A.N./Warning: Ok, this is massively random, and yeah...it was the result of extreme boredom. Hopefully it's funny, but I make no guarantees. So expect nothing meaningful from this. You have been warned.

Disclaimers: I don't own Gundam, Street Fighter or Highlander: the Series. [this isn't a crossover, the other 2 are just mentioned along the way]

When This Fic Author Gets Bored
By Threnody


The scene opens on Wufei comforting a young, beautiful, intelligent, and talented woman [who also happens to be writing this fic, so it doesn't really matter if he's acting ooc.]. He gently consoled her, while inside he seethed with rage.

Threnody: So there I am, innocently minding my own business, when in comes my father, his eyes cold and distant. And then he says, "I'm tearing apart my computer just so you can't use the internet." And walks away, ignoring my pleas. *sniff* And so there I was, 7pm and no connections to the outside world! *bursts into tears*

Wufei's arms tightened around her.

Wufei: Injustice!

Heero: What do you think you're doing?

Both glanced up at Heero and blinked. Threnody sniffled again while Wufei quickly stood up and stepped away from Threnody. Heero focused his death glare on Threnody.

Heero: You're supposed to be writing the story.

Threnody: I know. *sniff*

Heero: Then what are you doing here? *deathglare*

Threnody: Um...well, there was no internet...and, um, I was sad, and well, Wufei was here...

Heero turned his deathglare upon Wufei who looked at the ground, his cheeks slightly pink. Heero folded his arms.

Heero: How many times do we have to tell you not to hit on the author?

Wufei: *sputters* I was not hitting on her!!!!

Threnody: Yeah, 'cause he's got Sally Po. I've read it in a million fanfics. And, of course, an adult woman would fall in love with a 15-year-old boy.

Wufei: ahem...

Heero: [glares at Wufei] You get back in The Room. [glares at Threnody] And you start writing the story.

Wufei stalked off.

Threnody: *sniff* Yes sir...

* * *
Wufei: INJUSTICE!!!!

Duo: Hey relax Wu-man. It's just a game.

Wufei: INJUSTICE!!!!

Quatre: [pats Wufei's shoulder sympathetically] Don't feel too bad Wufei. Chun-li is pretty tough.

In a purple colored rage nifty how rages can have color, huh? Wufei stepped back from the arcade machine and whipped his katana out of...somewhere. Probably the same place Duncan McCleoud keeps his. As he raised his sword to attack the busty, giggling Chun-li, who was doing her little victory dance, Duo, Quatre, and Trowa grabbed him by the arms and pulled him backwards.

Relena sighed while she watched Wufei struggle against the other three. It had been a bad idea to meet at the arcade. But that's what she got for letting Duo pick the meeting place.

~10 mins. later~

Duo: Nice going Wufei. You got us kicked out.

Wufei ignored him, still angry at Chun-li.

Quatre: What should we do now?

Relena: We still need to wait for Heero.

Duo: *rolls his eyes* Relena, you're always waiting for Heero. Haven't you learned yet that he's not gonna show up?

Relena: Heero will always show up if I really need him.

Duo blinked, getting an idea.

Duo: You know, you're right Relena. Heero always seems to show up just when you need him...

He stepped closer to Relena as her said this and Relena looked up at him defiantly. Duo looked down at her with a grin. Without warning he grabbed Relena around the waist and pulled her into his arms. He tilted her head back and passionately kissed her before she could protest.

Quatre: *GASP* Relena!!!

Wufei: *growls* chun-li...

Trowa: ...

The kiss continued a second before...

*POW*

Duo landed painfully on his butt. When the stars cleared from his vision he looked up at the dark figure looming over him.

Heero: Omae wa korosu.

Duo: *chuckles* It was worth it. You know Heero, she's got great lips. You should give them a try sometime. Can we go now?

Relena blushes. Heero glares. Duo laughs. Trowa sighs. Wufei grumbles. Quatre ponders.

Quatre: Heero, where did you come from?

Heero: ...
* * *
Threnody: So there I was, another whole night w/o the internet. My Dad still hadn't fixed the problem with his computer. It was horrible. My one escape from the world...well, not really, but still...

