Today I learned that boys lie.
"It's ok Clare; I will only be getting better from here"
"Are you sure Eli?"
.
And one day the worlds gonna be alright,
And there will be no pain
.
They will leave you, torn and broken. No matter how many times they promise. They will make you pretend to be happy and you will wear that mask. That stupid smile, that stupid mask, that you are so damn sick of wearing. The smile everyone sees you wearing every day. You won't allow anyone to see you unhappy.
Remember Eli, when you first told me you have cancer. Remember how much I cried, and I couldn't let go of you. You patted my back and told me that everything would be ok. You held my hand throughout the night and promised me nothing would change. This wouldn't change anything.
"Baby, I would never break a promise to you. I promise I will always be here. I'll keep on holding you," Eli spoke with hope in his eyes.
Clare shook her head, could she really believe him?
.
Shut the ICU down tonight
'Cause everyone is safe
And I will overlook this operation by your side
.
You lied. I want to forgive you, but it's hurting too much. The burning pain is getting to me. I need you here with me, why would you lie about such a thing?
"Eli," Clare cried into his chest. His body felt cold, doctors coming in at a slow pace. They know it's too late.
.
'Cause were too young, were still kids
Were too young, were still kids
.
You kept getting more and more pale. More and more sick. I was becoming broken, and no one was there for me. I had to be strong for you, so I couldn't show you how sad I was. My parents only cared about themselves. The divorce, which one would get the house, it was all so dumb. Ali left me alone half the time. She was always with a new boy. Why was everything falling apart? Then there was Adam. He had Fiona, I'm all alone.
"Ali, I think we should have a girls night," Clare told Ali. Praying that for once Ali would agree.
"For sure next weekend Clare. It's just; Drew has been acting so cute lately. Next weekend, I promise."
Next weekend… of course.
.
I see your hearts get bigger when you lose your friends
And everyone's around you saying that it's not the end,
It's not the end
.
I beg you every day and night; don't leave me. Please God, don't take him away from me. But then I noticed more things going wrong. You stopped giving me the cute smiles, and you stopped laughing. I needed that, it was one of the only things that kept me going, was knowing you could laugh. Then… you stopped promising.
I'm so sick of smiling…
.
Take a break from the mask,
You've done enough today
I saw you smiling like it's all ok,
And it will be soon
.
Today, my world came crashing down. I lose the most important person in my life. I don't know if I hate you, but I will always love you. You lie, but I understand. I'll see you again, one day. Just remember, I'm wearing the mask till the day I die. Because I cannot have a true smile without you.
.
It's my job to keep you strong, I do it cause I'm supposed to
Its my job to keep you strong, I do it cause I like to
.
"Clare, are you going to be ok?" Ali asked holding onto Clare's hand.
"Yes Ali, I will be perfectly ok," Clare said, giving her friend a reassuring smile.
.
I do it 'cause I love you
.
"Clare, your grades have been dropping. I know losing Eli might be a part of that. Have you gone to see a therapist or anything?" Clare's English teacher asked. She had a sad smile, Clare didn't want that. Clare wanted everyone to leave her alone. She couldn't keep going on like this.
"Of course," Clare smiled. That stupid fake smile, it was back. And it wasn't going to leave, unless Clare finally decided to change it.
Clare walked to the pier. She stood at the edge and looked down, the sharp rocks below her. All it would take was that one brave step. She would stop faking and she could go find Eli. She looked down and looked up to the sky. The sun beating down on her face.
.
On that day, we will be in charge
The weathers always bright and 68 degrees
.
She turned around; Eli wouldn't have wanted her to do that…
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Well I hope that was ok. I felt kind of sad writing it haha, which makes sense. But I love that song and I don't know. Review if you liked it, be nice (:
