Because Rush's torture had an effect on him and I wish the show had addressed it. A small rewrite of canon would be that the Alliance people on board were allowed the freedom to go to the mess hall but that was about it.

Chapter 1

Things were back to normal...or would be normal in Destiny. A lot of things had transpired during the Lucian Alliance's takeover of the ship. Eli made his way to the Interface Room or as he called it the 'Apple Core' to do some work and was not at all surprised to see Dr. Rush already there.

"Dr. Rush, TJ wanted me to remind you that she needs to look you over," said Eli but the scientist did not acknowledge what he said and Eli just shrugged his shoulders and went to work.

They worked in silence for quite some time until Eli felt hungry. He stopped to look at Dr. Rush and even contemplated if he should ask if the man was hungry or not but thought better of it. Rush might just bite his head off for disturbing him.

"I'm just gonna grab some chow Dr. Rush," said Eli as he left the room. The scientist not giving him any attention whatsoever and Eli shrugged and left.

Rush continued to work but then a sharp pain erupted from his chest and he could hardly breathe. He collapsed on the floor writing in the pain. Memories of his torture coming through his vision. And then it stopped, Rush remained on the floor panting. It was like he was back there, enduring the torture once again.

He straightened up and shook his head. That was a one time, episode. It won't happen again.


Being allowed to go the mess hall was the only thing that Colonel Young allowed the remaining members of the Lucian Alliance to do in the vast ship. Varro would give anything to roam around and explore the ship but he had to play by the SGC's rules.

Varro turned and was surprised to see Rush eating. If what he had overheard from other people aboard Destiny was true, Rush never did eat until he was forced too but there he was. Varro took one look closely at the man and realized what was up. Kiva did use the Pulser on him a lot. It was bound to have side effects, especially since no one has endured the device for that long. No one that is until Rush.

"You ok?" asked Varro, as he took the seat in front of Rush. "You have to tell your medic if you're feeling side effects."

Rush looked up at him sharply, prompting him to continue. "The device she used on you. We call it the Pulser. It's similar to the Rod of Anguish used by the Goa'uld but enhanced. It sends a pulse if you will to your brain, signaling pain. Used too much, the command might linger and your brain might just make you feel the pulse of pain over and over again."

"How long?" asked Rush.

"Nobody has endured for as long as you have," said Varro. "The adrenaline of the past days must have drowned out the pulse to your brain but with things calming down, the pulse in your neurons might still be present. You may experience it for weeks."

"Can I avoid it?" asked Rush, his voice barely above whisper and Varro didn't like that. From what he knew, Rush was going to deal with this by himself and that was not good.

"Try not to stress yourself out," said Varro. "But I would advise you rest for the next couple of days. Who knows what might trigger your neurons again."

"So you're saying the only thing I can do is to wait this out?" asked Rush, a little annoyance showing on his face. "I have a lot of things to do."

"The more you fight this, the longer it might affect you," said Varro. "No one really knows what the concrete side effects of the Pulser are but there are side effects, lingering effects. They did a number on you with it."

"Why did I pass out the first time?" asked Rush and Varro knew he was trying to understand more about the weapon used on him.

"The Pulser has levels if you will," said Varro. "The first time it was used on you; it was set to a higher level. You know how people pass out from too much pain. The next time was still a high level but one that would inflict the utmost pain with you remaining conscious."

"And when Kiva said that it could eventually kill me?" prompted Rush.

"It's because there was a lethal level to the device," answered Varro. "A level that could kill."

Rush remained silent for a while, studying his cup. "Thank you for the input." He then stood to leave but Varro grabbed his wrist.

"Rush, you need to mention this to someone," said Varro.

"I can handle it," said Rush and he left the mess hall.


TJ shouldn't be surprised that Rush never went to see her in the infirmary. She shouldn't be surprised that the last time any of the Science Team saw him was when he was working in the Interface Room. TJ was surprised to see the stubborn man, sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall.

"Dr. Rush are you ok?" asked TJ immediately kneeling by his side.

"Yes," came the quick reply and by his tone of voice TJ breathed a sigh of relief. Rush was annoyed and his voice didn't lose the tone of it, meaning he was just ok.

"May I ask why you are on the floor then?" asked TJ, standing up and Rush following suit.

"Trying a different perspective," answered Rush and TJ raised a speculative eyebrow but Rush just went back to the controls.

"You need to let me check you," said TJ. Sure it had been days since the Lucian Alliance had tried taking over Destiny and any effects of what was done to him might have already passed but TJ just wanted to make sure. "I'm sorry I haven't done sooner."

"You needed your rest, Lieutenant," said Rush, not looking up from his monitor. "As you can see, I'm fine. No need to worry. I'm sure you have other patients."

TJ made to reply but Rush's attention was on the monitor and she just sighed and left the room. As soon as he could no longer hear her footsteps, Rush slumped back down on the ground. The pain lasted longer this time and if he hadn't heard TJ coming, he wouldn't have been able to control his breathing.

He sighed and got up. Maybe he needed to heed Varro's advice and take it easy. Most of the people on board would probably be eating dinner about now, so nobody will see him slip out and head to his room. A night's sleep might just be the thing he needed.

But apparently a night's sleep wasn't the thing he needed, nightmares plagued him. It was like the second he closed his eyes, he was back on that ship with Kiva standing over him as her henchmen used the Pulser on him. He would scream in agony and he thought you couldn't feel pain in nightmares. Why did everything hurt so much?

