Obviously
Author's Notes : I do not own Sherlock or any of its contents blah blah blah, you guys know the drill!
Enjoy!
SPOV
In the past few months Sherlock had come to one conclusion. He was irrationally, and irreversibly, in love with John Hamish Watson.
In the beginning he attempted to ignore his feelings, shove them down and lock them away, but the sheer force of them made it futile. So, he attempted many trials and experiments in order to cope with this terrible affliction. Many ideas had gone through his head. He could wait and see if his feelings would fade…which was unlikely considering he loved John, and such a powerful thing to an emotionless sociopath is something that doesn't just go away. He could accept his love and simply try to live with it, but with each passing day it felt as if the draw became more intense. He could leave John and try to deal with the resulting pain. But that was unthinkable.
In the end it was apparent that none of these theories would work out because each scenario consisted of the one thing Sherlock Holmes could not live with, the one weakness of the lone consulting detective. All of these would result with no longer having John Watson, and he could simply not come to terms with that.
So, Sherlock dealt with things day by day, constantly working on new ideas when he wasn't too busy with cases, or thinking of John, or playing violin, or imaging cuddling John, or doing research, or picturing the feeling of John's lips against his…"URGH!" Sherlock grunted out as his mind once again turned on him.
"Sherlock," John's voice came floating from the kitchen, "are you alright?!"
"Yes John, fine." Sherlock replied. Though he loved thinking about John, Sherlock sometimes hated how much a distraction he could be. But since his mind didn't seem to be in the mood for much else, he might as well enjoy this. Sherlock was becoming hopeful; he noticed John staring at him from his peripheral vision every time he thought Sherlock wouldn't notice, he seemed to be looking at him softer, dilated pupils, quickening pulse, and he seemed to lose his train of thought whenever Sherlock looked him straight in the eyes. All of these betrayed John's ludicrous denial of being not gay.
But just when Sherlock was becoming confident, things changed. John had been paying less attention to him, and didn't seem to act at all as he had the past several weeks. With each passing moment Sherlock grew increasingly more on edge. Something had changed, that was for sure. He was wearing his nicer clothing, grooming himself more meticulously, taking care to put on cologne. He had found someone. John apparently found a new girl. This hurt Sherlock more than he'd ever admit.
For the first time in his life, Sherlock Holmes was experiencing jealousy. What makes this girl so special? She's clearly different than the rest. John's been so giddy. All he does is smile. Why won't he tell me about her? He must love her. Ow. If only…
Sherlock's thoughts wouldn't cease for a moment. On this particular night, Sherlock was sulking in his chair, fiercely playing his violin while John made more tea to go with his biscuit and jam.
"Sherlock?" John finally broke the silence, "Could you come here please."
Sherlock didn't budge.
"Sherlock!"
"What John?!" Sherlock snapped back at the voice. He noticed the slight flinch, which caused a small ache to cross Sherlock's heart. Regretting being so snippy, he smoothed his voice to a calmer note, "What is it John?"
"I was just wondering if we could talk about something for a moment?" He timidly questioned. "I made you a cuppa." He added half-heartedly.
Of course Sherlock can't deny the look he was currently receiving. It was innocent, and hopeful, and quite frankly adorable. So he heaved himself out of his chair and made his way to the kitchen in a few short strides. "Yes John?" he asked, accepting John's lovely offer of tea.
Sherlock deduced the man in front of him as he approached the kitchen. Recently applied hair product. Freshly shaved. Particularly nice jumper. Dilated pupils. Sped up breathing. Extremely nervous.
"Well…there's something that I discovered this past week…well, past several months really. Something I've wanted for a long time, but was too afraid to go after." John started, a light pink blush spreading across his face.
Oh great, this is about the new girl…
John looked at Sherlock as if waiting for a comment, but when he was greeted by silence he continued. "Well I…I'm in l-love." John stammered.
More silence. "I'm in love, Sherlock." John stated a bit more confidently.
Nothing. "Did you hear me Sherlock? Are you listening?" John implored.
"Oh forget it; you're just not getting it!" With that John stepped forward and pressed his lips against Sherlock's with all of his pent of desire. Every thought, every fantasy, every dream was in that kiss. But, instead of reciprocating, Sherlock had gone completely still beneath his lips. Not a single muscle moving, hardly a breath escaping him.
What is happening? Is this a dream? No, it's too vivid. So what was John doing? Why did he kiss me? Could it be that…?
Sherlock's thoughts were cut off by a look of hurt that crossed John's face. "I-I'm sorry Sherlock, I shouldn't-"John couldn't choke out another word. His eyes dampened as he sped off and slammed his door, locking it behind him.
And in the kitchen, Sherlock still stood unmoved. He was still trying to wrap his intelligent brain around about the scene that had taken place in the last few seconds.
JPOV
John couldn't stop the tears from brimming over his eyes.
I'm so daft! How could I ever think the great detective Sherlock Holmes could ever share the feelings I have for him?! Now I've ruined everything! I would be the idiot to fall in love with a sociopath! God what was I thinking?! Now I have to pack my things and leave…
But instead of getting up and locating his suitcase, John snuggled himself further into his bed and pulled his covers over his whole body.