Threnody burst into tears.

Quatre: That is so terrible.

He gently took the beautiful woman into his arms, stroking her luxurious hair. He smiled contentedly, holding her tightly. this is fun

Quatre: You poor thing. Don't worry. I'll keep you entertained.

She lifted her tear stained face from his shoulder and gazed into his aqua eyes.

Threnody: Promise?

Quatre tenderly kissed the tears from her eyes. He slowly lowered his face towards hers, lips just inches away. She blinked in anticipation when suddenly a bright light washed over the two and the jumped back guiltily.

Heero: What do you think you're doing?

Quatre: *face glows red* uh...

Heero turned his deathglare at Threnody.

Threnody: Why do always look at me first? Well...I was sad again...and Quatre was here...

Deathglare at Quatre.

Heero: How many times do I have to tell you not to make out with the author?

Quatre turned even redder.

Heero: Now get back in the story.

Quatre nodded and popped out of existence.

Heero glared at Threnody who was playing with the hem of her shirt. After a minute of this she sighed and looked up at Heero who was still glaring at her. She sighed again and stomped out of The Room.

* * *

Relena: Guys, I don't know if this is such a good idea...

Duo: Aw, come on Lena! It's only an abandoned, spooky, house alone in the country with no one around for miles, and it's rumored to haunted. Now how could this be a bad idea?

Relena: *sweatdrop*

Quatre: Don't worry Relena. Heero will protect you!

Heero: *deathglare*

Relena: *blush*

Duo: Come on you guys! Let's go!

Suddenly lighting streaked across the sky, followed immediately by booming thunder. Relena and Quatre squealed and grabbed onto each other. Heero glared at Quatre who quickly let go of Relena.

The young people entered the dark and gloomy house and stopped just inside the doorway. Lightning flashed through the open door, illuminating the dusty, cobweb filled room. Without warning, the door slammed shut, causing Quatre, Relena and Duo to jump. Duo raced to the door and yanked on the handle.

Duo: Guys, it won't open!!

Quatre: What!?!

Quatre ran over and pulled with Duo on the door. At the same time Relena felt a tug at her mind and she walked through the darkness to a lamp that rested on a table. She reached past the cobwebs and pulled the chain. Suddenly the whole room was filled with light causing Duo and Quatre to look up from the door.

Duo: wow...powerful light...

Unknown Voice: Welcome to my sanctuary.

They all whirled toward the voice. Out of the shadows came a tall, dark figure. His hair was black as night, and his skin as pale as snow. He motionlessly glided across the cold brick floor. Relena gasped as he stopped just inches from her. His long, cold fingers calmly grasped her hand in his. Gazing into her eyes he raised her fingers to his lips, softly kissing each one.

Unknown Voice: It is a pleasure to meet you.

From somewhere on his person Heero whipped out a gun and pointed it at the stranger.

Heero: Omae wa korosu.

Before Heero could pull the trigger, the gun disappeared from his hands. He blinked.

Unknown Voice: Please, we do not allow weapons in the house.

Heero blinked again.

Unknown Voice: Please, allow me to introduce myself. I am Baron VonVamp. It is a pleasure to have you here. Please, come into my parlor.

He led Relena by the hand through the large double doors, the rest of the pilots following quickly behind. VonVamp led them into a dark, looming dining hall.

VonVamp: Please, Miss Relena, be seated. Dinner will be ready shortly.

And he walked out of the room.

Duo: Whoa! Is that guy creepy or what?

Quatre: Why are we eating dinner? It's only eleven.

Trowa: And how did he know Relena's name?

Wufei: *mumbles* chun-li...i will have my vengeance...justice will be served...

Relena: Well, we might as well sit down and wait. There's not much else we can do.

* * *

Threnody: You know, being a fanfic author is a lot harder than it seems.

Duo pressed his lips lightly against her neck.

Duo: Uh-huh.

Threnody sighed as he slipped his arms around her waist and gently kissed her closed eyelids.

Threnody: I mean, to make it a good fic, you really have to know the characters and how they would react in the situations you put them in.

