Downton Abbey – March 1919.
As she had been doing for weeks, Lady Sybil Crawley arose fairly early and, as soon as she felt it was not inconveniently early for the staff, rang the bell so she could get dressed and go down for breakfast. It was usually at least an hour that she was sat alone in her room with her thoughts as her only company, but she could not bring herself to trouble Anna or the others below stairs too soon; not now she was no longer a nurse and there was no real point to her being up early.
It was a slow, agonising time when she would look out at the brightening day, spying all the places that her memories lay and just able to get a glimpse of the edge of the garage around the other side of the house holding some of her fondest ones of all. She was well past ready to leave this place now, had been for nearly two months, and as she reminisced over the times she played in the gardens as a child felt that there was no difference between that time and now; not in terms of what was expected of her or how much freedom she had, and definitely not the value of her opinions to the rest of her family.
And to think, she could have been in the throes of her other potential life as Mrs Branson right now. She could have been doing all manner of things rather than back sat waiting - waiting for the hour to breakfast, waiting to hear news of his whereabouts, waiting for anything interesting to happen at all.
Finally when Anna did come up, Sybil had worn herself out pacing in frustration. Last night was not the first she had barely slept from worry.
'Why has he not written?' She asked herself over and over again. 'Perhaps he hates me for raising his hopes and wishes to punish me? Or he wants me to have to wait for him to return for as long as he waited for me to make up my mind to leave with him?' But in no part of her mind could she even imagine Tom Branson being like that, least of all with her.
'He must be badly hurt, or worse…' came the troubling thought a few nights beforehand and she had not been able to shake it since. Her mother had become slightly anxious for her youngest daughter who had become pale and uncharacteristically quiet, fearing she might be the first to have come down with the flu. That was last week when she banned her from still going to her charities she had restarted. In fact, she had banned her from going pretty much anywhere now. But she didn't care; it was all the same monotony anyway. And nothing could take her away from her fear for the man she loved.
"Anna," she tried to sound more casual than she felt. But her throat went dry and she couldn't continue.
"Yes, milady?"
"Have you or anyone downstairs heard from Mr Branson since he left?" Lady Sybil avoided looking at the maid in her looking glass; after all she was more than aware that the other young lady had been in the car when her sisters had come to find her upon her elopement. "Perhaps for a reference … no, I don't suppose he would expect to get one after just leaving so suddenly."
Anna thought Lady Sybil looked lost a million miles away with no idea how to get back or if she even wanted to, and she remembered how she had explained her loved of John Bates to Mr Molesley. She instantly felt ashamed that she had in any way been involved in disrupting the course of these two young people's love after all that had been in her own way.
"I don't suppose Mr Carson would oblige him in that, milady, and nor would his Lordship. But Mr Branson is a clever fellow and I am sure he will be able to find a position somewhere where he is respected."
"But you have not heard from him?"
"He has never written to me, milady, nor would I expect him to. And as far as I know none of the others have heard from him. They all find his departure a complete mystery."
"But you and I know better, don't we. I am sorry if it has been awkward for you, I in no way wish you to feel uncomfortable, but I am just…" Sybil had never been very demonstrative and as her feelings threatened to surface she had to stop speaking and calm herself down a little. Anna finished her hair and she was completely ready before she found her voice, albeit a whisper. "I would have thought he would have written even to end it all with me, but there has been nothing."
Anna kept silent, thinking of Lady Mary's explicit instructions to all members of staff that any letters for Lady Sybil were to be passed by her or Lady Edith first. Again, she flushed with embarrassment at her participation in this and denial of the dozen or so letters withheld from her. Initially she had thought them right to worry about the young mistress and her dalliance with the former chauffeur, but this morning she found it hard to find anything dignified in causing this much distress in one so sweet and unarguably agonisingly in love, especially as she knew herself how much it hurt to be in that boat. But she could not come clean now, after all of this time and with the letters in Lady Mary's possession, possibly now destroyed, could she?
