Hi, guys! I really wanted to try out some ideas and destroy some cliches. Just a few small ones. I hope that this does have a few different elements to it compared to the other HP and FMA crossovers but don't be too surprised. I haven't scared you off already, have I? This was written on a whim so don't expect too much from this. The whole point of this story is to add, what I think, is funny to the plot of fan fics where Ed goes to Hogwarts. I won't be stealing entire plots from other authors but I do like the idea of Ed becoming a teacher at Hogwarts and this will mainly centre around that.

WARNING: mild cursing, Ed being nice for a little while cause he finally picked it up from Al and whatever else comes up throughout the making of this fan fic.

I don't own the beautiful works of art called Fullmetal Alchemist (Hiromu Arakawa) and Harry Potter (J. K. Rowling).

Edit: I thought you guys looked out for me but I guess not because I found a very obvious mistake that my sleepy brain couldn't detect. (I still love you guys but I thought you had my back)

Edit 2: I found an editor! The sentences should flow a bit better now.


Edward Elric walked into the Leaky Cauldron. He had become a regular soon after getting the chance to rediscover it and sat down in his usual spot near the middle. He waved at the bartender and politely asked for a Butterbeer before settling down in his seat properly. When he had first found the Leaky Cauldron it had been by chance. He had caught a glimpse of a person tapping at bricks in what seemed a random order before stepping through the wall that had moved out of his way to create an entrance. Ed had been suspicious of what it was and slipped through the entrance before the bricks had a chance to become a solid wall again. He knew he was being reckless at the time but his curiosity had gotten the better of him and he didn't regret it one bit.

The man that had opened the wall had turned around in surprise and asked him how he had gotten there. Ed shrugged and was about to walk off when the man grabbed him. "Do you want a drink?" was all the man needed to ask before the two introduced themselves and became good friends. Ed wasn't sure if it had been the man's personality or the Butterbeer, which was a light drink mind you, which had led him to accept the offer of temporary residence at the man's house. The man, known as Arthur, had informed him that they would be going there using what he called 'Floo Powder'. Ed had asked the man what it was and Arthur had suspected nothing out of the ordinary as he had come across people that used different names for some things. Ed had laughed at the man and called him crazy informing him that he couldn't throw some sparkles into a fire, say the place you wanted to go to and end up there. It was completely unscientific.

Arthur seemed to have made a revelation once Ed had told him what he thought of his 'Floo powder' and started bombarding him with questions about what seemed like simple everyday things. Ed answered them as best as he could before finally asking his own questions to all of which Arthur nonchalantly replied: "It's magic". Ed couldn't believe his ears and started another round of laughter. Arthur didn't laugh along but instead made his glass levitate. Ed was completely silenced for a mere minute while he made his way through the many theories he had on how Arthur had done it which was when he realised he would need to know more about this 'magic'. Then another attack came Arthur's way, this time with more ferocity. Arthur tried to give each question an answer but every answer seemed to make more questions until Arthur didn't know what Ed was talking about. Arthur finally decided that if Ed had a taste of magic he might accept it and understand it better.

Arthur told Edward that he would get more answers from his home as he still had no idea about some of the questions and Ed readily agreed. While Ed was taught about 'stranger danger' in school he hadn't the need to care as much with his near immortal body and alchemy at his disposal. Ed requested that they wait for someone to use the Floo network before they tried it themselves so that he could be sure of it. Arthur didn't argue as he was curious as to how the young man would handle seeing the Floo network for the first time. They didn't have to wait long before a woman approached the fireplace, threw a handful of the Floo powder into the fire which turned it into harmless green flames and stepped in. The woman, full confidence, clearly said 'Ministry of Magic' before being engulfed by the flames and disappearing.

Ed processed what happened slowly when Arthur grabbed his arm and dragged him over to the fireplace to give him a short crash course on how to do it and what to say. When Ed assured Arthur that he was sure he could do it, the older man went ahead as an example and said 'The Burrow' before disappearing in the flames like the woman earlier. Ed was nervous for sure but thought 'how bad could it be?' before cursing himself for possibly jinxing bad luck. He breathed deeply before throwing some powder, stepping in and repeating what Arthur had said.