Duo: Uh-huh.

Suddenly his lips were on her, giving her a deep, passionate and searing kiss. Oblivious to the light that washed over them they continued kissing.

Heero: What do you think you're doing?

They didn't hear him and continued with their...conversation. Duo slowly sat her down the couch that materialized out of Nowhere. He ran his fingers through her silky hair and gently caressed her jaw with his lips. Threnody sighed softly and wound her arm around his back, teasingly yanking on his braid. He growled and leaned her back against the love seat. She giggled playfully and wrapped her leg around his. Duo smiled at the invitation and leaned down to kiss her.

They were both quite surprised with their lips never met.

Duo: Hey man! Let go of my braid!

Heero had grabbed Duo by the braid and pulled him off of the couch and Threnody. Heero then swung Duo around to face him.

Heero: What do you think you're doing?

Duo: *grins* Ain't it obvious?

Heero glared at Duo, then at Threnody and stomped out of The Room, dragging Duo behind him.

* * *

They had seated themselves at the long table. The finest china and crystal any of them had ever seen was set at each place. Heero was warily looking around the room while keeping an eye on Relena, who was inspecting the china with Quatre. Wufei and Trowa were quietly sitting with their eyes closed. And Duo was waiting expectantly for the food, a fork in one hand and a knife in the other.

Duo: When's the food gonna get here?

Quatre: Duo! Don't be rude. We should be thankful toward our gracious host.

Relena: Well, he may be gracious, but he's is rather creepy. I thought I knew all of the rich families in this area, but I've never heard of VonVamp before. And by the look of things this is old money.

Quatre: I've never heard of him either. And the Winners know everyone wealthy or influential. This is rather odd.

They all sat quietly, contemplating their host.

[their thoughts]
Relena: He was very charming and suave, but there's something about him I don't trust...

Heero: Three doors. One leads to the kitchen, one to entryway, other unknown. Two windows placed on starboard side of room. Relena is located approximately one meter directly forward. Possible escape routes...

Quatre: I wonder if VonVamp and I will become good friends. He seems awfully nice. I wonder if he likes tea...

Duo: ...food...

Trowa: This could prove to be more challenging than I originally imagined. I hadn't planned on a meal. If I don't get some more gel in my hair soon...

Wufei: Chun-li...I will become stronger...and I will defeat you...you are nothing but a weak woman...you cannot win against Nataku and I...

Alright, so they all weren't contemplating their mysterious host, but at least they were thinking.

At that moment several servants came in, each bearing platters laden with all sorts of food. Delicious aromas filled the dining hall as the food was placed on the table. Duo's eyes grew wide and sparkly as his mouth began to water. He was about to dive into the food when he felt a sharp kick to his shins. He yelped and dropped his fork, reaching under the table to rub his leg. Quatre gave him a menacing look, silently warning him to mind his manners. The servers filled the glasses with a red beverage, then left just as silently as they came. The group sat there, waiting for something. Something that had better come soon if Duo had anything to say about it.

From the unknown door entered VonVamp. He had changed his attire and was now clothed in a completely black tuxedo with a jacket whose tails reached the floor. His long white hair was pulled into a ponytail high on his head, sending strands of hair swirling about his face and shoulders. His pale skin seemed to glow causing his deep black eyes to sparkle.

The whole effect left Relena somewhat breathless. She couldn't look away as he glided over to where she sat. He smirked down at her and she felt a deep blush creep onto her face. Heero felt his body temperature rise and the edges of his vision turned red. He deathglared at the man who was now slightly bowing toward Relena and talking, causing Relena to blush even more. Heero's hand instantly flew to where his extra gun should be, but found nothing.

VonVamp: Please, Mr. Yuy. We will have not of that this evening.

A servant walked in and took the gun from his master's hand.

Heero blinked.

VonVamp: Now, if every thing is taken care of, we will begin the meal.

Heero blinked again.