"I greatly fear something has happened to him during his travels, and him being all alone there is nobody to know about it or inform anyone. There is the flu spreading, and he has a heart murmur, did you know that? Or he could have been attacked on the road, or a ship over to Ireland could have sunk."
Anna spun Lady Sybil around slightly while she sat next to her on the seat looking directly at her, arms on both shoulders. She would never have dared such an intimate manner with any of the other ladies of the house, but she could not restrain from Sybil right now and knew she would not mind at all. She remembered fondly how the woman had helped her best friend Gwen get her dream job and would always be grateful.
"Milady, there could be many reasons why you have not received a letter, only a few of them bad reasons. He could be very busy setting up a new life and not have time to get to the post office, or he could be in an inn where the mistress has offered to post his letters and he assumed they would be posted that day, but she is a forgetful woman and they still lie on his desk." Sybil looked incredulous at this. "Yes, exactly, it is ridiculous to make up such an event and believe in it without knowing all the facts, so you need to avoid doing the same negatively for Mr Branson. Look inside yourself; do you really feel that something disastrous has happened to him?" Sybil paused and closed her eyes then shook her head.
"Well in that case I believe you have nothing to worry about. It is easy to say, hard to do, especially when you must be so eager, but you must be patient and trust him."
"Oh, I do trust him completely."
"There you have it. Hold that in your heart instead of the fear. And do try to eat a little more; Mrs Patmore is worried her standards are slipping with the rationing." Sybil could tell she said this light-heartedly to try to alleviate the tension so she smiled at her, pleased she had at least managed to maintain a steady voice, though quiet, and that she hadn't cried.
"Thank you Anna," she said as she stood and brushed her dress down self consciously. Anna loved how shy Lady Sybil still was sometimes at the smallest of things, despite her fearlessness in the face of adversity and passion for lost causes. "You must have gotten very wise in matters of the heart over the last few years. I hope things are starting to settle down for you."
"I think you have learnt as much as I have about the heart lately, milady, although perhaps slightly different things. And our wedding is definitely set now, but I wouldn't say things are completely settled."
"Well you must let me know when your wedding day is once you know, for I have a gift for you." This was the Lady Sybil Anna knew well, the one beaming for having thought of a perfect gift for someone she liked.
"That is very kind of you milady."
"Oh, not really. I just like giving gifts, and am glad at least someone gets a wedding. You deserve it, the pair of you, and a lifetime of happiness, so if there is ever anything a nothing-nobody pointless daughter of an Earl can do to help you with it all, please do but ask." She was smiling dreamily, and had it come from either of the other girls of the house Anna was sure such a speech would have come across as being acerbic and trying to make a point, even though Lady Edith had become all but nice recently. But Anna knew that Lady Sybil would never try to mar her joy (limited though it was) with her own disappointment. Anna could not get the words to thank her for her sentiment before her thoughts were interrupted.
"Well, I had better get to breakfast. Have you had any yourself yet? It's a busy and exciting time for you at the moment, I suspect, and you must keep up your strength." Anna watched her float out of the room as she herself organised the discarded clothes and thought her keenness to get to breakfast would have a lot more to do with seeing what post she had than what Mrs Patmore had provided her to eat. She decided then that by next week she would let a letter from Mr Branson slip past the censors into her mistress's hands. Surely that would bring her and Mr Bates some good luck themselves!
But the letters had suddenly stopped arriving and it was Anna's turn to slightly worry, trying to keep her worry hidden from Lady Sybil. Lady Mary, however, wore an expression of triumph when they discussed it briefly. She believed their simple interference of correspondence had dampened Branson's spirit in his quest for her sister.
Anna was not so sure, but she had not read what was in the letters. She dearly hoped the Ladies of the house had not either. Whatever their opinion on it was, love was personal and should be respected in terms of privacy as much as possible. She wished with all of her heart that, even if it was impossible for the couple to have a happy ending, that nothing too tragic would happen to Mr Branson. He was a bit hot headed for her liking, but had a good nature.
