loud, obnoxious, heart aching, in your face reminder that he wasn't allowed to bring Kurt that enthusiastic joy that currently bubbled from the petit brunette.
He couldn't be sad though. That might have been the worst part. Blaine couldn't just hate the engaged couple simply because he was truly happy for them. Blaine adored Rachel, he just did. Her periodic, glaring selfishness resulting from her overwhelming drive as well as her inspiring confidence on stage but visible venerability off was simply endearing. He loved that she was his boyfriend's best friend, loved that she could eat up some of Kurt's enthusiasm for makeovers and old musicals, loved that Kurt would have someone with him next year. There was also a part of Blaine that would be forever thankful for how Rachel had handled his temporary confusion. That was a devastating week for him and having another person's hurt or angered feeling on top of his own despair may have been too much. Out of a the girls in Blaine's life, Rachel was the one he cared the most for and seeing her happy was important to him.
His own happiness was important to him too though. He may only be seventeen but there was no doubt in his mind that Kurt was the boy he would one day call his husband, if only he had the right to do so. Of course, Blaine knew that neither of them planned to stay in Ohio. New York was on the horizon, a shining promise land where they could live out their dreams together, legally united as one. And maybe one day the big city would feel like home but it would never be the place where he grew up, where the memories of his once happy family remained, where he met his best friend and fell in love with him over cups of coffee, sitting at their table in the Lima Bean, where he struggled and fought for his own right to this boy even before he met him, the battle for which, he was now being reminded that, he never truly won. Ohio would always hold those precious and defining moments in his life though. It would be the place he would talk about when he told his kids about his childhood and how he won the heart of their father. It would be the place where together, he and Kurt, would take their kids to visit their grandparents and yet as soon as the plane touched down on the Columbus tarmac, the happy vacation would begin with the jolting fact that their marriage, their promise and commitment and vow to each other, would all be for not. Sure, it was only symbolic in a way, especially if the lived in New York, but marriage had always been that way and he wanted to be able to hold it in the same regard as every heterosexual couple did.
Blaine wanted to be able to proudly call Kurt his husband everywhere. Boyfriends were for high school and college and implied a heartfelt romance ending in heart break. Partners were those stupid kids you got paired with to do some equally stupid history project that bailed on you, forcing you to do 90% of the work and then that 10% that they did, ended up bringing your mark down a whole grade. Blaine didn't want either of those for his future. Blaine wanted a husband, a man who would stand by his side for the rest of his life, who would love him and cherish him and constantly find ways of showing him that even if it was as simple as making him smile.
There was a part of him that was frustrated beyond belief at Rachel and Finn because he couldn't help but think that they weren't taking this seriously. A commitment this big and important and treasured was not one to be taken lightly and at the helms of two already immature seventeen year olds, who never had to fight for this right, there was no doubt that neither of them actually realized how precious this was. They were just using it as an escape route, a way to hide from their own failure. A part of Blaine wanted to scream at them for taking for granted something that he coveted. A part of Blaine wanted to refuse to go out of protest. Then again though, who was Blaine to judge how they felt about each other and how functional their union would be? Who was Blaine to deny them the right that had been denied to him? And so he didn't. He sucked it up, took a deep breath, smiled, the grin not quite reaching his eyes, and agreed to be a bride's maid, provided he could have a different title. He sat quietly while everyone congratulated the happy couple and made plans for the big day and simply wished from the bottom of his heart, not for the first time and certainly not for the last, that one day he would be able to take Kurt's hand in marriage and proudly call the boy he loved his husband in all fifty states.