CHAPTER ONE
Lily
I set my texts down on the common room table in front of the fire, and sat down on the chaise, lost in thought. I had just seen Severus walking with his new group –or more like sauntering— down the corridors with a gang of Slytherins. I knew Lucius was in it—and I knew also that where ever he was, trouble followed suit. And that was what he was doing, following them like a lost puppy. It was like he was oblivious to their total dislike for him. Except I knew he knew. And that was what devastated me. They teased him constantly. I always wondered why he stuck around, held his nose high like them, put up with it. Everyone knew they were followers of Voldemort.
I worried constantly for him—even though our friendship had disintegrated after fourth year. But how could he hang out with a group that despised and tormented mud-bloods, the whole time knowing that I was one!
"Lily…" I snapped out of my reverie. "Lily, are you coming?" I looked up and saw Earnest before me, dressed still in her school uniform despite the fact that classes ended hours ago. She looked at me bemused. And then it came to me. "Oh, bloody! I'm sorry Earn, we were going to Hogsmeade, weren't we?" A wave of guilt washed over me. I'd forgotten the biggest thing I was looking forward to all day. I had come back finally, from the Heads' meeting exasperated, and I must have forgotten about it in the haze of exhaustion.
"Yes we were! And what are you doing? Why aren't you dressed?"
"It's ten at night," I defended, grumpily.
"Well, come on," Earnest said as she dragged me up to the girls' dormitories. "Don't think you're being let off the hook because you forgot!"
We entered the empty room, and Earn hastily began to look through my trunk. I rolled my eyes and pulled on the first thing she handed me. I found myself in a rush to get out and leave, to apologize to my other friends who also must be waiting.
I slipped out of my PJ bottoms and back into my school skirt at lightning speed. I looked into the mirror to check my hair. I pulled it up as usual, high in a ribbon, too unconcerned about the rest of my appearance to look beyond at anything else. But upon getting up for the door, I was stopped by Earnest's gentle hand that drew the tie from my ponytail, letting tumbles of my red hair pour out and settle around my face.
"Earnest," I complained.
She shrugged, smiling. "It looks better this way," she said.
We met the rest at the bottom of the marble staircase, Rachel and June waiting for us impatiently as we approached.
"Jeez, Lily," Rachel said. "Have a nice sleep?" She laughed. I stuck out my tongue.
"Come on, you guys," June complained eagerly. "They've got to be there already."
"Who?" I asked.
"No one," Earnest said, taking my arm. It could have just been my imagination, but I thought I saw Earn throw June a warning glance.
"Why are you getting so worked up over a couple of drinks," I asked wearily.
"We're not. Just ready for some fun, is all."
We descended into the great hall just as four boys strode in through the front doors, causing snow to flurry in from outside, sweeping over us like a freezing slap to the face.
My anger broiled as I realized it was the Marauders, and they were walking this way. Great. No doubt they were up to something big being up at this time of night.
"Lily," I heard James say in greeting. I turned to him with narrowed eyes. Why was he talking to me? I'd asked him abruptly to stop before the beginning of the year when I'd had to save Severus from another one of his pranks—back when Severus and I were still sort of on speaking terms. James had never really taken me seriously out of all the years I've known him, and that's what always irked me. Everything was a big joke to him.
So far this year I hadn't heard a word from him. I was surprised that he had been so obliging to my request. Everyone knew he'd liked me since we first took the boats to the castle as First years. Maybe it was respect— but it couldn't be. Maybe he feared knew what I could do to him. I could make rumors spread like wildfire. I was glad however that this dysfunctional acquaintance had finally ended. And I knew it was impossible he still liked me.
Why, then was he breaking our feat?
"Yes?" I asked grudgingly, swallowing my annoyance as I took in his expression. He was watching me like a time-bomb. He was afraid of my still hating him. He should feel sorry, he brought it upon himself. He provoked me when he'd started pranking and tormenting my best friend first year. I wasn't about to forgive him for it. But I would swallow my pride and put up with him since all my friends were gathered at the moment.
James had stationed himself next to me, as well as the other marauders who flecked around June, Rachel, and Earnest.
Remus, I knew from Potions and Herbology. Sirius, from Potions as well as Divination; and the round, pink faced boy, Peter whom trailed them wherever they went, I'd never had any classes with. James, however, I had Divination, Transfiguration, and Astronomy with—and dreaded every moment of with his grueling pesters. Three classes too many.
"June. Rachel. Lily," Remus addressed.
Rachel turned to Sirius to talk, and I watched in contempt. Rachel's fancy toward Sirius had grown in the past year. And after being run into by the Marauders all the time, he'd somewhat grown on her. I wasn't a big admirer of the girls in Black's fan club, but he was tolerable when around Rachel; and her feelings toward him, I could respect and kept me from completely despising him as I did Potter.
Fading quickly from my distant line of thought, I realized Potter was looking at me. He had an expression that was like a cross between interest and a smirk. And I realized his eyes weren't trained on my face. I followed his glance; I looked down, and gasped. The sweater Earnest had given me was a red fringed sweater that hugged me tightly, but of which I hadn't realized, showed more of my cleavage than I had was comfortable with. How could I have been walking around the castle like this and not even notice? I mean, I'd even had a mirror in front of me!
