Back to December

On a cold September night, usually May would be inside her apartment, wrapped in cozy blanket, and cuddled together with Drew Hayden. But that was a year ago, this was now. Not ever since that December night, the night she lost something very precious to her.

And she will never forgive herself.

She looked down at herself after that, she forgot the true meaning of life but the thing was, she never really got to realize it. In a way, she was never the same May Maple that everybody knew. This time, she lost her dignity of being human and she was the one who took it away from herself.

Often times, she would ask herself, who am I? But needles to say, she never got her answer.

She glanced at her ring finger and saw only one thing, a ring with glowing sapphire gems. May smiled sadly, this is the only memory I have left of you

"Hey May, what do you want for this Christmas?" asked Drew Hayden, who was massaging her shoulders from a tiring jog in the afternoon.

May giggled, "What do you have in mind, senior?"

Drew shrugged, "Depends, whether you want material things or me." May laughed at him and nudged his ribs with her elbow, "Silly, Drew. What will you do when I say that I want you for Christmas, anyway?"

Drew shrugged again and smiled, "It's your decision, mademoiselle. What do you want me to do?"

May tapped her chin, "How about a date? Are you up for that? There's a new restaurant in town. It might be chilly outside but they say the restaurant makes killer soup"

"And who said that? Dawn? I'm sure she and Paul had already gone there and you just want us to be like them," he smirked, knowing he was right.

May pouted, "Do you think you know everything, smarty pants?"

He smirked again, "Pretty much. Are we done know? My hands are starting to hurt. Your bones are pointy. Where did you get this from? Norman?"

May startled him by jumping on top of him, "Of I'm gonna give you more than pointy bones. I'm gonna give you more than you ever expected," she growled playfully, earning a smirk from her beloved.

The next morning, May woke up in a daze; fluttering her eyebrows, she reached for her ringing cellphone, "Hello?"

"Hey, May. It's me"

May's eyes widened and tried to stop her gasp but failed miserably, "Why are you calling, Gary?"

"What's wrong? I thought you liked me"

May hesitated, "Gary...I-I do but..."

"What, May? We dated, remember? We kissed and spent time together, right? What more do you want to prove that I'm serious about you? I love you, May. Do you love me?"

May gulped and scanned the room, how was she going to do this? If Drew was to find about this, what will happen?

"Gary, I-I love you, too. I have to go. Bye"

She shut her cellphone and laid her head on the pillow, running her hands through her hair. How am I going to do this?, she thought, frowning.

~.~

"Hi May, are you ready?" Drew asked, wrapping his arms around her waist, nuzzling her neck. May smiled softly and kissed his cheeks.

"Let's go, Drew. I'll just get my coat," she whispered and went in the kitchen to get coat, hanging on the chair. Suddenly, her cellphone rang, her head shot up and hurried to the door where Drew was standing.

"Aren't you going to get that, May?"

May shook her head, "Probably just Max, let's go"

Drew raised an eyebrow but go with it nonetheless. He locked the door and smirked at how beautiful May is. She smiled back at him, "Let's go," she whispered huskily in his ear, sending shivers down his spine.

~.~

When they arrived at the restaurant, Drew was happy he made reservations. The house was packed; almost everybody in town was there. They sat down and the waiter took their orders.

"Remember May, this is my treat. Pick whatever you want," he smirked at her and she was happy on how his eyes glistened.

"I'll just take the special mushroom soup," May said kindly to the waiter. The waiter turned to Drew, "The same"

"What will be your drinks?"

Drew glanced at May and nodded, "We'll have iced tea"

"Will you order any dessert?"

May turned to Drew and he shook his head, "We won't have any"

When the waiter left, Drew smirked at her, "This is the first you didn't order desert. You afraid you'll get fat?"

May pouted, "No, I just don't feel like it, thank you very much," she snapped at him but his smirk never left his face. Minutes later, the waiter appeared with their orders. After the finished eating, May excused herself to the bathroom.

When she got out, she placed her hand over her mouth and gasped. Oh no, no, no, no! It couldn't be. He shouldn't be here. Oh no, what am I going to do?

She frantically searched through her purse but stopped, confused at what she was doing, what would you find in a purse? Stupid, stupid! This is so stupid of you, Maple, she thought but she has no choice, she has to go out there.

