This is a straight Sousuke monologue. I wanted to try walking around his gun-freak brain for a bit.
Rated a light T for one swear and overall tone
Disclaimer: I own few things, but certainly not any single aspect or character of the wonderful work that is Full Metal Panic. That honor belongs to Shoji Gatoh and Shiki Douji.
"She Doesn't Know"
It is not surprising that my civilian charge has no concept of proper procedure during an emergency with the possible involvement of terrorists. Although her courage is admirable and something even seasoned soldiers respect about her, it makes my job much more complicated trying to figure out what move she might make in the heat of battle.
Example: during the hostage exchange outside of school, why in the world would she not immediately run for safety once I provided the cover fire? What irrational motivation could have possessed this woman to run in the opposite direction and tackle our escaping prisoner? Was it to make the best of a bad situation? To keep me from any reprimands resulting from losing Takuma?
I have long puzzled over this and have yet to reach a satisfactory conclusion, given the evidence that Chidori had recently shouted that she hated me. This precludes wanting to help me in fulfilling my mission, for what reasonable person offers aid to someone she despises?
But she did, and continues to do so. This leads me to assume that she has a tendency to yell such things when I cause her trouble (which is, admittedly, more often than a professional should), as they allow her to vent her many frustrations quickly before getting back to face the task at hand, whether it be a class exam or commandeering the Danaan. It is an efficient system of temper management.
I know she does not hate me, or the things I do in order to fulfill my appointed tasks. I am a soldier first, and a damn good one, with a past as dark and bloody as any man could boast.
My mission is simple: protect Chidori at all costs. I act to carry out this duty daily, ensuring her safety even as I receive regular punishment from her for "insensitivity" and "idiocy," which I still don't understand. Nothing I do is thoughtless. Each action is an optimized method of security. She doesn't know what may happen at any time, what enemy may be lurking in the shadows, nor do I, though I am much better equipped to handle the situation. And when they emerge, she doesn't know how to read the situation before reacting appropriately. I am the professional soldier, the mercenary, and she is…
What is she? And at what point did I begin to consider protecting her happiness along with the rest of her? The feelings of my charge should be irrelevant, as they can disrupt logical thought. I make much more effective decisions concerning her safety when I act according to my training and instincts. And when I see the potential for danger in everyday occurrences, I must act to guarantee that Chidori is never placed in harm's way. A blithe attitude was a luxury in her everyday life, whereas I must exercise extreme caution. Lives are at stake when I get careless, and she does not see that. I wish she would, as it would make my job easier.
Of course, I'm forgetting our first true battle encounter when she guided me through the Lambda driver use against Gauron when, not long before, I personally pointed my gun at her head and told her to save herself. As head operational officer in the field while deep in hostile territory, my word and experience ranks mountains higher than the opinion of a high school girl.
It should have, anyway.
The resulting skirmish made it clear to me – she may not have learned strategy, but she has common sense and can read people. She knew how to engage my motivation so I could use the Arbalest to protect her and Kurz. She is a Whispered, and serving under Captain Testarossa, I have learned that their insight coupled with an inherent knowledge of Black Technology is a powerful combination, not to mention Chidori's fierce fighter spirit. She doesn't know how to quit, that confusing woman.
Lockers can be replaced, and have been. Often. Human life cannot, and as I live and breathe, I work to keep her safe. What began as a mission has evolved into the driving force of my previously Spartan existence. She may deny it and continue to scoff at all my efforts, but she is too important to be risked for any reason. She doesn't know what she means to Mithril.
Or to me.