Duo let out a whoop (which gained a disapproving glare from Quatre) and began piling food on his plate. The others followed at a slower pace. The meal was eaten in a wary silence, interrupted only by Duo's gulping. The table was cleared as the main courses were finished and an interesting looking pudding cake was set in front of them. Duo's eyes sparkled yet again and he greedily attacked the dessert.

VonVamp: I must say, Miss Relena, that you are looking absolutely spectacular this evening. I cannot keep my eyes off you.

Duo suddenly stopped eating. His eyes drifted toward the ceiling and he became lost in thought. In his mind, he pictured a Chibi-Relena running around the table with VonVamp's eyes crawling on her.

Chibi-Relena: Eek! Ew! Get 'em off! Get 'em off! Heero! Help!!

Suddenly a Chibi-Heero pops into Duo's vision. He begins to chase after Chibi-Relena in an attempt to help.

Chibi-Heero: Omae wa korosu!!!

Duo began to giggle uncontrollably, earning an odd look from everyone except for the blushing Relena and the glaring Heero. He was soon laughing so hard that he fell out of his chair. They all looked at Duo's empty chair for a moment then continued with their dessert. Duo picked himself up off the floor, still chuckling and continued to eat.

Relena: Mr. VonVamp, I must say that I'm surprised to see such apparently old wealth here. I hadn't heard of any well-known families in this area.

VonVamp looked slightly uncomfortable for a moment. Silence filled the room as they all looked at VonVamp, waiting for a response. As if on cue a servant entered, announcing that tea and coffee were being served in the library. VonVamp smiled, looking somewhat relieved.

VonVamp: Come, let us retire to the library.

They all stood and followed. Heero glared at VonVamp's back. Something wasn't right. He stepped a little closer to Relena, swearing that he would protect her.

* * *

HEEEEEEROOOO!!!!

Heero: Relena??

Threnody: No stupid, it's me.

Heero glanced down at the exceedingly beautiful woman who grasped his arm. She pulled him down onto the Magic Couch and pouted cutely.

Threnody: Heero, why are you just sitting there? Don't you want to have a...conversation?

She wiggled her eyebrows at him playfully and he immediately thought of betraying The Deal. But he couldn't. Strengthening his resolve he looked away from her and deathglared at the wall.

Heero: It's not your month.

Threnody: Huh?

Suddenly there was a loud POOF and a cloud of pink smoke appeared in front of them. Stepping out of the smoke and coughing cutely was another woman equally matched with Threnody for brains and beauty.

Amy: That's right. This is my month with Heero. How would you like it if I threw myself all over Duo this month??? Now get off Heero!!

Heero extracted himself from Threnody and walked behind Amy, wrapping his arms around her shoulders, pulling her into an embrace. Amy smiled contentedly and sighed as he kissed her neck. A loud coughing interrupted the two and they all looked to where the last of the pink cloud was fading to reveal...

Threnody: Duo?

Amy: Ack! Duo!! What are you doing here?!?!

Threnody: Amy!!! What were you doing with My Duo?!

Amy: The same thing you were doing with My Heero!!!

Amy had pushed away from Heero and now the girls stood facing each other. Sparks were shooting in the air between them as they glared at each other.

Heero and Duo quickly rushed to their respective girls and pulled them away from each other. They had seen the results of their fighting before The Deal had been made. It wasn't pretty. Duo pulled Threnody over to the Magic Couch and Heero sat Amy down on another Magic Couch that appeared.

Duo: Hey, baby, just calm down. She's your best friend, you know. You two shouldn't fight like that.

Threnody: Duo! What were you doing over there? How could you betray me like that? This is MY month with you!

Duo: Hey, relax! Amy tricked me. You know I wouldn't do something like that to you.

Threnody: *sniff* Really?

Duo: Hey, I might run and hide, but I never tell a lie. That's me in a nutshell.

Threnody: Oh Duo!

Duo smiled and leaned her back against the Magic Couch, continuing their...conversation where it had left off. On the other Magic Couch, Amy and Heero's...conversation had gone much the same way.