He hadn't expected it to feel the way it did. He had done as Arthur told and kept his shoulders together and eyes closed but he still felt the spinning sensation that never seemed to stop. 'Only a little more' he thought to himself. He didn't know how long it should take but didn't want to give himself a reason to panic and followed Arthur's instructions without pause. When he finally felt it slow down a bit, he squinted at his surroundings and came to a stop inside another fireplace. This time he was in a kitchen where he quickly spotted Arthur staring at him with glee. He smiled at the man, his happiness seemed to be contagious before he heard yelling from further inside the house. Not a minute later a woman with the same fiery ginger hair walked into the kitchen and started to reprimand Arthur about bringing strangers home. Arthur said he was not to blame and introduced them.

The woman turned out to be Molly Weasley, the wife of Arthur and the mother to their six sons and one daughter. She welcomed Ed in and cleaned the soot off of him with a simple flick of her wand, which Ed thanked her for. He was still fascinated with magic and was itching to find out about its boundaries but he decided that if he acted like it was nothing out of the ordinary they might accept him more easily. Although he knew that he would start asking questions soon, he didn't say anything to give away his lack of knowledge in the field of magic too quickly.

"Have you had any dinner?" She had asked. He had shaken his head and smiled when she gestured for him to sit down in the living room. He had asked if he could do anything to help but she made him sit and told him not to move. He had accepted her generosity quite quickly after that but thanked her repeatedly nonetheless.

While he was waiting he heard Arthur and Molly discussing something under their breath. He heard small snippets of the conversation. A few 'and's and 'dinner's. A couple of times, Molly's voice had risen and he had heard her use his full name in the motherly voice only some could manage. Soon after the second time she used his full name, Arthur sat down on the couch across from him. It was awkward at first because it was obvious that he was being treated like a child by his wife. To try and dissipate the awkward atmosphere, Ed had tried asking about what he did and what it was like. Arthur had immediately gone into an explanation about what he did before turning the conversation around and asking Ed about more everyday appliances.

Ed held back a laugh at how curious he was and decided to tell him about blenders. Ed had been just as fascinated when he first started finding the new technology but living with them made the wow factor fade pretty quickly. He warned the older man about the risks of all the items he had told him about just in case the man decided he needed a closer look. Arthur seemed to listen to all of his warnings and was about to say something when a loud voice came from the kitchen. Ed thought it was a voice from heaven handing them the invite to eat. He tried to get up slowly so it wouldn't seem like he was desperate for food but knowing that when it came to food he could never slow down he was pleased when he was only a little faster than what would be considered normal.

When he sat down at the table he could hear Arthur chuckling behind him but didn't comment on being noticed. Instead, he sat and waited with forced patience. He heard soft thumps followed by loud banging. Molly smiled as she flicked her wand at the dishes and brought them down to the table. Ed hesitated to grab some food before the hosts had had any but Molly nudged him towards the food. He thanked her again and took a little bit of everything on the table. When he noticed the thuds had stopped he looked around and spotted four boys and one girl blatantly staring at him.

He fidgeted where he sat, uncomfortable under their gazes. It had been many years since people had seen him as anything out of the ordinary and their staring screamed 'I don't know who you are but you're different'. "It's rude to stare you know," Ed said, thinking that maybe it was because he wasn't ginger. The girl, youngest, and the eldest boy blushed while the other two, who seemed to be twins, shrugged. Molly didn't waste a second and ushered them in after being aware of their presence. They all sat around the table and started eating without much conversation. A few whispers among the teens at most.

When the meal was over Ed was completely full and didn't feel like he could move for the next hour without some serious help. Fortunately for Ed, he only felt that way and could move freely to help Molly if she allowed him to. Once again he was stopped and was told to sit. He didn't object and made himself comfortable on one of the couches and overheard Molly and Arthur talking about his stay.

"I told him he could stay with us temporarily so maybe we can give him Bill's old room," Arthur said to her.

Before she could agree or disagree with him Ed butted in. "I can leave if it's too much trouble." He hadn't thought to elaborate knowing they would understand. Molly turned to Ed quickly before going off about youngsters thinking old ladies like her couldn't handle one more person. Ed listened to her argument and pointed out that it wouldn't be a problem for him to leave. She had none of it and announced he would be taking Bill's old room. He didn't mention that he had a cat to feed but instead thanked her profusely.

