I'm returning to my songfic challenge I made myself... To write one for every character!
This song was originally for Oliver, yet when I read deeply into the lyrics (like the good lle analyst I am) I realised it was completely Amelie & Sam. So the greedy sods get yet another!
Angels lift you off the ground. I've got shadows weighing me down. Still you believe. You believe in me. I wish I could feel that way.
Sam's an angel. He's the best man in the world. There isn't a bad bone in his body and he has never thought a bad thought. The exact opposite to me.
I'm a disgusting person. Whenever I make a decision, innocent people seem to go to their deaths. Be it in France, England or Ireland, wherever I seem to go, death and destruction follow. I kill people. That's what I do: I'm a vampire. Still, Sam is a vampire. Just like me... Yet he's never killed a soul.
I hate myself: I know I'm on the ground below the rats in concern to God's order of humanity. Sam is right at the top, his radiance expelling over everyone and everything, bringing a sun to forgotten worlds and men.
He believes in me so easily, he believes I'm good. He believes I'm some savior who cares for everyone but hides it.
I don't believe. I don't believe in myself - how can I? All I've ever done is bring heartbreak and sorrow to everyone I've ever loved. Nobody has the happiness that they had before I came around. How can I believe in myself when Myrnin is fighting a disease simply because I had to haer over my father, so I destroyed the only cure? How can I believe in myself when I see their faces: the innocent humans I've killed because I was stupid and reckless and idiotic? I cannot. There isn't a way I can.
He believes I can be with him, that I love him.
Maybe I agree with him about one point, after all. I love him with all my heart, it physically hurts now we are seperate. Yet it's all my fault that we're apart. I pushed him away, further than you could possibly imagine. For what? To conserve the love we had rather than risk losing it forever. How could I have been so stupid? So stupid to doubt the man I love, the only man I can ever love. The One.
You can trust so easily. I can't give you all of me. Stay holding on, when you should be gone. I wish I was that brave.
He trusted me with his life and what did I do? I pushed his life away and made him miserable. I even cause pain to the people I love. I pushed him away yet here he is, still fighting for me. Still fighting for me to answer the phone when he calls, to open the door to his figure as he knocks for the millionth time that day. Still fighting for me to speak to him for more than a second, still fighting for me. Most men would have given up after a week, bored of the chase, but not my Sam. Fifty years down the line and he's still here, fighting for me.
He should have left many years ago. He should be with someone else now, someone who shows their feelings rather than being an icequeen. Yet here he remains. The brave man comes back every time after he is knocked back by me. He comes back for more rejection on the slim chance that I may have realised my love for him and be willing to show it. An optimist, yet it seems to be working.
You go to war for love like a soldier. I wanna run away. You're never afraid to walk through the fire, I wish I had your faith.
When I want to run from him, he's always there. He's there to watch me at every public appearance, his flame of hair waving at me in my perpherial vision. I can't go anywhere in town without seeing him - it's as if he has a magnet in him which draws him to me when I'm close.
He goes through anything to get to me. He'd fight a fire or swim the deepest ocean to come to me if I allowed it.
I wish I could show him my feelings. I wish I could have his resiliance, his perseverance and complete lack in giving up. I wish I could be him. But I can't. I'm not brave enough to show him my feelings for all the stupidest of reasons.
People may call me brave for my actions on the battlefield. I don't agree. That's not bravery. That's fearlessness mixed in with complete bravado and stupidity. It's not bravery. I'm not brave. I've never been brave.
I can't even tell someone how I feel. Does that show something about me?
I turned away, knowing that my heart could break. I'm so afraid to lay down my armour, I'm not brave, I'm not brave.
We were happy, once. I loved him, he loved me, and I was with him. Then I bolted like a deer. There was no danger nor the threat of any danger, I was just over sensitive. I decided to jump the bullet, to leave him before he could leave me. I built an impenetrable wall around myself for protection from everyone and left Sam vulnerable. I left the man I loved, for some stupid armour which he can tear down in a second, if only he knew.
Keep my shield up constantly. Stop these arrows piercing me. Not I don't know, How to put it down. I wish I was that brave.
I try to keep myself inpenetrable. I try to stop every sweet word Sam says, every attempt to get in touch with me, piercing the wall, tearing it down from within. But I can't.
The wall is in tatters. It's moments from destruction and I know his next attempt will be successful. I'm too weak to continue to hide these feelings from him. I can't stand the lies and think I can be brave, just once. After all, it will only take this one time, this one step, until I can be normal.
The phone rings, breaking my rereive and I smile. It has to be Sam.
Yet as my hand reaches out for the phone, it freezes. I can't do it.
I'm not brave. I'm not Sam.
I put my head in my hands and sob, the wall entirely eradicated without even a word from my love.
"I love you," I whisper as the phone ceases to ring.
Then a noise comes from behind me.
"Sam... How did you get in here?" I gasp, as I turn to see my love there. My love with his tall figure, flash of red hair and angel face. My love: Samuel Glass.
"I... I heard you somehow," he says confused before turning towards the portal again. "I'm sorry, Amelie. I shouldn't have bothered you," he says apologetically and I cry out that he's giving up. Finally, he's given up.
"No, don't go!" I whisper, moving at cobra speed to get between him and the door.
"What?" he asks, his brow crinkled up in confusion. Oh I love that about him!
"I'm not brave, I'm not perfect, I'm not what you think I am," I say as I stare into his eyes, transfixed and unable to move. "This has taken me fifty years to do and I am so sorry for that," I murmur, tears running down my face. He smiles and wipes them away for me, holding my face in his hands as I don't object. "I love you, Sam. I can't live without you anymore!" I finally blurt out.
"Finally!" he mutters before kissing me with such passion, I cannot believe that I've been this stupid. I've missed out on this because I'm an idiot.
I'm not brave.
You know, maybe I am brave. I'm nowhere near as brave as Sam, the one who has fought tooth and nail for me for half a century. I could never be even a tenth of that.
But maybe I'm a little brave. After all, I reached out. I ripped off the plaster and tore down the wall seperating me from my Sam.
Maybe I've achieved something.
What did you think? It was gonna end with her crying but I HAD to add the end bit after Tipsy14's update!
Please please review!
Vicky xx