Suddenly a bright light washed over the two couples. Amy and Threnody blinked several times, Heero and Duo seemed not to notice. Silently Trowa entered the Room. He quietly surveyed the Room and shook his head. He walked over to the first Magic Couch and roughly grabbed Duo's braid and hauled him off the couch. Walking over to the second Magic Couch he grabbed Heero by the waistband of his spandex and yanked him off the couch. Without a word, Trowa drug them out of the room.

Amy and Threnody: Trowa!!!

They both sat there pouting and looking adorable. After a moment Amy stood and sighed. With another POOF! and pink smoke she was gone again. Threnody sighed also and made her way back to the keyboard.

* * *

They all settled themselves in the library. Quatre and Relena sat upon the couch with VonVamp, sipping tea. Heero settled himself against a wall, his glare shifting from VonVamp to Relena. Wufei and Trowa were engaged in a game of chess and Duo walked around, randomly touching things. He soon tired of this though, and walked over to where Wufei and Trowa sat. He stood directly behind Wufei, amused by the serious expression he wore on his face. With a mischievous grin, he began to repeatedly poke Wufei. At first Wufei ignored him, not letting the braided pilot get to him.

With a mischievous grin he began to repeatedly poke Wufei. At first Wufei ignored him, not letting the braided pilot get to him. But when he began to lose the chess match, Wufei could stand it no longer. With an angry cry he leapt up from his chair and grabbed the front of Duo's shirt.

Wufei: STOP POKING ME!!!!!!

Duo: Ha! I found a weakness!!! Bwa ha ha! Oh, this is rich! I'll never forget this one buddy!

Wufei stopped when he realized what had happened. He had revealed a weakness to his greatest enemy. He roughly shoved Duo away, and walked quickly over to the nearest wall, leaning against it and closed his eyes. How could he let this happen, he thought to himself. Now Duo would constantly poke him, and he'd grow even weaker. This would require special training. He began to form his plan, which required months of conditioning and meditation. He must grow stronger, and overcome this.

Pleased with his work, Duo turned his mischief making energies toward the rest of the room. Before he could cause any more trouble he spotted a plateful of cookies on the platter that held the tea. With a delighted gasp and sparkly eyes, Duo gleefully attacked the plate of cookies.

VonVamp: So, Miss Relena, what do you think of my estate?

Relena: Well, it's very...expansive.

VonVamp: Here, I'd like to show you something.

He quickly stood up, too quickly and his tea sloshed over the edge of his cup and spilled onto Relena's skirt. Relena gasped and stood up, pulling the scalding fabric away from her skin. VonVamp jumped up as well, apologizing and dabbing the liquid with his napkin. Quatre stood up to help as well, looking concernedly at Relena. Heero however was staring suspiciously at VonVamp. It didn't seem like the spilt tea was an accident, but what purpose would he have for getting Relena wet?

VonVamp: Oh, dear. I'm so very sorry Miss Relena. I feel just awful. How clumsy of me. Here, I'll show to the washroom where you can clean up.

Relena: Thank you, Mr. VonVamp. And please, don't feel bad. Accidents do happen.

VonVamp nodded his thanks and led her out of the room. The five pilots stared after them, each of them suspicious of their dark host.

Duo: *mumbling between cookies* You know, I don't think this guy is trustworthy.

Wufei: Oh really? Whatever gave you that impression, baka?

Duo glared at Wufei and threw a cookie at him. Wufei just caught the cookie, crumbling it in his hand and dropping the crumbs on the ground. Angry at Wufei for wasting a cookie, Duo picked up the platter that the cookies were served on and chucked it at his head. Wufei caught that as well and threw it back at Duo, who wasn't as reflexive as Wufei and it hit him on the forehead. Duo cried out in pain and surprise and lunged at Wufei. Wufei met him eagerly, still angry at Duo for finding a weakness. They rolled on the floor for a while, muttered curses and insults could be heard. Quatre hovered over the two, desperately trying to get them to stop. When they finally wore out, they sat on the floor, battered, bruised, gulping for air and glaring at each other. Quatre breathed a sigh of relief, and his thoughts returned to Miss Relena.

Quatre: It seems like Miss Relena has been gone for quite a while. I hope she's all right. Maybe one of us should go look for her. Heero, why don't you...Heero? Hey, where's Heero?

