Need you Now – Chapter one

She wasn't known for taking the simple things for granted, never was, never would be, but as she sat on her two seater leather couch, her mind so cluttered with the thoughts of past, present, future, but when she wanted, even needed to look back she couldn't make her brain leave where it had receded for the past few days. She felt the pressure of a hand on hers and she suddenly woke up out of her daze, she looked up first into the warm, large hazel eyes of the baby girl in front of her and smiled before moving up to the kind, yet sympathetic baby blues of one of her closet friends.

"You okay?" she asked applying more pressure and she couldn't help noticing that everyone thought she was a time bomb waiting to go off, yes for the past week she had been living on their couch, but that was beside the point, they were looking at her as if she couldn't do it, she loved them for wanting to be there for her but she also wanted to scream at them that she could do this, but instead she politely nodded as a comforting smile formed on her friends face "Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?"

"He promised he would be here" she said it as though she was a child, waiting for a parent to come and pick them up, even though they are already incredibly late, a child had this blind faith, in this person that they trusted with every aspect of their life and at the moment she was feeling that.

"Okay" her friend said simply with such grace, she always had admired that of her, she watched intently as the blonde beauty stood up and walked across the room to where she put the gorgeous baby down onto the play mat that she so frequently occupied, and that moment trigger something in her mind, and that thought triggered her backwards

"It's go time" JJ said as she walked across the bull-pen, a protective hand upon her well and truly bulging stomach, she had laughed as Morgan sprang into action

"HOOOOOOOOTCH" he yelled as loud as he could still standing at his desk before striding in his normal fashion over to JJ and beginning to fawn over the woman. She had watched as Reid stood there with his flabbergasted look on his face, completely paralysed from the announcement himself, she had watched as Hotch rushed down the bullpen and then as Rossi stuck his head out of his office door and receiving the thumbs up from Hotch, the plan had been revised weeks and weeks in advanced, this was her second pregnancy and she wanted everything under complete control, She had felt herself become in awe of JJ, how organised or inspirational the blonde had become.

The next couple of hours had gone by in a whirlwind and even though she searched to the bottom of her brain she could just not recall such little detail at a time like this, so she went to the next thing that she remembered.

The excitement that was present as they walked down to maternity wards, light green walls passed them by before eventually Rossi directed them into this small pastel painted room, The blonde sat perched on the bed, her blonde son sitting next to her looking intently at the thing in his mother's arms, the thing that had put an un-reversible smile on his mother's face, his father standing looking awestruck at all that surrounded him and she remembered thinking 'that is what I want, I want that look' , she craved it, she was even jealous of it, but through it all JJ deserved this happiness.

"My god she is gorgeous" Rossi said, the first one to gain the confidence to look past the beauty in the Blonde's arms and form coherent sentences

"How did you know she was a girl?" Morgan asked pushing forward to the front of the group

"Pink Blanket Dumb-dumb" Garcia said throwing an arm backwards, and hitting Morgan in his incredibly toned chest before walking over and standing next to her godson and next to her close friend.

"JJ, Will she is just precious" She had said as she walked forwards to where Will stood and gave him a hug "Congratulations guys"

"Where is Hotch?" the blonde asked with her croaky and clearly exhausted voice

"Right here" he said walking into the room with Jack at his side "Wow JJ, you did such an amazing job"

"Are you going to name her after her Aunty Penelope?" Garcia said with a smile as she leaned down putting a hand on the precious baby before Henry, whose sudden loss of attention started to affect him, stood up on the bed and wrapped his tiny arms around his godmother's neck.

"Do you want to hear her name?" JJ asked as the room went suddenly silent in anticipation for the upcoming announcement "Avery Jareau LaMontagne" she said as this smile formed upon her face.