"Lord, help me," she murmured. She placed her bangs in front of her face and made her hair cover her face. She hid her face behind her purse when she got out, hoping and praying that Gary wouldn't see her.

She sat down on her chair, praying she wouldn't stumble down because of her shaking legs. Drew raised an eyebrow, "May, what are you doing? You look like Cleopatra," he smirked.

She narrowed her eyes, trying to look as normal as possible. "Whatever. At least Cleopatra is beautiful and besides, you'll be my slave, Hayden!"

They both laughed but May's laugh quickly subdued when she saw Gary coming closer. "May? Is that you? Who is that guy?"

May glanced at Drew and saw a painful expression. May stood up and glanced at the both of them before trying to explain but her voice was trembling and she cannot say a word without saying it too loud.

"Drew, Gary, I-I...I'm sorry! I didn't mean to! I was scared to tell the both of you. Please forgive me," she bit her lip and covered her eyes with her hands, trying to stop herself from crying.

Drew's voice darkened, "Who is that, May? Your boyfriend? So, you were cheating on me all this time? I thought...I thought you loved me, May. Where did you meet him anyway?"

May's chest heaved at the tension, "I met him at a bar. You were in a business trip and I was sad that you weren't here with me. When I saw him, I thought he would be a good companion but we got drunk and..." she couldn't continue for she knew he knows how it would end.

Gary smirked at Drew, "Hey buddy, we were both fooled but we could still others, right?"

Drew made a big sigh, "You know, dude, you're really annoying," and he slammed his fist unto his ribs and Gary swore it almost reached his ovaries. Gary slid down while rubbing his stomach, he groaned inwardly and regretted even saying that.

May breathed and walked over to Drew but he raised his hands up and shook his head, "You know, May, I waited for years, ten years actually, just to finally confess to you and make you mine. I wanted to give up but I didn't because I loved you. And I can forgive you for anything, anything at all; call me a bastard, hit me on the face, tell my parents I failed on the exams, or even burn my house down, I don't care! But this has gone too far"

May hesitated but placed her hand on his shoulder which he avoided and stepped backward just to get away from her. "Really, May. I won't care about all those things because it doesn't matter but you lied to me, May! You lied to me! You cheated on me! And I can never forgive you for that! And I actually thought of proposing to you! I actually thought of marrying you! Can you believe that?"

May was teary-eyed now, but she wouldn't let Drew see her cry, she wouldn't. Drew was grabbing something out of his pocket, a box. He grabbed her hand and placed the box on her palm.

"Keep the ring, I don't care if you use it, throw it, or even burn it. Just remember that it's the only thing you'll ever remember me by. Goodbye, May. Hope you have a happy life without me"

May frowned at that memory and she can always replay it over and over again. She can still feel the regret she had when she remembered all the roses he gave that died. She never preserved them, she never preserved her love. She gave it to someone else.

She walked back to her apartment with a pale expression that said I'd rather die. She shook her head but when she got inside the building, she froze and her heart beat promptly. No, this can't be. He disappeared. He left me. He...he...He's back!

Drew Hayden was in front of the counter and checking in. She quietly walked behind him and tried not to make any noise but the guard greeted her with glee.

"Good evening, Ms. Maple"

May placed a strand of hair behind her ear and replied shakily, "Hey Steve, Good evening," she smiled and started to walk but Drew turned and smirked, "Hi May,"

She smiled and walked up to him and hugged him, "Hey Drew. I'm glad you made time to see me"

~.~

They were now in May's room or Drew's formal room but it was different. The furniture was rearranged and the wallpaper has changed.

Drew leaned on the door and flickered the lights, shuddering May to the core. He smirked at her but the glints of confidence in his eyes were gone, May noticed that.

May brought coffee and asked him to sit but he refused and said that he just wanted to stand and so did she. May twiddled her fingers, "So, how's life?"

He smirked again, "Work is busier than ever, more job promotions are given to me but I turned them all down and said that I just wanted to be a normal business man. How about you?"

"I quit my job as a fashion designer and now I'm managing a small shop of wedding dresses."

"I'm glad you finally did your dream."

