This story was written by Trojan Cheese and Selenes Song.

Trojan Cheese: This is my first fanfiction story. It is really stupid and random so please enjoy it.

Selenes Song: Trojan Cheese and I worked on this story together at school because who really needs math and history? Enjoy!

Chapter 1:

The Letter and Its Sender

Common Room:

Owl/ flies in and drops letter on Harry's lap/

Harry: Look a letter! I think I'll read it/opens letter/

Ron: Sure whatever, you do that.

Harry/reads letter/ 'Dear Harry and Friends, I am Lord Voldemort. How are you? If you are fine, you should not be. Come to my house on Friday the 13th. Be there or be square.'

Hermione: Oh no! What will we do?

Ron: I don't know.

Hermione and Ron: Good luck Harry. /leave/

Harry: Wow what great friends. It's just you and me now owl.

Owl/flies out window in a hurry, but not before he leaves a parting gift/

Harry: Ok, it's just me. /picks at owl droppings/ Smells like putrefaction. Yummy!

Voldemort's House

Voldemort: Ha ha ha ha! Those robots Ron and Hermione I made worked perfectly! Now Harry will come to me…alone…

Ron: MMfil!

Voldemort: What did you say/takes duct tape off Ron's mouth/

Ron: OUCH!

Voldemort: Ouch?

Ron: No, that's not what I said! I said 'Never!'

Voldemort: Yes, er, what does that mean?

Ron: I don't know it just sounded good.

Voldemort: Here's a dictionary. Look it up. I'm far to busy plotting evil plots. /hands him the dictionary and strokes his chin trying to seem smart/

Ron: How do you spell never?

Voldemort: I don't know. That's why you have a dictionary!

Ron: Oh, ok/leafs through pages and thinks to self/ Wow! This dictionary is pretty heavy. It would make a great weapon. Oh well! / continues to search for 'Never'/

Voldemort: Now where was I…? Oh yes, I was writing a letter. /reads out loud while writing/ 'Dear Auntie Loo Loo, Thank you ever so much for the squishy whooshy pink pillow and the loofa named Jimmy. I love them oh so much!'

Hermione: I hame fluffy nucumple!

Voldemort: Are you laughing at me/pets loofa named Jimmy and takes duct tape off Hermione/

Hermione/shakes head/ No, I said I have to go to the bathroom!

Voldemort: Oh, ok then go. /unties her/

Hermione/walks away whistling "Whistle While You Work"/

Ron: I found it!

Voldemort: Go on! Read what it says.

Ron: Ok! 'Pronoun

1. Used to refer to that one previously mentioned. Used of a nonhuman entity; an animate being whose sex is unspecified, unknown, or irrelevant; a group of objects or individuals; an action; or an abstraction: polished the table until it shone; couldn't find out who it was; opened the meeting by calling it to order. 2. Used as the subject of an impersonal verb: It is snowing. 3. a. Used as an anticipatory subject or object: Is it certain that they will win? b. Used as an anticipatory subject to emphasize a term that is not itself a subject: It was on Friday that all the snow fell. 4. Used to refer to a general condition or state of affairs: She couldn't stand it. 5. Used to refer to a crucial situation or culmination: This is it-the rivals are finally face to face. That's it! I won't tolerate any more foolishness. 6. Informal Used to refer to something that is the best, the most desirable, or without equal: He thinks he's it. That steak was really it!

Noun

1. Games A player, as in tag, who attempts to find or catch the other players. 2. An animal that has been neutered: The cat is an it.'

Voldemort: You bothersome fiend! I wanted you to look up the word 'Never'

Ron: Oh, I know that! It means to have a loofa of a day.

Voldemort/slaps head/ Never mind… Are you sure?

Ron: No. /tosses book out window/

Window/breaks/

Voldemort: Cheap glass…

Hermione/comes back laughing/ Ha ha! Your bathroom is PINK! Ha ha!

Voldemort/turns red/ My sister painted it…

Ron: PINK/burst into tears of laughter/

Voldemort: Ahh! I can't take it! I'm sending you back!

Ron and Hermione: Yay for being annoying!

Voldemort/pushes Ron and Hermione on a big red X on the floor. Then he pushes a random red button/

Red X/springs upward/

Ron and Hermione/ fly upward all the way back to Hogwarts/

Ron: Whee! That was fun!

Hermione: Let's do it again!

Ron and Hermione/land next to Womping Willow/ Oh no…!

Authors' Note: Did we tell you that it would be retarded? We warned you… Please Read and Review! And tune in next time for Peter the Hobbit Saves the Day! (twice!)