Arthur smiled at him and Molly introduced the full family to Ed. From what he understood, the oldest was Percy, twins were Fred and George, the youngest boy was Ron and the girl was Ginny. Ed greeted them all one by one before Molly told Percy to lead him to his temporary room. He followed the boy up to his new room and thanked him. The boy said it was nothing and welcomed him to 'The Burrow' before disappearing down the stairs. Ed closed the door, dropped his suitcase to the side and flopped onto the bed. He hadn't felt this tired since he had to walk from Germany to England. He had to admit, the scenery was quite nice but after ten hours it had lost its effect. He closed his eyes and ran through what had happened that day. It was quite hectic for him. He didn't usually meet so many people so quickly. It had only been a day and he had already met a whole family and discovered that magic existed. He laughed at the thought.

He had seen and heard of weird things happening all over the country but had dismissed it as something else or alchemy at the very least. He had never even thought that it could have been magic. Now knowing that magic existed he could explain some things better. Earlier that year, he had heard of glass disappearing and reappearing at a zoo. First letting a snake out and then trapping a kid inside. He had checked it out since it had been close to where he was at the time but hadn't been able to find any traces of alchemy. He had blamed it on the fact he was never able to see the glass-that-appeared-and-disappeared-as-it-wished and had decided that the traces of alchemy would have been on it.

"Time for bed!" He heard a voice from downstairs yell. It was a little muffled but he agreed with the voice and got up. He wouldn't wrinkle the only clothes he had just so he could get a minute of more sleep and took his pants and shirt off. He looked around the room and found an old blanket which he transmuted into pyjamas. He promised himself that he would turn it back before he left. He changed into it quickly and dove under the covers. Soon enough, he was warm and comfortable. He decided that he liked the Weasley's and fell asleep.

The next morning he woke up at a reasonable time. Nine in the morning. The perfect time. Not too early like six but not too late like twelve. He changed into yesterday's clothes and transmuted his pyjamas back. He folded and neatly placed the blanket back where it belonged. The blanket was a little cleaner and didn't have as many rips but he didn't think they would mind too much. He redid his hair on the way downstairs and was greeted by Arthur. The man was looking through the newspaper and eating the breakfast in front of him. He didn't pay much attention to the food because something on the newspaper had caught his eye. The pictures were moving. He stared at them a little longer and He said a quick good morning before seating himself at the table. "May I?" he asked politely still not sure how casual he should be. Arthur nodded and it was all Ed needed before he practically inhaled the food. Molly brightened and offered Ed more which he readily accepted. By the end of the feeding session, he was fully stuffed. Ed smiled with contempt at the first big breakfast in what felt like forever.

He started up a conversation with Arthur about the different jobs you could get as someone who could do magic. Arthur listed a few before he got to one that sparked his interest. "What's an Auror?"

"The Auror's are a group of people who catch evil witches and wizards. Is there an equivalent for Muggles?" Arthur asked interestedly.

"We have the police, they're people who catch evil people. I'd say they're practically different versions of the same thing," Ed supplied Arthur. Ed wondered if he could become an Auror and perhaps finally make a difference. He asked Arthur what he'd need to do to become one. His question was quickly answered and he realised he would need to go to school to become one. Which at this point he could not do. He sighed as he realised this and was about to ask if there was a way to become one without a school education when the twins interrupted.

"We're going to practice Quidditch!" The faint click of the door unlocking and locking again could be heard before Molly sent Arthur out to watch them. Ed had two choices. Stay with Molly or go with Arthur and learn about Quidditch. He chose the latter and followed after Arthur.

"What's Quidditch?" Ed asked, walking beside Arthur. Arthur went into a full-blown explanation but what most confused Ed was not the rules or why kids were allowed to play this dangerous game. It was that they used brooms. Seeing Ed's confused look Arthur told him to just wait and see. Ed followed Arthur out the door and out into the yard where Fred and George were already high in the air and hitting a ball at each other. Ed stared on in awe at the two, so effortlessly riding a broom as if they had a broom instead of legs.

"Do you want to try riding one?" Ed smiled at the offer and nodded.

"I don't know how good I'll be, but I'd like to at least try." Arthur grabbed a spare broom and placed it next to Ed.

"Stand to the left of your broom, Ed. I'm going to teach how to ride the way I was taught how to, so we're starting with the basics." It made sense to Ed so he stood to the left of his broom and waited for Arthur's next instructions. "Hold your hand over the broom and say 'up'."

"Up," Ed said not sure if it would work. Nothing happened so Ed looked to Arthur.

"Just keep going until it works," Arthur said casually. Ed understood from how Arthur had said it that he didn't think it would work on the first try. So he tried again.

