I do not own any of these characters. They all belong to J.K. Rowling. I do however own my imagination. Enjoy and review.

I do not own these song lyrics. They belong to The Used ((heart)).


I'll be just fine, pretending I'm not…

No! This is not supposed to happen. I'm not gay! I love Lucius, who is in fact a man. I do not like Lily Evans. I can't. I am to be married to Lucius in a year –after his last year. I will be happy. I love Lucius.

But if I was gay, it would explain how the thought of "doing it" with him repulses me to no end, and how the thought of… with Lily… I can't even think about it. That not right. She's so young. This is so perverted of me.

Not that I am gay. I can't be! I'm engaged to a man –a really sweet man too. He's handsome, rich, charming, and powerful. I'm probably just nervous about the wedding. I'm not gay.


So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me…

Why? Narcissa Black will not stop looking at me, and when I try to talk to her, she practically runs away from me. She probably does because I'm muggle born, but she doesn't say any snide remarks like her idiot fiancé.

But the more important question is, why do I care? She is nothing to me, just another Slytherin.

I just want to know why she stares at me, because it's so unusual. There's not much to see. Yet she still stares. I can't ask her because she just mumbles something and hurries away when I do. Why do I care?


Off guard, red handed now I'm far from lonely…

This is getting bad. I've never felt this way towards anyone else. Ever. Lily is all I can think about. Whenever she tries to talk to me, I just get so nervous I can't even think and I have to get away. As soon as I do, I instantly regret it. I want to walk to her. I want to know her.

I wish I were a Griffindor – see how bad this is? – so that I can be with her. But what would that accomplish? I can't even bring up the courage to say "Hi."

Asleep I still see you lying next to me…

I think she's insane. Like she's gone completely off her nut. She needs to get over whatever it is she has against me because this is getting ridiculously weirder by the minute. I don't think she even looks anywhere else in the Great Hall anymore. Just me. It's so awkward in creepy. If she's trying to scare me out of the school with her gaze, well she's going to have to try harder than that.


I squoze so hard I stopped your heart from beating…

I can't do it any more. I can't live a lie.