They say that right before you die, your life flashes before your eyes. I never really understood that quote until now.
But now, as I'm lying here on the ground growing colder by the second, very possibly dieing, I can see what they mean.
I see everything.
Every detail.
Every lie I've told.
Every person I've hurt.
Every single inconsequential thing.
I see the faces of my friends, no my family, the people I love more then they will ever know and I feel sad. I didn't want this to happen. I don't want to die. Not yet. I have to much to live for.
I can feel everything I've ever felt too.
I feel the pain and fear of my childhood, if you could call it a childhood.
I feel the hope of when I escaped it.
I feel the pride of my first major illegal act.
The curiosity of why the best con men in the world, the best in their area of expertise and renowned for working alone were coming together for one con.
I feel the wonderment of why I agreed to help the person who hired us. It wasn't just the money, though that was a big reason, it was the interest of what would happen working with those people.
Also a feeling of wonderment when I realized who was leading us. White night? Black King? I liked him from the first time I encountered him. I found him funny when he thought he could catch me. He was amusing. A father figure.
I felt pain and betrayal when everyone walked away. After everything we went through. And surprise when I realized I cared that they walked, after that one stupid job.
I feel the good feelings and the bad. I see the good things and the bad.
I wish I could say that I have no regrets. But I do. I regret not fully appreciating my team. I regret those 6 months that I stayed away from them.
I regret that I can't tell them how sorry I am. All of this is my fault. I was stupid to think that my past wouldn't catch up with me. I never meant what I said. But I don't regret that I said it.
I also am happy. So happy. Happy that they aren't here. Happy that I am dieing alone. Dieing with the knowledge that if I hadn't said what I said to the team, those hours ago, I wouldn't be the only one that has their life flashing before their eyes.
I never got to say goodbye to them. I really hope this isn't the end.
I am lying on the ground, wood and fire around me. The ringing of the explosion that once again took our office. Sirens and screams I hear below me.
I never expected it. Never expected that they would go this far. The people who I have been running from.
I'd never given much thought to how I would die. I had always wanted to go out with a bang though. I always figured I would die young because of what I do. I suppose I got what I wanted. I mean an explosion? Now there is a way to go out with a bang. But it actually happened.
And now that it has, I realize I don't want to go. I don't want to leave my friends. I'm terrified of never seeing them again.
Tears roll down my cheeks for the first time since I was 6.
I'm fading away now. I can feel the life draining away. I hear a noise and with the last strength I have I turn my head to the noise. I see that the fire isn't there anymore. Just small flames and burnt wood. But I also see something else.
Standing there, in the middle of the room I see my family, my team, I see them running toward me. I smile weakly at them.
"I'm sorry." I say then the darkness surrounds me. The last thing I hear is my team yelling at the firemen or paramedics, I can't tell but I feel love and sorrow for me, radiating around me.
I can't do. I won't leave them.
That right there is my last though before I sleep.
I wake up into a room with beeping monitors and faces of those I love surrounding me. I'm lying in a very uncomfortable bed.
Well what do you know. Maybe your life doesn't just flash to comfort you as you die. Maybe it flashes to keep you alive.
Everything might be all right, after all.
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I will leave you to decide who it is about. Because I don't know for sure. No scratch that I know who its about but that's just who I think it would. Who is it to you??
If you want to know who I think It would be about, you have to tell me who you think it is.