His mind drifted to the past several weeks to when he was still unsure of his feelings towards his best friend. He had tried to convince himself that he wasn't gay, but Sherlock seemed to be his exception. For months John had been thinking of Sherlock more and more. At first he came up with excuses saying 'of course I think about him, he's my best friend' and 'it's just because I would rather be on a case than at work right now' along with the constant reminders of him most certainly not being gay. But the night that John had gone on a successful date and called out Sherlock's name during an extremely intimate moment...he could no longer deny his feelings.
So, he put his brain to work, doing what he thought Sherlock would do and trying out a few theories. At first he tried to push his feelings down, he was a soldier for god's sake, he could show a little restraint! But this quickly failed when he began to notice butterflies in his stomach when Sherlock was too close, or how he dreamt of him nightly, or how he couldn't seem to look away from Sherlock's arse whenever they were chasing after a criminal. Next he tried to simply deal with his feelings, try to accept them and move on, but this too proved difficult. His heart rate always sped up, his breathing was always erratic, and he just couldn't help but allow his eyes to wonder whenever Sherlock was looking the other direction. Then one night John had a sudden realization.
He had been in a deep spell if REM sleep, that's when he saw Sherlock approaching him. This dream was different than the others, more vivid. Sherlock laid a kiss upon John's lips. Most of these dreams were full of lust filled bits of passion, highly inappropriate but lovely none the less. Sherlock pulled away from John's passionate kisses and brought his mouth close to John's ear, "I love you, John." Sherlock whispered in his deep baritone voice. John sat straight up in his bed. Love?! I mean sure I know I've had feelings for Sherlock, but I thought I just wanted to go to bed with the man! But...love?! Well, I guess it did make since. I guess in a way I've always known this. Well...that changes things.
So John went to work, plotting. He cleaned himself up nice, the way he would when he was planning on asking out a girl. He tried to come up with the best way of revealing his new found feelings to Sherlock, which caused John to be very distant in thought for a majority of the week. He finally decided all of his ideas would be too much for Sherlock, and if he ever wanted this to work than he just needed to lay it all and see what Sherlock thought. But that had been his mistake...
God I'm so daft! Of course he wouldn't love me! I made a mistake and now I have to leave.
More tears began to spill over when he heard knocking. Great, now he wants to talk about it. Probably tell me what an idiot I am for thinking an asexual sociopath could love and that I need to leave.
Knock, knock, knock. John heard from the door, but just grumbled quietly in response. Knock, knock, knock, the repetition continued.
"Just go away Sherlock. I'll pack up and be gone by sundown." John's muffled voice made its way to the door.
Knock, knock, knock, it sounded again.
"Sherlock, please-"
"John, just let me in." Sherlock cut off.
"Just come in already…Jesus…"
SPOV
Sherlock walked in slowly and carefully, making sure to be gentle. He knew from the look that had crossed John's face that he was very hurt, and that he had taken Sherlock's disbelief as blatant rejection.
"John?" Sherlock addressed the pile of sheets and blankets before him.
"I already told you I'll pack my damn –"
"You will do no such thing." Sherlock interrupted.
"What are you going on about now? I already know I'm an idiot," John shot up out of bed, showing his tear stained cheeks and red nose. "So please, don't say that this is ok. Because it's not Sherlock! It's bloody not! And do you know why? Well do you? Can you work this one out with that brilliant brain of yours?!" John shouted at him.
"John, please calm down so we can have a rational conversation." Sherlock said as he carefully lowered himself next to John.
"Rational?! There's nothing fucking rational about this Sherlock! I love you! Ok?! I'm in love with you, that's why I have to leave! Because someone as incredible, and brilliant, and –"then Sherlock cut John off the same way John had earlier, by pressing his lips against the other man's.
Sherlock took a moment to truly relish the feeling of pressing his lips against his loves. He was soft, yet firm, but he could also feel John's doubts. He most likely thought this was a rouse Sherlock was attempting to prevent him from leaving. In other circumstances, he may have been right. Sherlock knew John would want to be certain, and just as he predicted, the moment ended too soon. John was pressing his hands against Sherlock's chest and pushing him away with abundant force. But Sherlock didn't want this to end, so he grabbed John's shoulder's and held him in place for just a few extra seconds.
"Sher...wock..." John tried to protest against Sherlock's lips. Sherlock obliged and released his lips, but kept his hands firmly placed on John's shoulders.
"Yes?"
"What the bloody hell are you doing? Pretending you want this isn't going to make me stay, so please…stop. You're only going to hurt…" John was choking up again and turning his face away to try to protect his pride.
Such a ridiculous man…
"John, listen to me. I'm not kissing you because I feel it's necessary. This is not a clever plot to get you to stay. I'm kissing you because I love you. So will you please stop acting so ridiculous and let me kiss you a bit more?"
"Sherlock…I…I don't…"
"God, just shut up John!" And Sherlock did what he had been wishing to do for the past several months. He practically launched himself at John, causing his body to be flush with the doctor. He kissed John with everything he had, trying to prove to him what he felt. They were kissing for hours, or maybe it was minutes? Sherlock honestly didn't care; the only thing he thought of in this moment was John. Time almost seemed to stand still, but eventually they both needed to pull away and John seemed to use this for his advantage.
"You…love me? So I'm not a fool? You really mean it?"
"Obviously."
"Sherlock, I love you."
"I love you too, John."
~ This is my first fanfic so please review and tell me what you think! All criticism is welcome, thanks! ~
