Title: Beneath the surface of my heart.
Author: Dena
E-mail: natalieverrydt@hotmail.com Status: Finished Category: epilogue to Beneath the Surface, Sam/Jack romance Spoilers: Beneath the Surface. Sequel/Season info: season 4 - Beneath the surface Rating: PG Content warnings: none Summary: Beneath the surface of my heart. Disclaimer: Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author. ________________________________________________________________________
*Samantha Carter*
The sooner we get home the better, because I don't know how much longer I can stand being here in this dusty enclosed space. I need air and I need it fast. Being cooped up in the power plant for 4 weeks hasn't done my body or mind any good.
A couple of hours ago I didn't even know that I could go outside and see the sun, or touch the grass or walk wherever I wanted to walk, do whatever I wanted to do, without having to ask the permission of at least 3 people. But a couple of hours ago I also didn't know that I had fallen in love with my CO and actually vocalized these feelings. For 4 weeks I, Therra . no Samantha Carter, had been in love with Jonah, or better Jack O'Neill and it had felt so right (not to mention so good) in so many ways. Jonah was my light in the darkness, the fluttering butterfly in my stomach, my knight in shining armor, my everything . my soulmate.
But all of that was over now. Standing in front of him I could see him shutting the emotions away, locking them inside his heart, saving them for a later date. And that hurt, more then I imagined it would. But for the sake of our "jobs" we would have to pretend this never happened, only this time it was gonna be so hard. I don't even know whether I'll be able to actually effectively shut away all these emotions that have had free reign these last 4 weeks. And let's not forget all those memories we made during our nightly chats. The way I would put my head on his shoulder and then fall asleep during his long monologues about a big bald man with a short- sleeved shirt. The way he would gently pick me up and carry me to my cot, putting his blanket over my own on the colder nights so that I would be warm enough. Those were the things that I would probably miss the most. The gentleness with which he treated me, the waking up to a happy voice and nice lips that kissed me good morning. These were things of the past now.
I know that I have to end this, create a barrier between us, so that we can both pretend that this didn't happen, that Jonah and Therra were not really Jack and Sam, but just some people who accidentally met and fell in love. So I do the only thing that I know will achieve my goal. "Sir." I can see hurt in his eyes for a moment but then that mask of indifference slips back in place and he slowly repeats his title, as if he wants to taste the word. I quickly walk past him, not wanting to see the hurt on his face, the betrayal. I walk through Brenna's office, hoping that when we get home things will get better, but knowing deep down that they won't. Things will never get better, not unless one of us takes the next step and resigns. And I know that neither of us is ready to do that, so until we are ready we will just have to continue to love each other in silence like we have been doing for years now.
Author: Dena
E-mail: natalieverrydt@hotmail.com Status: Finished Category: epilogue to Beneath the Surface, Sam/Jack romance Spoilers: Beneath the Surface. Sequel/Season info: season 4 - Beneath the surface Rating: PG Content warnings: none Summary: Beneath the surface of my heart. Disclaimer: Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author. ________________________________________________________________________
*Samantha Carter*
The sooner we get home the better, because I don't know how much longer I can stand being here in this dusty enclosed space. I need air and I need it fast. Being cooped up in the power plant for 4 weeks hasn't done my body or mind any good.
A couple of hours ago I didn't even know that I could go outside and see the sun, or touch the grass or walk wherever I wanted to walk, do whatever I wanted to do, without having to ask the permission of at least 3 people. But a couple of hours ago I also didn't know that I had fallen in love with my CO and actually vocalized these feelings. For 4 weeks I, Therra . no Samantha Carter, had been in love with Jonah, or better Jack O'Neill and it had felt so right (not to mention so good) in so many ways. Jonah was my light in the darkness, the fluttering butterfly in my stomach, my knight in shining armor, my everything . my soulmate.
But all of that was over now. Standing in front of him I could see him shutting the emotions away, locking them inside his heart, saving them for a later date. And that hurt, more then I imagined it would. But for the sake of our "jobs" we would have to pretend this never happened, only this time it was gonna be so hard. I don't even know whether I'll be able to actually effectively shut away all these emotions that have had free reign these last 4 weeks. And let's not forget all those memories we made during our nightly chats. The way I would put my head on his shoulder and then fall asleep during his long monologues about a big bald man with a short- sleeved shirt. The way he would gently pick me up and carry me to my cot, putting his blanket over my own on the colder nights so that I would be warm enough. Those were the things that I would probably miss the most. The gentleness with which he treated me, the waking up to a happy voice and nice lips that kissed me good morning. These were things of the past now.
I know that I have to end this, create a barrier between us, so that we can both pretend that this didn't happen, that Jonah and Therra were not really Jack and Sam, but just some people who accidentally met and fell in love. So I do the only thing that I know will achieve my goal. "Sir." I can see hurt in his eyes for a moment but then that mask of indifference slips back in place and he slowly repeats his title, as if he wants to taste the word. I quickly walk past him, not wanting to see the hurt on his face, the betrayal. I walk through Brenna's office, hoping that when we get home things will get better, but knowing deep down that they won't. Things will never get better, not unless one of us takes the next step and resigns. And I know that neither of us is ready to do that, so until we are ready we will just have to continue to love each other in silence like we have been doing for years now.