I gasped and pulled the collar up before I could draw anymore attention to myself. My embarrassment brought heat to my cheeks, I could feel it, and the anger at my being embarrassed turning me even more red.
"To whoever lent you that shirt, Lily, I have immense gratitude," Sirius said fanning his face and smiling, "and I'm sure Jamesy does too," he went on, "look how he stares!"
I hit them both hard on the arm, hoping it hurt. They simply chuckled.
"Are we ready to leave yet?" Sirius asked. I glanced at Rachel. She couldn't take her eyes off him. "What do you mean 'we'," I asked frowning. Everyone had their eyes down except Sirius and James.
"Why my Lilyflower, we're all going to the Three Broomsticks for butterbeers. Did no one tell you?" he asked amusedly. He was then met with elbows to the stomach from Earnest and Rachel who were standing nearest him. "Ouch!" He yelled, rubbing the sore spots.
I turned to my friends, fuming. I was about to open my mouth and give them a rebuke about their planning this behind my back, when Rachel suddenly jerked my arm and lead me out the doors, rolling her eyes.
"C'mon, Lily. It's not like you could refuse a date," she teased. She must've noticed my regard. That, or the smoke emitting from my ears.
"With James Potter I can."
I tore my arm out of her grasp. "You all know I loathe him," I whispered. "How could you do this?"
Earnest and June caught up to us, and we made our way across the grounds. Potter and the other three trailed a few feet behind, Remus and James in the back.
We entered Hogsmeade at last from the painfully long trail, and sweet smells wafted around us, picking up with the wind and tempting us to the doors of every candy shop we walked past. The happiness the small village radiated never failed to bring me the warmest joy. And every feeling that nudged at me under my skin I let melt willingly away as we stepped into the warmth of the Three Broomsticks.
Jill and Earnest looked for a table as Rachel remained by my side to order seven butterbeers. We walked to the far end of the bar where everyone was sitting, walking carefully, teetering with the weight of the heavy trays. Hands grabbed eagerly for their own warm mug. I took my own and looking around, I saw that the only seat that was available was one next to James, which I knew was purposely reserved. Rachel plopped down next to Sirius before I could move, leaving me with no choice.
I squeezed onto the bench next to Potter, who refused smugly to scoot over a little to give me more room. "James!" I complained. He looked at me, smiling with false ignorance. "Could you move over please?" I asked as nicely as I could.
He moved over a couple inches and I squeezed in. I bumped into Pettigrew by accident, almost spilling his drink. "Oh, I'm so sorry, Peter" I apologized, guiltily. He was blushing slightly under his chubby cheeks, his beady eyes watching me with silent bewilderment.
"It's alright," he muttered.
"Excuse me; I'm the one you should be apologizing to," James said, "After you rubbing your bum all over me."
Sirius barked out a loud, booming laugh. I glared at him.
"You will never hear an apology from me," I snapped. "You were the one who didn't have the decency to move over." I felt a kick from under the table. I looked up and Earnest was staring at me with a sharp look. I bit my tongue to keep from retorting back, but let the grimace stay as I took a sip of my butterbeer.
I refused to lean over in Peter's way, but I didn't want to sit anywhere near Potter either. I was stuck. But after a minute of sitting with Pettigrew's eyes probing me and the remarkable odor of his breath, I reluctantly picked the latter to incline my structure more toward James, strictly to be more conveniently out of the way of Pettigrew's stench; I felt mean, but the incessant feeling of not wanting to endure it won over.
James noticed my little shift, and placed his arm over my shoulders, and leaned in close to whisper in my ear, "I knew you'd come around sometime, Lily." He pulled me close. "Wormtail does sort of stink, doesn't he?" His breath tickled my ear. I flinched away. "That really is a great top by the way," he said more loudly, purposely drawing attention back to where I didn't want it.
"Get off me! What do you think you're doing!" I hissed. I pushed him aside.
"What, I was only messing around, Evans," he laughed. "Come on do you have a sense of humor? Or is what everyone saying true?"
"What do you mean, what everyone is saying?" People were talking about me? Who? I felt a pang of hurt.
"It's going around that you're all stiff and uptight because you're a virgin that just needs a good shag. But you're too bitter, and you push guys away. So maybe you're a little lenient toward the other playfield, if you know what I mean," he said.
I stared in shock. I was really that bitter, that I gave off an air that gave people the idea that I was a bitch, and automatically gave them the right to talk about me behind my back?
Feeling hot tears well up in my eyes, I leaped up from the table astringently, and headed for the exit. It suddenly felt too hot in here, and everyone's laughter seemed mocking and warped. I needed air.
It had become apparent. I was wrong to think I had everyone's good opinions. But what James said makes sense. I don't deserve to have it when I've been treating everyone like rubbish because of my own acrimony. I am bitter. Toward everyone, even to my friends.
How could I think James even fancied me in the beginning, when I've been like this all along?
Hey, thank you for reading this if you've made it this far. Can you be sweet and send me a review to tell me what you think? :)
- Holly