Trowa: We'd better look for them. If VonVamp tries anything, Heero might do something we'll regret.

* * *

Threnody hesitantly approached the Magic Couch and sat down next stoic Trowa. They sat in an uncomfortable silence for a moment. Threnody cleared her throat and decided to make some sort of conversation.

Threnody: You know Trowa, you're always so quite, and I was wondering how come?

Trowa: I only speak when I feel there is a need to say something.

Threnody: Oh. Well, I guess that makes sense.

Silence fell over them once again. Threnody couldn't help but stare into those deep emerald eyes of his. He sat there, staring into space, thinking deep thoughts that she could only begin to imagine. She studied his strong profile and a flutter came to her stomach. He was so mysterious, just like his face she only ever saw half of what he was. She leaned in closer, trying to glimpse at the man behind the bangs.

Trowa had noticed her staring and leaning. He wasn't quite sure how to react to this woman. He was beginning to feel a bit claustrophobic and nervous as to the girl's intentions. When he couldn't take it any longer, he turned to face the girl and find out what exactly it was she wanted. Things didn't go exactly as he had planned.

Threnody: OW!!! My eye! Trowa!! How much gel do you use?!

Trowa blinked in surprise as Threnody clasped a hand over her injured eye. He gently placed a hand on her shoulder to see if she was all right when a bright light washed over them both.

Heero: What do you think you're-

Threnody: Oh, shut up.

With that she stood and walked out of The Room, muttering about ice, gel, and vengeance. Heero and Trowa silently looked at each other for a moment, before they nodded and popped out of existence.

* * *

Relena looked down at her skirt. The stain had washed out and she hadn't been burned. However she didn't feel comfortable with being alone with their host. He creeped her out. He was so dark and mysterious, and he'd taken more than just a friendly interest in her. She sighed and walked out of the washroom, pasting a fake smile upon her lips.

VonVamp: Are you all right, Miss Relena?

Relena: Yes, thank you.

VonVamp: Then we shall return to the library and rejoin the others.

They began the trek back to the library in a wary silence. Out of the corner of her eye, Relena could see VonVamp watching her, and odd smile on his face. She began to wonder if the "accidental" spilling of the tea wasn't as accidental as she thought. She felt sure she was right when she realized that they were not going back to the library.

Relena: Mr. VonVamp, where are we going?

VonVamp: *smiling coyly* Oh, there was just something I wanted to show you, Miss Relena.

Relena stopped in the hall, about to insist that they rejoin the others, when his eyes began to glow red. She gasped, placing a hand to her mouth and a scream caught in her throat. She tried to turn and run, but her feet refused to obey her. VonVamp stepped closer to her, the red glow spreading over his entire body.

VonVamp: You know, Miss Relena, you really have quite an amazing energy. It's so strong, youthful, and...delicious.

He placed a hand on her chest and the red glow spread to her body. She gasped in pain and surprise. It seemed as though the only part of herself that she retained control to was her eyes. She glared at VonVamp with contempt and malice, knowing that this would not go on for long. And she was right. Not long after he began to drain her energy he found that he had a fist buried in his gut. VonVamp doubled over slightly, and looked up to see Heero's foot sailing toward his face. His foot connected solidly and VonVamp slumped to the floor. As he did, the red glow left Relena and her legs gave way at the sudden weight that returned. Heero deftly caught her in his arms before she hit the floor and steadied her on her feet. Smiled at him gratefully, and he allowed himself the barest whisper of a nod in response. Heero grunted in surprise when a clawed hand snaked out and grabbed the front of his shirt. Apparently, VonVamp had not been as unconscious as he thought. Heero wrestled with him for a moment before VonVamp was able to throw him off and made his way back toward Relena.

Heero: Relena! Run!

Trusting Heero's judgement (and her own fear), Relena took off in the direction she thought the library was. It was soon clear however that VonVamp had the advantage, and he was gaining on her. Hoping to alert the other pilots, she screamed as loud as she could. With an enraged howl, VonVamp leapt at her, tackling her to the ground. She cried out as he put a hand between her shoulder blades and the red glow began to encompass her again.

