ONE DISCLAIMER, TWO SUMMARIES, AND FIVE WARNINGS
Disclaimer:
Last time I've checked my possessions I was a proud owner of a bonsai sapling and of $500 on my bank account. That's about all.
1. Summary, Drama Style
…and amidst it all a not-too-bright lonely boy is stuck; forced to watch as the world he doesn't really understand, stops to exist, or, maybe, just exists to stop...
Hmm… doesn't explain a thing, does it? Seems, I'm not very good at summaries.
Shall I try again? Yes? As you wish. So…
2. Summary, Parody Style
Well... hem-hem... Ok, I'm not very good at summaries ... so what happens when...
…Harry finds out that he has a whole bunch of long lost twin sisters (my exact copy, all of them!) and an equally lost twin older brother (my exact copy too... eh… with some minor alterations).
And btw Sirius is still almost alive, only a bit veiled and then Lupin unveils the truth that Severus was his (Harry's, not Lupin's) father once but had changed his mind later - which only proves his superior intelligence yet again (as if it needed any proving!)
But all the breathtaking revelations come unnoticed because the noble and clever Hermione manages at last to set free all the Hogwarts house-elves; and the thoroughly liberated Dobby is now in charge of the whole castle – alone (oh, that sweet word freedom...)
And who knows, what happens to all the laundry and dirty dishes now and what exactly all those New Beautiful and Smart American Transfers are doing in Hogwarts' kitchens and laundries?
Oh! And did I forget to mention that Dumbledore is cheerfully starving now (well, everybody else are starving too, but who cares)?
Oh! And did I forget to mention about new mysterious DADA teachers with horrible past, present and future tenses (my blind carbon copy, btw).
Oh! And did I forget to mention that Voldemort's officially back now? Surprise, surprise…
Oh! And did I forget to mention that I am in a desperate need of After, Better and Grammar Readers?
Oh! And did I forget to mention that I'm not very good at summaries?
Yes. Much better, this one. Now the last warnings… Just in case somebody's still reading...
Well . . . hem-hem again. . .
Greetings to all the brave souls who weren't scared off by the Summaries provided (Gryffindors, eh?) and went further!
Last Warning #1: This epos is a Parody, from its smallest toes to its biggest woes.
This includes the above mentioned Summary, which began just as homage to all the hopeless summaries I've became profoundly fed up of reading – and which unexpectedly blossomed up with a life of its own.
Last Warning #2: Do worry: every single given promise will be fulfilled till the end of the story!
This includes all the promises I've conveniently forgotten to mention about :)
Last Warning #3: However, I never promised that I will finish it soon!!!
I'm certainly going to enjoy it cold - especially now, when the number of poorly written, hollow or, worse, plagiarizing from each other fics proliferates faster then bacteria on unwashed hands. It is not likely I'm going to run out of fresh ideas, is it?
Last Warning #4: I alone know the final destination, and Merlin alone knows the root I'm going to take…
This story is hand crafted from genuine letters. Each chapter may slightly vary in texture, size, style, and other insignificant characteristics.
Last Warning #5: I'm a patient person, well-mannered, refined, decent, and, above all, modest…
…however, all of the above is but my poor late mother's doing. She so wanted me to be a true lady…
Mother, I'm sorry…
STILL READING? STRANGE… JUST REMEMBER: YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!!!
