Number One: Favorite store
'Shepard, should you really be doing this?' Tali said nervously.
'Tali, I've got this under control, okay?' Shepard wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead with his right hand. He eyed the random person and tried to smile.
'Shepard, you…' He held up a hand to silence his companion.
'Tali, this is important to me…'
'You might be going a little too far.' Shepard closed his eyes, the noise of the citadel washing around him. The reapers, gaining loyalty, all paled in comparison to this task. Goddamnit, he was going to get a discount in this store if it killed him. As people walked past the other stores in the citadel, he could hear his voice ringing out.
I'm Commander Shepard, and this is my favourite store in the citadel.
I'm Commander Shepard, and this is my favourite store in the citadel.
I'M COMMANDER SHEPARD AND THIS IS MY FAVOURITE STORE IN THE CITADEL!
It was simple. He looked up at the human behind the bar. He gave a little smile and opened his mouth. Unfortunately, he forgot to say anything.
'Shepard, close your mouth.' Tali whispered. Shepard instead made a noise which could utterly not be described here, however hard I try. Eventually, after alternating his pitch, he managed to speak to the woman.
'CanIhaveadiscountplease?' he muttered. Why was he nervous now? He'd done perfectly all right all the other 48 times. Maybe it was because the woman behind the bar was smokin'. Ahem.
'Excuse me?' The red-headed beauty frowned. Shepard swallowed. Tali spoke as if she were rolling her eyes. If she had them.
'Oh, brother…'
'A dispount please?'
'Excuse me?
'A disfount please?'
'I'm sorry?'
'A…Dis…count please?' Shepard breathed out heavily. There, he'd said it. An Elcor joined the queue.
'Annoyed voice. Hurry up.'
Shepard looked up. The woman crossed her arms.
'Why should I give you a discount?'
'Because I'll give you a brilliantly original soundbite.' The woman raised her eyebrows.
'Oh, really?' she asked.
'Oh, yeah. No more favourite store, hahahahahahahahaha….' Shepard continued for a minute or so, thinking of things to say. Everyone involved felt terribly uncomfortable.
'What if I don't want a soundbite of you?' She said.
'…Hahahahahaha…what?' Shepard came down from the counter. She repeated her sentiment.
'But…everyone wants a soundbite of me!' Shepard whispered as if it were a secret.
'Nuh-uh. Not me.'
Shepard pouted.
'Doesn't work on me.'
He tried to do his best puppy-dog eyes.
'Noope.'
'WHAT DO YOU WANT, WITCH?' Shepard cried.
'I want a soundbite of TALI'ZORAH NAT RAYYA!' The woman shrieked like a schoolgirl. 'I saw you on Tv!' she squealed.
'It's Tali'Zorah vas Normandy now.' Tali said sheepishly. The two women engaged in conversation like a pair of old friends. Why didn't the woman want Shepard?
Everyone wants me…If I had a shop, I'd do a soundbite for myself and it would be the best damn soundbite ever created. And I'd have hamsters and fish and…hamsters. I'd make a great pet shop owner. Shepard thought moodily.
Shepard and Tali left the shop, the former sulking and the latter in a good mood.
'What a nice woman.' Tali said.
'Prefer my soundbite.' Shepard said moodily.
'Your soundbite is very good…'
'Oh, Tali, I love…!
'But mine is better! Oh yeah, you know it!'
'Oh come on, You only have one! How many do I have…'
As they walked away from the shop, the motion detector sensed them both walking past, and sent a signal to the computer to play the soundbite:
'I'm Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, and this is my favourite store on the Citadel.'
