Tommy POV
On Top of the roof, the air is so cold and so calm.
Never would I have ever thought I'd find myself up here tonight on a fifty story LA building. Spreading my boyfriend's ashes and getting ready to let go of it all... I'm slowly freezing to death before I can even make a leap to the end. I shiver in pain from the cold yet I feel so calm knowing soon enough it will all be gone in flash...just like my heart disappeared. I had it all...until one someone decided to take away Adam's life, the love of my life.
I say your name in silence. You don't even want to hear it right now.
I can't stop thinking about him...all the memories of us happy just keep running through my mind. Its funny Adam always believed in life after death...where is he now? If there really was life after death...wouldn't he visit me in spirit? Now is the time I need him most...but he is gone. I feel like I'm in silence, yet I'm really screaming through tears of pain. I feel like I'm going crazy, I constantly hear his voice echoing through me. Even though I hear you...I don't believe it.
The eyes of the city, are counting the tears falling down.
People pass by looking up at me standing here, do you think anyone stops, Does anyone share my pain? They just walk by watching my every move...waiting to call the authorities when I'm gone. Nobody cares.
Each one a promise that you never found.
Every tear that falls from my heart are promises I'll never get to live for...it's too hard without you. Most of the promises are because of you, without you I'm dead.
I scream into the night for you, don't make it true...Don't jump.
"My spirit is right here beside you...screaming your name. I have been with you ever since my life was cut short. I've always been here comforting you, those gushes of wind inside a closed room... Were my kisses blowing against your pale cheeks. Your pain is blinding you from my love that has always been there and never left. My body may have...but I never did."
The lights will not guide you through, they're deceiving you. Don't jump.
"You will only be more lost than you are now. I am here for you... Just open up your heart to love again and you shall hear, see and feel me again in spirit. You feel the cold wind against you...when really it's my warm love trying to push you back from the edge...it's the only way I can try get to you."
Don't let memories go of me and you. The world down there, is out of view. Please don't jump.
"Memories now are all we have...don't let them go. If you remember me when we were both happy together the floor will disappear, because there will be nothing left to hit. Nothing but love will overcome you, you jump I will disappear forever."
You open your eyes, but you can't remember what for.
I feel my eyes closing...each bit closer to the end. But each time a gust of wind causes me to drift back to life. Why do I bother trying to snap out of this leap to the end of all my pain...when I have nothing left to live for?
The snow falls quietly, you just can't feel it no more.
Slowly, slowly my limbs are fading away...pain is no longer present. Where are you...? Why did they have to take your life away! You promised you'd always stay...
Somewhere out there, you lost yourself in your pain. You dream of the end, to start all over again.
"I didn't go anywhere...you shut me out, refusing to believe I'm here in spirit. But it's alright...I forgive you. It's the only way you know...But one day we will meet again...Not yet though...it's not your time. Until then be strong, opening up to others and we'll both live again."I scream into the night for you, don't make it true...Don't jump.
I scream out your name...hoping for a miracle. I don't want to jump...but it's like I have no choice. Either way I will suffer without you, by my side. I scream out for you...every night waking up from night mares. Screaming just the way I did when you were shot. I scream the way the fans screamed when you were shot on stage. I ran away from my pain just like the bastard that shot you did from all the fans. I feel pain just like the bastard that shot you did, when all your fans attacked him. Our world together shattered just the way your heart did.
The lights will not guide you through, they're deceiving you. Don't jump.
"Just a little more hope... A little more suffering and you'll be fine. Don't give that asshole that shot me more satisfaction...let him rot in jail, not you in the ground. What about our family and friends...two losses in a month, how will they cope? I am hugging you so hard right now...why won't you just let love in. Forgive and forget the past, its over."
And then if all that, can't hold you back, I'll jump for you.
These are the words from my husband's mouth that saved me ... I felt his arms around me for the last time. I got to share one last kiss...before he left to a better place. Don't jump 3