The rest was a blur of congratulations and celebrations, she could barely remember it all as it presented itself in front of her own eyes, but for the first time that day she suddenly found this ability to move, she stood and walked over to where the baby lay on the floor, she watched as the little girls legs began to kick and her dimples appeared across her face, instead of picking her up she got onto her knees and lay down next to the girl, on the floor where for some reason she thought she was safer. She lay with her arms laying on her stomach as her head was turned to face the little girl, she looked into those warm brown eyes and swore that the little girl was giving her the same kind and sympathetic eyes as her mother a moment earlier, what was with the whole world suddenly knowing her deepest fears, the sleepless nights she had already faced and the ones she would continue to face, even this six month baby who had only recently discovered her toes had become more understanding to what her aunt was experiencing, apparently. He walked into the room in this silence, she didn't notice him as he stood in the doorway looking down at not only her but also the baby that she shared the floor space with before sitting down on the other side of the mat and looking at her, he had been there since the beginning, from the very first moment, he had watched as she self-destructed with the horrible news she had received, he then helped her work herself back up to who she had originally been and who she wanted to be, just in time for more news to startle her more than her mother's death four months earlier. And while she lay on the floor watching as he looked down at her, she remembered the day about a week ago that all this had unfolded.

She walked into the conference room, with bags under her red puffy eyes and a frown that she thought would be permanently there, she had taken the last couple of days off with no question, Hotch knew how taken back she was by the loss of her mother and demanded that she get as much time off as she needed, Strauss had agreed. But two months after the death she had found her smile again, but right now Morgan looked at her as she sat down as though she was the most fragile thing on the earth, his eyes held such concern and while she didn't have the strength to say anything she truly appreciated all that she had done for him for the past couple of months. She felt eyes all the eyes of her team, of her family pierced into her soul but she couldn't bring herself to look up at them. She went to look up but felt the sudden nausea hit her like a brick wall and a moment of relief on the faces of the team as she bolted out of the room and down the steps. She obviously didn't know what had happened in that room once she had left but she did remember kneeling on the toilet floor in the FBI building waiting for it all to be over, when his rugged masculine voice spoke at the cubicle door, she didn't even question why he was standing in the female toilets, she just unlocked the cubicle door and let him in. Derek Morgan stood looking down at her with such care and such tenderness that her heart physically hurt as he shut the cubicle door.

"Who is the father?" was all he had to say before she broke down in tears in front of him, while the cubicle was small and it barely let her sit down comfortable he angled his muscular frame so that he could sit down with her, not minding that his suit was creasing or the germs that could have accumulated on that bathroom floor, or when it was last cleaned, she wiped the tears off her face and threw her head against his Chest, his body relaxed as his arms came around and held her as she sobbed. Time passed by so fast that the next memory she had was a hand coming from underneath both of the cubicles on either side, one petite hand and one covered in rings, she knew that one belonged to JJ and the other belonged to Garcia, so she sat in Morgan's arms while holding JJ's hand with one of her hands and Garcia's in the other.

She woke back into reality to where those same eyes pierced into her soul, and she instantly felt her eyes well up again, but she pulled it together there was no way that she was going to cry today, she knew that if she started she would never stop, it wasn't that this news was particularly sad in fact growing up she had been like every other girl, wishing for and idealising the idea of children, love, the white picket fence, but was she ready for all of that, at this moment that stood before her was she actually ready for the children, the love, the white picket fences, but it was more than that was she ready to do it alone.

She had always wished for kids, wanted, needed, pleaded but that was when she was mentally strong, the past couple of years had been horrible for her, so mentally un-stabilising, she would be beginning to get over one thing and another thing would push her back down, her confidence in herself and in her own abilities was shattered but mainly because she was physically and emotionally drained. Morgan put his hand on hers and dragged her out of yet another haze of the day, she must have been really out of it because now JJ stood in the doorway with a fidgeting baby Avery in her arms and a blonde Henry standing connected to her leg, she drew her attention back to Derek as Will walked into the room.

"Emily" he said with this sensuality and kindness, the way her name came off his lips made her feel human again, she gulped and looked into his piercing eyes "You ready?" he asked with that continuous tenderness, words seemed so hard, too much effort was needed to make a sound so she just let herself nod as he stood up before helping her do the same.

To be continued