WHEN DREAMING ENDS
*I need to know if you were real
'Cause I've been known to get it wrong
When the memory comes
I'll say I'm always in the dark*
A month. That's how long he's been gone. That's how long I've been dead. I killed him. Just like I killed Danny, and Noah too. Three strikes - you're out.
Francie moved out. She couldn't handle it. She has a new boyfriend, she lives with him now. She says that's why she left, but I know. She and Will come and visit sometimes. But I scare them. I've lost weight. I can't eat. I come home from work and usually sleep. I cried a lot at the beginning. But now I know that crying will do no good. God can't hear me anymore. No one can. I killed the man I loved. I've quarantined myself. I can't love again.
The first night I came home, Francie was worried. I looked so tired. She tried to get me a nice bubble bath and I cried for 3 straight hours. I wouldn't get in. Everytime I looked at the water I remembered him. Seeing his face surrounded by all that water while I just watched. Dad tries to convince me that I did all I could. But I know better.
Everything reminds me of him. Of the life that we were going to have someday. Everywhere I go, everything I see, it makes me think of him. I don't go out anymore.
Sloane is concerned. He's noticed that I've changed. Dad told him I miss Danny and that I'll get over it. I was supposed to be married now. This satisfied him. I still go on my missions, and I do what he tells me, at least so he thinks.
The CIA tried to get me to see Barnett. But it's no use. No one can get through the steel walls around me. And even if they could, there's nothing there anymore. My new handler gives me my counter-missions, he's not there if I need to talk. Not that I would anyway. I fulfill every mission, so no one complains that I'm dead.
*I can't remember how it went
You looked like everything I wanted
And as you came along
Slowly everything began to change
I got you now*
We could have been happy. He made life worth living. Dad told me once that he told Vaughn taking down SD-6 got me up the morning. I wish Vaughn knew that wasn't true. He would have known if I had told him. But I didn't. And now I killed him. Dreaming is over.
We would have been perfect together. Sometimes I slip away to the world where SD-6 is gone, Vaughn is alive, and we're together. Sitting at a Kings game together, hands intertwined. Watching a movie, making out in the back row. Playing Boggle with Francie and Will. Sleeping in late and having breakfast in bed. This is my punishment. I make myself go through the images, and then remind myself that it's impossible because of me. This is how I punish myself for killing him.
* I need to know if you were real
I'd hate to think that I'd been fooled again
And as the vision fades
I'll say I was blinded by your eyes
I felt them burn *
I let the images slide away into nothingness. Reality cuts through. Images of a life of pain, of lies, and of tears. A life haunted by what could have been. Haunted by his emerald eyes. I feel a tear slip from my own eye. I brush it away. I'm not allowed to cry anymore. You can't cry unless you're alive.
Someone knocks on the door. Will and Francie again. Bringing me something they'll try to coax me to eat. Offers to take me out to a movie or dinner or shopping. If I sit here long enough and pretend not to hear they'll go away. They'll understand that Sydney Bristow died with Michael Vaughn and she's never coming back.
They knock again. More urgent this time. They're going to make this hard. I get up and walk to the door. Pull it open.
Emerald eyes.
I sob.
"Vaughn?" it's not real. It's my mind playing the game again. Punishing me.
Arms go around me. Visions don't hug.
"I'm here Sydney. You're not dreaming."
"No...you're gone."
"I'm here Sydney. And I'm never leaving you again."
Visions certainly don't kiss.
I'm alive.
THE END
*Lyrics are "Give You Back" by Vertical Horizon. Yes I know it was in an episode but that's my favorite song and it's beautiful.
*I need to know if you were real
'Cause I've been known to get it wrong
When the memory comes
I'll say I'm always in the dark*
A month. That's how long he's been gone. That's how long I've been dead. I killed him. Just like I killed Danny, and Noah too. Three strikes - you're out.
Francie moved out. She couldn't handle it. She has a new boyfriend, she lives with him now. She says that's why she left, but I know. She and Will come and visit sometimes. But I scare them. I've lost weight. I can't eat. I come home from work and usually sleep. I cried a lot at the beginning. But now I know that crying will do no good. God can't hear me anymore. No one can. I killed the man I loved. I've quarantined myself. I can't love again.
The first night I came home, Francie was worried. I looked so tired. She tried to get me a nice bubble bath and I cried for 3 straight hours. I wouldn't get in. Everytime I looked at the water I remembered him. Seeing his face surrounded by all that water while I just watched. Dad tries to convince me that I did all I could. But I know better.
Everything reminds me of him. Of the life that we were going to have someday. Everywhere I go, everything I see, it makes me think of him. I don't go out anymore.
Sloane is concerned. He's noticed that I've changed. Dad told him I miss Danny and that I'll get over it. I was supposed to be married now. This satisfied him. I still go on my missions, and I do what he tells me, at least so he thinks.
The CIA tried to get me to see Barnett. But it's no use. No one can get through the steel walls around me. And even if they could, there's nothing there anymore. My new handler gives me my counter-missions, he's not there if I need to talk. Not that I would anyway. I fulfill every mission, so no one complains that I'm dead.
*I can't remember how it went
You looked like everything I wanted
And as you came along
Slowly everything began to change
I got you now*
We could have been happy. He made life worth living. Dad told me once that he told Vaughn taking down SD-6 got me up the morning. I wish Vaughn knew that wasn't true. He would have known if I had told him. But I didn't. And now I killed him. Dreaming is over.
We would have been perfect together. Sometimes I slip away to the world where SD-6 is gone, Vaughn is alive, and we're together. Sitting at a Kings game together, hands intertwined. Watching a movie, making out in the back row. Playing Boggle with Francie and Will. Sleeping in late and having breakfast in bed. This is my punishment. I make myself go through the images, and then remind myself that it's impossible because of me. This is how I punish myself for killing him.
* I need to know if you were real
I'd hate to think that I'd been fooled again
And as the vision fades
I'll say I was blinded by your eyes
I felt them burn *
I let the images slide away into nothingness. Reality cuts through. Images of a life of pain, of lies, and of tears. A life haunted by what could have been. Haunted by his emerald eyes. I feel a tear slip from my own eye. I brush it away. I'm not allowed to cry anymore. You can't cry unless you're alive.
Someone knocks on the door. Will and Francie again. Bringing me something they'll try to coax me to eat. Offers to take me out to a movie or dinner or shopping. If I sit here long enough and pretend not to hear they'll go away. They'll understand that Sydney Bristow died with Michael Vaughn and she's never coming back.
They knock again. More urgent this time. They're going to make this hard. I get up and walk to the door. Pull it open.
Emerald eyes.
I sob.
"Vaughn?" it's not real. It's my mind playing the game again. Punishing me.
Arms go around me. Visions don't hug.
"I'm here Sydney. You're not dreaming."
"No...you're gone."
"I'm here Sydney. And I'm never leaving you again."
Visions certainly don't kiss.
I'm alive.
THE END
*Lyrics are "Give You Back" by Vertical Horizon. Yes I know it was in an episode but that's my favorite song and it's beautiful.
