Disclaimer: Do not own the Might Boosh or any characters therein. Credit for that belongs to Julian Barratt& Noel Fielding.
Chapter 1: Knicknacks, Electro boy and a man with the tiny eyes of a shrew.
Vince sat reading the latest issue of Cheekbone, the leg of his mirrorball suit dangling over the edge of the red barber chair in the front of the shop. Just then the tinkling sound of bells made him look up from his magazine as the door to the shop opened and in walked Howard wearing yellow rubber gloves holding a bucket and slammed the door behind him.
"What's wrong with you?"
"I spent the last three hours scrubbing that filth off the shutters."
Vince let out a small laugh. "What did they write now?"
"Howard Moon bums foxes for money."
"What?"
"Well I don't do it now, do I Vince."
"What about Jack Hooper?"
"That was a rumor!"
"Well maybe people would believe you more if you didn't have the tiny eyes of a shrew."
"My eyes are not tiny, they are proportional to my face sir.
"As if, they look like someone plucked them from a suicidal crab and popped them into your eye holes. Even when your doing nothing you look like your up to some shady fox bumming business." Just thenNaboo and Bollo came down the stairs from the flat above.
"Oi, where are you two off to." Vince said as he walked behind teh counter and leaned on it.
"Shaman business. While we're gone try not to burn down the shop, yeah."
"Bollo got a bad feeling about dis."
"While were gone your in charge Vince."
"VINCE!? Why is he in charge?"
"He's a great shopkeeper." Naboo replied.
"He's a borderline simpleton, look he's over there playing with a toy car." In the corner Vince was behind the counter playing with a toy car, driving it up and down a ramp he made from a stack of books making a vroom sound before crashing it into a Godzilla doll he had in his other hand.
"Yeah, but he'll sell that car by the end of the day." Naboo said motioning over to Vince. "Look at him, he's got charm, charisma. . ."
"Yeah so do I."
"Big eyes drawing people in." Naboo continued. "Your a big man with tiny eyes, that's a creepy combo. Yeah, and Howard if you're going to advertise your kinky business could you not do it on the front of the shop."
"Yeah, that's not me is it. That's graffiti."
"No smoke wif out fire." Bollo added as he and Naboo headed out the door.
"What about smoke machines?" Howard yelled after them.
Bollo popped his head back in through the door. "Dry Ice."
Vince laughed and went back to playing with his toy car. Howard sulked and pouted as he walked to the back of the shop to put away his bucket and gloves. Vince was making a putt putt sound doing an imitation of a helicopter while playing with a paper airplane. He suddenly began talking in a funny voice.
"Basil Longshoot here, traffic along the B43 is backed up due to a 5 car pile up due to a rather large green lizard blocking the road."Suddenly Vince let out a loud, screeching roar as he hopped the Godzilla doll along the counter top.
"Oh no here it is now! It's attacking the plane. Oh, the green scaly horror! Oh, the agony. Oh, I think I wet meself!"
Just then the bells on the shop door tinkled causing him to look up. In the front door walked a short brunette woman. She began to walk about the shop looking at at all the knickknacks and curios. She stopped near one of the racks that stood in the corner with random clothes hanging from it. Howard returned from the back and noticed the girl looking through the clothes. He made his way over determined to make a sale and prove Naboo wrong.
"Hey where ya from? Can I interest you in some elbow patches? Perhaps one in an angry fawn or perhaps one in an aggressive nutmeg?"He said . She looked up from the rack a bit confused and raised an eyebrow.
"Um. . ."
"Howard, what are you doing?"
"I'm trying to make a sale Vince."
"That's okay. I'm just looking right now." The girl said as she walked over to a shelf and picked up a small statue from the shelf.
"Make a sale? Your scaring the poor girl." Vince said as he walked out from behind the counter.
The girl watched as the two bickered back and forth. "Easy boys. I like your necklace. Where'd ya get it?"
"Top shop."
"I'm sorry, I'm new here. I'm not sure where that is."
"Well ya see you go down the street and make a right. . ."
"She doesn't mean that Vince. She's not from here. Listen to her accent." Howard said smacking him in the arm.
She laughed. "I'm Jade by the way. I just came here from America."
"All right. I'm Vince and this is Howard."
"Aww, it's so nice you let your dad work here." Vince laughed as Howard frowned. He sneered and mimicked Vince's laughing.
"Ha, ha, ha, ha. I'm not his dad, we're the same age."
"Right.. . . any how, how much for this?" She held out a small strange looking statue in her hand.
"Five euro." Howard replied.
"And this?" She asked pulling a shirt from the rack of clothes.
"You wouldn't want that shirt. It wouldn't suit you?" Howard said as he rifled through the rack. "May I suggest this one." He pulled out a rather ugly Hawaiian type shirt with trumpets. She wrinkled her nose and Vince looked on horrified.
"What would she want with THAT rag?! She needs something with a little more flash, a little more style. Here try this love." Vince pulled out a brightly colored sequins shirt held it up in front of her and took a step back to see how it looked.
"It's amazing . . . but a bit to flash for me personally. How bout this one?" Jade said pulling an old Rolling Stones concert t-shirt from the rack that had a bit of red rhinestones bedazzling the logo.
"A bit retro. Genius. Why didn't I think of that? Oh try this." Vince said fishing out a pair of pants and a jacket shoving them in her arm.
"Um is there a changing room?"
"Try in the back, there's a small empty room with a curtain." Minutes later Jade came out from the back walking in between Howard and Vince giving a little turn.
"Brilliant!"
"Then I'll take 'em. Just let me change back into my other clothes." Jade emerged a few minutes later and placed her clothes on the counter. "Oh I almost forgot." She ran over to the shelf and picked up the little figure from the shelf. "This too." Vince bagged up the stuff and gave it to her.
"Thanks."
Vince and Howard waved as she walked out of the shop. When she walked through the door Naboo walked in. Jade gave the tiny shaman a friendly hello and was on her merry way. Vince went bachk to his spot near the window and picked up reading his magazine where he left off. Naboo walked over to a shelf in the corner of the shop.
"Where's the statue that was here?"
"Which one?"
"The one that looked like an abstract Brian Ferry."
Vince and Howard looked at each other.
"Bollo got a bad feeling bouut dis." He said looking at Naboo.
"We sold it." Howard replied.
"We sold it . . . get stuffed. I sold it!"
"That was a Xooberonian lock charm. It keeps the most dangerous criminal locked up inside. Who did you sell it to?"
"The girl that just walked out the door a few minutes ago."
"We need to get it back. She is in grave danger if she figures out how to unlock the charm."
So this is my first attempt at a Boosh Fiction. Any Reviews/ critisisms are welcome.