"Up. Up. Up. Up." The broom moved a little and at this point, he had both Fred and George's attention. "Up. Up," Ed said getting a little annoyed at each failure. "Up. Up. Up. Up." The broom moved a little again but he could clearly see that it was his left hand. Ed saw and swapped the side the broom was on and tried again. "Up." Nothing. "Up." Ed almost fell over with how fast the broom jumped up into his hand but recovered quickly.

Arthur contained himself to quiet chuckling while the twins burst out into laughter. Ed couldn't help smiling a little himself but looked to Arthur for the next step seconds after. Arthur explained that all he now had to do was get on it, kick off and steer it. It sounded easy but from his earlier experience, he knew it was also going to be tricky.

He got on the broom, thinking that he looked really silly, and kicked off. He hovered for a minute trying to balance on the broom. With Automail, the balancing became a little more difficult. He finally tried to steer the broom. He thought that now he had his balance sorted out the rest would be a piece of cake. Boy, was he wrong. As soon as he tilted the broom to the side, he sped off at high speed in every direction. Up, down, left, right. He even did a few loops before he had had enough and jumped off the broom when it got lower. Now that he wasn't doing backflips, he could clearly hear Fred and George laughing loudly behind him.

He turned and glared at them which caused them to laugh harder. Fred, or George, almost fell off his broom from laughing too much. Ed thought they deserved it but said nothing. He instead turned to Arthur and thanked him for his flying lesson but mentally told himself that brooms were not his thing. He went back inside and met with Molly who was preparing lunch. They chatted about his flying lesson and how it was weird that he hadn't gone to school or learnt this from someone else but Ed quickly changed the subject. They started talking about how the boys were doing in school. He found out that this year was going to be Ron's first at Hogwarts and that it would also be the first year of the Boy Who Lived. She had shared with him the hopes she had that the Boy Who Lived and Ron would become friends at least. She thought that the Boy Who Lived didn't have many friends due to his fame and hoped that at the very least Ron could be one of his few friends.

She flicked her wrist and sent some sandwiches she had made while chatting to the table and called everyone inside. Ed filled a glass of water for himself and sat down. Everyone else joined him and Molly soon after and they all ate. It wasn't completely silent. Mostly talks about Quidditch and Ed's fails at riding a broom. When that happened he turned bright red and everyone laughed until Molly used her mother voice to reduce it to a few giggles. They all finished and the dishes went back into the kitchen.

"I better get going then," Ed said to Arthur who looked sad but understanding.

"I'll see you off," Arthur said and waited for Ed to grab his suitcase from upstairs. When Ed came back, they said their goodbyes and Ed left one last comment before disappearing into the green fire.

"I'll visit sometime. I do need to get revenge on the twins." Ed felt the tugging in his stomach and saw a whirlwind of chimneys pass him until he appeared in the fireplace of the Leaky Cauldron. He stepped out, patted the soot off of him and left.

In the next few days, he had visited the wizard pub, sat in his spot and ordered the Butterbeer which he had come to love. He had met some very different people at the pub and soon started to easily recognise the regulars. He had met some weird people, but two of them stood out. One of them was going to be a professor at Hogwarts for Defense Against the Dark Arts but the man could barely stop stuttering. Ed had asked the man about what he would be teaching to try and smooth out the atmosphere but it had barely worked. Before they could talk for longer the man had said he needed to go and left.

The second person was Gilderoy Lockhart. Ed wouldn't have remembered the man's name if Gilderoy Lockhart hadn't drilled it into his head along with all the other great things he definitely did. Ed wasn't fooled by the man but played along. He didn't want to cause a scene with the man who was a five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award. He wasn't sure how many people cared about this award but didn't want to risk it. To escape Lockhart, Ed had told him he needed to be home for dinner and left without further explanation. It was nine in the afternoon at that point and Ed had already had dinner but he didn't let it stop him from sneaking away. He was glad to have escaped successfully. He wasn't sure how long he could have lasted.

Today, he was sitting at the bar, sipping his butterbeer, waiting for something to happen. It didn't feel any different than the other days but the other days were almost chaotic. He smiled as he brought the butterbeer to his lips. He sighed with satisfaction at the delicious drink and wondered how he'd ever lived without it. After his adventures with Arthur, he had tried to find Gringotts. Arthur had given him some advice to use wizard currency rather than the Muggle currency so it would be accepted in the wizard shops he might visit. It had taken him a little bit of time to find it as the man who advised him couldn't help him get there. But it still took him a little less than half an hour to find it; first looking for it himself, then asking for directions. He had exchanged what little money he had from doing odd jobs and had gotten eight galleons, three sickles and twenty knuts. He had taken the money and had immediately bought himself a butterbeer which he was beyond happy for.

