Chapter 1
I watched over Yuki for Lord Kaname when she was still human, and I am still watching over her now; unable to admit my feelings to anyone but myself. Lord Kaname finally has complete trust in me, but I still can't help but wish for Yuki to be mine. I am disloyal, yet Kaname believes I am his faithful servant.
When I was at Cross Academy, I once asked the Day Class boys what they thought of Yuki, and they said that she was beautiful. I agreed with them, not realizing what I was saying and not knowing at that moment, that I had finally realised the romantic feelings that I held for her. When I drank Yuki's blood, the punishment was worth it. Not because it was actual blood and not those stupid, but effective, blood tablets. It was because I was in love with Yuki and my hunger can only be satisfied with her blood. I teased her many times, claiming that I was only doing it for fun, but all I wanted to do was get her attention, to be her world, for her to love me like I love her.
"Hanabusa, what are you staring off into space about," she says with her sweet voice, "I cannot learn anything if you are unable to teach me properly." How do I reply? I cannot tell her the truth because she is in love with Lord Kaname. No one must know that I wish for Yuki to say my name when she says Kaname's, to look at me the way she looks at him, and to only think about me and no one else. I am foolish to think this way.
"It is nothing, Lady Yuki. You will learn about how vampires came into existence today. Please read the book A Vampire History and take notes along the way. When finished, tell me what you have learnt and ask any questions you may have," I reply with no thought about what I am saying.
"Yes Hanabusa," she says with her cheerful but dull voice which is how she speaks to me. This is not her true voice though. Her voice is more high pitched and happier; and she only speaks to Lord Kaname like that.
I wish I could talk to someone about my feelings towards Yuki but I have no idea who I can confide in. Akatsuki would be the obvious choice because he will stand by me through anything and helps me out with everything (I think it is just because he is my cousin, he says it is because I am his best friend). He also has experience in this sought of predicament because he has been in love with Ruka (another cousin of mine) his entire life. She has always had feelings for Lord Kaname until Akatsuki finally confessed to her (thanks to me) and they are a happy couple. I cannot confide in Akatsuki because he will understand my feelings but won't understand my situation.
When thinking about who to confide in, Zero Kiryu comes to mind which is really worrying. I know he has feelings for Yuki because I saw him kiss her just before they said goodbye at Cross Academy. I only want to talk to him because he will understand why I like Yuki and how Kaname is a hurdle which I cannot overcome. Zero won't want to talk to me because I made his life hell at Cross Academy and I made Yuki's life hell as well. I still don't think he has ever forgiven me for that. So, I cannot talk to Zero either. I guess I will be lonely and wishing for someone who will never think of me the same way.