He sat up on his bed, fully awake and gasping for air. Rush rubbed his tired eyes. He was back on Destiny. He was safe. Kiva was dead and her henchman wasn't going to use the device on him anymore. His hand subconsciously went to his chest and he felt his heart trying to beat out of his chest. He tried to steady his breathing, tried to calm his nerves and after a few more minutes managed to do so.

Going back to sleep was out of the question. So Rush swung his legs over the edge of his bed and rubbed a tired hand over his face. He wasn't going to get any sleep so might as well get some work done. He got up and dressed and headed back to the Apple Core.


"Why am I still surprised?" thought Young as he entered the Control Interface Room and found Rush still working. He looked at his watch and it was half past one in the morning.

"Rush, whatever work it is," began Young. "It can wait until regular hours. You need to sleep."

"And if something happens while all of us are asleep, Colonel?" asked Rush, without looking up from his console.

"Then we'll wake you," said Young, not backing down. "Look, we've had a rough couple of weeks. Everyone, most especially you, has earned some little down time."

"There is no downtime until we get home," said Rush, without missing a beat and that took Young by surprise. Most of the people on the ship thought that Rush preferred to stay on Destiny rather than go back home but they didn't know some personal things about Rush like he did. The personnel file were some of the things that surprised Young to have survived their exodus from base. Young only did give it a thorough read after the events with the Nakai but it revealed a certain side to the scientist to Young that he would never have gotten from the man in question.

"Rush…" began Young again but he couldn't form any sentence at all. What was he suppose to say? Back in Icarus, the man had two choices, try to dial Earth and risk everyone there or try dialing the 9th Chevron and pray they could land somewhere safe, making sure Earth was in one piece.

"Fine," said Rush, typing some last bits into his console. "I ran a diagnostic to all drives on the ship. That will probably keep us all right for you all to have your peace and quiet." He pocketed his notebook and brushed passed Young. "Pleasant dreams."

"Rush," called Young just as the man reached the hallway. Thankfully, the scientist stopped but did not turn around. "I mean it. Take it easy. We deserve the peace and quiet, especially after what the Lucian Alliance did to you."

Rush snorted and wheeled around to face the colonel. So that was what it was. The colonel was fishing. "Is that it? Or are you trying to look for a sign that I've gone traitor as well like Telford?"

Young remained silent as Rush walked forward and stopped directly in front of him. "You want to know if they didn't brainwash me while I was in Telford's body well for your information Colonel, that wouldn't have worked because the physical brain that they would be experimenting on was already brainwashed."

"Look, I'm not fishing for anything," said Young. "But we don't know what they did to you and you won't let TJ examine you for-"

"Oh you want to know what they did me?" Rush practically shouted. "They only tortured me because I wouldn't tell them who I was."

Young's eyes widened. "Why didn't you tell them immediately?"

"Because I was buying you some bloody time!" replied Rush as he could here people scrambling to where the two of them were standing. "I wasn't sure you got whatever information you needed from Telford to rescue me and I wasn't going to rely on pure luck. And it worked didn't it?" Rush moved closer and got into Young's face. "When I managed to dial the gate, you were prepared but that didn't do any of us good now did it."

He shoved Young and turned to head back to his room. Young was momentarily stunned but got his bearings immediately and walked briskly and manage to catch up to Rush and put a hand on the scientist's shoulder which the man immediately shrugged off.

"I'm sorry that happened Rush." began Young but stood his ground. "But you said you knew the risks."

"Oh so getting tortured by the Alliance was my fault," replied Rush dryly.

Young could only stare, not having anything to reply to that. Rush turned to leave but the colonel grabbed his arm again. "Look, all the more reason why TJ should look at you," began Young. "Come on, we don't know what lasting effects whatever the Lucian-"

"Oh you since when do you care," said Rush, whipping around to face him. "You never cared when you left me on that planet by myself. You didn't care about my wellbeing at all when you ordered TJ to open my chest to get the bloody tracker out."

"There was no other way," tried to argue Young but Rush cut him off. "Those aliens were on us-"

"No you didn't look for another way because you already had one option and I was the only one who was going to get hurt but that's alright because you hated me so no setbacks there," hissed Rush. "It was ok if it was only me who was going to get hurt because you didn't bloody care!"

"I care about everybody on this ship." countered Young.

"No you only care about people who follow orders and don't question your authority," fired back Rush as he grabbed Young by the front of his uniform. "If it were Scott or Greer who had gotten the dream and volunteered for that mission, you would have gotten them out as soon as Kiva had taken them but no because it happened to me, you placed all your effort in clearing Telford's name."

Rush wanted t say more but pain exploded in his chest and the next thing he knew the colonel's arms were around him, supporting his weight.

"Rush?" The colonel's voice was fading.

"Rush!" Why were the walls of Destiny suddenly a different color?

"I would really prefer not to have to do this."

Rush screamed in agony as the device was held close to his chest and he vaguely saw a stream of red electricity coming from the device and going into his chest as the pain engulfed him and all he could do was shut his eyes and scream.

"I wish I had time to convince you that I am not what you think I am."

The pain finally stopped and Rush tried to catch his breath, trying to understand where he was or what has happened. No, as realization dawned on him. He was back on the Lucian Alliance ship…Kiva standing over him...

"Unfortunately, I've learned one thing about torture over the years, it's…effective."

Pain erupted all over and he could no longer tell which part of his body made contact with the device. Everything hurt and there was nothing he could but scream.