He heard the bricks move and silence fell on those in the bar. He turned in his spot to look over at the person currently entering. They were old. So old in fact, that they would not look out of place in an antique shop. Their beard was long and reached down to their belly. They looked like the perfect stereotype of a wizard.

The old man plopped himself down next to Ed and ordered himself some butterbeer. He sipped at the drink and turned to the younger looking man.

"I haven't seen you here before. Are you a traveller?" The man sipped at his Butterbeer again, his eyes twinkled at the younger. Ed stared at him before answering in a casual tone.

"Something like that." The man's eyes twinkled even more. Ed had a feeling that the man knew the answer already and was asking to make light conversation but didn't comment on it. Instead, he asked, "Are you a grand wizard or something? Here to whisk me away on some very important adventure to rescue a damsel in distress?"

The man smiled at the question. "I'm actually Professor Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, Order of Merlin - First Class, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Grand Sorcerer, Supreme Mugwump of the International Confederation of Wizards, and Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot. And no, I'm not going to whisk you away on an adventure, but rather I just wanted to know your name," said Dumbledore.

"My name is Jeff," said Ed. He didn't feel like being caught up in whatever this 'Bumbledoor' person had to offer him. No one just asked for a name and left, there was always something else.

"We both know that's not your actual name, Edward." Ed's head snapped up and his eyes met Dumbledore's twinkling ones. He didn't trust this man one bit. "Arthur Weasley told me that he saw a blonde with golden eyes who didn't know anything about magic in the Leaky Cauldron. He also mentioned that this person's name was Edward Elric," the man finished.

"What d'you want?" Ed said calmly drinking more of his favourite drink. Dumbledore smiled brightly at Ed, his eyes twinkling still.

"I would like to know more about you and I would like to offer you a position at Hogwarts," Dumbledore waited avidly for a response from Ed.

"One. That's kind of creepy. Two. What's in it for me?" Ed said.

"The position I'm thinking of is simple, just a teacher's assistant and you would have access to everything Hogwarts has to offer. Safety, a place to stay, a job with decent pay, more information about magic." Ed knew that 'information' meant a library and he almost signed up then and there but he had to be tactful.

"What would I do as a teacher's assistant since I don't know anything about magic?" Ed asked. Dumbledore took another sip of his drink before answering.

"Just some simple things. Helping the teachers get ready or help the students with small things," Dumbledore answered. Ed weighed out his options. He could go to Nogtwarts, learn about magic and find out if he could perform it too. Or he could come to this bar and wait for something to happen. He had decided on the former but still needed clarification on the smaller details.

"Can I bring my cat?"

Dumbledore chuckled and nodded warmly. Ed felt relief take over his body.

"When do we leave?" Ed asked. Now that everything was sorted he was impatient to explore the school he was going to possibly spend his next year in. School. He chuckled to himself. He had never been this impatient about anything but finding the stone and that was years ago. Maybe this would lead to something else he thought. Maybe an adventure to save a damsel in distress.

"We could leave now if you'd like. I can have someone fetch your belongings for you," Dumbledore said walking outside with Ed trailing behind him. When Dumbledore turned around to face Ed, he had a broom in hand. "It's nice to fly sometimes instead of apparating all the time," He said and then added, "I don't have another one so you can hop on behind me." Dumbledore shuffled to the front of the broom to give Ed some space to get on.

Ed almost jumped onto the broom that Dumbledore was waiting for him on. Instead, he climbed on and held on to the man in front of him. He was no stranger to magic, after all, he had been living with it for the past week and had tried riding a broom. Because of that, he was pretty confident that he could ride a broom comfortably with no trouble. At a height of no more than a meter above the ground. When Dumbledore kicked off the ground he didn't know what he expected. He knew the man didn't know his fear of heights but he didn't understand why he had trusted him. He felt the ground disappear beneath his feet and scrambled to grab onto Dumbledore. The man chuckled and went higher and higher till they were almost as high as the clouds.

"You can open your eyes now," Dumbledore said with humour in his voice.

Ed hadn't noticed when he had closed his eyes but opened them to see he had buried his face in the older man's robes. Ed looked down below him and his eyes widened. He was so high up that the people below looked like tiny ants.

He opened his mouth and said, softly, but with a lot of feeling.

"Fuck."


How was it? Did you like it? Am I one of the cool kids now? Am I?