May avoided his eyes and tried to look on the floor but she still had the urge to stare at them. "So, how's your family? I haven't seen them in a while," May said to him and finally gained the confidence to look at his eyes but found nothing in them.

He shrugged, "They moved to Sinnoh. I don't know where in Sinnoh. I haven't been in contact with them for a few months"

May looked down, "Oh. So...Cold weather, huh?"

He smirked, "Very. I try not to shiver in my underwear when I sleep," he laughed but his voice was melancholy and it almost meant nothing to him. May shook her head and tried to smile but she failed.

Both of them stayed quiet for a while but May couldn't take it anymore.

May blurted, "I'm sorry for that night, Drew. I never loved Gary, I guess I was just too blind not to see that." Tears swelled up in her eyes and she could not hold the hidden cries any longer, she couldn't hide her cries from Drew anymore. She fell down, sobbing; he stayed in his position and stared at her, biting his lip. He has his guard up now, he's not going to be vulnerable anymore.

"May, don't do this. It was over. It's done. We moved on"

May snapped, "It's not over, Drew! It wasn't done! You may have moved on but I hadn't!"

He looked away and slammed his fist against the door and tried to say something but May shouted before he said anything.

"I love you, Drew! I may not have shown it fully before but I do! When you left, I didn't know what to do. I felt like a crying baby in a carriage, waiting for her mommy to pick her up and comfort her. I missed you, Drew! I always replay what happened in that damn restaurant and say to myself that I want to go back to December and make it alright! But the thing is, I can't"

"Drew, I was a moving rock! I was a stupid bitch who was too blind to think that I loved Gary more than I love you! I realized that freedom doesn't matter if I don't have you. I can go to jail for all I care, as long as you are there with me, nothing matters! I try to make myself alright but I just can't because you're not here with me"

May stopped shouting and shook her head, disappointed in herself. Then she stood up, trembling but she wasn't going to fall, not again.

She whispered, "I'm sorry I hadn't called you in your birthday, I was scared that you hated me and I couldn't find the courage to accept that. I hadn't slept at all since it happened"

He smirked but this smirk didn't reach his eyes, "That would explain the features under your eyes. You look stressful but you still have that model-like beauty"

She smiled and blushed, "Thanks, you know, that compliment reminds me of the time we went to my Aunt Florey two years ago"

May was setting the engine and they were ready to go. Drew was looking out the window and took in the fresh air, he had that 'boring' look on his face.

"Oh come on, Drew. Be happy, I mean, it's summer, remember?"

Drew snorted, "I'll rather choose Halloween"

May giggled at him and he couldn't help but laugh, "You know May, even if you're clumsy; you still have that model-like beauty"

May blushed and thought about last fall, the day she fell in love with him.

Drew smirked again, "Yeah, I remembered that"

May smiled, "Drew...I'm sorry I threw away your love for me. The only thing I gave you was goodbye"

Drew shook his head, "No, you gave me caution, you taught me that sometimes love just isn't enough and that it just won't last. I thank you for that"

Great, the only thing I gave Drew was warning, she thought.

"I miss you, you know that, right? I miss your smile, I miss your eyes, I miss your hair, I even miss your smirk," she laughed but he knew it was fake, not the words but her happiness.

"I miss you, too. I miss your angry screams, I miss your eyes, I miss your lips, I miss your hair, I miss your smile, I even miss your appetite"

May smiled and cried again, she tried to wipe them away with her fingers but it just kept coming. Drew walked closer to her and wrapped his arms around her, trying to calm her down. She was sobbing uncontrollably now and she can't do anything to stop them.

"May, I never stopped thinking about you. I never stopped worrying about you. And I never stopped loving you. It may have hurt but what hurts the most is that I left you dying inside. And I can never forgive myself. When I said that I could never forgive you, it was just a lie. Because I forgave you over and over again"

May breathed and laughed while crying, "I may be a pain in the ass but I'm your pain in the ass, right?"

Drew smirked and this time, it reached his whole being, "You are," he frowned, "But you have to wait, I hadn't moved on, May. It still haunted me, and I need time to get over that. I'm still on the process of moving on and forgetting what happened"

May nodded, "I understand but will you stay here with me tonight? I really need you"

Drew considered it, "Alright"