"Katherine Hougton Beckett, will you marry me" Seven words turned her world upside down again and caused her to run. This time, however, she ran into herself and not away. The initial panic of "is he breaking up with me" subsided and left her with "Oh My God, no."

"No?" he asked, his face showing the absolute devastation at the two letter word she just spoke.

"Castle, I can't say yes." "Not now, not out of fear and not like this." She grabbed for him, pulling his body close and meeting his eyes head on. "I want to marry you Castle, I really do but I…I can't find a yes right now." "Give me some time to think things through."

He listened, really trying to hear and read what she was saying but ultimately he was unable to decipher the true words behind her no.

"Kate, I meant what I said." "Whatever happens, whatever you decide, I want to be there, I want to be at the top of your list."

Both their words hang in the air, neither willing to pull them back down to clarify. "Give me some time Castle, I just need some time."

"Time is all you've had Kate." Castle spits out before rising off the swing and making his way back to the loft.

This is the last time I'm asking you this,
Put my name on the top of your list,
This is the last time I'm asking you why,
You break my heart in the blink of an eye
.

She stays at the swings his words swimming in her thoughts. She doesn't know why she does this, why she's always done this. Relationships go in stages, the faces may change but still the stages progress. She's good with the first few steps, however, the meat of a relationship scares the shit out of her. Being scared is not an option for Kate Beckett so she runs or sabotages or both. Repeatedly. Why? She vows to do it differently this time.

Aimlessly swinging she replays the last year in her head. Her thoughts drift to dinner with the parents, the Hamptons, Alexis, Nebula 9, cozy dinners, sharing secrets and the intimacy of two people in love. The thought hits her like a bolt of lightning. Two people in love. Two people who really have been doing this dance of love for 5 years. They should be sharing secrets, not keeping secrets. She needs to fix this.

Found myself at your door,
Just like all those times before,
I'm not sure how I got there,
All roads they lead me here.

I imagine you are home,
In your room, all alone,
And you open your eyes into mine,
And everything feels better,

Standing outside the loft, Kate attempts to steady her breathing before inserting her key in the door and swinging it open. "Castle?" she calls out. "Rick, are you here?"

From the study she hears his voice answer back, "I'm in here Kate." She realizes he is not coming to meet her so she walks tentatively to his office door. She finds him sitting behind the massive desk, hands rolling the pro-offered ring through his fingers. She can't help but be reminded of how she has hurt him. Again. Leaning against the door frame, she sends a shy smile his way. "Hey." She says. His slightly duller blue eyes look up at her and he responds with his own "Hey." Adding, "I didn't expect you back…so soon."

Right before your eyes,
I'm breaking and fast,
No reasons why,
Just you and me.

She looks at him, searching and finding the love that has always been there. Taking a deep breath, she answers, "Yeah, well, I'm ready to deal."