Upon hearing her scream the other pilots began racing toward the direction her voice came from. They rounded the corner and stopped in surprise. In addition to the red glow, VonVamp seemed to have grown a foot, and his skin had grown even paler. He turned his glare toward the boys and growled.

VonVamp: If you value your lives you will leave.

Without a second thought, the four pilots rushed at VonVamp. By this time Heero had caught up to them, and joined them in the fight. They managed to pull him off of Relena, who had been drained of quite a bit of energy. Duo and Trowa managed to grab onto his arms, but were not having much success of keeping him still. He angrily fought against Wufei and Heero as they lunged at him. Quatre had jumped onto his back and was repeatedly hitting VonVamp's head. Though none of it seemed to be slowing him down, for VonVamp had grown stronger as well as taller and creepier. Heero stood back for a moment, breathing heavily. This wasn't working, they weren't winning against him. They needed to try something else. VonVamp jerked violently, knocking Quatre off his back and swinging Duo around. Suddenly getting an idea Heero ran around to VonVamp's back, and latched himself on tightly. Reaching over he grabbed Duo's braid and wrapped it around VonVamp's neck as tight as he could.

Duo: OW! Hey, what are you doing you fool!! That's my hair! Ow!

Heero ignored Duo's protests and pulled harder on the braid. VonVamp began to gasp for air and thrash about violently. Duo was making as much noise as VonVamp and holding the base of his neck. After a while, VonVamp began to lose strength and slowly fall to the ground. Heero held the braid in place a moment longer then released it. Duo instantly snatched his head back, and massaged his injured scalp, glaring at Heero. Heero checked VonVamp's pulse then looked up at the one-eyed pilot.

Heero: Trowa, go find something to tie him up with.

Trowa nodded but before he could leave VonVamp began to glow red again, and he slowly dissolved into the ground. They all stared wide-eyed at the spot where VonVamp used to be. The house around them began to change as well. The furniture seemed to grow older and the house fell into disrepair. Beams began to fall and the whole thing seemed to age 100 years in just a few seconds. Heero picked up Relena and they all raced out of the house before it collapsed around them. Just as they made it to the front lawn, the building fell down around its foundation. They stood around, breathing heavily and recovering from the adrenaline rush. Heero gently placed Relena on the ground and made sure she was steady before he let go. Duo stomped over to Heero, jabbing a finger in his chest.

Duo: That. Was. My. Hair.

Heero: Hn...

Quatre: What happened to VonVamp? Is he dead?

Trowa: I don't think so Quatre.

Relena: Will he be back?

Trowa: Possibly.

Duo: That. Was. My. Hair.

Quatre: Don't worry about it Duo. I'm sure Heero would be more than happy to make it up to you by buying us all dinner. Won't you Heero?

Heero: Hn...

The thought of food seemed to calm Duo down. The teenagers gathered themselves together to leave the creepy place out in the middle of nowhere. Relena had ripped a strip of cloth off of her dress and was now wrapping it around Heero's arm.

Heero: What are you doing? I wasn't hurt.

Relena: I know. But it just wouldn't be the same if I didn't do this after you saved me.

Duo: Relena, you've got some problems.

Quatre: Hey, where's Wufei?

Trowa: He left a minute ago, muttering about poking, strength, and Chun-li.

Duo: Ooh! He's gone back to the arcade! And I can poke him some more!

Thoughts of food abandoned, Duo rushed back to the arcade, Trowa and Quatre following at a slower pace. Relena just shook her head and smiled at Heero. She linked her arm through his and together they walked into the sunset.

* * *

Threnody: Woohoo! It's finally done! Chock full of corny jokes and cheesy endings. Ya gotta love it.

The entire cast, including Threnody and Amy, were gathered in The Room for a celebratory party. They mingled and laughed, each drinking a red beverage.

Threnody: Well Reader, thanks for sticking it through 'til the end. It was one odd ride, ne? This was my first humor fic so let me know if it was funny, or if I should never write comedy again. Thanks everyone.