AN: This is my little holiday contribution. For now, it's the epic, failed attempts at holiday spirit at Malfoy Maner, and probably some ripping off of Dickens. But I'm sure he won't mind.

Happy Holidays, and Enjoy!

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Envision a little town, somewhere in England. There is a light snow fall, with perfect little flakes drifting down, Envision, as you zoom across the houses, that from each rises a pillar of wood smoke from the chimney, and Christmas lights are hung on all the hedges and fences in the front yards. Somehow, you hear the jolly, continuous chink chink chink! of jingle bells.

Oh yes, it's a very merry time of year...

Through the frost-laced windows, you see families sitting 'round Christmas trees and drinking hot cocoa and apple cider together. In some alcoves, a Menorah sits, waiting to be lit, while in others, a Kinara, the candle-holder of Kwanzaa, is perched.

It's a very multi-cultural time of year as well...

But as you continue to speed over the happy homes, you notice one ahead that is emitting a darker smoke than the rest of the houses. And, oddly enough, the smoke is more pouring from the windows than chimney. The jingle bells in the background stop abruptly, or perhaps they were just drowned out by the screams.

From the front door of the particular house barrels a tall, egg-headed man. He is followed by two Death Eaters. From within, the screams continue.

They sound something like this:

"Sir! Sir! What did you do with my oven timer? My crumpets, are my crumpets oka – YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! They're ruin – AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! FIRE! FIRE! THE OVEN JUST EXPLODED! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH..."

This was interrupted by a bit of coughing and hacking. Then it continued...

"What happened to the fire extinguisher? Somebody get the fire extinguisher! Quick! AHHHHHHH! THE ROOF IS COLLAPSING!"

Voldemort, panting, glanced at the two Death Eaters. "Okay, we've got to make sure everyone's okay!" he proclaimed. "Lucius?"

"Here," called the flamboyantly blond Death Eater.

"Bellatrix?"

"Here," said the disgruntled female Death Eater.

The Dark Lord opened his mouth again, and stopped. He appeared to be thinking.

"There's one more, isn't there?" he asked, while meanwhile the windows behind them began to shatter and explode, much to the screamer's dismay.

Bellatrix and Lucius exchanged looks.

"Okay," Voldemort muttered under his breath. "Bellatrix is here, Lucius is here... I think that's it..."

"My poor, poor crumpets – ahhhh! Not the novelty tea tins!" sobbed the screamer.

Outside, the Dark Lord was really starting to think. He cocked his head to the side and stood, finger on chin, tapping away, with his back to the house. "I just get the strangest feeling there should be someone else," he confessed aloud.

The two Death Eater's watched as half of the second story crashed downwards in an explosion of embers and bright red flames.

"The cockroaches?" Voldemort hazarded.

After a moment's thought, he corrected himself.

"No, no... They built that fire-proof fallout shelter last fall.. they should be fine..." He looked around, incidentally never directly behind him, and then said, cheerily, "Nippy out here, isn't it?"

It was at that moment that a bird frozen in a block of ice chose to fall out of the sky, it's beak blue.

"A bit," Lucius answered.

"We could warm ourselves on this rather large bonfire," Voldemort suggested.

"Sir... I do believe that's our house."

"Oh, is it?"

"Yes, sir."

"Huh. Well nothing like getting into the festive holiday spirit, right?'

"Our house burning down is part of holiday spirit?"

"Indubitably!" Voldemort exclaimed.

Bellatrix looked disbelievingly at him. "Sir do you know anything about the holidays?"

Voldemort thought quietly while the other two waited for him.

"Yes..." the Dark Lord said slowly.

"That's it," Bellatrix muttered, and started trudging toward the house with the intention of putting it out.

She perhaps made it two feet beforeMalfoy Manor exploded, huge beams of wood collapsing outward, and shingles and debris spraying across the front yard.

Well... it didn't really explode so much as erupt. For while most of the house's materials remained relatively close to the ruins, there was a shower of flaming crumpets. Blackened balls of gourmet dough, each surrounded by a cornea of fire. It could be found a slightly funny and ironic that the crumpets had been shaped like snowflakes.

Snape landed in a large pile of snow, looking rather blackened, but fairly unharmed.

"Ow..." he said woozily. A crumpet comet suddenly plopped onto his head, and he promptly collapsed backwards, as the rain of pastries sat sizzling in the snow around him.

Oh yes. It was beginning to look quite a bit like Christmas at Malfoy Manor.

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AN: No guessing how long this particular fic will last. Expect a sudden load of them over winter break.